Submissive/Slave Haven

[Chris_Xavier]

Hee hee, you're nice. But I'm not that wonderful. Last night in the middle of this fight, all of these asshole thoughts go through my head like, is he smart enough for me? My Dom should be smarter than me! Is he this, is he that, and on and on. Who thinks like that? I feel like such a little child.

Should he have the same political affiliations?

Come on.. you know that if we were all alike then it would be pretty boring.

 

[intothewoods]

We each have moments in time when we think things like this. It is human to be this way when in a defensive posture. The question begs to be asked, though, do you feel this way when you aren't fighting. I don't think you are a bad person for these things.... just human.

No, I don't think so. Not like that. I do tend to hit the panic button really easily these days (as in: omg, he just said he likes hamburger helper - DISGUSTING, we can't be together!), but I think that will fade in time.

 

[intothewoods]

Should he have the same political affiliations?

Come on.. you know that if we were all alike then it would be pretty boring.

I don't want him to be exactly like me, but I don't want to make babies with someone who has fundamentally different values than me.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

I don't want him to be exactly like me, but I don't want to make babies with someone who has fundamentally different values than me.

You can't find an acceptable middle ground? On some things you can't but on most things I'm sure you can. Or are the two of you that inflexible?

 

[intothewoods]

You can't find an acceptable middle ground? On some things you can't but on most things I'm sure you can. Or are the two of you that inflexible?

I think you and I are talking about different things - Mister Man and I are actually pretty much on the same page when it comes to political beliefs. I'm talking about our backgrounds - where we came from. I don't want to be with someone just like me, but I've also dated someone who likes gun shows, pimping his ride and ate exclusively midwestern-ish fare (no idea what to call this, but jello molds and casseroles, that sort of thing). It's not like I can't hang out with someone with these differences, but there is no reason to "make it work" with someone I have nothing in common with. Now, Mister Man isn't that person, but I think it's smart to think about what our daily life would be like together before we jump in. Get it?

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Get it?

Gotcha. I have to agree with the others, from our private conversations I have to think that you two would be a good thing - as for making kids together.. that's a different kettle of fish. I don't Mr. Man well enough to comment there.

 

[HottieMama]

I think you and I are talking about different things - Mister Man and I are actually pretty much on the same page when it comes to political beliefs. I'm talking about our backgrounds - where we came from. I don't want to be with someone just like me, but I've also dated someone who likes gun shows, pimping his ride and ate exclusively midwestern-ish fare (no idea what to call this, but jello molds and casseroles, that sort of thing). It's not like I can't hang out with someone with these differences, but there is no reason to "make it work" with someone I have nothing in common with. Now, Mister Man isn't that person, but I think it's smart to think about what our daily life would be like together before we jump in. Get it?

I have just discovered more hard limits! Thanks ITW.

 

[intothewoods]

I have just discovered more hard limits! Thanks ITW.

Bwah ha. You are so very welcome. He did have a really nice penis, in my defense.

 

[HottieMama]

Bwah ha. You are so very welcome. He did have a really nice penis, in my defense.

A "really nice penis" would NOT compensate for a lifetime of jello molds...

 

[madetotakeit]

Bwah ha. You are so very welcome. He did have a really nice penis, in my defense.

Oh the things we women have put up with for a nice penis...

 

[DVS]

A "really nice penis" would NOT compensate for a lifetime of jello molds...

Couldn't you compensate by making a jello mold of the penis?


In that case, you could have your mold and eat it, too!
God, I should be a negotiator!

 

[intothewoods]

A "really nice penis" would NOT compensate for a lifetime of jello molds...

And milk with dinner. Shudder. Hard limit.

Oh the things we women have put up with for a nice penis...

It was really, really nice. And it could go for hours. Thankfully, it's not one of a kind.

 

[madetotakeit]

It was really, really nice. And it could go for hours. Thankfully, it's not one of a kind.

I have a vanilla version of one of those. True they aren't one of a kind, but they are sure few and far enough between that they're kept around after their expiration date.

 

[faeriefire]

Just a thought ITW...but try imagining your perfect prince charming/domly dom/knight on a white horse. What would he look like, sound like, treat you like? What would you feel when you were with him? How many of the things on your checklist for life would line up with his? How many would be different?

