Apisto42
Buck Moon Rabbit
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Might I suggestI’m going to Spirit Halloween tonight or tomorrow. I really need to pick a costume
Sweet Things & Deviant Thoughts
- Thread starter sweetlydeviant
- Start date
sweetlydeviant
Soft & Sinful
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You want me to freeze!
knowhergne
Literotica Guru
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#defendpoppunk
hotoldrguy
? Day Late 🐟
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I thought the Sissy Spacek version did justice to the bookCurrently Watching:
Carrie by Mike Flanagan (Episode 7)
️
View attachment 2694314
I’m enjoying this series, but in my opinion, Flanagan’s portrayal of Carrie feels quite removed from Stephen King’s original novel. Book Carrie is described as grotesquely unattractive, awkward, and physically unappealing, adding to her social isolation and making her an even more tragic, deeply misunderstood character.
As much as I’m enjoying the adaptation, I feel that something essential about King’s original Carrie has been lost in translation.
But I am taking this in as a solo piece, as an interpretation of it only.
sweetlydeviant
Soft & Sinful
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Loveee that version!
EyesOnHers
Cute Coder
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@sweetlydeviant , I cannot thank you enough for this 
Embarrassed but also data/knowledge is key etc. So going to be candid.
History...
When I was younger messed around with a girlfriend.
Deep kisses, touching (not overtly sexual) when clubbing... girl's felt soft. It felt good.
May have gone a bit further at a house party. Groping, she fingered me once. Nothing more.
Maybe it felt different at the time but as I got older I have put it down to the experimentation of youth.
Questions...
I do not find myself turned on by women as naturally as I do men. Awkward to describe but if I was to masturbate thinking of a man they could be nameless and faceless. If it is a woman they need to be someone I find attractive.
Is this normal?
The thought of oral sex with a woman is trickier for me to get my head round (giving and taking). Not the same when I think about men.
Are there levels to bisexuality or is it because I have never done it that it makes me nervous (i.e. like before my first time with a bloke)?
Or does it mean I am not bisexual?
I am naturally submissive, so far I think men suit that kink more easily.
When I think of a woman I would not like a D/s scenario.
Being taught, yes (newbie after all) but it would be on a more even playing field.
Is it normal that a kink is only applicable to one gender and not others?
Oh, I also find pictures of women's bodies more erotic. With men, I have to fancy them to feel the same.
What does this even mean???
Signed,
Confused and not sure what bi means
Embarrassed but also data/knowledge is key etc. So going to be candid.
History...
When I was younger messed around with a girlfriend.
Deep kisses, touching (not overtly sexual) when clubbing... girl's felt soft. It felt good.
May have gone a bit further at a house party. Groping, she fingered me once. Nothing more.
Maybe it felt different at the time but as I got older I have put it down to the experimentation of youth.
Questions...
I do not find myself turned on by women as naturally as I do men. Awkward to describe but if I was to masturbate thinking of a man they could be nameless and faceless. If it is a woman they need to be someone I find attractive.
Is this normal?
The thought of oral sex with a woman is trickier for me to get my head round (giving and taking). Not the same when I think about men.
Are there levels to bisexuality or is it because I have never done it that it makes me nervous (i.e. like before my first time with a bloke)?
Or does it mean I am not bisexual?
I am naturally submissive, so far I think men suit that kink more easily.
When I think of a woman I would not like a D/s scenario.
Being taught, yes (newbie after all) but it would be on a more even playing field.
Is it normal that a kink is only applicable to one gender and not others?
Oh, I also find pictures of women's bodies more erotic. With men, I have to fancy them to feel the same.
What does this even mean???
Signed,
Confused and not sure what bi means
EyesOnHers
Cute Coder
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2025
- Posts
- 7,793
Also, going to run and hide for a bit through sheer embarrassment but will be back in an hour or so once I have my head together.
Thank you again
Thank you again
Lord Pmann
Lord
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SUBSCRIBED
sweetlydeviant
Soft & Sinful
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Okay, def is going to take me some time to go through. Thank you for trusting me Ms EyesAlso, going to run and hide for a bit through sheer embarrassment but will be back in an hour or so once I have my head together.
Thank you again
sweetlydeviant
Soft & Sinful
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So, I totally get this! Let’s break it down.
You can absolutely experience attraction differently depending on the gender. Being bisexual doesn’t mean you have to be equally attracted to men and women, or that your attraction has to look or feel the same for both. For instance I find it ebbs and flows for me. My desire might lean more toward women for a while for example and then heavily toward men. I do always tell my partner if we break up he’s the last man I date.
Of course, I’m no Master Bisexual™ ??, but I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to fit into these near little boxes that we forget attraction is much more nuanced than that!!
In general, I’ve wondered about this myself. Even now, I find it’s certain women who do it for me. It’s not necessarily a blanket attraction to women in the same way I might experience attraction to men, and that doesn’t automatically make it any less valid.
