Struggleing with some sex scenes

[Phantom300]

I have really struggled with writing the sex scenes in the current project I am working on.

I really like the story and where it is going, but writing the actual mechanics of the sexual acts is getting tedious. Seems like I repeat adjectives and descriptive phrases constantly, and Im afraid it will get boring for the reader. It sure is arduous for me.

I have found myself in front of the keyboard several times and thought "I don't want to write this" I want to finish the story, but I feel stuck.

Anyone have this same issue? Advice or want to write them for me? (I kid, I kid)

 

[KeithD]

Your sex scenes don't all have to be graphic and there's a tolerance for them not being here (although you might get a comment or two if you're known for writing graphic sex). You could try letting it spin out as an "it happened" rather than "tab A went into slot B" so that you can get to the end. Maybe on review you'll find you want to add in some graphic detail. And maybe you won't.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

I have really struggled with writing the sex scenes in the current project I am working on.

I really like the story and where it is going, but writing the actual mechanics of the sexual acts is getting tedious. Seems like I repeat adjectives and descriptive phrases constantly, and Im afraid it will get boring for the reader. It sure is arduous for me.

I have found myself in front of the keyboard several times and thought "I don't want to write this" I want to finish the story, but I feel stuck.

Anyone have this same issue? Advice or want to write them for me? (I kid, I kid)

You might try searching the threads in the AH forum for "sex scene." There are a number of threads about it because they give lots of people headaches, myself included.

The only practical advice I can offer is pretty limited. Go ahead and force yourself to get it blocked out completely, even if you know it's written terribly. Just get the sequence of everything down. Then go look at some sex scenes by other authors that you do like, and imagine how they might describe the sequence you just sketched out.

It's easy to get hung up on mechanics. When I re-read some of the sex scenes I like best, either my own or someone else's, I find a huge amount of variation in the amount of detail given. Some scenes are remarkable for their exquisite detail, but that level of detail is not always necessary or desirable. In most cases, capturing the feelings and conveying them is the most important thing. That's why I think taking a look at scenes you like can help you avoid getting stuck on the tedium of which part goes where.

Trying to add sensory elements other than sight is helpful.

Inclusion of some dialog is frequently helpful, but obviously, that depends on what you're going for.

If you're struggling with what to call anatomy, I think the general consensus is to pick a word or two and stick with it. I once read a story that alternated through breasts, boobs, boobies, tits, titties, mammaries, fun bags, love balloons, jugs, globes, melons, etc. The author managed to avoid using "breasts" over and over again, but drew attention to how many times he was referring to the same thing because of the insane variety. A lot of those are just silly and juvenile-sounding, too. I'll admit it got me to read about an entire Lit page into his story, because I was looking for new synonyms I'd never heard of.

When you've got what you want down, look back through it and watch for heights and relative positions. If you've personally used a particular position, it's not going to be a problem. I run across stories where it's clear the person hasn't because things don't line up that way, etc. If it's an unusual position, either do the fieldwork, find a picture, or make sure you visualize it carefully.

I've also scrapped positions that I know work well because describing them becomes such an undertaking that I'm spending a paragraph describing the mechanics. I don't think the payoff is worth it.

Sorry I don't have anything more solid to offer!

 

[Brutal_One]

I don’t tend to struggle with writing sex scenes but it does not have to be long and drawn out. It starts with the characters involved and their relationship and important questions like is it consensual, a seduction or non con. Then the location where it’s taking place.

There are questions that may or not be relevant like position and sex act and again even if a brief writing of the act some reaction from the characters.

If you can ‘visualise’ the act you can use that to write about the visualisation.

Or you can be ultra brief and say Mike and Jennifer have sex.

Sex though unless it is just porn on paper should have some bearing on the overall story or at least to the characters. It will depend on how important the act is to the overall story.

Hope that helps.

Brutal One

 

[NotWise]

Every now and then I'll catch on a sex scene. I've deleted scenes because of it. If you have a lot of sex scenes, then that's one solution. More often I let it sit for a while and come back with a slightly different approach, like discarding some of the mechanics and adding more of the emotions.

Whatever does get me over the hump, it usually involves backing up at least a few paragraphs.

A completely different approach some use (I haven't yet) is to skip the sex scenes on the first time through a story, then filling them in on a later pass.

 

[stickygirl]

Forget the mechanics - everyone is familiar with them and we don't need an anatomy lecture. What we want to know is how people feel: if they're nervous; what happened last time in this situation; how a tattoo fires a memory; how bizarrely a memory pops up from childhood; how his breath smelled of beer... anything and everything you feel and think. Who cares about pumping and thrusting apart from ignorant teens?

make us live the moment, not watch it

 

[stickygirl]

Thank you for this. I'm taking it with me. Most of the time writing about sex is the least fun part for me, and (/because) I seem to overcompensate by dragging it out. But this might get me over it.

