Suffering

[visviva2]

This thread is about suffering in the D/s context - although some elements of the "sm" in bdsm may be involved.

Although I've been on Lit for some years I have not previously started a thread, so maybe a few words about myself would be a good way to start. I apologise that this means this post is rather long. If you have no real interest in the psychological aspects of D/s relationships I suggest your time could be better spent elsewhere.

I've always been aware of my dominant tendencies, but it would be true to say that I really had no idea how to properly express that part of myself when I was younger. Of course there is nothing unusual in that. What I mean is that looking back I seem to have subconsciously chosen submissive partners from my earliest relationships, but at first I was lacking much real insight into why this was so or how I could develop those relationships in a mutually beneficial way.

This was long before the internet, so back then I really had no way of finding the kind of information that is freely available these days. While it would have been wonderful to have been able to access something like Lit when I was younger (I'm now in my 50s) it did mean that you were necessarily on a steep learning curve --- and exploring all that was quite wonderfully intense and stimulating. Maybe it's just too easy now...

My submissive partners have always taught me a lot and given me the opportunity to develop as a dom, but quite often they were just as unknowing about their own inclinations as I was. So we explored together and grew together (or not).

Anyway, enough about me...

I should just add that one of the few contributions I've mad to Lit over the years I've been lurking is a multi-part story which you can find in my profile. This is written from a female submissive's point of view and it was based on the life experience of a sub I had for several years. Sadly, for reasons beyond the control of either of us we're no longer together. The story tries to convey something of how a sub's desires can evolve over time. As stated in the story's intro it is based on real life experience, but only some parts of it are about my relationship with her. Other parts are about her earlier experience (before we met), and yet other parts are made up. It's fiction after all. I mention this in case you go there and think that relationship is what I'm all about as the dom in the story is not meant to be me (even if some aspects may be similar).

What I really want to write about is suffering...

I've always been interested in the psychological aspects of a D/s relationship, and over the years I've spent a lot of wonderful time with various subs talking about their desires, where they came from, how they manifested, and so on...

Although I enjoy giving a spanking or flogging, I'm much more interested in exploring the hidden depths of the submissive mind than in the more physical bdsm approach. I'm not at all threatened by intelligent women (in fact, some of my oldest friends are dominant women of high intelligence). Rather, I find the submission of an intelligent woman to be highly erotic.... and very rewarding in that we can explore our shared experience more deeply than is possible in the case of unquestioning obedience.

In my view absolute obedience is essential, but I have no problem with talking through all aspects of what that means at an appropriate time. In fact, I very much enjoy taking the time to understand a submissive's deepest desires so that her perspective informs what we do, rather than her just following my orders...

And one thing that has always interested me is the concept of suffering. Not through punishment as in bdsm. I really have no time for disobedience as a way of triggering "punishment" as many bdsm people seem inclined to do. What I'm referring to is a desire expressed by the sub to suffer for me. At her request.

While this is certainly not a response that all subs have, I've found that it is surprisingly widespread among the type of subs I have known. What seems to vary (in my experience) is what form this suffering might take. Obviously everyone is different. What works for one sub will not do anything for another, so it's a very personal thing. And often not even recognised by her at first.

It needs to be brought out gradually. And usually only after a lot of trust has been built up, so that the sub is comfortable talking about things that she has often not talked to anyone about before - or maybe even admitted to herself previously.

As I mentioned, the kind of suffering desired can take many forms. It's a very personal thing, after all.

A few examples I have experience with are:

1. Psychological suffering

2. Emotional suffering (not really the same thing as the above, but maybe a subset)

3. Physical suffering (not bdsm style, but with a D/s twist such as making her BEG to suffer for me).

4. Humiliation (again, not the standard variety but more extreme humiliation that is based on deeper psychological elements).

Of course there are other examples, and I'm interested to hear about any that you may have in mind.

My questions are: Have you ever willingly suffered for another? Or had a sub want to suffer for you? And how rewarding was this experience for BOTH parties? And what kind of suffering was most effective in bringing out your sub/dom tendencies?

