Story Virgin...

[darknemesistattoo]

Greetings A/all...i am new to Literotica, and just managed to write a passing story, but i have noticed that of all the views i've gotten so far, only two people have given me a ranking...Please check out my story (Ada's Night Out) and let me know what Y/you think. All honest feedback is welcome.

-darknemesistattoo

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=312568

Thanks!

 

[Chimney Sweep]

I left you some feedback.

 

[darknemesistattoo]

n.n

Thank You so much! i went back to check on the comma splicing, and i think i see exactly what You were talking about. i appreciate Your constructive criticism!

-darknemesistattoo

 

[drksideofthemoon]

The ellipsis "..." is used to show an incomplete thought, or dialog.

Example: "Honey, where did I put my..." The sound screeching tires broke his train of though.

You used the ellipsis so often that it became annoying as I read it.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

YIKES!!! You said it drk. This is flash fic, not a story. It's supposed to be Celeb Fic. Who's the Celebraty? I think you missed the whole thing. Plot, Characterization, Story - Where are they?

 

[darknemesistattoo]

Fanfic

Thanks for the feedback...the characters are already established in the video game from which they are taken. It is purely for fans of the game. i put it in "Celebrity" because that is apparently where all of the others were grouped. Thanks again!

-darknemesistattoo