Submissive/Slave Haven

[SweetGigi]

Rida.... so wise... so wonderful.




I love having you here!!

 

[rida]

Rida.... so wise... so wonderful.




I love having you here!!

*blush*

*blush some more*

thank you

(it is good to see that I've learned something in life ... )

 

[SweetGigi]

*blush*

*blush some more*

thank you

(it is good to see that I've learned something in life ... )

And it is nice to have you sharing that knowledge with us. Thank you.

 

[rida]

Up-date on Hubby: he has been diagnosed with bi-polar and has been on lithium for the last few weeks. He has been so much more stable that I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful it is to not to spend all my time trying to gauge his emotional status and tip-toeing around it. It was such an ingrained coping mechanism that even thou aware of doing it, I was not totally aware of the full scale of it.

I know that there will still be set-backs, especially when SAD will kick in, or other triggering event will happen, but it is wonderful to see him not struggling all the time anymore. I have been joking that he is turning into such a nice guy that I am falling in love all over again Now add that thanks to his new found equilibrium he is much more inclined to play with me and experiment and you have a happy sub here (the medication is having a bit of an effect on him, sexually speaking, but it is nothing that seems to be concerning).

Thank you to all of you that by sharing your stories of struggles and success over mental and chemical imbalances. You have helped me taking the courage to approach Hubby again with suggestion for outside help.

 

[rida]

I should be now starting to come down from the play high, still with visible bruises and tender/sensitive nipples, and probably some new left overs sensations as well (I was asked to bring butterfly clamps, candles and matches).

Instead the play date with the Sadist got canceled due to work, so I do not have any bruise, nor sore nipples nor nothing.

And yet I still feel as if I am coming down from a high. If I have had the date, I'd say I am going through sub-drop. But since I didn't ... what is this?
Could it be that the build up the of anticipation is causing me to experience a similar let down?

I'm feeling pissy and ready to cry for the slightest thing. I wish I could just go out, drink, dance and collapse back home.

 

[minx1]

I should be now starting to come down from the play high, still with visible bruises and tender/sensitive nipples, and probably some new left overs sensations as well (I was asked to bring butterfly clamps, candles and matches).

Instead the play date with the Sadist got canceled due to work, so I do not have any bruise, nor sore nipples nor nothing.

And yet I still feel as if I am coming down from a high. If I have had the date, I'd say I am going through sub-drop. But since I didn't ... what is this?
Could it be that the build up the of anticipation is causing me to experience a similar let down?

I'm feeling pissy and ready to cry for the slightest thing. I wish I could just go out, drink, dance and collapse back home.

*hugs* absolutely Rida. I think its a normal reaction eh. I think you begin to prepare yourself mentally for a session, not to mention the build up of excitement, Its bound to be a huge downer when it fails to materialise

Think its time I ran you]/i] a bath and poured a large wine whilst you relax and look forward to the next time

 

[rida]

*hugs* absolutely Rida. I think its a normal reaction eh. I think you begin to prepare yourself mentally for a session, not to mention the build up of excitement, Its bound to be a huge downer when it fails to materialise

Think its time I ran you]/i] a bath and poured a large wine whilst you relax and look forward to the next time

Thanks minx1 for the bath and the wine. Please have one yourself as well

I feel bad for feeling bad when I have it so good after-all. So feel free to tell me to count my blessing and shut up ... LOL

 

[minx1]

Thanks minx1 for the bath and the wine. Please have one yourself as well

I feel bad for feeling bad when I have it so good after-all. So feel free to tell me to count my blessing and shut up ... LOL

I absolutely will not. Your blues are no less significant than anyone elses. Its all relative at the end of the day. The important thing is you are feeling crappy and how we can make you better!

 

[rida]

I absolutely will not. Your blues are no less significant than anyone elses. Its all relative at the end of the day. The important thing is you are feeling crappy and how we can make you better!

Darn .... too bad that even if the time zone are close, you are still a long flight away ... otherwise I would have invited you to join in the bath

Thank you ... hope your throat is feeling better

(sorry ... no UK goodies here ... but a care package of strange stuff can be arranged )

 

[intothewoods]

I absolutely will not. Your blues are no less significant than anyone elses. Its all relative at the end of the day. The important thing is you are feeling crappy and how we can make you better!

