Straw poll : Communication talk

[pplwatching]

Hello World,

My wife and I will be giving a talk on communication at an upcoming marriage weekend. We've got a passel of ideas, but we're in the process of figuring out how to spin the topic. This is a weekend where couples will be sitting through 2 1/2 days of 'team' couples giving talks about everything from finances, housework, love, communication, to sex and intimacy. Each talk is followed by group discussions. Bear in mind that we're all volunteers interested in helping people build better marriages. No pros here.

If you were going to be attending such a weekend, where the purpose is to improve your marriage, would you rather hear a talk along the lines of general purpose useful ideas and tips or would you prefer to hear personal experiences and what has or hasn't worked for us (my wife and me) as a couple, along with anecdotes? Why?

We'll be writing up the talk to present to the team prior to the weekend, but I rarely follow my outline when I speak We'll see how that works for my wife. Would anyone here be interested in critiquing the talk? I'll gladly post it here if anyone is interested. The talk is in early April, but we're eager to get cracking on it!

 

[BirdsWife]

If possible, why don't you hand out notecards ahead of time and ask your audience to write down what types of communication issues they are having with their spouse. Then you can go through the cards and deal with each issue using general ideas or personal experiences, depending on which is a more appropriate approach for that particular issue.

I know that there is a discussion section afterwards, but people tend to be more forthcoming about their problems when they can remain anonymous. This way, the audience will also have a vested interest in the subject matter.

 

[BlueSugar]

Don't be too long winded. Men and women listen differently, but one thing they do get is direct talking and short examples. Be WELL ORGANIZED while talking.

The note card idea is a good one if the group isn't too big.

 

[Bobmi357]

HEY!!! THIS POLL ISN'T MADE OUT OF STRAWS!!!!

 

[pplwatching]

If possible, why don't you hand out notecards ahead of time and ask your audience to write down what types of communication issues they are having with their spouse.

This is a good idea, but at this point I'm not sure where we are in the weekend schedule. Another problem is that, while I consider myself to be a very good listener, extemporaneous speaker (dare I say excellent), and problem solver, I'm not sure how the rest of the team would feel about a first timer winging it.

Perhaps an idea to grow from that seed would be to ask folks on the board here what kinds of problems they're dealing with and incorporate a smattering of them into the talk on the assumption that someone else is bound to be having the same problem. There's certainly a wealth of back postings to use for research too. Thanks for the idea.

Anyone who has questions or issues that you feel might be common in marriages please feel free to post them, even if they're just abstractions. They don't have to be things you're struggling with, even observations you've made about other people would be nice.

Thanks!

 

[LadyTemptress]

For your speech I would do a mixture of both and keep it straight forward and easy to understand.

I would like to read it once you write it up so I think you should post it.

Talk about communication and how to make it more effective between men and women. I have been married 17 years and our communication skills are greatly lacking in every area.

 

[ReadyOne]

I assume this is marriage encounter...

Your story should be personal and highlight what you've learned. These are basically personal testimonies, not lectures from experts.

A typical outline goes something like this...

1. What we thought communication was.
2. How we got in trouble when we weren't communicating (well) or because we didn't know how to communicate.
3. Revelatory experience(s) that brought us to understand how to communicate (better).
4. Stories about how good communication prevented or made light work of problems.

I'd start with a very simple quick talk about communication, what it is, isn't, how to, methods that work for some people. This is to make sure that you cover the subject with a good "how to".

Then I'd go back and find as many personal examples I could use to illustrate the quick talk. War stories, success stories, stories about lack of communication, stories about good communication. Humor is a plus, though 1 or 2 good tear-jerkers seem to almost be a requirement.

Then take a look at the presentation, and see how it can be repackaged to be more interesting to the audience. Maybe a he-said/she said back and forth format, or an "expert" vs "reality",
and maybe an example dialog that occured between you recently.

I found the "he reads for 20 miunutes then she reads for twenty minutes" format got old after a few presentations.

I'd be glad to help; PM me for an e-mail address that I watch regularly.

 

[SweetErika]

I'd select all three options, but I really like the idea of keeping it interactive. Perhaps you can prepare with your own examples in case no one cares to answer, but then ask for audience input on common problems and anecdotes. If you're giving tips, maybe you you could present the concept, give a personal experience, and have the couples practice it quickly.

I'm sure you've already thought of this, but I (and other highly visual learners) really have trouble understanding without having something to look at. A hand out that I can follow along with and refer to later is always a big help.

A big problem I've seen and experienced regarding communication is one partner (often the man) frequently feels "attacked," gets defensive, and shuts down no matter how gently the issue is brought up.