Spousal support.

[rutger5]

When my partner read my original stories here, he became enraged and violent. He assumed that I was here trolling for sex, although he found no evidence for that. I took down those stories and tried to stay off, but I really enjoyed the writing and whatever feedback I got, such as it was, and came back. I wasn't careful enough, and that led to worse incidents. Clearly, I'm still dumb as a post in that regard, but sneakier and more elusive.

Like others have said, he assumes that fictional characters reflect my fantasies to be with other men. That was helped initially by my seeding stories in realistic settings and on a couple of occasions with real people on whom I loosely based story characters. That's not the way he took it.

I write less and less here. I truly wish he had enjoyed those stories.

Interestingly (to me), he supports the idea of my writing non-erotic fiction. I can count the audience for those non-erotic stories on the fingers of one hand, with a couple of fingers left over, and they're just being polite.

I'm not usually one to speak out of turn and it isn't my business but what you said worried me. Hopefully you are exaggerating but when you wrote your partner became violent and then led to worse incidents later I find troubling.

It's one thing for someone to get upset or mad, especially if someone can't conceive of someone being here or writing stories without it meaning more than it does. There are many people like that. I just hope that in no way would your partner be violent or abusive toward you and if he is then no one should take that. Hope it was just hyperbole.
r5

 

[OmnislashXX]

No spouse. No Support.

It's not like I would tell my friends/family either. Could you imagine saying " So, like, I write erotic fiction in my spare time."? Yeah, didn't think so.

 

[holliday1960]

No spouse. No Support.

It's not like I would tell my friends/family either. Could you imagine saying " So, like, I write erotic fiction in my spare time."? Yeah, didn't think so.

I do. My whole family knows that I write erotica and porn both. My mother doesnt read it because I discourage her to do so. My siblings and their spouses all support my choice to write. (some of them read, some don't) One of my children has read my stories but keeps it quiet, and another proudly tells her peers and teachers what I write about.

My husband reads my stories before they are posted and some that will never be posted. Guess I am in the minority in that respect, but there are lots of people here who write and who would be damaged in some way by their peers knowing about it. I don't have that issue and I am thankful for my loved ones who stand beside me in my endeavors.

 

[hylas_]

My boyfriend would like to be supportive of my writing, but I don't let him! He knows I write, but I don't tell him what I write, or where/how/under what pen name I publish it.

We're both creative professionals and supportive of each other. But when it comes to creating erotic works, be it writing or drawing or whatever, I need to be anonymous, for my creative juices to truly flow. I guess I'm just uptight that way, lol.

And honestly, eventhough we're quite sexually adventurous, I think he'd still be a little freaked out if he knew about some of the stuff that's going on in my head.

 

[ChloeTzang]

My boyfriend ..... I think he'd still be a little freaked out if he knew about some of the stuff that's going on in my head.

LOL. My partner gets kind of stunned sometimes at my stories and then he just grins and goes "Ohhhhhhkay" coz he knows it's just in my head and he's very accepting of my wild imagination (which, when I read some of the stories on LIT, isn;t really that wild at all....). And when we moved in together I was very up front about my not so very wild past..... so his only surprises are usually good ones.

After reading some of your experiences and comments here, I have to say I think I have it really easy and I really feel for those of you who don't have that support. I kind of thought it was tough that I'm reticent about my writing with everyone except my partner but okay, that pales and I shall bite my tongue in future and just feel lucky.

 

[MagicaPractica]

This is something I've been struggling with lately. My husband is verbally supportive of my writing, (he says it's his main retirement plan ) and he's an avid reader of fiction, just not mine. I left half a story for him to read and give me feedback on a couple months ago and . . . nothing. He never read it and doesn't remember me asking. I recently had my first poem really "published" and there was a reading for the book which I went to, on my own. He showed absolutely no interest, not even to read it. It does bother me because it's a big part of who I am. We recently talked about it. I just want to know whether he doesn't want to read my stuff so I should stop looking for him to. He says he wants to but then . . . nothing. He listens politely when I talk about my writing but never asks questions or anything. I don't know what to think. Thankfully, I have a wonderful writer's group that is very supportive and helpful. I think it would make me feel a lot more concerned about my writing if I didn't already get positive feedback from other sources.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm not usually one to speak out of turn and it isn't my business but what you said worried me. Hopefully you are exaggerating but when you wrote your partner became violent and then led to worse incidents later I find troubling.

