Suspending disbelief (29 yo who has never masturbated)

[A_Little_Show]

[deleted]

 

[patientlee]

I love to write requests and answer challenges. A reader (who I assume is a woman) asked for a very particular story. I have been trying to wring the beast into my Holiday contest entry tentatively titled, "Annabelle's Wrapping".

The requester says she is a 29 year old woman who has never been kissed and is not sure she has ever been sexually aroused. Upon further chat, she says she has never masturbated. She proudly describes herself as a prude.

The request is for a story about a woman who likes being a prude but discovers sexual arousal as the result of a wardrobe malfunction and subsequent humiliation.

If possible, starting from that premise, I plan to have the character experience escalating exposures and interactions eventually leading to orgasm.

1) So, is it believable that a 29 year old woman has never masturbated? I have a hard time believing it.

2) Why would a wardrobe malfunction be particularly humiliating, and why would the humiliation be arousing? Is that believable at all?

[For me, the arousal from a wardrobe malfunction is the exhibitionist thrill of arousing others. Exposing yourself is taboo… but is it humiliating?]

3) Is this person (woman?) trolling me?

Regardless, is it possible to write this scenario believably? Should I try for humor?

I do think it's believable on all fronts. Sexuality runs the gamut, and there could be a multitude of reasons that a woman would experience all of these things.

A man at least has the visual confirmation of arousal.

I would beg you not to treat it as humor. Even if you're being punked, you can write a powerful story out of this. Better the joke be on you for writing a good story than make fun of someone who is hurting. Female sexuality is tricky.

 

[sr71plt]

If you make the comic element that she hasn't had arousal until she was twenty-nine, the story becomes constructed on the "unbelievable but true" element of that.

The costume malfunction could be something inside her bodice that rubs on a nipple--or both--in a public setting and gets her going on strange and new sensations in a venue in which she is constrained from showing it but can't deny something is happening.

Some desirable male picks up on it and thinks she's having the hots for him and you take it from there on a series of misunderstandings that wind up in one big, sudden understanding and petticoats over head.

 

[lovecraft68]

A way to make this believable is to give her a heavily religious background. One of those pour souls raised by a twisted zealot and all sex and sexual thoughts are lewd and sinful

That would explain no masturbating and also how something as simple as a nipple slip would humiliate her.

If you want to give it a darker edge picture a mother like the one in Carrie(who referred to breasts and "dirty pillows"

You drive that background home it makes the rest plausible and can gain some sympathy as well as setting the stage for her to become aware of her sexuality once something starts it off.

It can be done

 

[PennLady]

A conservative religious background is definitely one way to make this believable.

However, speaking from some personal experience, not every girl (or boy) growing up is exposed to or even all that curious about dating, sex, whatever. I didn't have a ton of friends, and never considered myself all that pretty, for example, so when one guy I knew confessed he had a crush on me, I was stunned. I simply never considered such a thing.

I also didn't date until I was 16, and was again surprised when I was asked.

I did not grow up in a conservative or religious household. I mean, we were Catholic and I went to Catholic school and church, but we were not fundamentalist or anything like that. When I asked how babies were made, my mom didn't answer but did give me the Time-Life book that explained it.

So all of this is just to say that for some people, you don't need an extreme background or anything to not have much exposure to sex. You just need other things to do.

I think sometimes that on a board like this and a site like this, where we spent a fair bit of time thinking about sex, writing about it, talking about it, etc., we forget that others don't.

 

[MeekMe]

The request is for a story about a woman who likes being a prude but discovers sexual arousal as the result of a wardrobe malfunction and subsequent humiliation.

If possible, starting from that premise, I plan to have the character experience escalating exposures and interactions eventually leading to orgasm.

1) So, is it believable that a 29 year old woman has never masturbated? I have a hard time believing it.

2) Why would a wardrobe malfunction be particularly humiliating, and why would the humiliation be arousing? Is that believable at all?

[For me, the arousal from a wardrobe malfunction is the exhibitionist thrill of arousing others. Exposing yourself is taboo… but is it humiliating?]

3) Is this person (woman?) trolling me?

Regardless, is it possible to write this scenario believably? Should I try for humor?

1) I think it's possible. If she were somehow sheltered and didn't have access to the internet. I didn't know about masturbation until I found fan fiction. Even when exploring masturbation in private I was embarrassed and confused and it took several tries to make it all the way to an orgasm.

