Star Seks (IC)

[Mephistophelily]

(Please see OOC thread if you want in. )

Tifyth sat atop one of the sick bay bunks, her legs swinging off the sides as she huffed. So far things seemed to be going fairly well on the ship- Captian hadn't led them into any astroid fields or into the surface of planets... So far, so good. In fact, the only real emergency Tif had seen so far was one of the guys from engineering after he set his crotch ablaze in a phaser fight.

How it got started, she wasn't going to ask. But that did, unfortunately, leave her bored as heck now.

"Mrowrf...." She flopped backwards, looking at the doctor's main system. "DOC!," she shouted out, her green tail twitching away as her ears perked. She seemed fairly human in appearance, aside from those fuzzy extras. Her personailty, however, was still quite catlike. "Come play with me, Doc!"

 

[gagonthis]

OOC: I posted a bio but didn't wait for your approval because it's late, I'm bored and I'm rude like that, but if you don't like I'll delete this, but hopefully it'll be alright

Skeeter laughed as Jimmy fell over screaming, the crotch of his jumpsuit on fire. "You lose ya fuckin' pussy!" Skeeter yelled as he took another pull on his beer. Ah he always loved a good game of phaser chicken. Inch the power up little by little and the first one to scream like a girl lost... Skeeter never lost! He laughed even harder as two people in matching jumpsuits... apparently they were the people he commanded?... came and pulled Jimmy away, shooting him scared looks. Skeeter just drained his beer and let out a loud belch looking around his shop.

Galatic Alliance kept insisting he wear one of them whacky yellow jumpsuits, stop drinking on the job, and maybe not shoot people in the crotch anymore. But where was the fun in that. "Hey! Computer! I'm gonna go and tinker around a bit with yer engines! Do me a favor and tell me if something gonna explode or something!" Skeeter said, again belching as he rustled around in his toolbelt. Hmmmm tools, check. More beer, check. Drunk as hell? Skeeter stood and tried to walk a straight line, failing miserably. DOUBLE CHECK! "Time to make this baby more effecient!!" He yelled, curious as to the horrified looks the rest of the Engineering staff was giving him.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

"Please state the nature of your medical..." there was no one there. There was no person bleeding or hurt, No more people with their crotches on fire. No Captain complaining he had caught the Space Clap. Where was his disaster?

But he had clown shoes. Why did have clown shoes? He took a quick scan before finding the problem, the cause, the ever so adorable bane of all he attmepted to do. If she wasn't so cute, and actually good at her Job, he'd boot her right on her sexy twitching tail. Which was flicking back and forth in boredom.

"Tifyth did you activate me just to play, 'Go Fish' with real fish again? I told you that we can't justify using all that power to make the 26 kinds of fish and keep the Few intelligent people from discovering Just how much lube we make for the crew. And that lube business is very lubrative. Uh. Lucrative."

He sighed. "Still bored? maybe we'll give the first mate Quorklleteen Gonorhea. the rare strand that makes you pee whole Habanero's won't that be fun?"

 

[Mephistophelily]

"But I LIKE the fishies." Tifyth rolled over, pouting at his scolding. "They might not taste very good, but they're fun to chase!" She got up in a crouch on the metal table, her tail anxiously flicking about as she watched him. She giggled at his shoes, a full laugh coming from her at his suggestion. "I think he'll notice this time...."

She paused as a slight power flux caused the lights to dim quite low, giving a panicked mew as Doctor's image shimmied a bit before her... then regained its strength with the lights. "Oooooh! Dammit Skeeter! Don't you take away my toy!"

She bent down a bit on the table, grinning at him. With no emergencies coming in, Doc was all hers to play with... so she tried to pounce him. Unfortunately, she forgot he wasn't solid half the time... and this was one such time. She slammed against the wall, yowling as she sat up. "Yowch! No fair!" She glared up at his central computer, grumbling as she got to her feet. "How do I make you solid?" As she asked, she began hitting random buttons, trying everything to get her wish.

 

[fukensploogin]

Captain Dirk Goldfinger

"No, no, no, Computer, I need to know where the bridge is. Can't you just beam me there?"

"The Computer is not authorized to use the transporter beams except in case of emergency."

"Well... where the hell am I now?"

"You are on the 2,376th floor. Women's Dormitory," the Computer replied, in her infinitely sexy yet totally sterile voice.

"Well, where are all the women?" Dirk demanded.

"No one is assigned to these quarters."

"Well, how many people are on this ship?"