Word! I totally agree, and was happy to hear the update, rida.

ETA: And I've had similar reactions to plans changing.

 

[ShyVixen]

rida, that is wonderful news about your hubby It brought a smile to my face to read such great news.

 

[intothewoods]

I had the weirdest night last night with Mister Man.

So I was kind of cranky and kvetchy. That's not the weird part. Mister Man started saying I needed to care of business (his business) and poking me with the see, you're not a submissive, otherwise you'd jump to attention when I need you. Then I feel bad and get upset at my lessthansubmissiveness. I told him I really don't like when he says that, and that I wasn't aware that I wasn't allowed to have bad days. And he said of course I was, but that I hadn't explained that.

Anyway, blah blah boring blah, but then we went upstairs and started our "play" (for lack of a better term), and all of a sudden I sort of went into submissive hyper drive.

I don't quite get that. Like I'm sitting downstairs and thinking to myself, fine, I'm not submissive. I don't have to jump just because you say to, Mister Man. Screw that. Nyah nyah fuming immaturely nyah. And then all of a sudden it was like a switch went off, and I was very focused on him, and wanted to please and do a good job and go the extra mile.

What's up with that? I'm beginning to think I'm just insane.

 

[ShyVixen]

I had the weirdest night last night with Mister Man.

So I was kind of cranky and kvetchy. That's not the weird part. Mister Man started saying I needed to care of business (his business) and poking me with the see, you're not a submissive, otherwise you'd jump to attention when I need you. Then I feel bad and get upset at my lessthansubmissiveness. I told him I really don't like when he says that, and that I wasn't aware that I wasn't allowed to have bad days. And he said of course I was, but that I hadn't explained that.

Anyway, blah blah boring blah, but then we went upstairs and started our "play" (for lack of a better term), and all of a sudden I sort of went into submissive hyper drive.

I don't quite get that. Like I'm sitting downstairs and thinking to myself, fine, I'm not submissive. I don't have to jump just because you say to, Mister Man. Screw that. Nyah nyah fuming immaturely nyah. And then all of a sudden it was like a switch went off, and I was very focused on him, and wanted to please and do a good job and go the extra mile.

What's up with that? I'm beginning to think I'm just insane.

You're not insane, itw I have that reaction a lot. Especially when I get cranky. I'll sit there and argue like crazy with myself that I am not submissive, and why the hell should do what I'm told to do? I've had a bad day/week - whichever one- and it can all get switched around in the blink of an eye.

 

[rida]

thanks for the nice words ShyVixen and intothewoods

As for your reaction, ITW, you are not crazy at all. I had one of the mostly intense submissive feeling times with Hubby right after I spent days arguing in my head whether I was indeed submissive or not (my "maybe I am a kinky vanilla" thread ... lol).

The crankiness that accompany such thoughts is probably what fuel the intensity of the focus: pent up energy that needs to be directed instead of left simmering.

And Mister Man questioning your submissiveness? sounds like he was doing some mind fuck ... and it worked

 

[intothewoods]

thanks for the nice words ShyVixen and intothewoods

As for your reaction, ITW, you are not crazy at all. I had one of the mostly intense submissive feeling times with Hubby right after I spent days arguing in my head whether I was indeed submissive or not (my "maybe I am a kinky vanilla" thread ... lol).

The crankiness that accompany such thoughts is probably what fuel the intensity of the focus: pent up energy that needs to be directed instead of left simmering.

And Mister Man questioning your submissiveness? sounds like he was doing some mind fuck ... and it worked

I think you're right. Pent up anything has to be released, eh? Grumble grumble, Mister Man. Maybe it was a mind fuck, although I think he and I need to talk about the terms of the relationship. I think in his mind bedroom submissive also means he gets to decide when we have sex. I'm not averse to it, but we do need to discuss that!

You're not insane, itw I have that reaction a lot. Especially when I get cranky. I'll sit there and argue like crazy with myself that I am not submissive, and why the hell should do what I'm told to do? I've had a bad day/week - whichever one- and it can all get switched around in the blink of an eye.

Yeah, my sex drive is easily dampened by stress.

