subs on loan

[Perfect_Trust]

I'm not sure how many subs here have experienced being loaned out, or how many Doms/Dommes have loaned out their sub.

I'm interested to know what the Dom/Domme gains from this procedure if they are not actually present? Is it simply the control aspect of knowing they can (assuming the sub consents)?

 

[ownedsubgal]

my Master lends me out to others for sexual service often, he is not present more than half the time. for him control certainly plays a big part in his pleasure, but it is also about fulfilling his darkest perversions and desires. it's a rush to him to have a mate who he can have used by any and everyone he pleases, who is a slut and tool for men's pleasure, who has no choice but to serve others at his command. He does not need to be present, because it's not about a voyeuristic thrill for him. of course, he appreciates pictures and/or videotape tho.

also, when i am left alone to be used by another man, i am left completely vulnerable, helpless, and my Master likes for me to be in this state. He does not want me to get overly comfortable, or feel like "everything's safe, all will be well"...he wants me to be nervous, frightened, on edge.


...will share more later if the thread gets going.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think the outcomes and reasons for doing vary from person to person, relationship to relationship. For us it is about control, but also much more.....and at this point he doesn't do it unless he is going to be there. Part of that is we do not socialise, so anyone who becomes part of things we want to do involving others are not well known to us, thus he is not about to take chances for a cheap thrill. This may change in the future if we incorporate some on a regular basis.

Apart from the control, it is about making me do something which is completely not me, and which I am never comfortable with. I have experimented sexually more than many and from my teens, but that was my own choice and in my control, His haring or loaning me is not in my control, is not something I handle easily, and which makes me unbearable to live with preceding such an event simply because it is so much out of character for me. He likes to take me to places I am not comfortable with, that are not second nature to me, and which change who I am at least in the eyes of those who do not know me.

Catalina

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Thanks OSG,

Can I ask how it makes YOU feel, based on this statement:

also, when i am left alone to be used by another man, i am left completely vulnerable, helpless, and my Master likes for me to be in this state. He does not want me to get overly comfortable, or feel like "everything's safe, all will be well"...he wants me to be nervous, frightened, on edge.

Do you end up gaining any satisfaction from it, other than pleasing your Dom?

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Apart from the control, it is about making me do something which is completely not me, and which I am never comfortable with. I have experimented sexually more than many and from my teens, but that was my own choice and in my control, His haring or loaning me is not in my control, is not something I handle easily, and which makes me unbearable to live with preceding such an event simply because it is so much out of character for me. He likes to take me to places I am not comfortable with, that are not second nature to me, and which change who I am at least in the eyes of those who do not know me.

Catalina,

You obviously find it extremely difficult (as I think I would). How then do you reconcile your feelings for your Dom, knowing that's how it makes you feel, yet still requiring it of you?

 

[ownedsubgal]

Thanks OSG,

Can I ask how it makes YOU feel, based on this statement:



Do you end up gaining any satisfaction from it, other than pleasing your Dom?

of course. my purpose is to please not only my Master, but to please whomever he wishes me to serve as well. so when i succeed....when i have served another Man well and he is pleased with me, that always makes me feel good, even in the difficult times. also this is not simply a demand of my Master's, it is a very real personal need as well. all my sexual life, i have felt a strong need and drive to be used by men, many men....if there is any man who wishes to use me, i feel it is only right that he gets what he wants. if there is any man who has unfulfilled physical needs, no matter how perverse or dark, i feel it is only my rightful place to meet those needs. it is a big part of why i feel i'm on this planet...to serve men. my Master agrees with this, so there ya go.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

of course. my purpose is to please not only my Master, but to please whomever he wishes me to serve as well. so when i succeed....when i have served another Man well and he is pleased with me, that always makes me feel good, even in the difficult times. also this is not simply a demand of my Master's, it is a very real personal need as well. all my sexual life, i have felt a strong need and drive to be used by men, many men....if there is any man who wishes to use me, i feel it is only right that he gets what he wants. if there is any man who has unfulfilled physical needs, no matter how perverse or dark, i feel it is only my rightful place to meet those needs. it is a big part of why i feel i'm on this planet...to serve men. my Master agrees with this, so there ya go.

Thanks OSG,

That makes me understand your reasons much better.

 

[Netzach]

I don't need to be there. It's a question of confidence - no one's going to "steal" what's mine successfully. Also, these are big boys and adults and they know they're expected to take care of themselves. I also try to find people who are not on the crazy train, because frankly I don't want to share with them at all.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina,

You obviously find it extremely difficult (as I think I would). How then do you reconcile your feelings for your Dom, knowing that's how it makes you feel, yet still requiring it of you?

