Submissives can Hurt or be hurt

[~Dream~]

There are a number of different ways that a submissive,can hurt (or be hurt) by his/her Dom/mes..

Lack of communication is but One of the many that I can think of,where for instance,it is up to the Dom,whether or not the sub,is INTENTIONALLY, tryin to 'Top' from the bottom or whether perhaps,indeed the sub is Frustrated and trying hard to be Heard" .

Another example,is for the submissive to Not listen or Trust in his/her Dom/me to feel and KNOW that what the Dom/me is saying to them is the BEST for both involved.Not listening,is Disobeying,and "taking back control" which is NOT submitting.
Trust however , Must be earned..

Very Real feelings are involved on both sides of this equation,Both have equal value ,however,only one must be Directing the path,making the Final decisions,The Dom/mes are that 1..

In my opinion,the worse kind of hurt,is to have communication severed by one or the other. Without it,frustration builds and hence anger ensues..
Dishonesty ,which would also show lack of integrity is yet another thing that would cause hurt..


**What do YOU feel are some ways that a submissive can hurt or be hurt by their Dom /mes??**

 

[Lancecastor]

Lies lies lies, cheap dirty lies.

I find insincerity and indirect communication to avoid telling the truth, particularly when the truth is perceived as "bad news" to be the worst thing a woman can do to me or allow to happen.

I really hate being lied to.

On a lighter note, Dream....your avs are always totally primo, but your current one is simply arresting. Great stuff!

Lance

 

[lovetoread]

By being treated like you are nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

And to be told that.

Thats how you can be hurt.

Another way is to totally forget what was agreed upon.

Toss it aside as if didnt matter.

Making one feel as if this relationship was not worth it and questioning why in the world they thought this lifestyle was a good idea?

 

[~Dream~]

Re: Lies lies lies, cheap dirty lies.

I find insincerity and indirect communication to avoid telling the truth, particularly when the truth is perceived as "bad news" to be the worst thing a woman can do to me or allow to happen.

I really hate being lied to.

On a lighter note, Dream....your avs are always totally primo, but your current one is simply arresting. Great stuff!

Lance

___________________________
why ty very much there Lance,and I'd like to once again say ,that my choice of your avy's that's my "personal favorite" is the "wet organ' one ... yummy !!. thank-you again Sir..
**<doesnt like to be Lied to either or have LIES told about me lol

 

[~Dream~]

posted by a friend..

By being treated like you are nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

And to be told that.

Thats how you can be hurt.

Another way is to totally forget what was agreed upon.

Toss it aside as if didnt matter.

Making one feel as if this relationship was not worth it and questioning why in the world they thought this lifestyle was a good idea?
____________________________
**that has got to be very painful indeed..Nobody but nobody has the right to invalidate the value of another person,ever..
being treated like you are indeed"something" ,(which you are a very special something in my eyes,friend) is the right of EVERY human being,JMHO

 

[A Desert Rose]

INTEGRITY

There's that word again. Speaks volumes to me, dream doll. Without it, an individual is nothing.

Rose

 

[madamina]

By being treated like you are nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

And to be told that.

Thats how you can be hurt.

Another way is to totally forget what was agreed upon.

Toss it aside as if didnt matter.

Making one feel as if this relationship was not worth it and questioning why in the world they thought this lifestyle was a good idea?

I agree completely, lovetoread. True, we are submissives, but it is also true that we are people first, and as flesh and blood people we have feelings that can be hurt, and we can be pushed too far.

No contact is another way to hurt your submissive. No contact always feels like punishment if one is not warned ahead of time that his/her Dominant won't be able to communicate for a period of time.


Edited for really lousy grammar.

 

[~Dream~]

madamina

I definately agree about the no contact thing. Thank you for your post.
It fosters along my own fear of being abandoned.

Another thing that HURTS is Disrespect..disappontments cause yelling at each other,criticizing every flaw..remembering every failure.. in every sense of the word you see each other,naked.which ios not only the souce of desire ,but also the source of sadness and sometimes disappointing knowlegde of each other.

 

[artful]

Re: Lies lies lies, cheap dirty lies.

I find insincerity and indirect communication to avoid telling the truth, particularly when the truth is perceived as "bad news" to be the worst thing a woman can do to me or allow to happen.

I really hate being lied to.

On a lighter note, Dream....your avs are always totally primo, but your current one is simply arresting. Great stuff!

Lance

Lance,...I agree with you on both points.

 

[MissTaken]

Submissives can be hurt when mislead or lied to.
Submissives can hurt themselves by not using their head when making choices and negotiating "contracts", written or not.
Anytime a submissive is less than open or honest, he or she is placing their heart and relationship on the line.

It has been my experience that their is and should be less tolerance for lying in a D/s relationship than in non D/s relationship.

Submissives can be especially hurtful when they do the lying.
How often has a Dom/me invested time and energy and a bit of their affection in a submissive who turns out to be a game player or not a submissive at all?