The reason I ask is that I had this picture in my head of prince charming. And I think I met a guy last week who's very much like my idea of prince charming and while I think he'll be a great friend, on some levels he bored me. Because he wasn't K. It made me realize that even though K doesn't coincide exactly with my childhood fantasies, he has changed my mold, and that is what makes him Mr. Right. Now he is my standard. If Mister Man makes you happy and fulfills you, brings you to a place where you want to be the best you can be then why knock it? I agree that some fundamental values should be shared, that a couple should have some things in common. But I also know that fitting into a cookie-cutter doesn't make most people happy. And also that people can change if they want to make a situation work. Only you can decide if he is going to be your prince charming or if there is someone else out there who is a better match. In my mind that is what makes happily ever after. It's that click, that realignment of two people towards the other when they realize they have been changed for good.

 

[faeriefire]

Oh, *shudder* blue jello *shudder* with pineapple chunks...flashback. definately a hard limit *eek*

 

[intothewoods]

Just a thought ITW...but try imagining your perfect prince charming/domly dom/knight on a white horse. What would he look like, sound like, treat you like? What would you feel when you were with him? How many of the things on your checklist for life would line up with his? How many would be different?

The reason I ask is that I had this picture in my head of prince charming. And I think I met a guy last week who's very much like my idea of prince charming and while I think he'll be a great friend, on some levels he bored me. Because he wasn't K. It made me realize that even though K doesn't coincide exactly with my childhood fantasies, he has changed my mold, and that is what makes him Mr. Right. Now he is my standard. If Mister Man makes you happy and fulfills you, brings you to a place where you want to be the best you can be then why knock it? I agree that some fundamental values should be shared, that a couple should have some things in common. But I also know that fitting into a cookie-cutter doesn't make most people happy. And also that people can change if they want to make a situation work. Only you can decide if he is going to be your prince charming or if there is someone else out there who is a better match. In my mind that is what makes happily ever after. It's that click, that realignment of two people towards the other when they realize they have been changed for good.

Just for shits and giggles...If I could describe the perfect guy, he would be - in no particular order

intellectual
funny
hot sexual chemistry
be into food like I am
be a political junkie
caring and kind
take care of me a little but not so much it's weird
engaging and dynamic
be super charming but have good boundaries
wants children and is or will make a good father
no weird and crazy inlaws
liberal progressive politics
passionate
no conflicting religious issues
value family - dinners at the table, etc.
value home and everything that means
love travel
interest in other cultures - no xenophobes
introspective

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Just for shits and giggles...If I could describe the perfect guy, he would be - in no particular order

intellectual
funny
hot sexual chemistry
be into food like I am
be a political junkie
caring and kind
take care of me a little but not so much it's weird
engaging and dynamic
be super charming but have good boundaries
wants children and is or will make a good father
no weird and crazy inlaws
liberal progressive politics
passionate
no conflicting religious issues
value family - dinners at the table, etc.
value home and everything that means
love travel
interest in other cultures - no xenophobes
introspective

All but two!

 

[Netzach]

You know, there are times I miss my ex, because we were really perfectly compatible in a lot of ways I'm not with M. Taste in music. Food. Level of discourse - not "higher" just more heady. We went to school together, were in the same department, our brains function and laugh the same way. Our butts both pucker at the same offenses.

And then one really good night of overcoming these radical differences and winding up having the kind of sexual/emotional/power dynamic interaction I NEED and I don't miss it. Not for all the home cooked NYTimes recipie Moroccan food in the world.

It's also good that both of us are more or less of the "child, the other white meat" interest in reproduction. I can see my ex getting hormonal with his partner now and I'm laying bets on babies. He'll be an awesome Dad though, it's so for the best.

 

[midwestyankee]

A "really nice penis" would NOT compensate for a lifetime of jello molds...

Nor would an extravagantly talented and constantly available pussy compensate for jell-o molds or casseroles. Periodically I have to suffer though dinner with the MIL that often means something barely recognizable that is bound together with the aid of Cream of Yuck-o Soup. There is barely enough wine available to cover this contingency.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You know, there are times I miss my ex, because we were really perfectly compatible in a lot of ways I'm not with M. Taste in music. Food. Level of discourse - not "higher" just more heady. We went to school together, were in the same department, our brains function and laugh the same way. Our butts both pucker at the same offenses.

And then one really good night of overcoming these radical differences and winding up having the kind of sexual/emotional/power dynamic interaction I NEED and I don't miss it. Not for all the home cooked NYTimes recipie Moroccan food in the world.

It's also good that both of us are more or less of the "child, the other white meat" interest in reproduction. I can see my ex getting hormonal with his partner now and I'm laying bets on babies. He'll be an awesome Dad though, it's so for the best.

I can so identify with what you are saying....and yes, that one has now had the child he so wanted with someone who was willing, and as I predicted when he offered me the opportunity to be the one to reproduce with, he is not going to give up his freedom to play Daddy fulltime when he can have his cake and eat it too. Unfortunately, even though she already had 6 children, she thought a child would make him hers in all ways 100%, and wipe me from his memory...apparently she was wrong on both counts and I feel sorry for them both and the child, and know I made the better choice then and now.