 

[minx1]

Darn .... too bad that even if the time zone are close, you are still a long flight away ... otherwise I would have invited you to join in the bath

Thank you ... hope your throat is feeling better

(sorry ... no UK goodies here ... but a care package of strange stuff can be arranged )

*giggles* both of those ideas sound fun!

 

[minx1]

ETA: And I've had similar reactions to plans changing.

Me three *nods*

You're not insane, itw I have that reaction a lot. Especially when I get cranky. I'll sit there and argue like crazy with myself that I am not submissive, and why the hell should do what I'm told to do? I've had a bad day/week - whichever one- and it can all get switched around in the blink of an eye.

Absolutely, I think its probably quite normal. I mean we all identify with being submissive to varying degrees, but we have only just started exploring the concept in recent months/years. Its not like we have 'practised' being submissive or consiously developed our submissive traits since birth. We have all learned other behaviour. We are all independent, strong women who I bet career wise in the fight for equality and to break the glass ceiling etc have all probably had it instilled in us that we need to push and be forceful. It makes sense that you question things and don't just switch off from 'life' mode.

Then when you have time to consider it or the time to switch back to the submissive you, you hop to it with extra vigour *laugh*.

I do it a lot. Or did rather

And Mister Man questioning your submissiveness? sounds like he was doing some mind fuck ... and it worked

Yeah I agree lol. Lets face we're all gonna rise to that one!

Yeah, my sex drive is easily dampened by stress.

Tell me about it. I just don't feel like playing at all.

When I am confused or unhappy or stressed...it goes right out the window. Funniliy enough I still get horny when I'm ill

 

[ShyVixen]

This week things got pretty intense for me at one point in the submissiveness stakes. I even made a small break through...however, for a few days after that I felt terrible - emotional, weepy, didn't have a clue what was the matter. It was mentioned I might have 'sub drop'. Just did some research, and yes, it does appear I had my first sub drop.

I'm still struggling at time to see D/s as a power exchange rather than a power struggle. I guess for years it'be drummed into me that I must not rely on anyone, I must not need them...that need makes me weak and obsessive. Yet, my submissive side needs to be looked after. I couldn't find a way to describe it until I read this:

Although the sub has rested, and very often slept, even after several hours there can be spontaneous outbursts of emotion: which might be tears, irrationality, fear, or any number of things. What the Dominant must do here is recognise these for what they are; a need to be comforted, and looked after, to be held, told how much she is needed, and how important she is. Subs are, in many ways like children. They crave attention, and often the sub psyche feels that they have lost the massive attention which they had before (during the scene) from their Dom/me, and this can cause the unease, and charged emotions that we see in a sub drop situation. Allied to this of course, are the hugely elevated amounts of naturally produced drugs (endorphins, adrenaline etc) that are likely still flowing around the subs body: these may take some time to return to normal levels, and there may well be a withdrawal effect caused by these too. So sub is going through a mental and physical "cold turkey".

That described how I felt perfectly. But I still struggle with the fact that I NEED to be comforted and looked after.

Does anyone else struggle with that?

 

[SweetGigi]

*pokes head in and checks on everyone*


Hi loves, I hope all is well. I see everyone is taking good care of each other. I am so happy to see such things when I've been gone for a while. It always warms my heart. *happysigh*

Brief update from the real world. Things are great for me. Job is, as usual, fabulous, new apartment is great (even with the small infestation of pests *grumble*) even though my camera was unsalvagable I've been getting out a lot and doing some photography on the weekends. I'm traveling when I can to Savannah, GA (twice already this month) and Charleston, SC, and just all around enjoying life for a change. Carlos is settled well in SF now and I will be flying out to see him in August. We talk daily and miss each other a great deal, but instead of feeling a sense of loss and frustration, I feel an overwhelming sense of thankfulness and peace for having him in my world and I surround myself with the knowledge that he loves me as much as I love him. While I miss and crave his touch, I know it is just a matter of time till we are together again so I am not worried.

It is good to see you all are doing well and I would love to hear more about your lives. Much love and hugs for you all. I miss you bunches.