If you have any questions for me I will be happy to say more about anything mentioned above. I have only briefly sketched out this topic here in order to avoid an already long post going on even longer...

 

[desertslave]

Suffering was a keystone of my first D/s relationship, though I didn't quite understand that at the time. Sir was very...persistent (no that's not right word, but I'm at a loss) in pushing my newbie limits. I would cry yellow and he would whisper in my ear "take two more, just for me" or something similar. I would squirm, cry, occasionally cuss him out (at least in my mind), but there was always a definite sense of accomplishment in succeeding for him. He would always ask me, afterwards, if it was 'really so bad' and most times I would answer, honestly, that yes it was. I was very stubborn with myself about safewording, almost from the start. There's something about me that hates to give in, give up. Plus, as our relationship continued, I would much rather suffer than to disappoint him by crying red. That was a different kind of suffering that I just couldn't accept, given the choice.

The head games were another thing entirely. I was raised a nice, feminist girl; always told that I could do anything I put my mind to--doctor, lawyer, etc. Going against that sensibility by groveling, begging and admitting how intensely it turned me on was humiliating. He zeroed in on that almost immediately and played it for all it was worth. (I still get squirmy sometimes.)

One thing that might be a contradiction is that I was able (maybe even willing) to endure, then, because I trusted him to give me some sort of...relief (?) at some point. It could happen in many forms, but ultimately I knew that, when he felt I had suffered enough, given in enough, whatever he was looking for, there would be some kind of absolution: the silent treatment would end, he would touch me again, he would allow me to cum, the sensation would stop.

It's so much kinder than the real world, where there is suffering and consequences, and I have no idea when, or if, absolution will be given.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm gonna lurk on this one, listen and learn

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I will have to think on this and respond later... But ditto on what Stella said in the mean time.

Thanks OP.

 

[visviva2]

Thanks desertslave, Stella_O and Curious-in-Cali for your responses..

What desertslave described in her post was very much the kind of suffering I was referring to. Her comments are very perceptive and very much to the point in identifying that the kind of suffering that is the subject of this thread can actually be preferred to other options... and also I like desertslave's remark that her "suffering was so much kinder than the real world"...

I certainly feel that in a D/s context "suffering" can not only be a preferred option, but even a very beautiful experience.

It's also interesting that other posters have not said very much so far. My impression is that not only is this kind of suffering a rare and extraordinary experience, but the feelings aroused and the complex psychology involved make it quite challenging to process - even some time after the actual experience.

To me this is exactly the point about so much of D/s (and why it's so different to bdsm). Note that I'm not suggesting D/s is *superior* to bdsm - just different!

I think the feelings produced by this kind of suffering are very different to those aroused by impact play, and develop much further over a much longer period.

Voluntary suffering (even if imposed initially) is also something that can be explored almost indefinitely. What starts out as one thing can mutate into other related or different emotions --- and it can be an experience that one grows into.

I appreciate that any responses are considered and thoughtful rather than rushed... but I hope to see more comments... and maybe a few questions?

 

[Netzach]

I think that the willingness to suffer in a relationship should not be one sided, and really never is.

I've suffered being disappointed by submissives, I've suffered not knowing what to do or what to push, I've suffered being shut out when I could no longer be what the other party needed and I've suffered losing my confidence and my self-identification as a Dominant when cornered by real world powerlessness of my own.

I think a Dominant who can't face down their own suffering, or sees suffering as the job of the submissive alone is ball-less. In the figurative.

 

[Kim_Burly]

I think I will disappoint you, but I'll answer as best I can. My ex-Dom was more into prolonging my suffering, but this was facilitated or necessitated by the fact that we were both married and only met once every two weeks for 3-4 hours at a time. In those hours he did wring me out and tortured me until the end. He enjoyed denying me orgasms and given our arrangement it wasn't had for me to go 4, 6 or 8 weeks without a climax . He enjoyed making me beg, grovel and debase myself in an attempt to earn an orgasm. He was a little harsher than Sir, but there were many things that I wanted to do that he would not.