Something else worth exploring is compulsory heterosexuality (often called comphet). We grow up in a society where heterosexuality is treated as the default, and that can influence how we understand all attraction, relationships and even our own fantasies. Sometimes, we learn to recognise what makes someone conventionally attractive before we learn to recognise what does it for us?
Obviously this doesnt mean that every woman who questions her sexuality is secretly a lesbian. It just means that the way we’ve been taught to understand attraction can sometimes make it harder to untangle what we genuinely feel from what we’ve always assumed we should feel. At least I definitely feel this way. I slept with women and didn’t really label myself as bi until I was 26 or so.
And honestly, I think it’s worth separating a few things here.
You can find women's bodies incredibly erotic to look at without necessarily wanting to have sex with every woman you find beautiful. You can also be sexually attracted to women but feel more selective about who actually sparks that desire.
The fact that you can fantasise about nameless, faceless men but need a particular woman to get you going doesn’t automatically mean anything definitive about your sexuality I don’t think. It might reflect different patterns of attraction, familiarity, fantasy or what you find arousing
The oral sex thing could be nerves, unfamiliarity or simply a difference in what appeals to you. You can explore your feelings at your own pace, and you never have to do anything you're not comfortable with.
And the kink side of things? Absolutely! Your submissive side doesn't have to apply to every gender.
You might love the idea of surrendering control to a man but prefer equality, mutual exploration and a more balanced dynamic with a woman.
Mine fluctuates for example, I think I find it incredibly arousing to give up control in general but less so with women. Only certain women can bring that out in me.
And in general I think different people can bring out completely different sides of us.
One thing I try to keep in mind is that:
Bisexuality isn't a 50/50 split, and it isn't a checklist of experiences either?
Maybe you're bisexual. Maybe you're still figuring out what attraction to women means for you. Either way, 0 need to rush.
I'd be curious about one thing, though: when you imagine being intimate with a woman you genuinely fancy (heh, so cutely British!), is there a sense of wanting her that feels exciting, even if some of the sexual details make you nervous? Or is it more that you appreciate her body and find the idea intriguing, without really feeling that pull towards her?
Neither answer is wrong. I'm just wondering whether it's the attraction itself you're unsure about, or what you would actually want to do with it.
Ohh and something else that might be worth looking into is the Kinsey scale! It demonstrates that not everything is a straightforward gay/straight binary, but can exist along a spectrum. Obviously, human sexuality is far more nuanced than that…but I think it's a reminder that attraction doesn't have to fit neatly into one category and more importantly you don't need to find your exact place on a scale to validate what you're feeling and that labels are just that!
I know people who have switched labels.
Lesbian to bisexual and back.
We are all just works in progress after all.
Sorry this is genuinely so long…
@EyesOnHers
You can absolutely experience attraction differently depending on the gender. Being bisexual doesn’t mean you have to be equally attracted to men and women, or that your attraction has to look or feel the same for both. For instance I find it ebbs and flows for me. My desire might lean more toward women for a while for example and then heavily toward men. I do always tell my partner if we break up he’s the last man I date.
Of course, I’m no Master Bisexual™ ??, but I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to fit into these near little boxes that we forget attraction is much more nuanced than that!!
In general, I’ve wondered about this myself. Even now, I find it’s certain women who do it for me. It’s not necessarily a blanket attraction to women in the same way I might experience attraction to men, and that doesn’t automatically make it any less valid.
Something else worth exploring is compulsory heterosexuality (often called comphet). We grow up in a society where heterosexuality is treated as the default, and that can influence how we understand all attraction, relationships and even our own fantasies. Sometimes, we learn to recognise what makes someone conventionally attractive before we learn to recognise what does it for us?
Obviously this doesnt mean that every woman who questions her sexuality is secretly a lesbian. It just means that the way we’ve been taught to understand attraction can sometimes make it harder to untangle what we genuinely feel from what we’ve always assumed we should feel. At least I definitely feel this way. I slept with women and didn’t really label myself as bi until I was 26 or so.
And honestly, I think it’s worth separating a few things here.
- Sexual attraction
- Aesthetic attraction
- Sexual curiosity
You can find women's bodies incredibly erotic to look at without necessarily wanting to have sex with every woman you find beautiful. You can also be sexually attracted to women but feel more selective about who actually sparks that desire.
The fact that you can fantasise about nameless, faceless men but need a particular woman to get you going doesn’t automatically mean anything definitive about your sexuality I don’t think. It might reflect different patterns of attraction, familiarity, fantasy or what you find arousing
The oral sex thing could be nerves, unfamiliarity or simply a difference in what appeals to you. You can explore your feelings at your own pace, and you never have to do anything you're not comfortable with.
And the kink side of things? Absolutely! Your submissive side doesn't have to apply to every gender.
