Submissive wife

[yojimbo441]

Hello, forgive me if this has been discussed before but I need some help.

My wife of 17 years has recently become more interested in having me dominate her. I'm kind of excited at the thought but I have always thought of myself as a Sub.

The thing is she really wants this and I want to be the one to give this to her.

Any advice from some experienced Dom to guide me would be great.

 

[DVS]

Hello, forgive me if this has been discussed before but I need some help.

My wife of 17 years has recently become more interested in having me dominate her. I'm kind of excited at the thought but I have always thought of myself as a Sub.

The thing is she really wants this and I want to be the one to give this to her.

Any advice from some experienced Dom to guide me would be great.

If you both feel you are submissive, neither of you is going to want that dominant role. Just like a magnet, two of the same poles repel each other. Obviously, both of you trying to live your natural tendencies isn't going to work.

If you both are truly wanting to be submissive, the only way I see you giving her what she wants is for you to take the opposing role. Without telling her your true feelings, you will not only be lying to her, you will be cheating both of you out of your submissive desires. Not only are you cheating yourselves, you won't be able to keep up the dominant role for long. If she's really a submissive, she will be able to tell if you are just acting and you could eventually begin to resent your choice.

I think it would be best for you both to talk this through, to see if you can come together with a workable solution. Work it out between the two of you. If you both have submissive tendencies, that means one of you is going to be playing the role of dominant, against your natural tendencies. I'd guess that's possible to do for short term sessions, and as long as you are open to each other about your true feelings, maybe you can each share the role of dominant, so you both can experience being submissive. Or, if you are up to it, you could find someone outside of your marriage to dominate you both, separately or together.

 

[seela]

I'd suggest starting by reading what Stella Omega has written about dominance, submission, topping and bottoming. Are you sure your wife wants to be submissive and wants you to dominate her? Is your wife sure about it? And what do you mean when you say you have thought yourself as a sub? Stella's essay may give you some food for thought.

Many people talk about wanting to be submissive, when they actually mean that they want to have kinky things done upon them. If that's the case with you and your wife, then you could see your ravishing her in many ways as a service towards her. You could be her service top, which might then again be more in line with your thoughts of yourself as a sub.

Talk with your wife, have her tell you what exactly it is that she means when she says she wants you to dominate her. You cannot read her mind (unless the 17th wedding anniversary is "mindreading", in which case I need to get married asap), so you will need to communicate a lot.

 

[yojimbo441]

Submissive Wife?

Thanks DVS and seela for your help. I hadn't thought that about the dynamic that is a Dom/Sub relationship.

DVS when I say that I consider myself a sub it is because all I want is to please my wife. I would do anything for her. I refer to her as "Your Grace" and pretty much do whatever she asks. I think she is being a Dom without even realizing it.

Seela you bring up an excellent point on the difference between Dom/Sub and Top/Bottom. I like the idea "ravishing her in many ways as a service towards her." That could be the key.

I like how you both point out communication is a key component to this. You can bet we will be having some talks soon.