Sir is more light-hearted and forgiving. I don't need to brat per se, I have signs that he picks up on and act upon right away. He enjoys humiliation, more than pain and while they are close, I would put pain as my favorite of the two. Actually, the two combined are the best. The loss of control and dignity while being tortured makes it much sweeter. For instance. If he just bent me over and caned me it would be nice. But when he muses out loud what he should do to his slut and then asks me what I would like done to me . He makes me describe in detail what I want. Then he interviews me why an educated, former feminist, self-respecting woman would to something so degrading and debasing? Aren't I betraying all women? Then when he gets around to it, he laughs at my predicament, my drooling through the gag onto myself, the sobbing, my pain and discomfort of my bondage, the pushing my limits mentally and physically. Being objectified and sacrificing my comfort for him is awesome. A good example is he is now able to fuck my throat, and he does it every time I see him now. I love when he tells me that my only purpose in life to provide my orifices for his pleasure and he doesn't give a F if my throat or butt is sore when he is done because I am his fucktoy. When he uses my mouth and throat as I kneel at his feet handcuffed and he pulls out and smears cum on my upper lip because he knows I hate the smell and taste of it. Then when he casually spits in my face and walks away, leaving me there, kneeling and cuffed to stew in my shame. OK, way TMI, but I'm not deleting it. Think of me what you will, but I love it. I think I have a case of the vapors.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Then he interviews me why an educated, former feminist, self-respecting woman would to something so degrading and debasing? Aren't I betraying all women?

FORMER feminist? You still are a feminist. You can totally be a feminist AND be a masochist.

At that point, personally, I would be all down on the mansplaining bullshit and the scene would be over.

OK, way TMI, but I'm not deleting it. Think of me what you will, but I love it. I think I have a case of the vapors.

I loved everything else you said, actually-- I don't judge you on any of it. Just the politics.

 

[knot_sweet]

I have nothing meaningful to contribute, but I'm enjoying this thread a lot.

 

[KoPilot]

I don't have much to add here, as it's a lot of meat for me to chew on. But I did show it to the D, and I think a lightbulb went off for him. We're going to mull it over a bit while we wait for our next visit in about 6 weeks. See what we can put into practice then.

 

[visviva2]

Thanks all for your further contributions - both the detailed responses and those that simply said something which indicated this thread was stimulating or even inspirational.

And there's no such thing as TMI in this thread!

Just one further comment (for now). I'm with Stella_O in relation to there being no conflict between being a feminist AND a masochist. In my view you are what you are (submissive, dominant, masochist, exhibitionist, poet, dreamer, or anything else)... and feminism should provide support for your right to be any of these - or anything else that you feel is a pure expression of who you are.

That's why I enjoy so much talking with intelligent submissive women. It's always a pleasure to fully explore the intellectual context for seemingly conflicting desires... The outcome has always been that we concluded that feminism actually reinforces the need for any woman to fully realise her desired experiences if she feels that the outcome will be that she can grow and develop as a person.

That's what I want for her as well.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The outcome has always been that we concluded that feminism actually reinforces the need for any woman to fully realise her desired experiences if she feels that the outcome will be that she can grow and develop as a person.

Or, you know-- have a majorly good time in bed.

Not everything has to be a growth experience... Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

</threadjack>

 

[Kim_Burly]

Or, you know-- have a majorly good time in bed.

Not everything has to be a growth experience... Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

</threadjack>

Stella, when you're right, you're right. I am still a feminist, but I don't think my views would be accepted by women I admired in the past. And yes, my proclivities are what they are. I don't care where they came from. The more I embrace my inner pervert, the happier I am.

In your earlier post, what did you mean by "mansplaining", that makes me think of men rationalizing something stupid they have done. Also, what did you mean by the politics of my post? I go to great lengths not to mention politics here, I wish everyone would. Do you mean the dynamics of my relationship?

 

[eastern sun]

I've tried to compose a response to this thread more than a few times, and never got more than a few words in before I've given up.