It's one thing for someone to get upset or mad, especially if someone can't conceive of someone being here or writing stories without it meaning more than it does. There are many people like that. I just hope that in no way would your partner be violent or abusive toward you and if he is then no one should take that. Hope it was just hyperbole.
r5

In second that. But will go further and add jealousy is one hell of an ugly emotion and a sign of low self esteem, immaturity and if 'violent' was not meant literally it will escalate to that.

A man like that needs to be ditched and legal precautions taken immediately because those are the stalkers and the ones that won't let go without a fight.

I've seen the evidence of what their jealousy is capable of and even met a few dumb enough to show up where their former partners were being housed.

To date I haven't met one that's much of a fight when their opponent doesn't have breasts and hits back. Par for the course of that type of 'man'

 

[hylas_]

@MagicaPractica: I think your husbands actions speak louder than his words. It's sucky that your husband takes no interest in what you say is such a big part of you. And it's sucky that he can't just be honest about his lack of interest. But if you can accept that your husband loves you and cares about you, but just isn't interested in that aspect of you (your writing), it would probably be the best.

I don't know if this remotely compares... but my brother is a musician (amongst other things). We're close and I love him dearly, but... I'm just not that interested in his music. I can't even properly explain why. I always think, I should listen to what he's been up to lately... and then I don't do it. Yeah, that makes me an asshole, I know. But it doesn't mean that I love him any less.

 

[49greg]

I'm married, and she knows I post to this site. She doesn't want to read any of my stories nor will she edit/proof them, but she doesn't mind either, just wants nothing to do with it.

On the other hand she asked me what my Pen Name was, when I told, her she said she just wanted to make sure I didn't use my real name. So, theoretically she could have read them.

Oddly though she told a close friend of ours that "He writes porn in his spare time" when the subject of hobbies came up once. Go figure. I looked surprised, I guess. My wife giggled, but our friend didn't seem offended or intrigued.

 

[Boota]

My wife wants me to write more erotica. I've been writing exclusively mainstream for a few years now (I recognize almost no one on these boards anymore, it's been so long), and she is supportive of that, but she still wants some more smut. I'll get around to it later.

 

[Green_Knight]

Nope. Even the idea of me reading anything erotic would probably cause problems, so let alone writing it myself.

My position exactly and I can only think of a couple of wives/partners/SOs who were differently inclined. I suspect that a lot of people believe that a partner reading porn means that they're dissatisfied with their sex life – and writing porn would prove it beyond all shadow of doubt.

As long as it is funny - jokes, funny pictures, ... - or if her colleagues recommend it to her like Fifty Shades, she can see it and therefore I can see it as well, but nothing serious. I guess it's a mix of my wife's culture and very bad experiences at young age, which makes her very insecure and questioning everything I do.

Fortunately, my wife is often working in evening shifts, which gives me lots of time to write. I'm sitting on the sofa, typing on my laptop, and my children are probably (hopefully) thinking I'm on Facebook or doing work. For reading, the Android App is a blessing for me, as it has a very neutral format.

Fortunately I am in a 'living together apart' relationship so I have plenty of writing time.

And when going on the Internet, I use the 'InPrivate' option for Internet Explorer. That keeps my 'Internet History' clean.

 

[Cockhole]

No One Will Know

No one knows what I write in my non-erotic world and no one from my erotic world knows who I am. I fully intend to keep it that way.

It would seriously stifle my stories and fantasies if anyone knew who I was. My stories would become too tame simply out of consideration for those who read my work knowing who I am. I have written stories for my wife about her and me.

My profession would not tolerate my erotic writing, so there's another reason.

 

[ChloeTzang]

My profession would not tolerate my erotic writing, so there's another reason.

