SUB Needs Advice On Taking The First Step

[thewanter]

I am white male 41 yrs. like dressing in womens clothes and am bi-curious.I fantasize alot and would like to become a sub. I just dont know where to start. I am hoping that this is the start which will end in a fantasy being fullfilled.How will I know that I will be able to make this happen as i am very shy and embarras easily, Where would I find a Dom who will take thier time with me? I would love to hear any advice or comments that will help me experience the fantasy and make it a reality

 

[H piltdown]

If you want to make your fantasies come true, find the nearest BDSM club, attend a Munch or two and then a few parties until you know what you want. You may find the Mistress that you deserve, or if nothing else, come away with a better understanding of your feelings.

Of course, BDSM clubs are usually tentative with new members. Many will ask you to meet one of the officers in a public place to see if you're serious. You need to be completely open at this time. Then they may extend to you an invitation to a party or munch.

You can locate the nearest club through a web search, usually, or through groups like the National Leather Association. Once you locate a club, send them an email introduction, and ALWAYS be very polite, and interested. No one trusts aloof and uncaring. Often times shyness can come off that way.

If you're interested in a Master, search for the Gay BDSM clubs, but be cautious. If they don't strongly emphasize things like safe sex--Run for the hills as fast as your feet will carry you. Anyway, for some reason, most 'alternative lifestyles' are very open to bisexual women, but while not actively discriminated against, bisexual men are sometimes left out of some considerations.

Another option is the pro Dom scene. Again, search the internet. Pros are good for those men that want a particular thing done to them. They're best for the 'do me' subs, and those that try to top from the bottom. But, pros are costly.

Nonprofessional Mistresses, and lifestyle Dommes normally require the sub to serve. In other words, the sub's personal fetishes will be considered only if and when the Domme chooses. In this case, you must want to serve, or to please above all else.

 

[H piltdown]

Forgot to mention one thing. Are you married? If so, you need to talk to her before you do anything, or learn to keep your fantasies in the closet.

If so, you could perhaps bring her along slowly. Introduce mild bondage to your love making. Begin simple, and see if she bites, but never push, or try to force her to do something that she simply doesn't want to do.

Talk more about y'all's feelings. You never know where it may lead.

Good luck, and I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Wonderful advice!

If you want to make your fantasies come true, find the nearest BDSM club, attend a Munch or two and then a few parties until you know what you want. You may find the Mistress that you deserve, or if nothing else, come away with a better understanding of your feelings.

Of course, BDSM clubs are usually tentative with new members. Many will ask you to meet one of the officers in a public place to see if you're serious. You need to be completely open at this time. Then they may extend to you an invitation to a party or munch.

You can locate the nearest club through a web search, usually, or through groups like the National Leather Association. Once you locate a club, send them an email introduction, and ALWAYS be very polite, and interested. No one trusts aloof and uncaring. Often times shyness can come off that way.

If you're interested in a Master, search for the Gay BDSM clubs, but be cautious. If they don't strongly emphasize things like safe sex--Run for the hills as fast as your feet will carry you. Anyway, for some reason, most 'alternative lifestyles' are very open to bisexual women, but while not actively discriminated against, bisexual men are sometimes left out of some considerations.

Another option is the pro Dom scene. Again, search the internet. Pros are good for those men that want a particular thing done to them. They're best for the 'do me' subs, and those that try to top from the bottom. But, pros are costly.

Nonprofessional Mistresses, and lifestyle Dommes normally require the sub to serve. In other words, the sub's personal fetishes will be considered only if and when the Domme chooses. In this case, you must want to serve, or to please above all else.

I think that the munch route is the most effective for a new person, because it can be the least threatening. You can meet a group of like minded individuals in a non-fetish environment.

Next take the time to read some of the good literature that is out.
We have a Library thread, that can help you a lot.

Ebony