submissive dream to reality

[debsintrouble]

Hi all,
After many years of denying my being a submissive, i have recently admitted to myself that its time to explore this part of myself.only problem is i don't know how to make this areality. Any help and advice please would be much appreciated

 

[Primalex]

Hi all,
After many years of denying my being a submissive, i have recently admitted to myself that its time to explore this part of myself.only problem is i don't know how to make this areality. Any help and advice please would be much appreciated

a)

You should be able to rephrase your situation into a proper description of the problem, why you fail to find a solution for the problem or why the solutions you found are not acceptable for your given situation and what information you need to overcome the problem. You are 42, not 12.


b)

If you could give advice to a 18 year old sub, what would it be?

I am a bit confused about being "sub curious"

 

[Iamsubmissive]

a)

You should be able to rephrase your situation into a proper description of the problem,

she wants to explore her submissive side in real life but doesn't know how to get started

why you fail to find a solution for the problem or why the solutions you found are not acceptable for your given situation

she doesn't know how to get started

and what information you need to overcome the problem. You are 42, not 12.

she needs advice on how to get started

b)

If you could give advice to a 18 year old sub, what would it be?

I am a bit confused about being "sub curious"

I understood the OP to be asking for advice on how to start a RL exploration of being submissive...maybe her question is how to find a Dom/Domme?...how to find a local community for BDSM?...how to approach her partner about exploring this?...I agree, a little more clarification would be helpful.

But the basic problem is she wants to explore her submissive side in real life and doesn't know what to do next. OP: I'm assuming you have been reading and researching online to help you understand your desires. If not, start there. If you're ready to move to real life encounters, then probably the most popular resource would be to join FetLife. You can find hundreds of members local to your area and info on groups to join or munches and meetings happening in your area. Be safe, use your best judgement, and only participate in things you are comfortable with. Start out with local online groups...get to know a few people, then go to some of the public place meetings. That's all I got...

 

[debsintrouble]

No i did not phrase it well at all.
I have no real life experience, online yes,
Read yes i read all the time and have read so much.
I joined fetlife and emailed somenody regarding an uocoming meet to which i got no response to.
Im also looking to meet like minded people and hopefully make friends along the way.

As for giving somebody advice on something i have no experience about, that would not be fair to the person asking the advice, all i could offer would be to read and find out what they could. As i have done.

 

[debsintrouble]

I understood the OP to be asking for advice on how to start a RL exploration of being submissive...maybe her question is how to find a Dom/Domme?...how to find a local community for BDSM?...how to approach her partner about exploring this?...I agree, a little more clarification would be helpful.

But the basic problem is she wants to explore her submissive side in real life and doesn't know what to do next. OP: I'm assuming you have been reading and researching online to help you understand your desires. If not, start there. If you're ready to move to real life encounters, then probably the most popular resource would be to join FetLife. You can find hundreds of members local to your area and info on groups to join or munches and meetings happening in your area. Be safe, use your best judgement, and only participate in things you are comfortable with. Start out with local online groups...get to know a few people, then go to some of the public place meetings. That's all I got...

Thank you for the help, yes the basic problem is how to explore my sub side in real life, what you have said has helped and i will try again with fetlife,

 

[HisArpy]

Thank you for the help, yes the basic problem is how to explore my sub side in real life, what you have said has helped and i will try again with fetlife,

Some specific facts are sort of required to really answer your question. One of them is whether you have a current partner or not.

If so, then you should sit down and talk to your partner. See where they want to go with this because if they are not "there" then you have other choices to make.

If your partner is ok with this but isn't sure what they're supposed to be doing, then have them read up on it. There are lots of good books out there which aren't too intense or boring. "Conquer me" by Kacie Cunningham is pretty decent reading and has a lot of information (though it repeats a lot) that can be enlightening AND can help you stay safe.

The talk-to-your-partner thing is never ending. You are not a toy. They are not a machine. People have to talk to each other constantly. You wouldn't make an investment of joint savings without discussing it first. Nor would you not discuss the investment performance and expectations during the period of investment. YOU are a bigger investment than any amount of money - talk to your partner. A lot.

Start slow. Depending on what you want from your submission, you need to ease into it. Some of the things you may want could be seriously huge life changes and you don't want to plunge into those without dipping a toe or two first.

If you don't have a partner, then you're still in the dating scene. With all the problems that come with it plus a few more. You can't rush through that no matter what you use to make and select your choice of mate or partner. A fetish doesn't change that at all.

 

[yukonnights]

No i did not phrase it well at all.
I have no real life experience, online yes,
Read yes i read all the time and have read so much.
I joined fetlife and emailed somenody regarding an uocoming meet to which i got no response to.
Im also looking to meet like minded people and hopefully make friends along the way.

As for giving somebody advice on something i have no experience about, that would not be fair to the person asking the advice, all i could offer would be to read and find out what they could. As i have done.

Hi again deb, I'm glad you decided to give the folks on the BDSM forums a shot at answering some of your questions. I think the first thing is to understand that there really isn't one magic answer to finding the right person...and that's true regardless of ones sexuality. The fact that you are seeking a lesbian relationship may make it even a tad more limiting in finding the right woman. But, I'm pretty sure she is out there, and probably looking for you too So, be hopeful and positive !