"Current population of the SS Amharest is 53 officers and 341 crew members."

"Well why the hell do we have 2,376 floors to this ship?" Dirk demanded yet again. He'd been searching for answers -- and the bridge of this ship, which he was the Captain of -- for a couple days now. So far he had not seen a single soul. He suspected the Computer was showing him all the empty parts of the ship before showing him where the actual crew was. The ship had already left its home spaceport. He hadn't even given the order. He had yet to find his quarters, even. To make things worse, he was wandering about in just his towel, which was the only thing that had survived being beamed up. He would have been just fine with that, but he had yet to see a sexy little crew-girl to flex for, and he suspected the Computer was keeping the floors he was walking on extra cold.

He looked at the computer terminal again. They were everywhere along the corridors he was walking. Nothing had changed; he couldn't read a damn thing that was showing on the screen, it was all in some strange language.

Dirk Goldfinger, Captain of the SS Amharest, kept walking the corridors of his ghost ship.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

Suddenly tons of changes occured. The doctor grew tentacles, a beard, 36 inch double E cup breasts, and recieved Hendrix's guitar.

"Stop. Just stop, reload, and turn the knob on the right. Hopefully this will all go away." Helooked his Freakish new form over, and gave the boobs a grope. "Well these aren't bad, But the tentacles have to go."

He reappeared, normal nut for boobs then finally in his orginal programmed graphic. Minus pants. "My dear Tifyth, Some patients like the bedside manner of a good jewish doctor. But not all of them want to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's jewish."

He had pants again. He pinched them and his hand. "Alright I'm solid. And I guess we can chase one fish. What type should we make?"

 

[Mephistophelily]

Tifyth squeeled in delight at the changes she caused, purring happily as he gave himself the once over. Well, she figured he'd be happy with the chest. He seemed to like giving hers exams quite frequently.

"Fiiiine."
Control, Alt, Delete... and there he went.. Then back again. Minus pants.
She laughed at that. "BOYBITS!"

"My dear Tifyth, Some patients like the bedside manner of a good jewish doctor. But not all of them want to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's jewish."

"Okay, Okay. Sheesh." She corrected it, glancing to him as he gave a test of his form. "Yay! I want... a clown fish. No! A blowfish. A big big blowfish! So I can pop 'em!" She flexed her claws, reaching out to slash the shirt of his uniform.

 

[fukensploogin]

"Jesus, this is worse than Cube 2 : Hypercube", Captain Dirk Goldfinger muttered as he came to the end of the endlessly identical corridors, all of which ended in endlessly identical doors he had thought were elevators, but he couldn't tell because everything looked the same, and nothing could point him in the right direction. He struck a pose before he pressed a button with the only thing he recognized in this whole place: an up arrow.

And then, when he got to the top, he finally found people. He made his way for the sickbay. He needed good drugs if he was going to do the best job a captain could do. Lotsa good drugs.

 

[gagonthis]

Skeeter crawled out from the small access panel connected to the Barbillian Core of the ship, belching loudly as he cleared out the three empty cans he had left inside. "Welp! That should just about do it! Computer, give me an effeciency report!" Skeeter said, belching loudly to the disgust of a female underling walking by. "Hate to see ya go! BUT LOVE TO WATCH YA LEAVE!" Skeeter yelled after her as the computer processed his request. "Engines are running at 107% design effeciency..... somehow." The computer said, sounding right confused. "Hot damn! This calls for a celebration!" Skeeter said, heading for the turbolift, heading to the bridge to deliver the news and get himself some more brews.

 

[autumnmist]

Ship's Counslor Doany Try looked at herself in the mirror. It was time to leave the safety of her cabin and face the crew. This was her first assignment to a Star Fleet vessal and she was a bit concerned. She had heard such wonderful stories of glory as a child and had always dreamed of being here, but now, she kept sensing the strangest emotions...........as if in a circus, not one of the elite Star Vessels. She smoothed her baby blue jumpsuit over her trim body, noticing the way this particular color made her silver skin glow. It was a nice effect. Perhaps she should wear this shade more often. She turned from side to side to admire herself in the mirror. She sighed. No more stalling. It was time to venture forth.....to unknown people....to unknown adventure........Doany smiled coyly. She could feel herself getting wet just thinking about it.

 

[Mephistophelily]

Tifyth gave a surprised yowl as the doors to sick bay opened, the noise they made scaring the heck out of her. "I wasn't doing anything!!," she yelped out, grabbing hold of her tail and looking to the incomer with panicked eyes.