Submissives always have to be wary of manipulation. They may find the easiest way to solve a problem is to try to manipulate their Dom/me. Whether they use tears for attention or create drama for his affection and tenderness. Hence, topping from the bottom begins and is so very unhealthy in a D/s relationship.

This may sound silly, but in order to enjoy a power exchange, it has to be legitimate. When legitimacy is questionable vis a vis manipulation, the Dom/me's trust in the submissive's motivation and desire can dissolve, as can the entire relationship.

 

[~Dream~]

Miss T,

Submissives can be hurt when mislead or lied to.
Submissives can hurt themselves by not using their head when making choices and negotiating "contracts", written or not.
Anytime a submissive is less than open or honest, he or she is placing their heart and relationship on the line.

It has been my experience that their is and should be less tolerance for lying in a D/s relationship than in non D/s relationship.

Submissives can be especially hurtful when they do the lying.
How often has a Dom/me invested time and energy and a bit of their affection in a submissive who turns out to be a game player or not a submissive at all?

Submissives always have to be wary of manipulation. They may find the easiest way to solve a problem is to try to manipulate their Dom/me. Whether they use tears for attention or create drama for his affection and tenderness. Hence, topping from the bottom begins and is so very unhealthy in a D/s relationshi

This may sound silly, but in order to enjoy a power exchange, it has to be legitimate. When legitimacy is questionable vis a vis manipulation, the Dom/me's trust in the submissive's motivation and desire can dissolve, as can the entire relationship.

________________________

thank you for your post Miss T. I dont think that sounds silly at all . t makes esnse that the power exchande has to be legitimate or the whole relationship is FAKE ,the BOTH parties lose. Honesty is ALWAYs utmost important to my Master and to me also.

 

[artful]

MissT

Submissives always have to be wary of manipulation. They may find the easiest way to solve a problem is to try to manipulate their Dom/me. Whether they use tears for attention or create drama for his affection and tenderness. Hence, topping from the bottom begins and is so very unhealthy in a D/s relationship.

MissT,...I feel that as far as what a sub can do to *DESTROY* a relationship,...what you have described is the ULTIMATE danger.

One REAL reason is because it can be done UNCONSCIOUSLY by a sub,...and a potentially GOOD Dom will not be able to correct it, due to lack of knowledge, communicative skills, and/or experience.

(JMHO),...but it's mine,...and I own it.

 

[~Dream~]

knows that my Master is correct

as I had tried to manipulate also with tears earlier in the week but He saw "through" it and nipped it in the bud right away!!

 

[serijules]

No contact is another way to hurt your submissive. No contact always feels like punishment if one is not warned ahead of time that his/her Dominant won't be able to communicate for a period of time.

This is a biggie for me. One of my deepest fears is abandonment, and anyone I play with usually knows this, and knows how important it is to me that the aftercare extends well beyound those moments. I need occasional reassurance, I need to know that how he feels about me hasn't changed, etc. Even is there is a good reason and I wasn't told about it, I feel paranoid...but in not wanting to seem clingy, I hold those insecurities inside a bit and in the long run, they create problems that were really not there to start with.

Another way a submissive can hurt themselves is by letting desires cloud judgement. Sometimes you just want someone to be this perfect match for you, that you see things that arn't there, or ignore things that are. I ignored a lot of warning signs with a Dom I played with not long ago, because I so badly wanted a true discipline scene and he was one that could give it to me, so I tossed aside a lot of my own rules and expectations and ended up being hurt, physically and emotionally. However, I think most of the responsibility in that hurt lies with me...I really did know better.

 

[~Dream~]

serijules...

This is a biggie for me. One of my deepest fears is abandonment, and anyone I play with usually knows this, and knows how important it is to me that the aftercare extends well beyound those moments. I need occasional reassurance, I need to know that how he feels about me hasn't changed, etc. Even is there is a good reason and I wasn't told about it, I feel paranoid...but in not wanting to seem clingy, I hold those insecurities inside a bit and in the long run, they create problems that were really not there to start with.

Another way a submissive can hurt themselves is by letting desires cloud judgement. Sometimes you just want someone to be this perfect match for you, that you see things that arn't there, or ignore things that are. I ignored a lot of warning signs with a Dom I played with not long ago, because I so badly wanted a true discipline scene and he was one that could give it to me, so I tossed aside a lot of my own rules and expectations and ended up being hurt, physically and emotionally. However, I think most of the responsibility in that hurt lies with me...I really did know better.

______________________________
thank you so very much for your post and welcome to the forum.
I too struggle with letting my "wants' come before my very REAL needs.
Master can and DOES supply my needs but noone can take care of anyones "wants ,not all of them ,anyways...I know better than to seek"perfection as noone is "perfect' ,however in" Love "we accept each other as we are..

 

[serijules]

Re: serijules...

______________________________
thank you so very much for your post and welcome to the forum.

Thank you very much, glad to be here