Sweet Things & Deviant Thoughts

[Apisto42]

I’m going to Spirit Halloween tonight or tomorrow. I really need to pick a costume

Might I suggest

 

[sweetlydeviant]

Might I suggest

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You want me to freeze!

 

[knowhergne]

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#defendpoppunk

 

[hotoldrguy]

Currently Watching:
Carrie by Mike Flanagan (Episode 7)
️️️ (4/5) so far!

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I’m enjoying this series, but in my opinion, Flanagan’s portrayal of Carrie feels quite removed from Stephen King’s original novel. Book Carrie is described as grotesquely unattractive, awkward, and physically unappealing, adding to her social isolation and making her an even more tragic, deeply misunderstood character.

As much as I’m enjoying the adaptation, I feel that something essential about King’s original Carrie has been lost in translation.
But I am taking this in as a solo piece, as an interpretation of it only.

I thought the Sissy Spacek version did justice to the book

 

[sweetlydeviant]

I thought the Sissy Spacek version did justice to the book

Loveee that version!

 

[EyesOnHers]

@sweetlydeviant , I cannot thank you enough for this
Embarrassed but also data/knowledge is key etc. So going to be candid.

History...
When I was younger messed around with a girlfriend.
Deep kisses, touching (not overtly sexual) when clubbing... girl's felt soft. It felt good.
May have gone a bit further at a house party. Groping, she fingered me once. Nothing more.

Maybe it felt different at the time but as I got older I have put it down to the experimentation of youth.


Questions...
I do not find myself turned on by women as naturally as I do men. Awkward to describe but if I was to masturbate thinking of a man they could be nameless and faceless. If it is a woman they need to be someone I find attractive.
Is this normal?

The thought of oral sex with a woman is trickier for me to get my head round (giving and taking). Not the same when I think about men.
Are there levels to bisexuality or is it because I have never done it that it makes me nervous (i.e. like before my first time with a bloke)?
Or does it mean I am not bisexual?


I am naturally submissive, so far I think men suit that kink more easily.
When I think of a woman I would not like a D/s scenario.
Being taught, yes (newbie after all) but it would be on a more even playing field.
Is it normal that a kink is only applicable to one gender and not others?


Oh, I also find pictures of women's bodies more erotic. With men, I have to fancy them to feel the same.
What does this even mean???

Signed,
Confused and not sure what bi means

 

[EyesOnHers]

Also, going to run and hide for a bit through sheer embarrassment but will be back in an hour or so once I have my head together.

Thank you again

 

[Lord Pmann]

SUBSCRIBED

 

[sweetlydeviant]

Also, going to run and hide for a bit through sheer embarrassment but will be back in an hour or so once I have my head together.

Thank you again

Okay, def is going to take me some time to go through. Thank you for trusting me Ms Eyes

 

[sweetlydeviant]

So, I totally get this! Let’s break it down.

You can absolutely experience attraction differently depending on the gender. Being bisexual doesn’t mean you have to be equally attracted to men and women, or that your attraction has to look or feel the same for both. For instance I find it ebbs and flows for me. My desire might lean more toward women for a while for example and then heavily toward men. I do always tell my partner if we break up he’s the last man I date.

Of course, I’m no Master Bisexual™ ??, but I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to fit into these near little boxes that we forget attraction is much more nuanced than that!!

In general, I’ve wondered about this myself. Even now, I find it’s certain women who do it for me. It’s not necessarily a blanket attraction to women in the same way I might experience attraction to men, and that doesn’t automatically make it any less valid.

Something else worth exploring is compulsory heterosexuality (often called comphet). We grow up in a society where heterosexuality is treated as the default, and that can influence how we understand all attraction, relationships and even our own fantasies. Sometimes, we learn to recognise what makes someone conventionally attractive before we learn to recognise what does it for us?

Obviously this doesnt mean that every woman who questions her sexuality is secretly a lesbian. It just means that the way we’ve been taught to understand attraction can sometimes make it harder to untangle what we genuinely feel from what we’ve always assumed we should feel. At least I definitely feel this way. I slept with women and didn’t really label myself as bi until I was 26 or so.

And honestly, I think it’s worth separating a few things here.

1. Sexual attraction
2. Aesthetic attraction
3. Sexual curiosity

There aren’t necessarily the same thing.
You can find women's bodies incredibly erotic to look at without necessarily wanting to have sex with every woman you find beautiful. You can also be sexually attracted to women but feel more selective about who actually sparks that desire.