2) after figuring out that showing more skin could he arousing to others, that kind of makes you want to be more arousing to others. Especially is you have low self esteem. Lots of people get off on humiliation. Showing yourself to someone knowing that it's "wrong" and knowing they like it could be arousing and humiliating at the same time.

3) is she trolling you? Don't know because I'm not her. It's possible she just wants to read a story like this. It's possible she gets off on being a prude. Either way, if you can make a decent story, does it matter?

this is interesting, I hope to hear more.

 

[TxRad]

Another angle would be if she thought she was above all this sex stuff. She doesn't want or need her body and hormones telling her mind what to do. The haughty, intellectual type. Her holy grail is her job/career.

But then things start to happen. A broken strap here, a popped button there.

 

[txblush]

I love to write requests and answer challenges. A reader (who I assume is a woman) asked for a very particular story. I have been trying to wring the beast into my Holiday contest entry tentatively titled, "Annabelle's Wrapping".

The requester says she is a 29 year old woman who has never been kissed and is not sure she has ever been sexually aroused. Upon further chat, she says she has never masturbated. She proudly describes herself as a prude.

The request is for a story about a woman who likes being a prude but discovers sexual arousal as the result of a wardrobe malfunction and subsequent humiliation.

If possible, starting from that premise, I plan to have the character experience escalating exposures and interactions eventually leading to orgasm.

1) So, is it believable that a 29 year old woman has never masturbated? I have a hard time believing it.

2) Why would a wardrobe malfunction be particularly humiliating, and why would the humiliation be arousing? Is that believable at all?

[For me, the arousal from a wardrobe malfunction is the exhibitionist thrill of arousing others. Exposing yourself is taboo… but is it humiliating?]

3) Is this person (woman?) trolling me?

Regardless, is it possible to write this scenario believably? Should I try for humor?

Yes, I think it's a believable scenario. I've written something similar to this in the story I posted called For Her Own Good. And as others have suggested a strict upbringing was one of the elements I used to make it plausible.

 

[NightyKnight]

*****

 

[Cruel2BKind]

totally one hundred percent believable.

I know a few women my age who have never masturbated, and if you haven't figured that out by 20....

Also just general misinformation about the female body in general. The hymen myth, the fact that the clitoris was only fully mapped out in 2009... etc.

 

[3113]

Yes, it's believable. With a man, it's pretty easy. They handle that dick all the time, and eventually they're going to figure out how to rub it to ejaculation. But it's a bit more complex with women; they may not touch themselves much down there, let alone deliberately. Their clit may be well hidden, and require determined exploration and experimentation, as Meek pointed out.

And I agree that you need not give her an ulta-religious upbringing to make it realistic. There are a lot of parents who don't discuss sex frankly with their children (they may be sexually ignorant themselves or think the topic "dirty"), and such parents may not let sexual information into the home. That leaves porn—some of which is scary and/or inaccurate—and friends who may not be well informed either—if she had friends. There's some very shy/lonely people out there.

And if the girl has never had a real boyfriend, or did but he fumbled the sex and got it all wrong, then that's seals the deal. Again, there are women who need time, care and experimentation. If no sexual partner ever made such an effort with her, helped her understand what gets her off, it would be totally believable that a 29 year old woman might have clue as to how to pleasure herself.

 

[RichardBacula]

An uptight religious background would help. It'd explain not only why she hadn't masturbated (Sinful!) but also possibly why she'd be aroused by shame/embarrassment/humiliation.
When people have it drilled into them that Sex Is Shameful, then a lot of the times it goes the other way too.
If Sex = Shameful, then Shameful also equals Sex.

Another reason might well be lack of opportunity. In a cult, or large family, or other setting where there's always somebody around, and you never really have enough time to yourself, it can be next to impossible to find the time to experiment with yourself, especially if the motive has been cut down by social/religious pressures.

 

[JackLuis]

I think an intellectual angle would be better. IF she came from a modest home and had been oriented to intellectual pursuits, by her Mother/father... Perhaps she might have ignored the lure of sexual endeavors?

Now in her Doctoral Oral exam, she ...(Humiliating event) and sees the rise of the lean, tan, Anthropology professor's erection, striking an arc in her libido?

She fights against the fever, but ends up having to be tutored by the object of her developing lust. He wonders if the Ice Princess can be thawed?


at least two 'almosts' and then the ending you want.