(Yeah. No. I still didn't say what I wanted to say. I'll try again later.)

edited to add: to suffer derives from Latin sub- ("from below") + ferre ("to bear")

 

[visviva2]

I certainly don't want this thread to turn into a discussion about D/s and feminisim. I'm sure there's been other threads about this before. So I won't say any more about that here.

However, I must disagree with Stella_O about in relation to her "Not everything has to be a growth experience" comment.

Of course that's true, as far as it goes. But I also think it's fair to say we are the sum of our total experience - even the ones which didn't really mean anything much on their own.

Taken cumulatively even what is just a purely sexual experience with no *special* attached significance is still an expression of our individual way of responding (or not). Even if you are drunk and regret the whole thing, it still adds in some way to how you feel about yourself and may even influence how you respond in a similar situation in future.

I don't want to make too much of this. By all means have *meaningless* sex or indulge in other mindless activities if you want - but I don't think many of us would be happy going down that path indefinitely - and sooner or later we would reflect that we really needed to make an effort not to do so.

That's some kind of personal growth right there IMO.

Finally (for now) I think the sex is just sex (or flogging is just a flogging, ad infinitum) approach is really more of a bdsm thing. At least in my book, D/s is distinguished by generally being conducted in a more deliberate and self aware context.

In fact, that's what I enjoy most about domming a sub.

By adopting the role of her dom I feel obliged to bring something to the party other than just my own need for self-gratification.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with self-gratification. But even if I decide to insist that my sub do whatever I want just because it pleases me, I also feel connected to her by the fact that we have agreed to relate in a particular way - and feel that I have a responsibility to protect and guide her at ALL times (even if whatever we're doing is not some life changing experience).

That's just the way I am.

 

[KoPilot]

I certainly don't want this thread to turn into a discussion about D/s and feminisim. I'm sure there's been other threads about this before. So I won't say any more about that here.

However, I must disagree with Stella_O about in relation to her "Not everything has to be a growth experience" comment.

Of course that's true, as far as it goes. But I also think it's fair to say we are the sum of our total experience - even the ones which didn't really mean anything much on their own.

Taken cumulatively even what is just a purely sexual experience with no *special* attached significance is still an expression of our individual way of responding (or not). Even if you are drunk and regret the whole thing, it still adds in some way to how you feel about yourself and may even influence how you respond in a similar situation in future.

I don't want to make too much of this. By all means have *meaningless* sex or indulge in other mindless activities if you want - but I don't think many of us would be happy going down that path indefinitely - and sooner or later we would reflect that we really needed to make an effort not to do so.

That's some kind of personal growth right there IMO.

Finally (for now) I think the sex is just sex (or flogging is just a flogging, ad infinitum) approach is really more of a bdsm thing. At least in my book, D/s is distinguished by generally being conducted in a more deliberate and self aware context.

In fact, that's what I enjoy most about domming a sub.

By adopting the role of her dom I feel obliged to bring something to the party other than just my own need for self-gratification.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with self-gratification. But even if I decide to insist that my sub do whatever I want just because it pleases me, I also feel connected to her by the fact that we have agreed to relate in a particular way - and feel that I have a responsibility to protect and guide her at ALL times (even if whatever we're doing is not some life changing experience).

That's just the way I am.

As for how my life happens (I don't want to say that I "conduct" my life, that'd be giving me too much credit), yeah, everything that inevitably happens or gets decided on or instigated are things that in some way or another, I've deliberately integrated into my whole. I've never in my life had a single regret, and that's because I genuinely feel that everything I do makes a meaningful contribution. Could be just be worldview, could be that I micromanage myself like that.

If ever I have a moment where I'm not learning, that will be the first time I regret having done something.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Finally (for now) I think the sex is just sex (or flogging is just a flogging, ad infinitum) approach is really more of a bdsm thing. At least in my book, D/s is distinguished by generally being conducted in a more deliberate and self aware context.

I could agree with this, yes

At least-- that is a goal that D/s mindset probably tries for?

 

[visviva2]

To bring a little more focus to this thread I want to say that the "D/s mindset" is what this is all about.