I would just encourage you to hang around here for awhile...chat and make some friends. Hopefully one of the ladies here with similar sexual desires will cozy up to you and be the next person to give you a little boost toward your dream...hint, hint

In the meantime, I would suggest spending some time pondering the type of submission you crave...ponder the type of woman who can take you there...what is her personality? There are so many different levels of BDSM and D/s, from mild to extreme. I'm sure you've already thought a lot about this, but it helps in finding out who you really are and then who can be a good match.

Just relax and make yourself at home... ~

 

[yukonnights]

deb, here's a fun little online test that's been going around. Thought you might like it. It give's you a bunch of results in percentages like the ones at the bottom of my signature line below.

BDSM Test Thread --> http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1156475

 

[yukonnights]

You may have already found this thread, but it's a nifty one of images related to lesbian D/s...

Lesbian D/s Thread --> http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1419866

 

[Nezhul]

find yourself a parnter and tell her (i'm reading you are a lesbian from your profile) what you want to experience.

It highly depends on what you really want in the first place. Something like spanking or light bondage - 95% of people would be able to provide to you. The kinkier your desires get - the more you will need to come clear about them early on.

Finding a kinky partner is not really that different from finding a vanilla partner. It's just another one on the list of the requirements that you already expect from your parnter - along with being clean, caring, responsible and not being a dick, having at least some of your interests matched. Fetish - is just another interest.

Easiest way is to go on a date and as soon as sex topic pops up in the conversation - you gather your courage and tell her that you want kinky sex. In and on itself this is not really scary and you don't need to go into much detail there and then, but generally it helps to eliminate people who are strongly against it. People who are ok with kink will be easier to talk to and work with later on.

 

[debsintrouble]

Hi again deb, I'm glad you decided to give the folks on the BDSM forums a shot at answering some of your questions. I think the first thing is to understand that there really isn't one magic answer to finding the right person...and that's true regardless of ones sexuality. The fact that you are seeking a lesbian relationship may make it even a tad more limiting in finding the right woman. But, I'm pretty sure she is out there, and probably looking for you too So, be hopeful and positive !

I would just encourage you to hang around here for awhile...chat and make some friends. Hopefully one of the ladies here with similar sexual desires will cozy up to you and be the next person to give you a little boost toward your dream...hint, hint

In the meantime, I would suggest spending some time pondering the type of submission you crave...ponder the type of woman who can take you there...what is her personality? There are so many different levels of BDSM and D/s, from mild to extreme. I'm sure you've already thought a lot about this, but it helps in finding out who you really are and then who can be a good match.

Just relax and make yourself at home... ~

Hey Yukon, thanks for the advice to come over this way yes pondering, thinking and so much more I'm a patient girl, i'm looking forward to makingbmany friends.

 

[debsintrouble]

deb, here's a fun little online test that's been going around. Thought you might like it. It give's you a bunch of results in percentages like the ones at the bottom of my signature line below.

BDSM Test Thread --> http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1156475

Oh yes i did that test, i have the results somewhere,, i'll find them out later when i get home from work

 

[debsintrouble]

You may have already found this thread, but it's a nifty one of images related to lesbian D/s...

Lesbian D/s Thread --> http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1419866

Yes samrita's thread is mmmm very nice

 

[debsintrouble]

Some specific facts are sort of required to really answer your question. One of them is whether you have a current partner or not.

If so, then you should sit down and talk to your partner. See where they want to go with this because if they are not "there" then you have other choices to make.

If your partner is ok with this but isn't sure what they're supposed to be doing, then have them read up on it. There are lots of good books out there which aren't too intense or boring. "Conquer me" by Kacie Cunningham is pretty decent reading and has a lot of information (though it repeats a lot) that can be enlightening AND can help you stay safe.

The talk-to-your-partner thing is never ending. You are not a toy. They are not a machine. People have to talk to each other constantly. You wouldn't make an investment of joint savings without discussing it first. Nor would you not discuss the investment performance and expectations during the period of investment. YOU are a bigger investment than any amount of money - talk to your partner. A lot.

Start slow. Depending on what you want from your submission, you need to ease into it. Some of the things you may want could be seriously huge life changes and you don't want to plunge into those without dipping a toe or two first.

If you don't have a partner, then you're still in the dating scene. With all the problems that come with it plus a few more. You can't rush through that no matter what you use to make and select your choice of mate or partner. A fetish doesn't change that at all.

Yes i'm single. No i don't want to rush this at all.

 

[yukonnights]

Oh yes i did that test, i have the results somewhere,, i'll find them out later when i get home from work

Yes samrita's thread is mmmm very nice

I have the warm feeling that you are already well on your way to uncovering that true inner person you came here seeking...and knowing yourself better will make finding the perfect mate so much easier...yes, I think all will be well and wish you only the very best happiness ~

 

[debsintrouble]

I have the warm feeling that you are already well on your way to uncovering that true inner person you came here seeking...and knowing yourself better will make finding the perfect mate so much easier...yes, I think all will be well and wish you only the very best happiness ~

thanks hun time will tell