subs. how would you be as a Dom/me?

[Liana26]

If I was a Domme, I think I'd either be a total pushover or an unfair bitch. This may be why I'm not a Domme.

What about you?

 

[rcuhljr]

I tried acting in a dominant role once, the sub burst into laughter at me halfway through. yeah....

 

[tc2002]

im more of a dom in a vanilla setting. but in a BDSM setting i am sub, the last girl i tried to dom with, it didnt work out and she eneded up domming me!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I did well but then it also was dominating as an act of submission which helped me approach the task at hand, and made failing to complete it as requested not an option.

Catalina

 

[YinandYang]

I reckon I could do it, but it wouldn't push any buttons for me. I would flip over to my outgoing, strong, stubborn alt. I have a sneaking suspicion my SO would stand for it not!

 

[laurel-marie]

Saddly, I would probably be extremely lenient. Another problem is I couldn't Domme a man....well,maybe if it was an act but i would wind up giggling or worrying about failure.....and the idea of Domming a woman is not imaginable.

Side note...I did write a small fantasy once about Domming a man. Made me worry about myself for over a week.

 

[graceanne]

I'd be a boring domme. I'd be stopping regularily to say 'Am I hurting you?' and 'Do you like that?'. I'd probably drive the poor sub crazy. Plus I have no imagination when it comes to dom/me type things.

 

[sunfox]

I probably could Domme in a general sense. But it would do absolutely nothing for me either emotionally or physically, and I would be constantly worried about whether or not I was doing a good job at it. Once I start second-guessing myself, it all goes downhill from there.

I have absolutely no desire to Domme.. I'll leave that to the more talented ladies in that field.

 

[Neomagalie]

...........

 

[slave C]

I have too much submissive in me to even want to try. In public, however, I am able to take charge of some things. But, in private, NO WAY. Dont even want to.

 

[emme]

I agree

I agree with Neoamaglie, I would end up asking if I am doing Ok the entire time or apoligizing afterward. But since I am more submissive than my husband is dominant he might enjoy it if I switched things up once. But I doubt I could be sadisitic, I doubt he would let me.

 

[Quint]

I think I'd be pretty freaking creative, heavy on the mindfuckery and humiliation. Hell, I think about the psychology of tops all the time...I gotta have SOMEthing going for me! The only problem I would think would be in the transitions...if I get bored or something doesn't have the desired effect, I don't have enough practical experience to know where to go from there.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think I'd be pretty freaking creative, heavy on the mindfuckery and humiliation. Hell, I think about the psychology of tops all the time...I gotta have SOMEthing going for me! The only problem I would think would be in the transitions...if I get bored or something doesn't have the desired effect, I don't have enough practical experience to know where to go from there.

LOL, you just psychologically put your sub cap on for a moment and think what you would want if you were the sub in the scene and then try it on for size. It can be quite challenging to act one way while relying on your information base from the opposite side of the whip to carry you through...I have no doubt you would succeed Quint as from your posts you do not come across as someone who accepts defeat easily and welcomes a challenge.

Catalina

PS. As a note to the subs who declare they would hate it, fail miserably etc.,....be careful your Dominant does not read it as if they are anything like a certain man here it would be irresistable to them to use it to stretch you into areas you hadn't planned on....and not accept a half hearted and/or preconceived approach into the bargain!!

 

[CutieMouse]

I've been told I'd make a very powerful Domme. Only one person has held that opinion, but I can see his perspective without twitsting too many hamsters in knots. My struggle would be that I lack confidence in that arena in a huge way. I'm smart enough to not check in every five seconds saying- "Did I do that right?"... it's the lack of understanding of timing, or how to Domme that throws me. I could probably get comfortable with it... at some point when Life calms down a bit and I can think straight again. Sigh. Lately things are so chaotic and change filled I don't even have energy to think about sex much less submission or the wide open frontier of Dominance. LOL

 

[Xelebes]

Cold, impersonal. It doesn't fit so I have to muster the strength to bulldoze onto the job.