 

[sr71plt]

I think if you write it from religious suppression, you'll lose some of your audience that you wouldn't if you just made her unusually late to awaken to it--because her life was taken up with something else. Maybe she was part of a research time racing to find a cure or stopgap for some disease and had been totally possessed with that.

 

[RuzieD]

Like others, I think that an extremely fundie religious household is the most believable scenario.

Although I once interacted with a girl on a dating who was 25, never had sex, and was extremely blunt (to the point of appearing self-centered and callous) about what she wanted in a relationship. She was an INTJ personality (self-declared) who was pursuing some grad degree in the biology. She struck as me as a completely sexless version of Dr. Brennan from bones. Like Dr. Brennan, she was thoroughly irreligious.

I wouldn't be surprised if she had never masturbated.

 

[RichardBacula]

I think if you write it from religious suppression, you'll lose some of your audience that you wouldn't if you just made her unusually late to awaken to it--because her life was taken up with something else. Maybe she was part of a research time racing to find a cure or stopgap for some disease and had been totally possessed with that.

Since she was 8-13 years old...?
Because that seems to be the typical time when girls hit puberty and start masturbating.

I agree that using religion might alienate some readers, but it'd be a more realistic story than "It just never occurred to her. She was distracted by something else for over two decades, and just didn't think about it."
Also, the religious angles might endear more readers than they would alienate. Religion and sex combine in people's minds in all sorts of ways, and a lot of strippers once went to Catholic school (or had a similar religious up-bringing).

 

[RichardBacula]

Possibly the MOST realistic reason would be that the woman is actually just asexual, lacking the normal brain and body chemistry that fuels our sex drive.
If that's the case, though, it might be tricky to have her suddenly becoming turned on by stuff.
Unless, I suppose, you want to go the sci-fi route. Maybe she's taking a new drug that gives her a sex drive as a side-effect (or a primary effect, specifically designed to help asexuals become sexual).
Hell, even the "aroused by humiliation" could be a side effect of the drug.

 

[Hypoxia]

Possibly the MOST realistic reason would be that the woman is actually just asexual, lacking the normal brain and body chemistry that fuels our sex drive.
If that's the case, though, it might be tricky to have her suddenly becoming turned on by stuff.
Unless, I suppose, you want to go the sci-fi route. Maybe she's taking a new drug that gives her a sex drive as a side-effect (or a primary effect, specifically designed to help asexuals become sexual).
Hell, even the "aroused by humiliation" could be a side effect of the drug.

No need to go too sci-fi with this. The asexual 'She' could have suffered an accident that changed her body chemistry. The accident: Maybe exposure to a chemical leak. Maybe a Frida Kahlo-type injury. Maybe an inadvertent side-effect of surgery. But if you want to go sci-fi, how about a Mad Doctor using her as a guinea pig? Or alien abductors, maybe.

 

[ishtat]

Assumptions ?

Going back to the original post I would question some of the (apparent) assumptions:

1 That it is exceptional for a woman not to masturbate. I read somewhere recently that 20% of women never do, but annoyingly I can't find the article.

2 The implication that a woman who does not is necessarily a prude. To my mind a prude who feels guilty about doing it is a more convincing character than the uptight, "never would" prude. I suspect that women (like men) are more complex.

3 Not an assumption but I think a small but significant minority of people, men and women, are fundamentally asexual, that is just not interested. It would be a tricky story for a porn site but it would be challenging to write a story about a person who seeks love, affection, emotional fulfilment, children, a family; but to whom sex is merely a means to an end - not an end in itself.

The asexuality of a man is difficult to disguise because of the absence or rarity of erections. However, a woman could (train herself to) function sexually within a relationship without physical as opposed to emotional desires.

OK. 3 was off topic, but my mind was meandering.

 

[RichardBacula]

No need to go too sci-fi with this. The asexual 'She' could have suffered an accident that changed her body chemistry. The accident: Maybe exposure to a chemical leak. Maybe a Frida Kahlo-type injury. Maybe an inadvertent side-effect of surgery. But if you want to go sci-fi, how about a Mad Doctor using her as a guinea pig? Or alien abductors, maybe.

Well, I wasn't thinking Spaceships and a Mars Base or anything. Just "there is a new technology (the drug) that affects society" kind of sci-fi.

