Story: Toni's Tale

[Toni's Keeper]

Hi all, new here.

This is my first story. It's currently yet to be approved, but I'm putting it here so I can get some feedback. Details:

2nd person, female perspective. It's about a girl called Toni who is a nymphomaniac. There's a little tiny bit of supernatural/magic but it's a plot device rather than a theme. Actually, anything will go in the story. Feedback of any form needed and most welcome.

Here's the link:

http://www.chyoo.com/index.php/main.story.cover/7147

Cheers
Toni's Keeper

 

[MJ10]

Hi all, new here.

This is my first story. It's currently yet to be approved, but I'm putting it here so I can get some feedback. Details:

2nd person, female perspective. It's about a girl called Toni who is a nymphomaniac. There's a little tiny bit of supernatural/magic but it's a plot device rather than a theme. Actually, anything will go in the story. Feedback of any form needed and most welcome.

I did a quick run through. Funny, the first thing I thought about when I read it was some of Tess McMillan's novels--Waiting to Exhale et al. Don't know why. I'd like to see more exploration of the supernatural themes--the curse et al. How did the Curse get laid on Tony/Toni's family? Is there a "Cure"? What about other family members (e.g. cousins)--are they affected by the curse too?

One other thing--the way you scripted it (at least the intro) was subtle and sensitive. I know Tony/Toni's a nympho, but I got a sense of him/her as person apart from the sex, which is still important since this is an erotic story here. I just think there's more to Toni then meets the eye...but then again that's me.

Keep up the good work!

 

[Toni's Keeper]

Hi there. Thanks for the input. Don't know who Tess McMillan is, so don't know what to feel there

Funny you should say what you were wanting to look at. That's exactly where I want the story to go. I want to examine the actual proper origins of the Curse, compared to what the family says happened; the other firstborn girls in the extended family; the poor and broken state of the family at present and the possible Cure. I do have plans for the Cure.

Toni's character will also change. I'm hoping to have her change and actually grow. To begin with, in the early days, she will have little control. Her choices won't be what happens to her so much as who happens to her. But I'm hoping to have her grow and learn (again) how to say no.

As to the sex, the opening will be very much hardcore, as Toni gets herself into sexcapade after sexcapade, attempting to simply sate herself. As the story progresses, this probably won't change, but the actual content of the story will grow.

Hope that makes sense. The story arcs are all formed in my head, it's just a matter of trying to write the ideas out.

Thanks heaps for the input.

Cheers
Toni's Keeper