Sub/Dom mix?

[veryblueeyes]

Pardon if this has been done before.

I believe that I am a sub in bed somewhat, but sometimes I take a forcefull attitude, in bed. Does that make me a switch?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Veebs a sub? Who knew.

THe subdominant.

 

[veryblueeyes]

RR, nice to see ya.

See what I talking about is me being completely sub until I find the complete loss of control. Then I turn dom. Weird?

 

[shy slave]

RR, nice to see ya.

See what I talking about is me being completely sub until I find the complete loss of control. Then I turn dom. Weird?

I can relate to that in some respects.

I hate not being in control, but at the same time I need to be in a place where I am not in control.

It means I sometimes fight feelings of submission. That has lessened to a great extent. but when I first discovered D/s I always wanted answers as to 'why' they wanted me to do what they had asked. This was usually the first time they asked. If, for example tthey asked me to do something new, I would need to know why. An irratating need, but I seemed compelled to do it.

Andante does humour me sometimes, but sometimes he simply says I am not to speak. I have never gone against that command.

Its not that I am questioning him, or in any way distrusting him, its simply difficult to let go and allow him complete control. Perversely giving him complete mind, body, emotional control of me is what I actually want.

It like a last minute panic but I don't know why.

We talk about D/s a great deal and he knows me well, that helps, I understand the point where I can not ask or wonder; I may be able to later but not at that moment.

I love his having control and demanding of me sexually, but I have at times fought against myself.

Never to the point of becoming assertive or Domme but only because, if I tried and if he let me (two big 'ifs'), it would change the dynamics of our relationship.

I need to know he can control me, sometimes my emotions are not easy for me to control. When that happns I need to know one of us can deal with it at the time.

 

[jadefirefly]

Veebs a sub? Who knew.

THe subdominant.

*shudder* That stuff gave me nightmares in college.

So anyway! On topic. I think the question is, really, do you -like- being in charge when you suddenly change your mind? Or do you only do it because you fear the total loss of control?

If you do it out of fear, then I would say no, that does not make you a switch, BUT, I have significantly less r/l and online experience than most here, so don't take my words as gospel.

If you do it because you truly like it, crave it, -need- to have it, then sure. That sounds like a switch to me.

Total loss of control is a frightning thing. I don't think that anyone truly comes to it naturally, it's something that everyone has to work through at some point.

 

[veryblueeyes]

*shudder* That stuff gave me nightmares in college.

So anyway! On topic. I think the question is, really, do you -like- being in charge when you suddenly change your mind? Or do you only do it because you fear the total loss of control?

If you do it out of fear, then I would say no, that does not make you a switch, BUT, I have significantly less r/l and online experience than most here, so don't take my words as gospel.

If you do it because you truly like it, crave it, -need- to have it, then sure. That sounds like a switch to me.

Total loss of control is a frightning thing. I don't think that anyone truly comes to it naturally, it's something that everyone has to work through at some point.

Thank you for your response. No it is not fear. I just reach a point where I like to take over, so to speak. I can feel the control over the situation being torn from me. Then I try to take control. Forgive, as this is a new world to me.

 

[jadefirefly]

Thank you for your response. No it is not fear. I just reach a point where I like to take over, so to speak. I can feel the control over the situation being torn from me. Then I try to take control. Forgive, as this is a new world to me.

That's okay, not all that long ago it was new to me, too.

What I would ask myself, in your situation, is why do you try to take control at that pivotal moment? What are you feeling, at that point? What thoughts are running through your head?

I think -- although I am the first to say that I am not sure! I may be wrong! -- that it is uncommon for a switch to, pardon the repetition, switch during play. Especially at such a consistent point during the play.

You keep repeating that it is when you feel you are about to totally lose control over yourself or the situation when you change your approach. Such consistence, especially at that point in play, does suggest that somewhere, you are uncomfortable fully submitting.

That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong; maybe you just don't want to totally lose control. Maybe you could try different things, to help establish that you still have control over yourself and the situation, so that you don't feel the need to take over?

Forgive me if I am getting -too- involved... I have the bad habit of trying to fix things for people, instead of just shutting up and listening.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you for your response. No it is not fear. I just reach a point where I like to take over, so to speak. I can feel the control over the situation being torn from me. Then I try to take control. Forgive, as this is a new world to me.

Depends how you are referring to it, what context etc. It may simply be you are a vanilla with a healthy sexual appetite which likes variety....it is quite normal for those of that persuasion to be active and not so active at various times, depending on mood. Contrary to some who like to label everyone on the planet as potential sub or Dom/me, it isn't realistic as not everyone choses to play and/or live in a D/s world. It all depends on what you are meaning by 'take control, and 'sub in bed'...and who you are wih and the terms of that relationship, not what anyone else thinks.

Catalina