Suggestions for changing voice

[boz]

I'd like to post an exerpt from something that I've worked on, but one issue is how to indicate a sudden change in voice.

In other words, it's a two person story. Up to the middle of the exerpt, the guy is telling the story, and halfway through, the woman takes over. I think the change is pretty obvious when you combine the text with a font change, but the alternative here would be to do the second part all in italics; an idea that doesn't appeal to me.

One idea I've had is to preface each section with the person's name. Something like,

Daniel: Blah, blah, blah

.... some pages later ....

Stella: Blah, blah .. etc.


Any other suggestions?

 

[Chicklet]

Some people dislike the change of voice in a story. I, however, have never had any problem with it.

I think one of the more "artistic" ways of doing it would just be to have a little ellipses (is my spelling/word usage correct?) *** and move over to the other person without actually explaining it. Of course, this would probably work best in a longer story where the reader would have more time figuring it out. I prefer that, to not really point out OH, HEY, IT'S A NEW PERSON NOW!

I've seen other authors do it in other ways, like split the story into chapters and title it "Chapter One: Cara" and "Chapter Two: Steve" and "Chapter Three: Cara" etc etc etc...

I'm interested to see how you will decide to do it.

Chicklet

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

boz,

When it comes to voice/POV shifts, the safe rule-of-thumb is "Don't." If you still want to use a voice/POV shift, as I often do, the trick is to make certain the reader isn't confused. Here are a few hints:

1. Unless it's absolutely, positively unavoidable, (for instance the famous death scene in "From Here to Eternity") don't make the shift in the middle of a scene. Use a normal change of scene or an end of chapter break.

2. Indicate there is a voice/POV shift (or a scene shift) with a line break (skip a line) and insert marks such as: # and ***.

3. Most of all, be VERY certain that however you handle the situation, the reader isn't confused.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Guest]

boz,

When it comes to voice/POV shifts, the safe rule-of-thumb is "Don't." If you still want to use a voice/POV shift, as I often do, the trick is to make certain the reader isn't confused. Here are a few hints:

1. Unless it's absolutely, positively unavoidable, (for instance the famous death scene in "From Here to Eternity") don't make the shift in the middle of a scene. Use a normal change of scene or an end of chapter break.

2. Indicate there is a voice/POV shift (or a scene shift) with a line break (skip a line) and insert marks such as: # and ***.

3. Most of all, be VERY certain that however you handle the situation, the reader isn't confused.

Rumple Foreskin

_____________

A totally agree with RF. It's like changing 'key' in a symphony.

But if you are going to do it, I would also add 2.a to RF's above; an explanation or an aside is required to the change in person to avoid confusing the reader--the mechanism on doing that is left up to your imagination.

 

[boz]

Thanks, all, for the comments.

I realized maybe I should post a bit of the voice change as it is, with a change in type.

This takes place after about two pages of text in the exerpt (but about 4 non-erotica chapters later in the complete version), and continues in her voice for the rest of the exerpt, (and for the next few chapters in the complete version).

***
She was still laughing, so I brought both of her delicate wrists together, grabbed them both with one hand so she couldn't move, and used the other arm to pull her across my lap. Now she was across my knee with her butt on my right side. I spanked her playfully, saying "Bad girl." She kept laughing, so I kept whacking her saying "Bad girl. Bad, bad girl ...

... Bad, bad girl". he kept saying. I couldn't help laughing and squirming as he kept smacking my butt. It felt so safe, so comfortable and strangely free on his lap with my arms behind my back. His hand on my bottom, even though it was only a brief moment each time he hit me, felt so good, so warm and comforting.


***
And so on. I think the change is fairly obvious, given that there are only two persons in the scene, and he keeps saying "she" and "her" and when she begins narrating, she says "he" and "his".

But it helps to have some kind of visual cue, like italics or a font change, but then I'd have to leave the rest of the text in the new font.

 

[karmadog]

Boz, you're right that is obvious. Changed font would be too annoying unless it's for a short section,but you mentioned it would be a fairly significant part of the story. Go with Chicklet's idea. If a somebody can't get it with the "***" and the pronoun changes, they probably can't read anyhow.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

boz,

This here Lit choir is pretty near singin' in harmony. The break is well done, but as Karmadog said, the font change would quickly become annoying.

Therefore and etc., do what everyone is suggesting. Stick with the same font and insert a shift marker such as # or *** (preferably centered) between the paragraphs to alert readers that a POV/voice shift is coming.

Good luck,

RF

 

[boz]

Great!

