Suicide...death...funerals...and online.

[Guest]

Today Ezzie had to drive up to South Dakota for a funeral. There were family and friends there...and a spot reserved for online friends. So, that's had me thinking. How many of you would want (or have it set up so that they are "invited"...) your online freinds at your funeral?

 

[*Jennifer-In-Flares*]

i don't have any online friends so no problem there. just dont have enough time to keep in touch. if i did still have cyber buddies i don't think i'd want them at my funeral. *jenny*

 

[Ksss]

My funeral arrangements are for a small family only memorial service. I want to be cremated. I have been through so many funerals in the last few years, I don't want my friends to remember me in such a sad atmosphere.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

As much as Sparky values all here.....

None of you would probably ever know that he had kicked the bucket.

Unless you read it in the paper and put 2+2 together.

Sparky does not exist - he can't die - he can only fade from the board.

 

[Juliangel]

Yes I would and I would be at theirs too. I have several online friends who know my full name, address and phone number.

We have been together as a group for 3 years, since we became pregnant with our now 2 year olds. We have exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts and know more about each other spouses than anyone else really should

 

[Sammyjo]

Depends on who they are...don't know if I am that close with anyone on this board...maybe one...you know who you are...*hugs*...and one "former" board member...might be notified. The Toronto guy (despite our recent falling out, or whatever you call it) and one other guy I met online. So, we are up to four possibilities, and that is if my sister had the sense to even tell them. So, probably not...I think I would just "fall off the face of the earth" so to speak.

 

[teresafannin]

My online doll friends would know, my best friend would tell them. We have been together since Thanksgiving, 1998. None of my family know about the other boards I vist, so they wouldn't let anyone know. I will just disappear one day.

 

[Celestiale]

Yes I would and I would be at theirs too. I have several online friends who know my full name, address and phone number.

We have been together as a group for 3 years, since we became pregnant with our now 2 year olds. We have exchanged Christmas and birthday gifts and know more about each other spouses than anyone else really should

OMG Juliangel! We may know one another! I know exactly where you're talking about, though I've been here a lot more lately than I've been there! I post under a different name there.

[Edited by Celestiale on 01-24-2001 at 05:02 PM]

 

[Juliangel]

OMG Juliangel! We may know one another! I know exactly where you're talking about, though I've been here a lot more lately than I've been there! I post under a different name there) !

OMG you are right other wise you would not have known that much. <blushing> Thought I kept those two parts of myself seperate. I would LOVE to know who you are. PLEASE PLEASE email me!!!

Should add, I have not been to that site in a while we are an email group now.

[Edited by Juliangel on 01-24-2001 at 04:36 PM]

 

[MunchinMark]

My burial plans are (apart from for them not to happen for ages) to make the funeral a significant effort. The people will have to carry that coffin for a long way, so's they earn that meal. No-one that I'm likely to meet online is going to climb a mountain for me, probably. So, no-one.

Then again, maybe people will look at my last request and just cremate me for their own convenience. But then, I'm a half-arsed cynic.

 

[cheekyminx]

After being on line for 4 years yes I would invite my on line friends to my funeral. The group of friends that I met on line 4 years ago, I still have and still keep in contact with. We all send Christmas Cards, and we all know what is happening in each others lives. Unfortunately we lost one of our circle of friends to cancer. Sam was a lovely lady who had time for everyone. She made us laugh so much. Because Im here in Australia, I couldnt go, but I sent flowers.
Hey Im even going to a wedding next year in Colorado. That should be much fun.

 

[cheekyminx]

oh and my family knows about my online friends since some have visited over here and met me and my family. So all my friends would know. I would not be happy if I knew my on line friends didnt know I was sick or dead. To me, because I have known them for so long, we are all part of a family. Im sure most of you have made one or two friends on here that feel that way too.

 

[Ravenloft]

I don't know if any of my online friends would come to my funeral but I am sure the knowledge of my passing would reach most of you.

However I don't plan on kicking the bucket for a GOOD LONG TIME!!!

 

[naudiz]

I'm donating the whole mess to science, and whatever my friends and family decide to do in terms of a memorial, I have no idea. I think they should throw a kegger, but what do I know?

As for online, I think word would get around, if for no other reason than there are people who post here that know me in RL and might mention it. Then again, they might not.

 

[Closet Desire]

Sparky's right...

No matter how much we might be rewarded on line through our chats and emails and even role playing...none of this is real. It reminds me of the conferences I frequently attend. I may spend hours talking to people, sharing their ideas, acquiring some of their perspectives, but when it is over we all go our separate ways. It is rare to continue contact with those we have met, even those who had an impact, because the real world of day-to-day human interaction is, or should be (in my opinion), what is "real". In the end it's sort of like characters in a book. You can't really see them, touch them, our smell them. Most of what we know about each other is fabricated in our own imagination and in the personna they project (which may not be real either).

Sort of creepy in a "Matrix" kind of way.

 

[Cheyenne]

My online friends physically attending my funeral? Probably not- most live way too far away to even consider it. But they will likely know I have died.

