sub/survivor????

[dolf]

really not sure I should be here...but I'm feeling brave tonight.

I used to be a little bit Domme, now I'm a timid sub.
I know that my sub feelings are a direct result of some....unpleasant experiences...does this make a difference?

feeling kinda guilty about wanting this....

apologies if I offend
xx

 

[Quint]

Good afternoon/whatever time it is on your side. Thanks for coming by and don't be shy!

As for your question, it's one that lots of people have. Are submissives wired that way because of trauma or abuse in their past? Some have spoken up and said that yes, it was a determining factor. Some say that it wasn't a cause but a symptom...they're hardwired submissive and so abuse happened *because* their nature would not let them stop it from happening. (Don't see too many of those posts.) Some say that they had rough pasts but it wasn't at all relevant to their sexual proclivity today. Some, like me, have had an easy life...and somehow I wound up on my knees anyway. So in short, you'll likely get answers from all ends of the spectrum.

Whatever the reason, we're all big supporters of "do what makes you happy.'* Lots of us come into this with feelings of guilt because we're taught that this isn't right, healthy, Christian, etc. I hope you find your personal peace.

And also I hope you enjoy your stay here; we're really quite friendly folks! Welcome again!



*as long as said action harms only the willing, the sane, and the of age.

 

[sigsauerprinces]

really not sure i should be here...but i'm feeling brave tonight.

i used to be a bit dom, now i'm a timid sub.
i know that my sub feelings are a direct result of some....unpleasant experiences...does this make a difference?

feeling kinda guilty about wanting this....

appologies if i offend
xx

first of all..dont feel guilty for wanting anything you want. why should you? i'm guessing you had no control over these unpleasant experiences...so how is it in any way your fault that because of them now you desire to be a sub? it's not. there is too much guilt in this world, ppl feeling guilty for things they shouldnt, because society tells them they should. society tells us how we should feel about things far too often. i think what matters is how YOU feel about it. thats what counts. the only person you have to answer to is yourself.

i'd say explore your submissive side. dont worry about why its there, the point is its there, and you can have a lot of fun with it and maybe even find a cool Dom and have a great relationship and be...gasp...happy

you have nothing to feel guilty for, at all.

 

[dolf]

would this put off a potential Dom?

it makes things more complex as I have serious hang-ups as a result of the attacks...I think me freaking out and needing reassurance has got to be a bit of a turn off right!
maybe I should stick to celibacy and porn

xx

 

[sigsauerprinces]

would this put off a potential dom?

it makes things more complex as i have serious hangups as a result of the attacks...i think me freaking out and needing reassurance has got to be a bit of a turn off right!
maybe i should stick to celibacy and porn

xx

not a potential Dom that you'd want anything to do with.

there are all kinds of doms in the world. some arent going to want to deal with that-they just want a sub to submit, and thats it. but there are plenty of doms who will try to understand, and will make allowances for the fact that you need to be reassured. you just need to find the right person. be selective..ask questions. but there are definately doms out there who wont have a problem with it.

 

[RJMasters]

not a potential Dom that you'd want anything to do with.

there are all kinds of doms in the world. some arent going to want to deal with that-they just want a sub to submit, and thats it. but there are plenty of doms who will try to understand, and will make allowances for the fact that you need to be reassured. you just need to find the right person. be selective..ask questions. but there are definately doms out there who wont have a problem with it.

Ditto, good stuff dolf. Listen to what sigsauerprinces has to say here.

The only thing to add is take your time. Don't be in a rush. Maybe even take the time to make some friends before feeling you have to fit yourself into this or that. Sometimes life has a way of kicking us right in the teeth and turning our world upside down. Giving yourself a little time to let the world balance out a bit is always a good thing to do.

Welcome to the Boards

 

[dolf]

thankyou feeling a little more relaxed now!
yes..***** likes to kick us in the teeth sometimes. got over the worst of it but the total change in what turns me on still throws me. it seems so un-me!
{beat me, r@pe me...then hold me and tell me it's ok now}
i'm taking my time getting used to the idea...glad i've found somewhere all this seems "normal"
xx

 

[PyroDemon]

Originally posted by dolf
would this put off a potential dom?

it makes things more complex as i have serious hangups as a result of the attacks...i think me freaking out and needing reassurance has got to be a bit of a turn off right!
maybe i should stick to celibacy and porn

xx

Hopefully for you it will put off some potential Doms. The ones it doesn't will understand and will be willing to work with you. So relax, take your time like everyone has suggested. And most of all, explore what you want before you worry about what others want of you. Looks like you are off to a great start on that. You will find lots of people here with similiar feelings and alot of help if you look for it. Everyone has some kind of serious hang up, it is called being human.

 

[dolf]

thanks for the replies.
sigsauerprinces, i quoted you on the survivors board i use...(i hope you don't mind)...because i think it will help a lot of people.
xx

 

[sigsauerprinces]

thanks for the replies.
sigsauerprinces, i quoted you on the survivors board i use...(i hope you don't mind)...because i think it will help a lot of people.
xx

not a problem, if my words help anyone then that would make me really happy.

 

[RJMasters]

Just checking up on ya

Hey dolf,

just wanted to check up ya since you started this thread and see how you are doing. See how the boards are treating ya.

 

[dolf]

RJMasters
thankyou for checking up on me
i've been having a pretty good day, walking around with i big grin on my face. this place is so cool!
i'm spending way too long glued to the comp, reading and learning. lots to think about...
hope you're doing well too.
xx