The fact that you can fantasise about nameless, faceless men but need a particular woman to get you going doesn’t automatically mean anything definitive about your sexuality I don’t think. It might reflect different patterns of attraction, familiarity, fantasy or what you find arousing

The oral sex thing could be nerves, unfamiliarity or simply a difference in what appeals to you. You can explore your feelings at your own pace, and you never have to do anything you're not comfortable with.

And the kink side of things? Absolutely! Your submissive side doesn't have to apply to every gender.

You might love the idea of surrendering control to a man but prefer equality, mutual exploration and a more balanced dynamic with a woman.
Mine fluctuates for example, I think I find it incredibly arousing to give up control in general but less so with women. Only certain women can bring that out in me.
And in general I think different people can bring out completely different sides of us.

One thing I try to keep in mind is that:

Bisexuality isn't a 50/50 split, and it isn't a checklist of experiences either?

Maybe you're bisexual. Maybe you're still figuring out what attraction to women means for you. Either way, 0 need to rush.

I'd be curious about one thing, though: when you imagine being intimate with a woman you genuinely fancy (heh, so cutely British!), is there a sense of wanting her that feels exciting, even if some of the sexual details make you nervous? Or is it more that you appreciate her body and find the idea intriguing, without really feeling that pull towards her?

Neither answer is wrong. I'm just wondering whether it's the attraction itself you're unsure about, or what you would actually want to do with it.

Ohh and something else that might be worth looking into is the Kinsey scale! It demonstrates that not everything is a straightforward gay/straight binary, but can exist along a spectrum. Obviously, human sexuality is far more nuanced than that…but I think it's a reminder that attraction doesn't have to fit neatly into one category and more importantly you don't need to find your exact place on a scale to validate what you're feeling and that labels are just that!
I know people who have switched labels.
Lesbian to bisexual and back.

We are all just works in progress after all.

Sorry this is genuinely so long…
@EyesOnHers

 

[EyesOnHers]

And honestly, I think it’s worth separating a few things here.

1. Sexual attraction
2. Aesthetic attraction
3. Sexual curiosity

I think this is the key thing for me... it is nuanced along these types of groupings.

Also, that even people who are bi can differ in their proclivities depending on how they are feeling at the time of their life. And it can be normal and is okay to have a different kink set based on gender.

I'm just wondering whether it's the attraction itself you're unsure about, or what you would actually want to do with it.

Not the attraction but how to handle the attraction when it hits confuses me.

Like said, it is not as generically strong as it is with men as a group. But when it happens the flame is there as strong as any Beacon of Gondor!

I cannot thank you enough for all your wisdom and advice

 

[sweetlydeviant]

I think this is the key thing for me... it is nuanced along these types of groupings.

Which is totally fine

Also, that even people who are bi can differ in their proclivities depending on how they are feeling at the time of their life. And it can be normal and is okay to have a different kink set based on gender.

Yess

Not the attraction but how to handle the attraction when it hits confuses me.

I turn things around in my head in every way and just try to go with the flow. But I can totally understand this.

Like said, it is not as generically strong as it is with men as a group. But when it happens the flame is there as strong as any Beacon of Gondor!

Let the flame burn

I cannot thank you enough for all your wisdom and advice

ah that makes me giggle.
Thank you for trusting me with the question.

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

@sweetlydeviant , I cannot thank you enough for this
Embarrassed but also data/knowledge is key etc. So going to be candid.

History...
When I was younger messed around with a girlfriend.
Deep kisses, touching (not overtly sexual) when clubbing... girl's felt soft. It felt good.
May have gone a bit further at a house party. Groping, she fingered me once. Nothing more.

Maybe it felt different at the time but as I got older I have put it down to the experimentation of youth.


Questions...
I do not find myself turned on by women as naturally as I do men. Awkward to describe but if I was to masturbate thinking of a man they could be nameless and faceless. If it is a woman they need to be someone I find attractive.
Is this normal?

The thought of oral sex with a woman is trickier for me to get my head round (giving and taking). Not the same when I think about men.
Are there levels to bisexuality or is it because I have never done it that it makes me nervous (i.e. like before my first time with a bloke)?
Or does it mean I am not bisexual?


I am naturally submissive, so far I think men suit that kink more easily.
When I think of a woman I would not like a D/s scenario.
Being taught, yes (newbie after all) but it would be on a more even playing field.
Is it normal that a kink is only applicable to one gender and not others?


Oh, I also find pictures of women's bodies more erotic. With men, I have to fancy them to feel the same.
What does this even mean???

Signed,
Confused and not sure what bi means

I read this as "I need a girl to hold hands with like a support system at a swingers party"
Kidding... but I love your openness and putting it out there!

 

[LadyLascivious1]

@EyesOnHers SD already did a stellar job replying, but if you’re interested in a more nuanced way of looking at sexuality, I’d suggest the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (KSOG).