 

[babiesmiles]

Although I'm a very strong willed person , quite determinate and sometimes I even need to be kind of authoritative ( but never authoritarian ) in my job and in my so called "public life" as I work in a very male chauvinist environment , I know for sure I don't like at all to dominate another person in an emotional context (meant both affective relationship or just sexual one ) .
For all above said I actually dont know (yet) if I'll be ever able to become a "good submissive " (in the common meaning of the word ) but I feel in depth I could never be able to be even a poor skilled Dominant . I'd be really scarce and demotivated.

You could say ( rightly !) < if you never tried how you can know it ? >

I really don't know why but I right feel it , it just happens that I have not wish at all even to make an attempt . It doesnt appeals me and I've learnt about myself that things which dont attract me are better left alone !

 

[Aeroil]

If I did even a half-decent job I'd be amazed, I hate being in charge of anything, being sexually in charge of a person? ick.

 

[sunfox]

PS. As a note to the subs who declare they would hate it, fail miserably etc.,....be careful your Dominant does not read it as if they are anything like a certain man here it would be irresistable to them to use it to stretch you into areas you hadn't planned on....and not accept a half hearted and/or preconceived approach into the bargain!!

I showed the thread, and my answer, to C, and he says that he wouldn't have any desire to put me in a position where I am likely to fail, because of the effect it would have on my trust in him and on my thoughts about my own place in our relationship.

Both of us like to push limits, and to explore new things. But there are new things, and then there are things that will make me stress and pick myself apart, and potentially swing into a depressed stage in my mind.. and that is not at all desirable to him.

What would be a great push for some is destructive to others.

 

[Lorihw]

That's just something I would fail miserably at. Oh, I can be strong and forceful when it comes to work (I work in HR and that is a requirement of the job) or my kids, but in a relationship, no thanks.

 

[snowy ciara]

I don't know, I think I might actually manage to pull it off once in a while. I don't think I could do a 24/7 thing, though.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I showed the thread, and my answer, to C, and he says that he wouldn't have any desire to put me in a position where I am likely to fail, because of the effect it would have on my trust in him and on my thoughts about my own place in our relationship.

Both of us like to push limits, and to explore new things. But there are new things, and then there are things that will make me stress and pick myself apart, and potentially swing into a depressed stage in my mind.. and that is not at all desirable to him.

What would be a great push for some is destructive to others.

True, and when it was demanded of me I went into a tailspin and depressive state...but then he pointed out it was not up to me to pick and choose what I was willing to do or not do as part of my submission, I was to live up to my vow to do my best in whatever he asked of me and in so doing make him proud. He also highlighted how I had used my strength in life to overcome some usually thought insurmountable challenges. I took the time to reflect on what he had said and decided he was right in thinking I was choosing to try and opt out of this simply because I didn't think it was relevant or acceptable...what I thought was of no consequence. He also used it as a way of demonstrating how pride can get in the way of submission....that being my pride in what I saw as pure submission which was effectively shown to me to be defective if I was not willing to even consider his request, nor put all my skills and energy into performing that which he asked of me.

Through the thought process I began to see it for what it was, a task he wished me to perform and do well at simply because he asked it of me....then I began to use my experience as a submissive to tap into just how I was going to succeed and not make him feel apologetic about my efforts, nor that I wasn't up to fulfilling some of his requests. He also emphasised that failure could only be measured IHO in if I refused to even give it a try, not on the level of success with which I carried it off. The end result was as he had wished....lol, though he admitted I did a lot better than he had expected. He wished me to not just submit from a position of saying I am a submissive and only focusing on that angle while mentally stamping my feet and stubbornly refusing to perform, but to begin to relate to the part the Dominant plays apart from the obvious, to experience some of the things he does as a Dominant, to appreciate what it was we both brought to the interaction and relationship. It was extremely effective in doing that and highlighted many things which before had just not been a focus of my thought processes to a great deal....IOW, it took some of the focus off what I wanted, what I felt, what I needed, what I thought, and renewed my passion for submitting to his will, his needs, his dominance over my own wishes and desires. It is a lesson which I hope to repeat from time to time like a refresher course, and through which I hope to deepen my submission and ability to please.

