Stepsucker 2

I like the characters and the storyline. I confess, I enjoyed the first chapter more than the second one, but it still had some great moments. I'll re-read both again and try to give you some more specific feedback, but well done! Looking forward to more.
 
Hey DR, I left some feedback for you. I tried to be as honest as possible! Good stories, please submit more!
 
I'm not one of the more experienced writers here, but I read both of your stories and will offer my comments.

Like some others have said, I thought the first chapter had a more interesting development of the characters and also had a better theme. The first one flowed more naturally. The second one didn't really add anything to help know the characters better. ( for example, why was he so shy? You could have really gone into his head more and let the reader know him better.)

The second story had way to many "I", "me" and "my" sentences. It may be that I am just a bit sensitive to that just know because when I finished my last story and re-read it, there were so many "I's" that it required a virtual re-write. As I have been told here, it's hard to do first person point of view well.

Overall, the writing was neat and concise and well edited. The subject of the story is interesting, but for me I would enjoy more info on what makes the characters tick, why are they doing what they are doing, and where is this all leading. You did some of that and I think that is why they are getting good reviews, but more would have made them even better.

Good effort. Hope this helps as you go forward with your writing.
 
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