Sub and Super-sub

[dr_mabeuse]

I'd be interested in knowing if there are any submissive women here who are only submissive in a sexual way, but I would really like to avoid the "I'm more sub than you" arguments.

It just seems to me that most of the female subs who post here tend to be of the 24/7 variety whose primary goal in life is to serve their Doms. I'm wondering is there are any women subs who are in relationships that are more or less equal, whose submissive behavior is limited to sexual situations.

Actually, now that I think of it, I would ask the same questions of all D/s adherents. Is there anyone here whose D/s proclivities and behavior is limited to just sexual situations?

---dr.M.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think you might find there are few 24/7 subs here, compared to those who are in LDR, seperate living arrangements or looking, and though discussion may at times be misinterpreted as competition, I think you might find most on the board are just trying to share experiences, thoughts, and views which is always healthy.

I also think the question is answered well in many of those discussions, a lot very recent, and is not as simple as saying yes or no to the bedroom question. The assertion, though I may be mistaken and apologise if so, seems to be to be a 24/7 submissive makes you a lesser being which is a misunderstanding and interpretation of a complex lifestyle not always easily understood by those on the outside looking in.

Catalina

 

[Desdemona]

dr._m., perhaps there should be an option for those of us who are sort of in the middle. I'm not 24/7 and we do not have a TPE, but my submission extends a bit beyond the bedroom. In fact, I don't know what you'd call it, but it seems to work for us.

 

[SexyChele]

I'd be interested in knowing if there are any submissive women here who are only submissive in a sexual way, but I would really like to avoid the "I'm more sub than you" arguments.

It just seems to me that most of the female subs who post here tend to be of the 24/7 variety whose primary goal in life is to serve their Doms. I'm wondering is there are any women subs who are in relationships that are more or less equal, whose submissive behavior is limited to sexual situations.

Actually, now that I think of it, I would ask the same questions of all D/s adherents. Is there anyone here whose D/s proclivities and behavior is limited to just sexual situations?

---dr.M.

Yeah, I would fit this category. However, whenever my partner and I are together sexually, it is not necessarily a BDSM event. As I've stated here before, I consider myself a part time kinkster with more of a sub side. And any elements of BDSM that my partner and I choose to incorporate into our lives remains firmly in the sexual realm and in the bedroom. (Or living room or dining room or whatever - I think you get the picture!)

 

[dr_mabeuse]

dr._m., perhaps there should be an option for those of us who are sort of in the middle. I'm not 24/7 and we do not have a TPE, but my submission extends a bit beyond the bedroom. In fact, I don't know what you'd call it, but it seems to work for us.

Yes! These are exactly the kind of people I'm trying to find, because I think that this is pretty much how I fit into things. I really don't have anything against 24/7; but it's just not for me. It seems it's only in sexual situations (and a few other areas) that I need to take control.

Catalina, as I say, I don't mean to put down anyone. In fact, it seems to me that I've noticed a kind of reverse discrimination: that 24/7 people look down on part-timers, whom they see as BDSM dilletentes and dabblers.

---dr.M.

 

[magdalene]

that's about how I see myself

"Yeah, I would fit this category. However, whenever my partner and I are together sexually, it is not necessarily a BDSM event. As I've stated here before, I consider myself a part time kinkster with more of a sub side. And any elements of BDSM that my partner and I choose to incorporate into our lives remains firmly in the sexual realm and in the bedroom. "


That's about how i would describe myself. Except without a partner right now.

Oh, and I haven't posted on this forum before, although I've been reading here for a while, so I guess I'll say hi now.

Magdalene

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina, as I say, I don't mean to put down anyone. In fact, it seems to me that I've noticed a kind of reverse discrimination: that 24/7 people look down on part-timers, whom they see as BDSM dilletentes and dabblers.

---dr.M.

Well it is nice you are not trying to put down people, but you do seem to have a less than savoury view of 24/7's which I think is undeserved, but you, like everyoie are entitled to your perceptions.

Catalina

 

[s'lara]

Dr. - If it is ok, i'd like to hear your definition of a super-sub. No attack intended (honest), just a curiosity.

lara

 

[WeirdGirl]

I'm with Desdemona...

 

[WeirdGirl]

I give up...what makes my sentences separate like that???

 

[A Desert Rose]

I give up...what makes my sentences separate like that???

I think you are hitting return or enter. Try just to continue typing and see if that is the solution.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Dr. - If it is ok, i'd like to hear your definition of a super-sub. No attack intended (honest), just a curiosity.

lara

I've run into subs who take inordinate pride in their level of submission. They actually have a "Subbier-than-thou" attitude. I've also run into Doms who are the same way, and in fact I think it's probably more common in Doms. In general it seems to me that D/s people are very status conscious, which figures, given the nature of D/s.

When I talk about super-subs, I'm thinking about people who have no identity and no sense of self apart from their D/s relationships. I think it's one thing to be submissive, it's another to surrender your identity to another person.

---dr.M.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I'd be interested in knowing if there are any submissive women here who are only submissive in a sexual way, but I would really like to avoid the "I'm more sub than you" arguments.

It just seems to me that most of the female subs who post here tend to be of the 24/7 variety whose primary goal in life is to serve their Doms. I'm wondering is there are any women subs who are in relationships that are more or less equal, whose submissive behavior is limited to sexual situations.

Actually, now that I think of it, I would ask the same questions of all D/s adherents. Is there anyone here whose D/s proclivities and behavior is limited to just sexual situations?