I struggled with it myself until I had the courage to break free from what I thought others expected and instead wrote what I wanted to say, what my emotions were (or would be) in that situation. I found it pretty liberating. If you watch good movies, they do the same - it's all about the build up and suggestion and tiny details. Let the reader fill in the blanks

 

[Voboy]

If a character is getting laid a lot, there's no need to describe each time in nauseating detail.

I've had luck, with one character, describing just one sex scene in nauseating detail, at the end, after spending the entire piece alluding to various really, really dodgy things he'd done at various points in the story. Seemed to work.

 

[SimonDoom]

What stickygirl said, 100%.

Don't think of it as The Sex Scene. Think of it as a part of your story. It's probably the culmination or, ahem, climax of your story. So think of it in terms of how the characters are interacting and what they are feeling. Think of its purpose as a part of your story, and not just as the part where the guy ejaculates.

Techniques to flesh it out and avoid the tedium of mechanical narrative:

1. Devote some paragraphs to what a participant in the sex is thinking and feeling.

2. Describe sensations: sight, sound, scent, touch, etc.

3. Include dialogue between the participants during their sex.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Anyone have this same issue? Advice or want to write them for me?

I find if I'm not ready to write a sex scene it means my characters aren't ready either. So I circle around it slowly, providing more build up, motivation, looking for the way in. They always get there eventually, there's no rush. It's always worth the wait .

 

[yowser]

As in many writerly situations, less is often more. The hint is better than the baseball bat. As others have said better, a connection with feelings and emotional states almost always improves the scene.

I would resist the temptation to write it like the script for a porno movie.

If you can avoid cliches (dimensions, overused and exaggerated terminology, purplish prose) you have my vote.

 

[NoJo]

Well, seeing as how actual sex isn't actually the sexiest aspect of sex, you literally shouldn't give a fuck.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

I have really struggled with writing the sex scenes in the current project I am working on.

Take a break from writing and READ. Read new and different authors that you haven't read before. Find some you like. Study the words they choose and pick up a few new ones. Look at their pacing and their sentence structure. Learn from them. Obviously don't copy/paste whole passages, but be inspired to emulate. Let your own style evolve.

 

[Arthur_Guy]

Yeah... I'll get so involved in my stories, and characters, that I'll actually skip where the sex scene is supposed to be, and then go back and write it later.

As far as being repetitive goes, that's a toughie! I hit the thesaurus, and read other writers--especially outside of the "erotic" genre. You might find that the subtly of these writers, when writing a "sex" scene, tends to use more abstract metaphor, while still conveying the same eroticism. A good example of what I'm talking about is the sex-scene of the characters, Jeff Higgins, and Gretchen Richter, in Eric Flint's, "1632":

Told from the point-of-view of Gretchen, and for reasons I won't go into, it's described as Gretchen chasing the Devil through his warrens, chambers, and grottoes. All the while, the Devil is begging for mercy as her pleasure mounts. The conclusion is a "true love" for Jeff, and a realization of her own sexuality and pleasure.

This is what I've been attempting in my more recent (not yet published) works, while still maintaining the graphic and salacious prose. I think shooting for a balance between the two might get me more interested in these scenes, and not skipping over them to forward the plot and character-development...

IDK... We'll see..

 

[TarnishedPenny]

As EoN, Stickygirl and Simon have noted, include some thinking, some emotions. That's a step outside of describing Tab-A-into-Slot-B mechanics and you get a somewhat longer story (generally good, yes?). Critically, however, I find that there's a synergistic effect. By considering what the two-backed beast is thinking and feeling as it thrusts, bounces, nibbles and sucks, I find that it leads me to reconsider my description of the thrusting, bouncing, etc. Putting that another way, including thoughts and emotions makes describing the sex act easier.

As a bonus, some sources say that including more thoughts and emotions increases the appeal to female readers. YMMV on that last, of course.

As to getting stuck, LSAM's suggestion to read is a very good one. I'll add a parallel. Let's say you have boy and girl on a picnic, leading to sex. Go online and google 'picnic sex' videos. It's going to be T-A-into-S-B, but you'll get some interesting insights (no pun intended). I've used it and it works for me.

Good luck.

 

[gunhilltrain]

All of the advice on this thread is great. I'm getting benefits from it myself.

The writing on here and other sites ranges from pure porn (stroke stories?) to really subtle stuff. There in no one way to handle this.

 

[karaline]

I have really struggled with writing the sex scenes in the current project I am working on.

I really like the story and where it is going, but writing the actual mechanics of the sexual acts is getting tedious. Seems like I repeat adjectives and descriptive phrases constantly, and Im afraid it will get boring for the reader. It sure is arduous for me.

I have found myself in front of the keyboard several times and thought "I don't want to write this" I want to finish the story, but I feel stuck.

Anyone have this same issue? Advice or want to write them for me? (I kid, I kid)

When I first began writing erotica I found writing sex incredibly hard, to the degree where I found myself wondering more than once whether I should just pick another genre -one that didn't involve sex.