For the most part I don't have any problems with him over it as I didn't want to be in a relationship which was about me and what I wanted and which didn't challenge me significantly. Also in some twisted way, it works for me on an erotic level in that it does fly against everything I am and I do love to be controlled and objectified even when I wish the earth would just swallow me up.

Catalina

 

[Perfect_Trust]

I don't need to be there. It's a question of confidence - no one's going to "steal" what's mine successfully. Also, these are big boys and adults and they know they're expected to take care of themselves. I also try to find people who are not on the crazy train, because frankly I don't want to share with them at all.

Thanks Netz,

I have heard from another PYL who has complete confidence that no one will be able to 'steal what's theirs' & I fully understand that train of thought.
So, you are confident about that, but what is it that is beneficial to you to loan out your pyl?

Another thought that struck me is this: Like you say the people you play with are 'big boys who are expected to take care of themselves'. But in reality is it easier for a male pyl to take care of themselves & feel confident that they could get themselves out of a bad situation if they thought they were in imminent danger?

Then I thought about that again in relation to a session I had with a male switch. He went into it with the attitude that he would be able to call the shots at any point he needed to...so I made sure I had a heavy duty padlock for the cuffs n stuff, and suddenly he wasn't so sure.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

For the most part I don't have any problems with him over it as I didn't want to be in a relationship which was about me and what I wanted and which didn't challenge me significantly. Also in some twisted way, it works for me on an erotic level in that it does fly against everything I am and I do love to be controlled and objectified even when I wish the earth would just swallow me up.
Catalina

Thanks Catalina,

That makes more sense...I think that's how I would feel in that position.

 

[Netzach]

Thanks Netz,

I have heard from another PYL who has complete confidence that no one will be able to 'steal what's theirs' & I fully understand that train of thought.
So, you are confident about that, but what is it that is beneficial to you to loan out your pyl?

Another thought that struck me is this: Like you say the people you play with are 'big boys who are expected to take care of themselves'. But in reality is it easier for a male pyl to take care of themselves & feel confident that they could get themselves out of a bad situation if they thought they were in imminent danger?

Then I thought about that again in relation to a session I had with a male switch. He went into it with the attitude that he would be able to call the shots at any point he needed to...so I made sure I had a heavy duty padlock for the cuffs n stuff, and suddenly he wasn't so sure.

1. I just like it - it makes me feel more the owner, more in control, more in possession. I think it does for them too, in a way.

2. Yeah, but I don't mean on that level - the basic "will you be physically safe" stuff would be established by me or both of us or one of us by the time the playing gets going. I mean that I expect my submissive to take care of his own boundaries and the boundaries he and I agreed to and any boundaries I put on the activity - I'm working with the assumption that the person I'm sharing with means to treat what's mine decently. I don't lend my car to a known idiot.

 

[BiBunny]

In fantasy world, I'd like to be loaned out. In real life, I'm not so sure. Yeah, it'd be fun, especially if B. were there. In actuality, though I'd be afraid of being pushed farther than I wanted to be pushed (as in, Bunny will bottom to other people, but Bunny doesn't submit to anyone other than B.). He wouldn't let it go too far if he were there, but if he weren't, there wouldn't be much he could do. I know I could stop what was going on myself, but if he ordered me to do whatever the other person(s) wanted, I wouldn't stop it, and then we'd have some real issues to deal with.

 

[callinectes]

No how, no way.

 

[minx1]

No how, no way.

yeah I'm the same Callinectes. I like the fantasy but thats where it would have to end for me. I submit to one and it would be a hard limit of mine

 

[Etoile]

Given the long-distance nature of the relationship, we don't get enough time together as it is, so I can't imagine being loaned out - we are too selfish and want that time together for each other!

 

[RawHumor]

of course. my purpose is to please not only my Master, but to please whomever he wishes me to serve as well. so when i succeed....when i have served another Man well and he is pleased with me, that always makes me feel good, even in the difficult times. also this is not simply a demand of my Master's, it is a very real personal need as well. all my sexual life, i have felt a strong need and drive to be used by men, many men....if there is any man who wishes to use me, i feel it is only right that he gets what he wants. if there is any man who has unfulfilled physical needs, no matter how perverse or dark, i feel it is only my rightful place to meet those needs. it is a big part of why i feel i'm on this planet...to serve men. my Master agrees with this, so there ya go.

That's really sexy... though one would wonder about STDs and such.

When I read the first post, my first thought was "For free building rent, of course." but I don't want to ruin a potentially good serious thread.