Catalina

 

[sunfox]

True, and when it was demanded of me I went into a tailspin and depressive state...but then he pointed out it was not up to me to pick and choose what I was willing to do or not do as part of my submission, I was to live up to my vow to do my best in whatever he asked of me and in so doing make him proud. He also highlighted how I had used my strength in life to overcome some usually thought insurmountable challenges. I took the time to reflect on what he had said and decided he was right in thinking I was choosing to try and opt out of this simply because I didn't think it was relevant or acceptable...what I thought was of no consequence. He also used it as a way of demonstrating how pride can get in the way of submission....that being my pride in what I saw as pure submission which was effectively shown to me to be defective if I was not willing to even consider his request, nor put all my skills and energy into performing that which he asked of me.

Through the thought process I began to see it for what it was, a task he wished me to perform and do well at simply because he asked it of me....then I began to use my experience as a submissive to tap into just how I was going to succeed and not make him feel apologetic about my efforts, nor that I wasn't up to fulfilling some of his requests. He also emphasised that failure could only be measured IHO in if I refused to even give it a try, not on the level of success with which I carried it off. The end result was as he had wished....lol, though he admitted I did a lot better than he had expected. He wished me to not just submit from a position of saying I am a submissive and only focusing on that angle while mentally stamping my feet and stubbornly refusing to perform, but to begin to relate to the part the Dominant plays apart from the obvious, to experience some of the things he does as a Dominant, to appreciate what it was we both brought to the interaction and relationship. It was extremely effective in doing that and highlighted many things which before had just not been a focus of my thought processes to a great deal....IOW, it took some of the focus off what I wanted, what I felt, what I needed, what I thought, and renewed my passion for submitting to his will, his needs, his dominance over my own wishes and desires. It is a lesson which I hope to repeat from time to time like a refresher course, and through which I hope to deepen my submission and ability to please.

Catalina

I don't disagree that for you in your relationship, it was an excellent eye opener, and a good experience for you that deepened your understanding and submission to Francisco.

For me, however, it would largely serve to make me miserable, second guessing myself and feeling inadequate, which is a big problem of mine anyway. Avoiding situations where I am put into a position to wound myself with my poor opinion of my performance is something C prefers to do... my submission is important to me and to him both, but my mental health and happiness is even more important.

There are plenty of tasks I dislike but am perfectly capable of doing that push my limits.. things I don't -want- to do, but am only digging in my heels on that are constructive limits to be broken. As any good Dominant should do, C is very perceptive in seeing which things are just me being stubborn or annoyed or pissy, and which things will break the person inside the submissive for a long time, if not forever.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't disagree that for you in your relationship, it was an excellent eye opener, and a good experience for you that deepened your understanding and submission to Francisco.

For me, however, it would largely serve to make me miserable, second guessing myself and feeling inadequate, which is a big problem of mine anyway. Avoiding situations where I am put into a position to wound myself with my poor opinion of my performance is something C prefers to do... my submission is important to me and to him both, but my mental health and happiness is even more important.

There are plenty of tasks I dislike but am perfectly capable of doing that push my limits.. things I don't -want- to do, but am only digging in my heels on that are constructive limits to be broken. As any good Dominant should do, C is very perceptive in seeing which things are just me being stubborn or annoyed or pissy, and which things will break the person inside the submissive for a long time, if not forever.

.

LOL, just about everything in and out of D/s, and for the most part nothing at all, sends me into deep depression these days so we just roll with it and hope it improves at some point. For that reason it is difficult for him or I to predict what will or won't send me there....seems what will one day won't another....and then it also seems I am in a depressive state 90% of the time. Thank the universe for spring as we are experiencing a lightning of it from time to time to a point it is manageable. I am just grateful I am not in his shoes and getting it from his side of the whip.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I would bet dollars to donuts that if I forced M to top/Dom someone he'd be competent, gentle, skilled, sexy, devious with the bondage and sexual teasing, and almost totally miserable the whole time.

 

[bridgeburner]

Does it count if I get a rush thinking about making a naked man clean my house? Wash my car? Hang the bathroom shelves? Do pushups on my kitchen floor? Of course he has to be able to accomplish all these things well without being distracted by my staring and molestation. And it's a major bonus if he's got massage or manicure skills.


-B