I'm interested in how suffering is negotiated not just accepted, how suffering is part of what the sub wants to offer her dom not just a byproduct of whatever activity is being engaged in, and how suffering is developed as part of the whole experience in a conscious and deliberate way...

Of course, these are just examples. I'm sure there are other ways in which suffering can be part of a D/s relationship or even present in more casual D/s play.

But I think suffering is something which really needs time to develop, so it's mostly an aspect of an ongoing D/s relationship. It also requires a high degree of trust and commitment so these are better established in an ongoing relationship of some kind. Not necessarily a 24/7 relationship, but certainly there needs to be a degree of regular interaction.

And suffering (in the sense under discussion here) also has a psychological or emotional aspect (and is not just a physical experience). Certainly one type of suffering I have especially enjoyed inflicting on my subs is purely emotional...

This has nothing to do with any physical sensation at all. It's simply about how the sub responds to what I have required of her. It could be something we did with her agreement (or even at her suggestion). Or we could simply discuss at length how she would like to suffer for me, or ways in which she felt she would like to demonstrate her devotion.

I'm always interested in encouraging the sub to initiate her own suffering as this makes it possible for the suffering to start right there... With the sub contemplating what she will have to do or experience (eventually) -- especially if it's something she feels nervous about or even ashamed of being willing to accept.

I would often try to heighten her suffering by making her discuss in detail what she was agreeing to and how she felt about it.... All these techniques can heighten the sub's awareness that not only her obedience is expected, but that she will also have to actively participate in her own subjugation.

Delicious!

Or her suffering might be a consequence of something I instructed her to do, or simply imposed on her without any prior discussion.

I always spend a LOT of time talking with a sub before we actually do anything because that's the only way to develop the kind of trust and connection I require. I also need to know and understand her very intimately in order to know how she will respond... This means I can often predict in advance how a sub will react, so even if I do something to her quite unexpectedly it is usually based on already knowing how this particular "event" will turn out...

And if it does turn out differently than expected, that's just an opportunity to learn more about my sub, and often for her to learn more about herself. Sometimes we respond to things in a way that surprises even ourselves. And I put this in the category of good surprises (as opposed to bad surprises).

I always like to observe how a sub responds, and even if something was not discussed beforehand I make a point of providing an opportunity subsequently to "debrief" her and discuss in detail how it all went.

Or not.

If I know she will suffer even more if she just does as instructed and there is no acknowledgment at all, then that can be built in to the experience. Naturally, in this case I would want to feel that I already knew what her response would be, or how she would be feeling as a consequence. I would certainly monitor her carefully, even if I was pretending not to notice what she had done or how she was feeling.

I have had subs who really appreciated me NOT taking any notice of their feelings. They liked to have the experience that I would control them regardless of how they felt about it. They wanted to have to obey even if they had no choice and their preferences were ignored.

Of course, in reality I do care about them and how they feel. But I might not show this to them directly. And I would always have their agreement to act in certain ways in advance. For example, when they agreed to submit we would have discussed what limits they had (if any) and of course I would respect that agreement absolutely unless we decided otherwise after further discussion.

However, within out agreed limits I might just order them to do something totally out of the blue which we had not specifically talked about before. For example, I might treat them like an object or a repository...

In such a case I would already know that although my orders might take them by surprise it was not something that was going to push their limits. Usually I would be aware they wanted to have such an experience as it might have been talked about in very general terms, but they would not be expecting it to happen at that particular time or in that particular way.

Of course, even if I ignore their feelings to some extent I'm still very much aware of them as a person, and it can be a very powerful experience to push them in a way which makes them have to trust that I know what I'm doing without any direct input from them.

We would usually still discuss the outcome -- later. But at the time I might want them to have a certain kind of experience, and that could require that they are not consulted. This intensifies the experience because they are expected to obey regardless -- or to simply endure what I have imposed on them.

Since this is an strictly an emotional experience, there is no need to be concerned about how long they have been in a certain bondage position or how many strokes they have taken, or anything like that. What it requires is absolute trust, as well as a lot of mental strength, on the part of the sub.