Then again, I've got no grudge against Mad Scientists or Alien Abductors either, as long as they fit into the story well.

 

[PennLady]

Since she was 8-13 years old...?
Because that seems to be the typical time when girls hit puberty and start masturbating.

I agree that using religion might alienate some readers, but it'd be a more realistic story than "It just never occurred to her. She was distracted by something else for over two decades, and just didn't think about it."
Also, the religious angles might endear more readers than they would alienate. Religion and sex combine in people's minds in all sorts of ways, and a lot of strippers once went to Catholic school (or had a similar religious up-bringing).

Not saying religion doesn't play a part in such things, because of course it does, but honestly, I can say from personal experience, that a person can be kind of oblivious about the opposite sex for lots of reasons that don't have to do with religion.

I got my first clue about masturbation from Judy Blume's "Deenie," and it took me a while to put together what she was doing. There was a mention in the book about her getting a bath and rubbing her "special spot." It was a long time before I realized what was really being talked about. I bet I was 16 or so before I even tried.

It wasn't a matter of me being distracted by other things, at least not on a conscious level. I had been advanced a grade, and then switched to a new school a year later. So not only was I a year younger than my peers, I was just as smart or smarter than most; that doesn't lead to a great social life. I had to switch high schools about six weeks into my first year, to a totally different area, so again I knew on one. Once again -- new kid, average-looking, smarter than most (going by grades, anyway), and all the cliques/groups were already formed.

I kept to myself, had a few friends, read a lot of books (including some romances) but sex, romance, dating, etc. were just not high on my list of priorities. It does happen.

 

[RichardBacula]

Not saying religion doesn't play a part in such things, because of course it does, but honestly, I can say from personal experience, that a person can be kind of oblivious about the opposite sex for lots of reasons that don't have to do with religion.

Somehow you seem to be equating "kind of oblivious about the opposite sex" with "never, ever masturbated."

 

[3113]

Somehow you seem to be equating "kind of oblivious about the opposite sex" with "never, ever masturbated."

No, she's equating a solitary girl with not masturbating. Not having girlfriends and getting in on girl-talk is also a way to remain ignorant of things like where the clit is and how to stimulate it. Likewise, not having a boyfriend leads to that as well; sexual experimentation with a boyfriend can help a girl understand what is what on her body and how to pleasure herself.

So. Solitude CAN be equated with a possibility of not knowing how to masturbate and so not doing so. And, once again, women don't hold their pussies in their hands every time they take a piss. Nor can they look down and see their clits unless they use a mirror. That doesn't make masturbation so "of course" for women as it is for men.

If this was about a guy who'd never masturbated, then I'd say, sure. Make him from an ultra-religious family where he was taught that touching himself was sinful. Or make him super asexual. Or make him a real intellectual, trying hard to be a "Vulcan" from Star Trek, not sexuality. Because it's really hard to believe a guy who's never masturbated.

But when it comes to a woman, it's not so much of a stretch as you think. Even families that are not all that religious can still have chauvinistic prejudices. The slut-shaming that we see in our culture indicates that girls who are sexual are not admired. And American culture still doesn't want schools teaching kids sex education, and most especially not about masturbation.

And FYI, I remember seeing a group of ULTRA-religious, virginal teens who had agreed not to have sex before marriage. And guess what? They all masturbated! So. If we're talking reality, a conservative religious upbringing isn't necessarily going to keep anyone from secretly masturbating. Ignorance of how to do it, of her own body, internalized cultural "shame," etc. or, as said, a very different focus are what, realistically, can lead to it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Since she was 8-13 years old...?
Because that seems to be the typical time when girls hit puberty and start masturbating.

I agree that using religion might alienate some readers, but it'd be a more realistic story than "It just never occurred to her. She was distracted by something else for over two decades, and just didn't think about it."
Also, the religious angles might endear more readers than they would alienate. Religion and sex combine in people's minds in all sorts of ways, and a lot of strippers once went to Catholic school (or had a similar religious up-bringing).

Plenty of girls start masturbating in the crib, rubbing themselves against the mattress to go to sleep.

 

[patientlee]

Remember the Judy Blume book Deenie? The "growing up" theme was a young girl rubbing her "special place". Unfortunately, Ms. Blume fails to mention where a girl can find this place. It was probably 7 more years until I figured out where she meant.

Female sexuality is tricky.