 

[CurlyKat]

This week things got pretty intense for me at one point in the submissiveness stakes. I even made a small break through...however, for a few days after that I felt terrible - emotional, weepy, didn't have a clue what was the matter. It was mentioned I might have 'sub drop'. Just did some research, and yes, it does appear I had my first sub drop.

I'm still struggling at time to see D/s as a power exchange rather than a power struggle. I guess for years it'be drummed into me that I must not rely on anyone, I must not need them...that need makes me weak and obsessive. Yet, my submissive side needs to be looked after. I couldn't find a way to describe it until I read this:



That described how I felt perfectly. But I still struggle with the fact that I NEED to be comforted and looked after.

Does anyone else struggle with that?

In a word: yup. Most of the time if I have any sort of reaction or drop it's almost immediately afterward. The delayed drop can be avoided by his care afterwards as he eases me back into day-to-day life.

I'm very independent in my job and in other general aspects of my life, but I do desperately need to have someone care for my submissive side. It's always a struggle at first, trying to trust enough to give up that control to someone else. I mean, I know I can take care of myself, so why should I trust that to anyone else? That's what my logical side says, at least. But I know I'm much more content, and feel more complete, when there's someone else looking after that other part of me.

This probably didn't help much, but I guess the whole point is that I totally identify with what you're saying!

 

[Bandit58]

Tell me about it. I just don't feel like playing at all.

When I am confused or unhappy or stressed...it goes right out the window. Funniliy enough I still get horny when I'm ill

Happens here too. It's like my mind focuses on other things and my body "shuts down". I did it a lot when with the ex, although a lot of that was me being unhappy and resentful

It comes back eventually when things settle down again

 

[rida]

This week things got pretty intense for me at one point in the submissiveness stakes. I even made a small break through...however, for a few days after that I felt terrible - emotional, weepy, didn't have a clue what was the matter. It was mentioned I might have 'sub drop'. Just did some research, and yes, it does appear I had my first sub drop.

.......

That described how I felt perfectly. But I still struggle with the fact that I NEED to be comforted and looked after.

Does anyone else struggle with that?

Yes, same here.

Even if I know that Hubby is more than willing to be there for me and comfort me, it still feel awkward to ask for it. But it is getting better: not being turned down when I admit to my needs is working wonder as positive re-enforcement.

One of the things that makes it hard, for me at least, is that I feel so needy and confused at the same time, so I don't know what I need. It is hard to ask for something when you don't know what it is.

{{{hugs}}} and congratulation on your break through!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*pokes head in and checks on everyone*

Hi loves, I hope all is well. I see everyone is taking good care of each other. I am so happy to see such things when I've been gone for a while. It always warms my heart. *happysigh*

Brief update from the real world. Things are great for me. Job is, as usual, fabulous, new apartment is great (even with the small infestation of pests *grumble*) even though my camera was unsalvagable I've been getting out a lot and doing some photography on the weekends. I'm traveling when I can to Savannah, GA (twice already this month) and Charleston, SC, and just all around enjoying life for a change. Carlos is settled well in SF now and I will be flying out to see him in August. We talk daily and miss each other a great deal, but instead of feeling a sense of loss and frustration, I feel an overwhelming sense of thankfulness and peace for having him in my world and I surround myself with the knowledge that he loves me as much as I love him. While I miss and crave his touch, I know it is just a matter of time till we are together again so I am not worried.

It is good to see you all are doing well and I would love to hear more about your lives. Much love and hugs for you all. I miss you bunches.

Thank you for the up-date!
Glad to hear things are going well for you both.

 

[tankirbell]

Lonely sub here in the Washington and Seattle area looking for a NSA dom. Make me scrub the floor with my face and pinch my titties with clamps. PM me, I'm looking for something next week while my husband is out of town.

 

[rida]

So I'm finding myself going through another bout of sub-drop, compounded, this time by Hubby having left this morning for a business trip that will keep him away for two weeks. As I knew the trip was coming, I've prepared myself mentally, but it is still hard.

Kudos to all of you in LDR. *chocolates & hugs*

 

[ImpishSeraph]

I've looked through search and I'm not having any luck. Is there a thread that talks about communication for LDR in the sense of what's a healthy communication. I'm kind of wondering if there is such a thing like talking too much or too little, or even a thread about how often others speak/email/call each other.