And these are exactly the type of things I'm most interested in exploring.

 

[visviva2]

It's good that Stella has taken the feminism issue which came up earlier in this thread and made it into an interesting thread on its own.

And thanks to Eastern sun for posting the Latin derivation of suffering. I hadn't bothered to look it up, but its interesting how the origin of the word so closely represents what we're talking about here.

I'd still like to hear a wider variety of thoughts and experiences on suffering in a D/s context.

 

[pedal_dew]

thought provoking

Wow, this thread is thought provoking. I've experienced many of the sensations described by others here, though within my own context. I didn't realize it was not unusual to feel the yearning to suffer. I promise to think out my response carefully to this most fascinating line of discussion.

Talk to ya later..

 

[pedal_dew]

suffering experience

First, thank you for starting this thread, and also to those who have given such fascinating answers so far. I’ve been at Literotica for a few weeks now, occasionally looking at the discussion boards, not really seeing anything I wanted to respond to. This is such a meaty subject for me.

I’m somewhat new to D/s exploration, and so far it has involved just one special person in my life.

Second, here are my responses to your initial three questions:

1. Have you ever willingly suffered for another?

Yes.

Another girl (let’s call her Christine) and I were friends through high school, having played on the basketball team together. We had not always been friends. In our first year together on the team, we didn’t like each other at all. We were (and still are) such opposites. She is loud and assertive and I am quiet and laid back. She is physically intimidating, especially when playing ball, pushing her way around under the basket, whereas I am slight, more petite, and use quickness and agility to go around people. We both seem to approach life in similar fashion.

Over time, maybe by the mid-sophomore year, we became friends, probably helped by being so different in nature. By the time we graduated from HS, we were close friends, shared everything, including some secrets. Only after I’d gone away to college, where I’m studying journalism, and she to a dental assistant school closer to home, did we both realize how close we had become, a closeness that we kept alive through texts and emails etc.

When I came back home after a few months in the first year, we got together the day after Thanksgiving at her house. With her parents and brother away for the day, we poured ourselves out to each other, about life’s experiences beyond HS, about our respective educations, about our boyfriends, etc. We both must have felt a sense of freedom from the restrictions of earlier times, because we opened up toward each other in ways we never would have dreamed of in the past. We admitted to wondering and thinking about each other all through HS, and especially after we’d gone our separate ways toward further education.

Christine said she‘d often imagined herself making me “do things for her.” That was how she put it. I was totally intrigued by those words, and I let her know it. I suddenly felt myself asking her to make me “do things,” having no idea what she could have had in mind. We spent the afternoon involved in activity totally directed by her. At first it was all giggles, but then turned more sober. It was not overtly sexual, but oh, so erotic to be in that situation.

We’ve since engaged in similar activities and situations. It’s been about 18 months since that first time. Now, she’s working for a dentist and has her own apartment, which makes it much easier for us to get together from time to time. I’m now home for the summer after my second year at college, and looking forward to more exploration.

2. How rewarding was this experience for BOTH parties?

It was an awakening, for both of us, to dimensions of our respective natures we had both hidden previously, from each other and from ourselves (other than mentally, on both our parts).

3. What kind of suffering was most effective in bringing out your sub/dom tendencies?

It was definitely the emotional part of it. For both of us, the realization that I wanted it, the realization that she wanted me to want it, and the actual follow-through of the experience (which did involve me physically enduring something for her) opened us to ourselves and to each other. It had us both focusing intently on each other, like nothing we’d ever experienced. We have since explored further since the first experience, and developed a deep emotional bond with each other around a D/s understanding, all the while maintaining more vanilla relationships individually; i.e., we each have a bf, neither of whom is involved or knows about our special relationship, just that we are friends.

The fascinating subject and comments in this thread are definitely fuel for discussion and exploration between us. I’ve alerted her to this thread. She doesn’t seem interested in participating in Literotica, but did tell me “you got my attention for next time.”