I will leave a list behind of my online passwords, etc. for the executor of my estate, who also happens to be my best friend. His instructions are to take care of a lot of things for me that I don't want my family to either know or handle. He knows there is a letter with instructions, and where it is, but not what exactly is in it. But I think he has a pretty good idea.

 

[Gingersnap]

Never really thought about it. I do not have any family at all and so my lawyer would just have me cremated and scatter my ashes up over Lake Superior. I would hope my friends would just raise a glass in a toast and be done with the whole thing.

 

[Xander]

Online firends attending my funeral...hmmm I dont know. probaly not, though there will be a note passed around that I've passed on.
I'd probaly donate what I can to science and medical things and have the rest burned and spread over a dump, or something like that.
But as far as Online friends coming to my funeral. I kinda doubt it will happen. though they are more than welcome. Beers is litterally on me.....

 

[Guest]

Well, as for the issue of your online friends living "too far" away, sure Ezzie was lucky that SD is right above us, but there were people from Wa. State, Tx., La., Canada, Mn., and I'm sure more places that I can't even remember who traveled to say goodbye to a person they felt dear and close to.

Also, some of you may feel that your online friends are nothing more than an anonymous name...a faceless person sitting at their computer, but some of us have found close friends in the people we have met during our time online. And, even if we haven't met all of these people in the flesh yet, I am sure we would miss them terribly if they were suddenly gone. I know I would try everything in my power to attend a funeral of someone I felt close to.

 

[ManOSafety]

While I was reading this thread, I realized that probably no one that I'm "friends" with on-line really knows me, not that I take on a completely different persona on-line, but I'm not totally the same person that I am in person, plus I don't think I've shared with anyone individualizing details like address, phone number, etc, so I would doubt they'd attend or even find out that something had happened.

However, the thread also made me think, I guess there could be some type of on-line funeral or memorial service couldn't there? That might be a solution that some people would have for the death of an on-line friend, especially since it seems most of the responses to this thread have been from people who plan to be cremated, there is no body to have at a service, so an on-line service could be just as emotionally satisfying to some people, no?

 

[Purple Haze]

If I were to get hit by a bus tomorrow, I'm not sure if my online friends would ever know. How would they?

Would I put it in my will to make sure they are notified? I don't even have a will. I have a couple of online friends that I've spoken with on the phone, does that make them an RL friend? I think so, but even those I've allowed access to my RL would have no way of knowing what happened to me if I died tomorrow.


Makes you think.

 

[CRaZy]

However, the thread also made me think, I guess there could be some type of on-line funeral or memorial service couldn't there? That might be a solution that some people would have for the death of an on-line friend, especially since it seems most of the responses to this thread have been from people who plan to be cremated, there is no body to have at a service, so an on-line service could be just as emotionally satisfying to some people, no?

OK. I hate to admit this but my regular chat room is on excite Virtual Places. For those who aren't familiar with this chat line it really does attract the desperate and dangerous. Many people on this chat line get VP married. Sometimes they are getting maried in r/t so hold a VP wedding for their chat friends (there is a VP chapel and self appointed VP chaplains - I told you it's for desperate and dangerous). Other people have r/t marriages but also get married in VP. I don't know how they reconcile both lives. I have been to many VP weddings.

Last year, I attended my first ever VP funeral. It was very strange. The woman's sister (who is also a VP regular) took her computer to the funeral and we listened to the service over voice chat. We had all written tributes and they read those out at the service too. Very strange I thought but quite moving in its own way. I have only heard of one other VP funeral and that was done over webcam. Funerals via technology? Wave of the future? Would save all that travel I guess. Sigh.

 

[Renegade]

I don't know if any of my online friends would come to my funeral but I am sure the knowledge of my passing would reach most of you.

However I don't plan on kicking the bucket for a GOOD LONG TIME!!!

Hey, I'd do my best to go to your funeral Ravenloft. You ARE my bitch after all.

But seriously, I do feel realy close to you, Tiggs, and RoseThorn. And, if any one of you were to pass away, not only would I be saddened by the news, but I WOULD try everything in my power to attend the funerals if I could. It would be the only way at that point to pay my respects to you three after all you've done for me.

Also, I have talked to my real life best friend(who I talk to alot through IMs when he's on)about telling you three about my passing if I were to pass away suddenly. I'd want you three, atleast, to know about this if it were to happen. I've also talked to my mom about that since she has internet access also. So, if I were to pass away, you'd know about it.

 

[Cheyenne]

If I were to get hit by a bus tomorrow, I'm not sure if my online friends would ever know. How would they?

Would I put it in my will to make sure they are notified? I don't even have a will.

Makes you think.

Exactly. Two things:
1) Everyone should have a will, especially anyone with minor children in real life. You want to be able to control
what happens to them when you are gone- who takes care of them, when they get access to your estate, etc.

2) You don't have to put it in your will to notify people online about your death. That can be done in a separate letter addressed to someone close to you. The information likely changes too quickly to be something that is included in your will- you don't want to have to modify your will that often.

 

[Andra_Jenny]

Yes, I would provide them a live cam of my cremation. I want a head start on getting used to the heat.