"I mean- ahhh... Ha. Are you injured? I can prep you for Doc." The guy didn't seem to have any injuries, but did seem a bit... off.
Of course, with what she'd met of the crew, that was a normal thing on this ship.

 

[fukensploogin]

Dirk Goldfinger stood in the door to the sickbay, clutching the towel around his waist.

There was a catgirl there, and she seemed a bit freaked out.

"I wasn't doing anything!!," she yelped out, grabbing hold of her tail and looking to the incomer with panicked eyes.

"I mean- ahhh... Ha. Are you injured? I can prep you for Doc."

Dirk looked at her. What a specimen! That blue hair was something he'd never seen before... and the ears and the tail! So damn cute! Dirk gripped his towel a bit tighter. "I'm Captain Dirk Goldfinger. Are you the nurse? What's your name? Where's the bridge? What kinda good drugs you got for me? I've been trying to make my way here for weeks. Where are we headed, anyway? Who gave the order to get this thing rolling without me?"

Now he was muttering to himself as he walked around the sickbay, examining every little thing and still failing utterly to make any sense of, well, anything.

 

[Mephistophelily]

Tifyth's ears twitched as the man went off on a quick tangent, raising her finger to answer his qustion- and then another one came. And another one. And another one. Ok....
She settled onto the cot as he continued, waiting for a chance to answer him.
Wait. He was the Captain? And he didn't know where the bridge was?
Who was flying this thing?!

"I'll try to answer all those, but um....I dunno if I'll remember 'em all..." She beamed a smile at him, crossing her legs as she purred. "I'm Tifyth, the Doc's assistant. As for the bridge...." She gave a confused shrug. "Up?," She added as a suggestion. "Drugs, you'd have to talk to Doc, but Skeeter keeps putting him on the fritz."

She watched him as he circled the room, tilting her head a bit as he talked to himself. "Captain? Are you ...ahhh... ok?"

 

[fukensploogin]

"Captain? Are you ...ahhh... ok?"

Dirk shook his head quickly, clearing out his mind, and turned to focus on the cute little catgirl nurse. "Yeah, sure, I'm doing great. I think I've come to the right place, actually. And what do you mean the Doc's on the fritz? If there's one person on this ship that can't get sick, it's the doctor! Where is he, anyway?"

For a moment he watched her furry tail swish back and forth. "Doesn't matter. I can wait till he gets back. So, uh, lieutenant, is it? Think you can find me a proper uniform? This towel may be trusty, but it's not exactly regulation. My clothes didn't quite make it through the transporter beam trip up here."

 

[gagonthis]

Skeeter stepped out onto the bridge looking around. "Alright.. where the hell is everyone?" He asked, hiking his overalls up, wishing again that both of the straps worked as opposed to just one. He glanced around, almost no one was on the bridge. He turned to the mousey looking ensign manning the flight controls. "Hey! Where's the Captain?" He asked, looking the ensign up and down, "Anyone ever tell you you've got a real purty mouth?" He chuckled at the woman's nervousness. "In any case I better go find the Captaan..." He drawled, wandering off the bridge. "Hey! Computer thingy! Where's the Captain at?" He yelled into the air. "Captain Goldfinger is currently in sickbay." Skeeter shrugged at that and headed down the hallway, pausing when a woman with silver skin and a very nice fitting jumpsuit walked out into the hallway. "Wellll hellllllllo there beautiful!" Skeeter said, whistling loudly as he looked her up and down.

 

[autumnmist]

Doany stepped onto the bridge and almost ran into a rather disheveled looking man.

"Wellll hellllllllo there beautiful!" Skeeter said, whistling loudly as he looked her up and down.

She smiled at him. "Hi there, I am Doany Try, ship's Counsler....and you are?" She extended a hand to him.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

Doc

He vanished. This was great, someone must be fucking with the power supply or engine again, and if it was the lame brain mechanic he thought it was, he may actually be fucking the engine. Lord knows there was no rational explanation for how one walks into a room with nothing but three beers and a wrench and makes a starship move faster.

He returned in a room with a man in a towel near the nurse. Was he in one of the fantasy programs on the holodeck again. Did he have Boobs? A quick check confirmed he did not.

"Ok whoever is doing that to me stop fucking with the powergrids." he turned. "And who are you and why are you in a towel? Am in one of the naughty progrmas on the holodeck again?"