Thanks all, for your comments and thoughts. I will tidy up the exerpt, and post it soon.

 

[Ray Dario]

And now for something completely different

Boz, I've got a couple of questions for you.

Why are you writing this in first person?

Why not write it in third person?

You are trying to get inside two different character's head in. In first person this leads to the jarring change of voice you are having.

If you wrote it in third person you wouldn't be having this problem.

IMHO you should always have a reason for the POV you are writing in. There may well be a good reason for you to write this story in first person, but if there isn't then I suggest changing it to third person. You will see if flow much better and it will be a lot smoother and read better.

Try it and see what you think.

Ray

 

[TheEarl]

Ray, haven't we been having this conversation on a different thread? Switching POV is not a good idea unless you can do it correctly. Read "Junk" by Melvin Burgess as a prime example of how to do it well. Every chapter the POV changes and it is prefaced by the name of the character.

The Earl

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

You make a good point, Ray. But wouldn't he have to change to third person omniscent to avoid the POV shift problem? (Boz, at the risk of talking down to you and definitely doing so to Ray, third person omni allows the writer to move freely from the thoughts/viewpoint of one character directly to that of another.)

If he was using third person limited (sticking to one person's POV per scene/chapter/etc.) wouldn't he still want to alert the readers that he was about to pull off a mid-scene POV shift?

RF

 

[Ray Dario]

Earl, I seem to be having this same discussion on several threads right now and I'm not sure why. I certainly don't mean to be beating a dead horse.



RF,

Yes, when I said third person I meant third person omniscent and not third person semi-omniscent.

I should have been more precise in my post.

Why don't we merge all these different threads talking about POV to one. Wait, maybe KM has done just that. I'm off to check out her new thread right now.

Ray

 

[Whispersecret]

I agree with Ray in wondering why this story is in first person. If you want to show both character's points of view, it's more smoothly done in third person. What is the purpose of changing? Is the end of the story more meaningful to the female? Do we ever find out what the male experiences at the end or are we left hanging with him?

I know you will not want to hear this, but if it were me, I would write it all in third person. Third person allows you to head-hop freely. It takes a little skill, but you don't have to rely on awkward devices like font changes or asterisks.

 

[boz]

Why first person? Primarily to experience the story in a more direct, personal way through the eyes of one person (at a time). Up to this point the story should have the feeling of a memoir or an interview.

The shift from one to the other was intended to be a surprise.

The first few (mostly non-erotic) chapters establish the history between the two characters from his perspective. As the first sexual experience begins, their relationship changes, their world changes, their perspective changes, and the voice changes.


Sorry if there is a similar topic elsewhere; I didn't see it when I started the topic originally.

 

[TheEarl]

Boz, I wouldn't apologise; most of these threads didn't start off as 1st vs 3rd omniscient conversations. The one I was referring to was on a different subject until I jumped on a comment by Ray and we ended up here.

Isn't this where we came in?

The Earl

 

[Ray Dario]

Why first person? Primarily to experience the story in a more direct, personal way through the eyes of one person (at a time). Up to this point the story should have the feeling of a memoir or an interview.

The shift from one to the other was intended to be a surprise.

The first few (mostly non-erotic) chapters establish the history between the two characters from his perspective. As the first sexual experience begins, their relationship changes, their world changes, their perspective changes, and the voice changes.

Boz, it looks like you have a good reason for 1st person, so stick with it. You got good advice before I stuck my nose in here, hang with that and you'll do fine.

Good luck. Maybe I'll see the story around sometime. I hope so, I'd like to see the finished product.

Ray

 

[boz]

Thanks again, everyone.

I've submitted the piece for review; I'll let you know when it's available.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Do what you think is best for your story, of course.

I'm not a real fan of switching perspectives from one character to the next in first person. I suppose it can be done well, but it usually turns me off. "I" has been assigned, and then jumping ship in mid tempest for a new "I" isn't good.

In my opinion, stories are just like physics in that they build up momentum, they have inertia, they have friction, and they have to yield to inertia when they change course. If you can change, er, spin the story on a dime and do it well, then by all means. If you can't, then don't be too disappointed if the majority of people don't like it.

We don't call things like this "experimental" for nothing.

One should always remember the reader who has to wade through whatever it is that's been written whenever one puts one's work up for public consumption. Even when doing experimental things.

Of course, I'm in that paradigm that firmly believes that if someone just writes for his or her self, then that someone shouldn't share it.

 

[boz]

Yay! It's finally been approved and listed.

Comments appreciated,

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=54378