I'm with you there. My employers would not take it well. Another reason to stay more or less anonymous. Until I sell as many books as E L James anyhow

And given I haven't even published one yet, self or otherwise, that's gonna be a looooooong wait.

 

[MagicaPractica]

@MagicaPractica: I think your husbands actions speak louder than his words. It's sucky that your husband takes no interest in what you say is such a big part of you. And it's sucky that he can't just be honest about his lack of interest. But if you can accept that your husband loves you and cares about you, but just isn't interested in that aspect of you (your writing), it would probably be the best.

I don't know if this remotely compares... but my brother is a musician (amongst other things). We're close and I love him dearly, but... I'm just not that interested in his music. I can't even properly explain why. I always think, I should listen to what he's been up to lately... and then I don't do it. Yeah, that makes me an asshole, I know. But it doesn't mean that I love him any less.

Thank you, it does make sense.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Spousal support for your writing, I mean.

I know that some of you have significant others who read and comment on your writing. I don't. That's not even imaginable. The idea of writing erotica was (at least) challenging for her. Now even suggesting that I write anything seems to be a problem. I need to write.

Do you have spousal support for your writing (erotic or non-erotic)? If not, how do you handle it?

Back in the days when people still bought their erotic materials, I wrote and sold to a bevy of forum style magazines very much like the ubiquitous "Penthouse Forum" style. (Stories written from the 1st person POV, written as if it really happened, all in 3000 words or so.)

I bought my first word processor with my sales. Yes, word processor because the idea of a PC was still fiction.

My wife didn't love what I was doing, but she accepted it. Maybe because I was making money at it, IDK.

Later, she arbitrarily decided I was writing too much porn. Maybe it had something to do with her being a school teacher, IDK, but she sat me down and had a conversation with me: "Stop writing erotica. It's all you write. You want to write more than that and I'm afraid it's become a crutch."

Regardless of her good intentions, I rebelled by not writing anything for a couple years. Instead, I would just play a video game or something. I shut down the blog I had and the website I had started. Quite honestly, I felt betrayed.

She seldom understood or appreciated my relationship with writing or with writing erotica. It confused her. She seldom read my material. IF she did, she assumed I was sending her a message about what I wanted to do in bed instead of enjoying whatever romp I had created. She took very little interest in reading any of material before or after it went to press.

Eventually, I unilaterally and arbitrarily decided, FUCK HER. I wrote for myself for a while, just because it felt good to tell my little stories. I missed the escape of writing.

After a while, I created this pseudonym and began publishing on Literotica. While I swear everything I post is a rough draft, this platform gives me a reason to hone a story, to work it out in greater detail and to be a more professional writer. No, I don't put the same amount of effort into a Lit story as I would put into a story I expected to sell - but Lit still gives me a reason to work a bit harder.

TLDR: Be true to thyself.

 

[NotWise]

I wonder if anyone writes stories on Lit just so their SO will pick up on the idea and do it in bed, or in the park, or the bowling alley, or... well, you know.

 

[CeasarBoobage]

I wonder if anyone writes stories on Lit just so their SO will pick up on the idea and do it in bed, or in the park, or the bowling alley, or... well, you know.

It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. The line in the sand is the difference between reality and fantasy. Many things are better left to fantasy, and from what I know of "normal" people/couples, if they tried half of the things they read about, there would soon after be either a divorce or someone would end up in a jail or shallow grave.

Could I see myself acting out all of the stories I write? Not if I want to stay married or keep seeing my children. Some, sure, since I try to write (some) stuff that seems realistic, but others would rip families apart. That's not cool. But as a fantasy for some people, those words let them see their desire, and they can be happy to picture it without trying to screw up their life by experiencing it.

And of course, there's some here that say all of their stories are true accounts of things they have done. Maybe not, maybe so, that's none of my business. Some folks surely write only things they truly want to experience, and typing it out helps them picture it in better detail. Those people should give their SO hints.

 

[LukasGrey]

My wife has always rode my ass about my writing. Mostly because I would drone on about some story I wanted to write and never followed through on. At one point she basically told me that she wasn't going to listen to any more plot synopsis until I wrote them.