 

[Mephistophelily]

"Noo, Doc. This is oddly dressed man is our Captain!" Tif tilted her head, frowning. "Though he, ahhh... doesn't quite look it right now..." She jumped off from the cot, her tail flicking about happily as she went to the replicator. "I'll help!"

She hit one of the buttons, then leaned in to talk to the machine. "One captain's uniform, please!" She glanced over her shoulder, then back to the machine. "A real nice one with a few gold shiny things on it." She loved shiny things... and figured they'd look really good on him.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

The Doc.

The captain. The man in the towel with White hair and what looked like a Lightsaber hung from a towel was the captain?

"Computer. Who is the man in the towel in sickbay?"

In the sultriest voice imaginable, far better than any of the others he'd managed to access from the Crew holodeck adventures, the computer responded.

"The hunky man in the white towel is none other than captain Dirk Goldfinger, commander of the SS amharest and your superior officer. I'd give him the drugs now."

The Doc was astounded, he really was the captain, and the computer never got that voice for him, damn this guy must be the captain. But Policy was policy and the drugs were not to handed out lightly. Like this had ever stopped him before but still.

"Alright I'm convinced. So what did you need besides clothes?"

 

[fukensploogin]

"Mm. Yes. Thank you dear, for the uniform. The gold's a bit much, hmm?" He threw his towel over his shoulder and nonchalantly stepped into and zipped on the ridiculous bodysuit.

"And I need a pound of the purest mixohylian crazy beans. That should be... well, a big bag of 'em, anyway. Deliver them to my quarters, I won't be needing them for a while. By the way... where are my quarters? And the bridge? Do I have a roommate? Who the hell is my first mate? And who gave the order for this thing to take off, 'cause it sure as hell wasn't me."

He started ranting and raving again, demanded answers to everything that came into his mind, and then he said: "doc, what i really need is something to slow me down a little bit. Some good pipeweed."

 

[gagonthis]

Doany stepped onto the bridge and almost ran into a rather disheveled looking man.

"Wellll hellllllllo there beautiful!" Skeeter said, whistling loudly as he looked her up and down.

She smiled at him. "Hi there, I am Doany Try, ship's Counsler....and you are?" She extended a hand to him.

Skeeter took her hand, shaking it enthusiastically, then noticed that he left a big smear of starship gloop on her hand. "Whoops, sorry 'bout that." He said, taking a shammy cloth out of the back of his overalls and wiping her hand off, serving only to smear the gloop around a bit. "Ah well, little Barbillian never hurt nobody..." He chuckled. "Ship's counselor? So yer the one I come to talk to about my feelings? Cause I'm getting me a pretty naughty feeling right down here..." He said gesturing to his brotch. "Oh yeah, my name's Skeeter, I'm the ship's Chief mechanic!" He said happily.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

The man's request's were lunacy. Pure Lunacy. And if he was the captain. giving him these drugs would make this voage not only interesting but hazardous. basic knowledge told him this man had enough heat in the ship to

"Pipeweed, we're not supposed to give that to patients unles they have glaucoma. And we don't give crazy pills to anyone without a prescription. Do you have a prescription?"

Doc reconsidered, He supposed on good enough pipeweed the man would be far more mellow. And besides. Even though It really didn't do much Doc enjoyed the smell and feeling.

"Alright the weed I can rpovide. Stay and we'll fill a bowl. Tifyth, get the good bong"

 

[fukensploogin]

"Thanks, Doc! We'll talk about the crazy pills later." He turned and looked at the catgirl, Tifyth.

"Holy shit, that's the most high-tech bong I've ever seen!" Captain Dirk exclaimed.

 

[Mephistophelily]

Tifyth blushed as she held it out to him, pointing to the buttons on the side. "See these? Don't push 'em." She smiled as he took it, hopping back up onto her cot and swinging her legs. "Do you still need help getting to your quarters? I know that computer can be a bitch with directions sometimes."

As soon as she said it, the sprinkler right above her went off, sending Tifyth into a furious hissing fit as she hid beneath the metal slab of a bed. "I said it and I mean it!!," She snarled, peering up at the cieling as she stuck out her tongue. "I'll help you to your room, captain... If you make her stop that!"

 

[autumnmist]

Doany smiled at the man called Skeeter as she rubbed the gloop off her hand onto the side of her jumpsuit. "Chief machanic, huh? I feel soooo much safer," she said sarcastically. "And yes, you can tell me ALL your feelings....even the ones that need a little gloop to help. My door is always open." She winked at him and proceeded to her chair beside the empty Captain's set. She looked around, wondering just where the Captain was.