You might love the idea of surrendering control to a man but prefer equality, mutual exploration and a more balanced dynamic with a woman.
Mine fluctuates for example, I think I find it incredibly arousing to give up control in general but less so with women. Only certain women can bring that out in me.
And in general I think different people can bring out completely different sides of us.
One thing I try to keep in mind is that:
Bisexuality isn't a 50/50 split, and it isn't a checklist of experiences either?
Maybe you're bisexual. Maybe you're still figuring out what attraction to women means for you. Either way, 0 need to rush.
I'd be curious about one thing, though: when you imagine being intimate with a woman you genuinely fancy (heh, so cutely British!), is there a sense of wanting her that feels exciting, even if some of the sexual details make you nervous? Or is it more that you appreciate her body and find the idea intriguing, without really feeling that pull towards her?
Neither answer is wrong. I'm just wondering whether it's the attraction itself you're unsure about, or what you would actually want to do with it.
Ohh and something else that might be worth looking into is the Kinsey scale! It demonstrates that not everything is a straightforward gay/straight binary, but can exist along a spectrum. Obviously, human sexuality is far more nuanced than that…but I think it's a reminder that attraction doesn't have to fit neatly into one category and more importantly you don't need to find your exact place on a scale to validate what you're feeling and that labels are just that!
I know people who have switched labels.
Lesbian to bisexual and back.
We are all just works in progress after all.
Sorry this is genuinely so long…
@EyesOnHers
EyesOnHers
Cute Coder
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2025
- Posts
- 7,793
I think this is the key thing for me... it is nuanced along these types of groupings.
Also, that even people who are bi can differ in their proclivities depending on how they are feeling at the time of their life. And it can be normal and is okay to have a different kink set based on gender.
Not the attraction but how to handle the attraction when it hits confuses me.
Like said, it is not as generically strong as it is with men as a group. But when it happens the flame is there as strong as any Beacon of Gondor!
I cannot thank you enough for all your wisdom and advice
sweetlydeviant
Soft & Sinful
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2025
- Posts
- 1,516
Which is totally fine
Yess
I turn things around in my head in every way and just try to go with the flow. But I can totally understand this.
Let the flame burn
I cannot thank you enough for all your wisdom and advice
ah that makes me giggle. Thank you for trusting me with the question.
LordofDargaardkeep
we live and learn
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2025
- Posts
- 5,710
I read this as "I need a girl to hold hands with like a support system at a swingers party"@sweetlydeviant , I cannot thank you enough for this
Embarrassed but also data/knowledge is key etc. So going to be candid.
History...
When I was younger messed around with a girlfriend.
Deep kisses, touching (not overtly sexual) when clubbing... girl's felt soft. It felt good.
May have gone a bit further at a house party. Groping, she fingered me once. Nothing more.
Maybe it felt different at the time but as I got older I have put it down to the experimentation of youth.
Questions...
I do not find myself turned on by women as naturally as I do men. Awkward to describe but if I was to masturbate thinking of a man they could be nameless and faceless. If it is a woman they need to be someone I find attractive.
Is this normal?
The thought of oral sex with a woman is trickier for me to get my head round (giving and taking). Not the same when I think about men.
Are there levels to bisexuality or is it because I have never done it that it makes me nervous (i.e. like before my first time with a bloke)?
Or does it mean I am not bisexual?
I am naturally submissive, so far I think men suit that kink more easily.
When I think of a woman I would not like a D/s scenario.
Being taught, yes (newbie after all) but it would be on a more even playing field.
Is it normal that a kink is only applicable to one gender and not others?
Oh, I also find pictures of women's bodies more erotic. With men, I have to fancy them to feel the same.
What does this even mean???
Signed,
Confused and not sure what bi means
Kidding... but I love your openness and putting it out there!
LadyLascivious1
Sometimes here
- Joined
- May 23, 2010
- Posts
- 7,014
@EyesOnHers SD already did a stellar job replying, but if you’re interested in a more nuanced way of looking at sexuality, I’d suggest the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (KSOG).
Rather than trying to place someone on a single spectrum, it considers seven different dimensions, including attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotional preferences, self-identification, and social and lifestyle preferences. It also looks at how those things differ between your past, present, and ideal future.
I particularly like that it recognizes that who you’re attracted to, who you fantasize about, who you actually sleep with, and how you identify don’t necessarily have to align.
And I’ll add myself to the group where my attraction to women is much more fluid and layered than how I experience attraction to men.
Rather than trying to place someone on a single spectrum, it considers seven different dimensions, including attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotional preferences, self-identification, and social and lifestyle preferences. It also looks at how those things differ between your past, present, and ideal future.
I particularly like that it recognizes that who you’re attracted to, who you fantasize about, who you actually sleep with, and how you identify don’t necessarily have to align.
And I’ll add myself to the group where my attraction to women is much more fluid and layered than how I experience attraction to men.
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