 

[Ropebunny]

First, thank you for starting this thread, and also to those who have given such fascinating answers so far. I’ve been at Literotica for a few weeks now, occasionally looking at the discussion boards, not really seeing anything I wanted to respond to. This is such a meaty subject for me.

I’m somewhat new to D/s exploration, and so far it has involved just one special person in my life.

Second, here are my responses to your initial three questions:

1. Have you ever willingly suffered for another?

Yes.

Another girl (let’s call her Christine) and I were friends through high school, having played on the basketball team together. We had not always been friends. In our first year together on the team, we didn’t like each other at all. We were (and still are) such opposites. She is loud and assertive and I am quiet and laid back. She is physically intimidating, especially when playing ball, pushing her way around under the basket, whereas I am slight, more petite, and use quickness and agility to go around people. We both seem to approach life in similar fashion.

Over time, maybe by the mid-sophomore year, we became friends, probably helped by being so different in nature. By the time we graduated from HS, we were close friends, shared everything, including some secrets. Only after I’d gone away to college, where I’m studying journalism, and she to a dental assistant school closer to home, did we both realize how close we had become, a closeness that we kept alive through texts and emails etc.

When I came back home after a few months in the first year, we got together the day after Thanksgiving at her house. With her parents and brother away for the day, we poured ourselves out to each other, about life’s experiences beyond HS, about our respective educations, about our boyfriends, etc. We both must have felt a sense of freedom from the restrictions of earlier times, because we opened up toward each other in ways we never would have dreamed of in the past. We admitted to wondering and thinking about each other all through HS, and especially after we’d gone our separate ways toward further education.

Christine said she‘d often imagined herself making me “do things for her.” That was how she put it. I was totally intrigued by those words, and I let her know it. I suddenly felt myself asking her to make me “do things,” having no idea what she could have had in mind. We spent the afternoon involved in activity totally directed by her. At first it was all giggles, but then turned more sober. It was not overtly sexual, but oh, so erotic to be in that situation.

We’ve since engaged in similar activities and situations. It’s been about 18 months since that first time. Now, she’s working for a dentist and has her own apartment, which makes it much easier for us to get together from time to time. I’m now home for the summer after my second year at college, and looking forward to more exploration.

2. How rewarding was this experience for BOTH parties?

It was an awakening, for both of us, to dimensions of our respective natures we had both hidden previously, from each other and from ourselves (other than mentally, on both our parts).

3. What kind of suffering was most effective in bringing out your sub/dom tendencies?

It was definitely the emotional part of it. For both of us, the realization that I wanted it, the realization that she wanted me to want it, and the actual follow-through of the experience (which did involve me physically enduring something for her) opened us to ourselves and to each other. It had us both focusing intently on each other, like nothing we’d ever experienced. We have since explored further since the first experience, and developed a deep emotional bond with each other around a D/s understanding, all the while maintaining more vanilla relationships individually; i.e., we each have a bf, neither of whom is involved or knows about our special relationship, just that we are friends.

The fascinating subject and comments in this thread are definitely fuel for discussion and exploration between us. I’ve alerted her to this thread. She doesn’t seem interested in participating in Literotica, but did tell me “you got my attention for next time.”

Thanks for sharing this

I had a similar experience with a female friend while younger, and it was definately my first experience of willingly suffering for another. We aren't in contact anymore but I still think about her often. I think it's awesome that you and your friend have managed to successfully integrate D/s within an existing friendship

 

[nh23]

You must submit to supreme suffering in order to discover the completion of joy ~John Calvin

 

[visviva2]

Thanks to those who have posted here recently.

I appreciate the thoughtfulness and sincerity of your responses.

It makes me even more aware how much there is to learn from sharing experiences. And how that can cause each of us to look at things differently, and to develop in ways we would not have done if left entirely to ourselves.

 

[pedal_dew]

tell more?

Thanks for sharing this

I had a similar experience with a female friend while younger, and it was definately my first experience of willingly suffering for another. We aren't in contact anymore but I still think about her often. I think it's awesome that you and your friend have managed to successfully integrate D/s within an existing friendship

I hope you will tell more about your experience.