 

[Netzach]

I think it could be a really interesting headfuck for those who would do anything and really really really don't want to do it. I mean, especially if the D is there and the pressure is on - like "I want you to blow him as if you were blowing me."

And it's a test of emotional reflexes for the D. Are they going to be more jealous, or are they going to assess the performance and recognize that the s really is throwing him/herself into it on their behalf?

Additionally, it's one thing to be shared with someone you both like and have vetted, but another to be shared with someone who's fairly responsible but you think is an asshole. Ups the ante a bit.

Think I've thought about this much?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think it could be a really interesting headfuck for those who would do anything and really really really don't want to do it. I mean, especially if the D is there and the pressure is on - like "I want you to blow him as if you were blowing me."

And it's a test of emotional reflexes for the D. Are they going to be more jealous, or are they going to assess the performance and recognize that the s really is throwing him/herself into it on their behalf?

Additionally, it's one thing to be shared with someone you both like and have vetted, but another to be shared with someone who's fairly responsible but you think is an asshole. Ups the ante a bit.

Think I've thought about this much?

LOL, this is pretty much how it works for us. He has found it interesting noting his own twist of emotions, feeling them play against each other, while also playing with my emotions and reactions both during and after. I don't get to OK who is involved, and he doesn't generally particularly like them.

Catalina

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Why?

...because thet can.

Its a power thing.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think it is also worth pointing out that to be loaned or shared does not necessarily mean you are submitting to anyone other than your PYL. It is they who choose and decide this is a path they want taken, but for us and many who do it, there is never any question about where the submission is directed. Performing what is asked of you as part of that submission to your PYL then becomes service to another, not submission as nothing happens which the PYL does not OK, control and/or direct.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I would go so far as to argue that another D is not often the ideal choice of third party. I know *I* don't care to be a vehicle for other people's fantasies and scenes, it doesn't sit well with my ego.

Basically finding someone more horny than particularly introspective would help.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I would go so far as to argue that another D is not often the ideal choice of third party. I know *I* don't care to be a vehicle for other people's fantasies and scenes, it doesn't sit well with my ego.

Basically finding someone more horny than particularly introspective would help.

Yep, so far we have not used another D for it....he says there could become too much temptation to try and assert their Domliness which he doesn't feel like dealing with...he likes men he feels he can control and dominate if he so wishes...sort of double dose of ego boosting.

Catalina

 

[minx1]

I think it is also worth pointing out that to be loaned or shared does not necessarily mean you are submitting to anyone other than your PYL. It is they who choose and decide this is a path they want taken, but for us and many who do it, there is never any question about where the submission is directed. Performing what is asked of you as part of that submission to your PYL then becomes service to another, not submission as nothing happens which the PYL does not OK, control and/or direct.

Catalina

Thanks Cat, thats a good point. Actually I hadn't thought of it in that way.

On a personal level...it would still be a hard limit of mine, though I still couldn't see it happening even if it wasn't. I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure its something my PYL wouldn't particularly enjoy.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I think it could be a really interesting headfuck for those who would do anything and really really really don't want to do it. I mean, especially if the D is there and the pressure is on - like "I want you to blow him as if you were blowing me."

And it's a test of emotional reflexes for the D. Are they going to be more jealous, or are they going to assess the performance and recognize that the s really is throwing him/herself into it on their behalf?

Additionally, it's one thing to be shared with someone you both like and have vetted, but another to be shared with someone who's fairly responsible but you think is an asshole. Ups the ante a bit.

Think I've thought about this much?

Netz, it's weird, but sometimes i think you and my Master were separated at birth, lol. He is always reminding me that i must serve anyone else PRECISELY as i would serve him. even when we're in a one-on-one sexual moment together, and say i might be sucking his cock. He'll wait a few minutes, stop me, then say, "now, suck me the way you would suck a stranger i handed you off to." and i know that i had better suck with the same focus, intensity, skill, passion, etc., or he will discipline me in a very unpleasant manner. when i serve others, he wants me to be a reflection of his training and a source of pride...which means the pressure is always on to give my very best, even when inside i may feel like running away screaming.

also, as far as serving the likeable person v. the butthole, it's much more difficult for me to serve a "friend" (i.e. someone i like, am comfy with, etc.) then it is for me to serve someone i dislike or even a total stranger. sex and friendly feelings just don't mesh for me, outside of my Master, so it's about a thousand times more emotionally draining to serve a man i like and trust. i'd rather serve the stranger or the guy who even my Master can't trust not to seriously hurt me...then it's no confusion, everything's crystal clear...i'm a slave, there to serve, it's not about me, etc.