Suburban Mom (Interracial)

[drkgod]

I would appreciate some feedback from those who have read or would like to read a HOT mature/interracial story??

the drkgod

 

[NoJo]

I'm off to read your story now.

 

[NoJo]

Well, I read it. I started giving detailed feedback but eventually I stopped because I got ditracted by so many Black things and white things. And you capitalized Black -- because that's the Big Thing going on here, I suppose.

I guess this interracial category is not for me -- it seems that the fact that their skins were different color is enough in itself for some readers to get turned on.

I noticed a number of things that I felt I could comment on, but to sum them up into one suggestion: You should not try to write so differently from how you speak. For example. You would probably SAY "She stared at his six-pack". But you WROTE "she stared at his six pack like stomach", which is really awkward. Write the way you would naturally talk.

Joe.

 

[PaulX35]

I would appreciate some feedback from those who have read or would like to read a HOT mature/interracial story??

the drkgod

drkgod,

I commented on this before: this is a feedback forum, where readers are very well capable of determining themselves whether or not they find a story hot. I can do without writers using these qualifications for their own work.

Your story-theme deals with a controversial subject. It's not my first preference of things turning me on, but that's really not important.
I also write about things that are not everyone's cup of (ampu)tea [pun intended]. When doing that, one of the things I always keep firmly in mind is to never jump into assumptions or a-priori statements with respect to the theme you tackle.

So, if you use "interracial" as a means to create erotic impressions, you must (I don't use this verb often, believe me) not simply assume that every reader will be left in awe when reading that a certain dick is black, or whatever skin-color for that matter. And your story quite frankly, assumes quite a bit of that.
Give us perspectives, fantasies, hidden thrills, doubts, whatever. But make the effort to actually describe to the reader why this particular theme would be exciting, even when you're not into it.

If you fail to do that, you will only reach the audience you already had, which is maybe what you want, but a shame nonetheless. I firmly believe there is a case to be made for practically any fetish, liking, preference etc. in the field of erotica. But it takes a bit more effort if you want to reach a broader audience.

I think it was dr_mabeuse who once commented on a story of mine (my impression, not a quote): "you haven't convinced me sex with an amputee is something I should do, but you wrote a hot story about it."

This is not meant to immodestly show how good I am or anything, but rather an attempt to show you what sorts of reader's impressions you may want to aim at.
I'll just leave that for you to consider.

I hope this helps,

Paul

 

[bigblackdick]

its a porn story dammit

i think this writer's goal here is to make a person cum, not to persuade someone into a particular fetish or way of thinking. Either your into interracial sex or you aren't is what this writer thinks. I'm into interracial sex and the story got me going so it gets a good review.

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BBDFTSOWG

Big Black Dicks Fucking The Shit Outta White Girls

 

[Guest]

Loved your story

Read your story and loved it. My ex used to do young black guys and then come home and tll me about it.

 

[Guest]

I thought that the story was excellent. It accomplished what I believe you set out to do, make horny white women cum while they read the story. Ignore the others and keep writing!!