Recently I'm finding it easier, and I'm not exactly sure why this is, but I think it might be that I'm gaining the confidence to only include sex scenes when they Move The Story Forward in some way, rather than out of a sense of obligation to the reader, who (in my imagination at least) expects frequent sex, because this is Literotica. I think the outcome of this is, the focus during said sex scenes tends to be conflicted, or at the very least emotional and always different, because the characters are at different points in their various arcs and have different feelings towards each other (I am very much of an architect rather than this gardening variety of writer which GRRM speaks of) .

I've occasionally had feed back from editors, (all male as it happens) that my scenes aren't graphic enough -that there needs to be more about the mechanics of the sex in there, but my personal preference is to focus on the build up, and dialogue, and internal emotions and an awful lot of metaphor, which is odd, because I don't use metaphor much when I'm not writing sex.

I do also have to be in a certain mood when I write the sex scenes (and not a particularly frisky one either), which often means i either leave them till last, or do them at the start. In between these times, if I have flashes of inspiration, for ideas or phrases, I just add to generally the right place in the document. This means that when I do get round to writing them up, I often find a jumble of incoherent sentences with a few gems in there that I'd forgotten I'd written.

I hope that helps, or at least makes some sense.

 

[Abbafan]

When trying to write, the spicy stuff is always where I got bogged down, which isn't good considering the kinds of stories they are. Can't really get around those scenes.

Eventually I just threw caution to the wind and didn't worry about being too cliched or anything. The advice here is pretty good, especially the part about getting into the character's head a bit, their thoughts and feelings, instead of just telling about the physical side of it. That's what people come here for, in most cases, I think. If you just wanted the sex stuff, you could find a lot of that on certain other sites.

 

[stickygirl]

I'll second what karaline says with respect to writing for Lit audiences and I fell into that trap to begin with: like oops, 500 words and no sex?! As I gained confidence ( and supportive feedback helped ) I realised I was writing for my own pleasure and the whole process became more rewarding. That probably manifests in the writing.

Agree too that the right frame of mind helps and an absence of distractions. Occasionally I found the process almost trance-like, because you have to project your imagination into a scene, the magic happens and you can't type fast enough. I miss that.

 

[Emirus]

I struggle with sex scenes. Not the straightforward who-does-what-to-whom-and-how but the detail of physical touching and emotions. Maybe if I was a voyeur it might be easier?

 

[Phantom300]

Thank you all for your input. I think I was most frustrated because I hadn't really encountered difficulty to this degree in any of my other submissions. This will be story #8. I know some here have that many submissions plus a few hundred more, but I didn't expect things to get harder as I went along.

Maybe some of it is my last two stories didn't really have any direct sex in them. Maybe that part of the brain has just atrophied?

I was also hoping for a little spark. I had a pretty serious writer's block a while back, and posting here about it and reading the replies seemed to help. Fingers crossed as I sit down tonight to give this a shot again.

Thanks Again

~~Phantom

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

Thank you all for your input. I think I was most frustrated because I hadn't really encountered difficulty to this degree in any of my other submissions. This will be story #8. I know some here have that many submissions plus a few hundred more, but I didn't expect things to get harder as I went along.

Maybe some of it is my last two stories didn't really have any direct sex in them. Maybe that part of the brain has just atrophied?

I was also hoping for a little spark. I had a pretty serious writer's block a while back, and posting here about it and reading the replies seemed to help. Fingers crossed as I sit down tonight to give this a shot again.

Thanks Again

~~Phantom

Good luck!

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I was also hoping for a little spark. I had a pretty serious writer's block a while back, and posting here about it and reading the replies seemed to help. Fingers crossed as I sit down tonight to give this a shot again.

~~Phantom

Happens to all of us, I think. That's what Tex's coffee is here for. Good luck.

 

[JamesMiehoff]

When I am not in the mood, I'll just put a "sticky note" one or two liner and come back to it. But then I tend to be a stream of consciousness type of writer. I have to get the flow down and then I go back in rewrite and fill in the details or elaborate if it feels like it needs more.

One of the stories for the 750 word contest I glossed over the whole sex thing and when I went back and read it, it was better without.

One of the things that will make me stop reading a story faster than anything is the whole, "OMG, I have gone 5 paragraphs without a sex scene, let me slam something in here."

Sex in your stories should be as natural as having lunch. If it moves the story forward or foreshadows something later, then by all means go into graphic details about the table cloth and the perfume the waiter is wearing. Or just say it loud and proud,

'They had a beautiful quiet lunch together.'

'And stopped at the sleazy hotel down the street to have a quicky before going back to the office.'

James

 

[Voboy]

Another technique (again, most useful in a story where a character has A LOT of sex) is to do something like this:


"...and Jane smiled against his lips as John moved in for the kiss. He tasted like dinner.

* * *

She rode the train home the next morning, her legs crossed carefully under the skirt because that's what you do when you've left your torn underwear on some guy's bedside table..."


and then go on with your story. The reader knows they had their romantic dinner, knows they went back to his place, knows they fucked, and knows that it was passionate and, indeed, probably sleazy.