Rather than trying to place someone on a single spectrum, it considers seven different dimensions, including attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotional preferences, self-identification, and social and lifestyle preferences. It also looks at how those things differ between your past, present, and ideal future.

I particularly like that it recognizes that who you’re attracted to, who you fantasize about, who you actually sleep with, and how you identify don’t necessarily have to align.

And I’ll add myself to the group where my attraction to women is much more fluid and layered than how I experience attraction to men.

 

[sweetlydeviant]

@EyesOnHers SD already did a stellar job replying, but if you’re interested in a more nuanced way of looking at sexuality, I’d suggest the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (KSOG).

Rather than trying to place someone on a single spectrum, it considers seven different dimensions, including attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotional preferences, self-identification, and social and lifestyle preferences. It also looks at how those things differ between your past, present, and ideal future.

ooohhh I don’t know this one.
I shall look this up later.

 

[EyesOnHers]

Thank you LadyL.
Will have a little look at the KSOG.

And I’ll add myself to the group where my attraction to women is much more fluid and layered than how I experience attraction to men

I think as you have answered above (as SD did in her reply) helps me the most at this stage.
With men it is binary... I just know.
True or false / on or off. Let's go the whole hog, babe... rail me til I don't know my own name.

It is more difficult for me to get my head around my attraction for women. Maybe a shy newbie, maybe not having that 'take me and use me mindset' that is my norm. But nonetheless fancying them and sometimes wanting more.


ETA: I still remember the softness with a lustful fondness.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

I’m going to Spirit Halloween tonight or tomorrow. I really need to pick a costume

My costume's almost done. Let us know what you pick!

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Thank you LadyL.
Will have a little look at the KSOG.


I think as you have answered above (as SD did in her reply) helps me the most at this stage.
With men it is binary... I just know.
True or false / on or off. Let's go the whole hog, babe... rail me til I don't know my own name.

It is more difficult for me to get my head around my attraction for women. Maybe a shy newbie, maybe not having that 'take me and use me mindset' that is my norm. But nonetheless fancying them and sometimes wanting more.


ETA: I still remember the softness with a lustful fondness.

I think one of the interesting differences for me is that I’m not generally submissive, although there are always exceptions because I do love to experiment. I’m also typically turned off by submissiveness in men (unless there’s another, more dominant man involved), but I have no issue with submissive women. So perhaps that makes the way I mentally frame attraction to men and women a little less obviously different.

My attraction to women has also evolved quite a bit over time. When I was younger, it was almost exclusively sexual, without any real romantic interest. Now I can absolutely experience both with the right woman. And much like with men, I find that a genuine connection makes someone significantly more attractive to me.

I’m also attracted to women far less frequently than I am to men, which probably makes it that much more exciting when it does happen.

Interestingly, though, I’m much more likely to purely sexualize a woman I don’t know than a man. And while I can conjure up fantasies about men entirely from my imagination, with women I almost always need a specific person in mind.

So there aren’t neat boxes I can put them in. It’s more a collection of differences in how attraction develops, what triggers it, and how I experience it. And even those differences have shifted over time.

And, oh my, the softness

 

[Whiskeyjack]

And, oh my, the softness

On behalf of beer-bellied men everywhere, I'd like to gently suggest that women do not have a monopoly on softness. Some of us are downright squishy.

 

[sweetlydeviant]

My attraction to women has also evolved quite a bit over time. When I was younger, it was almost exclusively sexual, without any real romantic interest. Now I can absolutely experience both with the right woman. And much like with men, I find that a genuine connection makes someone significantly more attractive to me.

Ah I love that.
Aside from my first? girl love. One of my best friends growing up. Very much unrequited..and very much something I didn’t quite understand until later..

I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve had romantic feelings for a woman. But then again women terrify me and I find men…
in not so many words.
Easy

I’m also attracted to women far less frequently than I am to men, which probably makes it that much more exciting when it does happen.

This is me too.

And, oh my, the softness

 

[sweetlydeviant]

Another day another archive post

 

[chris_ss]

Another day another archive post

I have told about my dreams before, right? I am a person dreams whole night, about anything and everything.

I think I cannot be blamed for dreaming about these archive posts, can I?

 

[sweetlydeviant]

I have told about my dreams before, right? I am a person dreams whole night, about anything and everything.

I think I cannot be blamed for dreaming about these archive posts, can I?

I think that’s perfectly acceptable.

 

[chris_ss]

I think that’s perfectly acceptable.

I'll excuse myself to sleep then lol
(Runs to bed)

 

[sweetlydeviant]

I have purchased a costume. Just have to wait for the second parts to arrive. <non working emojis soz