Finally one day, while I was on vacation, I just sat down and pounded out a novel-length story. It was pretty erotic and I dreaded telling her, to the point that I started to write some mainstream stuff just so I would have fluff to show her if she asked to see...

Finally one night I decided, fuck it, I'll just cop to it.

She gave me a funny look and then told me to have at it.

I didn't want her to read it as she's kind of a tight ass, definitely prudish, and I figured I'd have the issue many here have discussed, that she would drag it out as either a fantasy that I had or a true story that I had hidden from her. Again, finally, I decided fuck it.

I gave her a copy and she says she really enjoyed it. She started riding my ass about continuing it. She was very complimentary of it and gave me feedback. I wouldn't say that she's helped me edit it, but she does some graphic design work and has offered to help me put together covers and set it up for publishing...

Maybe she thinks it will encourage me to write more and finish some of the mainstream stuff I've fleshed out. Maybe she just sees dollar signs. Maybe she just doesn't care...

Her attitude about it really surprised me as she's totally anti-porn...

I guess net/net on it is maybe those who think they won't get support would be surprised?

Course, maybe I'm an idiot too...

 

[CoffeeWithMonkeys]

I haven't had a spouse for 7 years.
When we were still together I didn't really write much, I had some ideas written down in several notebooks, but had never typed or submitted anything anywhere.
One night he confessed that he had read one of my notebooks and he completely crushed me and told me that what I was writing wasn't erotica at all, but it as very romantic!
I don't want to write romance!

Anyway these days no one reads what I write except my friend. She supports me. Loves what I write.
My kids all know what I write and some have read some of the stuff. Some think it's good, others roll their eyes at me.

 

[DragonflySong]

At first I was a bit shy to tell anyone that I wrote erotic stories. Finally, I told my partner and he was very supportive - and even helpful with some editing - particularly French grammar, as his French is far better than mine. If anything, I think he looks forward to when I tell him I'll be spending the weekend writing since I end up being pretty randy as a result. I've gradually told a few friends as well, and they've also been remarkably supportive. The one person I've told but not given the link to my stories is my sister...still a bit shy about that, though I know she'd be great about it.

I'd hate to have to hide that part of me from my partner - but I suppose if I had to, I wouldn't be with him...

 

[NotWise]

One night he confessed that he had read one of my notebooks and he completely crushed me and told me that what I was writing wasn't erotica at all, but it as very romantic!

I don't want to write romance!

There might be a social difference between men and women in where we draw the line between romance and erotica. I know that things my wife thinks of as erotica are to me romantic; some things I think of as erotic are to her pornography.

 

[DragonflySong]

There might be a social difference between men and women in where we draw the line between romance and erotica. I know that things my wife thinks of as erotica are to me romantic; some things I think of as erotic are to her pornography.

I'm not sure that it's a man/woman thing. I'm a woman and to me, erotica has explicit sex - calling it what it is, using names of erogenous body parts and so on. Romance, on the other hand, hints and teases but never really gets down to business. It's the stereotypical chocolates and flowers, but fading to black before you get to the nitty gritty.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm not sure that it's a man/woman thing. I'm a woman and to me, erotica has explicit sex - calling it what it is, using names of erogenous body parts and so on. Romance, on the other hand, hints and teases but never really gets down to business. It's the stereotypical chocolates and flowers, but fading to black before you get to the nitty gritty.

I like this! I am as a rule skeptical about the usefulness of putting labels on things, but you said this about as well as I've heard it said.

 

[DragonflySong]

Ha! And for me (man)…
Romance is hearts and kisses, love and longing.
Erotica hints to sex, teasing and turning around the subject; perhaps sometimes dipping in.
Porn is where the flesh and fluids really take the stage.

That rings true as well...I'm not sure I differentiate between erotica and porn before, but this makes a lot of sense.

 

[NotWise]

That rings true as well...I'm not sure I differentiate between erotica and porn before, but this makes a lot of sense.

I think "erotica" is an umbrella term for anything that is sexually arousing--to anyone.

Porn is part of erotica.
Romance is part of erotica.

And so on.