Catalina

 

[madetotakeit]

Just a thought ITW...but try imagining your perfect prince charming/domly dom/knight on a white horse. What would he look like, sound like, treat you like? What would you feel when you were with him? How many of the things on your checklist for life would line up with his? How many would be different?

The reason I ask is that I had this picture in my head of prince charming. And I think I met a guy last week who's very much like my idea of prince charming and while I think he'll be a great friend, on some levels he bored me. Because he wasn't K. It made me realize that even though K doesn't coincide exactly with my childhood fantasies, he has changed my mold, and that is what makes him Mr. Right. Now he is my standard. If Mister Man makes you happy and fulfills you, brings you to a place where you want to be the best you can be then why knock it? I agree that some fundamental values should be shared, that a couple should have some things in common. But I also know that fitting into a cookie-cutter doesn't make most people happy. And also that people can change if they want to make a situation work. Only you can decide if he is going to be your prince charming or if there is someone else out there who is a better match. In my mind that is what makes happily ever after. It's that click, that realignment of two people towards the other when they realize they have been changed for good.

I agree with a lot of what you are saying faerie. My best relationships ended up being with men that were very different from what I always imagined I was looking for. In ways we changed each other and found a middle ground in the differences we had from each other. I stopped looking for someone to fit in the mold of what I think I want/need. I always have a hard time when someone asks me what that is. It's more fluid than a checklist of characteristics. I look for a connection and let it build from there.

The longest relationship I had (and it still isn't over in many ways) is with someone who at first bugged the crap out of me. On the other hand, we connected. Our thought processes were very much the same and we found in each other the perfect verbal sparring partner. Over the 10 years we were together the relationship developed into a very symbiotic dance of opposites. The emotional masochism alone was raised to a fine art. Part of the reason we split was over children. I lost two and with my diabetes the chance of me having one are nil (He's a father now and is one of the most dedicated and loving ones I have ever seen. For that child alone I can handle all of the pain I went through for years after he and I split.) Another part was he never put it out of his head the idea of the mold, that "perfect someone" who fit everything he was looking for and that combined with maturity at the time made him less than faithful. He couldn't get past the idea that there might be someone that would be all of those things he was looking for. In retrospect he realizes he only hurt himself because even now he has not found anyone who fulfilled all of those things. Oddly enough I am the only one that he keeps in his life, the one that was the square peg in his ideal hole. We will always be a part of each others lives. We have come to the point that we realize long term will never be the place for us, but we still use each other as a guide for that "connection" that means something is even possible. In many ways we were very much alike which seemed to highlight the differences. We're both strong willed and opinionated, that combined with the differences made for a lot of sparks and fire in the relationship.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. And thank God for that."

 

[madetotakeit]

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. And thank God for that."

That is more my perspective. The soul mate is the one you can grow and evolve with. It starts with respect and as the eyes are opened you realize what a treasure you have.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just a thought ITW...but try imagining your perfect prince charming/domly dom/knight on a white horse. What would he look like, sound like, treat you like? What would you feel when you were with him? How many of the things on your checklist for life would line up with his? How many would be different?

The reason I ask is that I had this picture in my head of prince charming. And I think I met a guy last week who's very much like my idea of prince charming and while I think he'll be a great friend, on some levels he bored me. Because he wasn't K. It made me realize that even though K doesn't coincide exactly with my childhood fantasies, he has changed my mold, and that is what makes him Mr. Right. Now he is my standard. If Mister Man makes you happy and fulfills you, brings you to a place where you want to be the best you can be then why knock it? I agree that some fundamental values should be shared, that a couple should have some things in common. But I also know that fitting into a cookie-cutter doesn't make most people happy. And also that people can change if they want to make a situation work. Only you can decide if he is going to be your prince charming or if there is someone else out there who is a better match. In my mind that is what makes happily ever after. It's that click, that realignment of two people towards the other when they realize they have been changed for good.

LOL, can't say I ever had a Prince Charming image in my mind ever which may have been why I dated diversly different men who each had their own identity different from the rest. It helped me know and define what I did and didn't want, and was a lot of fun at times.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Nor would an extravagantly talented and constantly available pussy compensate for jell-o molds or casseroles. Periodically I have to suffer though dinner with the MIL that often means something barely recognizable that is bound together with the aid of Cream of Yuck-o Soup. There is barely enough wine available to cover this contingency.

Wow, even I can slum and enjoy a can o mushroom stroganoff once every few months.