---dr.M.

i've only been on this board a couple of months or so, but i would venture to say that the majority of the submissives who actively post here are of the sexual submissive variety. there seem to be very few who are submissive outside of a sexual connotation, and even fewer like myself, who are submissive in general life, with people period and not just "that one special person". also i would say that this board/site like most others is far more welcoming/accepting/understanding of sexual submissives than the other variety(s).

 

[niteshade]

I am firmly in the "Sexual Submissive Only" category... And I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that if we poll every single sub that posts to this forum, we will find that they think they are in the group that is less accepted. I myself have been derided for being a "bedroom only" kinda gal, but then again, the others who are in TPE and 24/7 relationships get their own blasts. It is all a matter of personal perspective.

I will say though that ownedsubgal is usually subjected to one or another of us telling her she is nuts on a fairly regular basis... more so than anyone else I have noticed, anyhow.

 

[s'lara]

I've run into subs who take inordinate pride in their level of submission. They actually have a "Subbier-than-thou" attitude. I've also run into Doms who are the same way, and in fact I think it's probably more common in Doms. In general it seems to me that D/s people are very status conscious, which figures, given the nature of D/s.

When I talk about super-subs, I'm thinking about people who have no identity and no sense of self apart from their D/s relationships. I think it's one thing to be submissive, it's another to surrender your identity to another person.

---dr.M.

dr. -

i thought that was where you were going. Thanks for your honesty.

lara

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

When I talk about super-subs, I'm thinking about people who have no identity and no sense of self apart from their D/s relationships. I think it's one thing to be submissive, it's another to surrender your identity to another person.

---dr.M.

I'd be interested to know, Dr. M, do you know these particular subs in RT? Or are you just basing this post on what you read here on the Board? I would be particularly careful about basing your "super-sub" definition on what you read here, considering that assumptions are always a poor idea. One can never know the full depth and breadth of a person from their posts on this Board. Of course, if you know these particular subs in real-time, then you have far more information to work with, and I withdraw my statement.

Originally posted by ownedsubgal
<snip> the majority of the submissives who actively post here are of the sexual submissive variety. there seem to be very few who are submissive outside of a sexual connotation, and even fewer like myself, who are submissive in general life, with people period and not just "that one special person". also i would say that this board/site like most others is far more welcoming/accepting/understanding of sexual submissives than the other variety(s).

Perfectly said, OSG. I would add, that I consider myself primarily a "submissive outside a sexual connotation" i.e. a service submissive. I have no idea why people think that this means I am not a sexual being. In my world, sex is just one of the many services I provide to my Dominant. It is just not the sole focus of my life with Him. And just for the record...I have quite the identity of my own! Thank goodness, I wouldn't want to have to go buy a big "S" to sew on my sub uniform *grin*

~anelize

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I'd be interested to know, Dr. M, do you know these particular subs in RT? Or are you just basing this post on what you read here on the Board?

No, I don't know any subs like this RT. I have known people who were like this in RT, but I couldn't say what their personal sexual proclivities were.

I based my comments about competitive feelings in the D/s community on some nasty exchanges of posts I saw on this board way back shortly after I'd joined Lit, probably sometime last winter, about who was more entitled to call themselves a "real" sub or "real" Dom. I thought the argument was silly, since it assumed that there is only one "correct" way of expressing D/s. But still it was alarming to see how seriously some people took it.

I would be particularly careful about basing your "super-sub" definition on what you read here, considering that assumptions are always a poor idea. One can never know the full depth and breadth of a person from their posts on this Board. Of course, if you know these particular subs in real-time, then you have far more information to work with, and I withdraw my statement.

I don't really understand what you mean. I'm not judging anyone and I'm not making any assumptions. I'm just trying to get some idea of the depth of involvement of people on this board.

I really curious as to why my original question elicited this kind of veiled animosity. I thought I went out of my way to be non-judgmental. What's everyone so sensitive about that I'm missing?

---dr.M.

 

[A Desert Rose]

What's everyone so sensitive about that I'm missing?

---dr.M.

Well, if you want the truth.... Here it is:

You left off the super-sub deluxe.

 

[niteshade]

Well, if you want the truth.... Here it is:

You left off the super-sub deluxe.

ROFLMFAO

 

[James G 5]

Well, if you want the truth.... Here it is:

You left off the super-sub deluxe.

Well, if he'd included THAT someone might've crawled up his ass for assuming he knew anything about them

 

[A Desert Rose]

ROFLMFAO

GRRRRRRRREAT!

I love to make that happen.....
It makes me smile big.

 

[FungiUg]

Actually, now that I think of it, I would ask the same questions of all D/s adherents. Is there anyone here whose D/s proclivities and behavior is limited to just sexual situations?

Indeedy do! Have been called a "player" and "not a real Dom" because of it. But for me, it's purely a sexual thing.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

In fact, it seems to me that I've noticed a kind of reverse discrimination: that 24/7 people look down on part-timers, whom they see as BDSM dilletentes and dabblers.

Your original question Dr. M, was non-judgemental. The above to Catalina, however, WAS, IMO, judgemental, and untrue. No-one likes feeling on the defensive, hence my "veiled animosity". Niteshade had a good point though--

Originally posted by Niteshade
And I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that if we poll every single sub that posts to this forum, we will find that they think they are in the group that is less accepted.

Last, but not least....

Dont you KNOW all us femsubs are overly sensitive pains-in-the-asses??

It is in the femsub rule book.

~anelize

 

[catalina_francisco]

http://smile.smilies.nl/407.gif.....yes, we are sensitive.

Catalina

 

[Desdemona]

Damn. I need a copy of the femsub rule book! Where is it?