Speeding the Female Orgasm Up

[IvoryValentine]

Hello everyone I have a very healthy sex life with my husband. there's no lack of sparks but I've become frustrated that my orgasm is sometimes hard to reach. I can be on the edge of climax for what seems like forever and it frustrates me. It happens not only with my husband but by myself as well.

I know he wants to wait for me, trying to hold back his own release but a guy can only wait so long.

Any suggestions?

 

[RICKM1]

Your biggest problem is the fact that you are thinking about it. Quit think if its going to happen or not and enjoy the moment. I bet if you take my advice you won't have any problems.

 

[emap]

Stop thinking about it, the most important thing is the journey not the end.

Harder said than done, I know this from experience.

Anyway, besides not thinking about the orgasm the biggest key to enjoying the sex fully is tease yourself. I know it sounds funny, but seriously think about it. When you are dying to get in bed and enjoy a man, thinking about all the things that you and he will do when you get there, you get off fast and easy when you actually do get there. Do this to yourself, if you are a stay at home wife it's easy to do. Watch the erotic movies, think about things to do with or to him when he gets home. Play with yourself, but don't get off, I mean on purpose not bring yourself off.

By the time your husband gets home you will either jump him in the doorway or drag him to the bedroom. He won't care one whit about anything but fucking your brains out so don't worry about him. Once you get him where you want to do him, do him and all the things you were teasing yourself with all day. He will be very happy, and you will be very very happy after.

 

[bailadora]

Hello everyone I have a very healthy sex life with my husband. there's no lack of sparks but I've become frustrated that my orgasm is sometimes hard to reach. I can be on the edge of climax for what seems like forever and it frustrates me. It happens not only with my husband but by myself as well.

I know he wants to wait for me, trying to hold back his own release but a guy can only wait so long.

Any suggestions?

This may not be what you want to hear, but I think you're probably going to have to accept this is the way you're wired. Some women just take longer to orgasm than others.

If I'm close to ovulation or if it's been awhile since I last had sex, sometimes I fire off pretty quickly, but generally, I'm one of those gals who just needs more time. Emap gave some excellent tips on how to "prime the pump", so to speak, so I'd definitely give those a try and see if they help. From my own experience, sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. And when it doesn't, I just accept that while I might not get off from intercourse, there are PLENTY of alternatives. And thankfully, my guy is not so cockcentric that his pride is all bruised if it turns this way. Oral, fingers, toys.....he doesn't care how I get there, as long as I do.

 

[TexasWife25]

I agree with everyone else, I know for me, orgasm is very much a state of mind. If I dont feel comfortable or if Im worrying, then it can be harder and less pleasurable to climax. Take your time and enjoy the foreplay, lots of teasing before should help some. But every woman is different, and having a slow build up may just be part of you, I would say, try to enjoy the positives of having a long fuse

 

[IvoryValentine]

Thanks for the good advice

 

[Miles Long]

Can you turn the vibrator up to 11?

 

[sunandshadow]

Vibrating toy of some kind applied when you are already on the edge would probably push you over. Sometimes changing position (from missionary to doggy or cowgirl for example) can work too.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Mix It Up

One of the challenges that faces any monogamous relationship (and for the moment, lets consider masturbation a monogamous relationship as well) is that, like anything, what we repeat becomes habit and the more familiar something becomes, the less exciting it becomes. So, I would actually suggest taking a different approach - when you approach orgasm don't just keep going - actually try and think "what am I missing, what would push me over the edge". Then, give some different things a try - different positions, different strokes, different styles, different toys, etc. Observe what you do when you make love, observe what you do when you masturbate and then mix it up.

 

[njlauren]

Everyone's response is different, I remember reading of the exact opposite, a story from the late 19th century of a doctor treating a female patient who would orgasm if he simply brushed his finger up against her pubic arch.

Have you always been like this? I have heard having kids can change this and it may also be caused by hormonal changes and such. Ginko might help (it increases blood flow, including to the genital region) or an herb like so called Horny Goat weed might help as well (might be worth a shot, if it doesn't work not exactly going to break the bank). A more radical suggestion might be getting a clit hood piercing, have heard through the grapevine it kind of helps in that regards, though somehow I think that might be a bit way out there...the other thing I have heard helps is doing exercise to strengthen the kegel muscles (there is information on how to do this online all over the place) working on them can help I suspect and also isn't going to make you partner unhappy if they are a guy doing you vaginally.

I also agree maybe stop focusing on the orgasm as much and just enjoy the ride. Speaking as the person providing the orgasm, I am not upset about taking time to do it, using everything I have to get her to the place where she can have it, and I suspect it is less of an issue for him then you think, if that is your problem.

The other thing is, have you talked to a gynecologist about this? They might have suggestions for you. The other suggestion is if it bothers you, talk to a licensed sexual counselor, they may know of things you can do to help.

 

[IvoryValentine]

Thanks for the great advice

The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion that it's physiological. I'm working on it, but will be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a control freak so just letting go can take a little bit of work. But it is something I'm working on.

 

[Dogma52]

Sounds like you need more foreplay and him giving you oral until you are near the edge. Then he can push you over (hopefully) with intercourse.

 

[Lord Pmann]

You're more likely to turn water into gold than speed up the female orgasm. (that's sort of a joke, please don't stone me)

If you are able to come super fast when you are by yourself, then I'd say it was something your partner may be doing wrong or not the way you like it. But since your orgasm is slow when you are doing the deed yourself, I'll agree with the others who say it is probably the way you are wired. Relaxing more would help. My wife is similar in the fact that she is a control freak and she takes longer than she would like some days. What helps her more than anything is when she comes up with a story in her head. A story involving me of course.

But in the end, it really doesn't matter if you orgasm right? It's about bonding and spending time with your partner innit? (I'm totally kidding.)

 

[Leslie22]

I'd say more oral. Then you don't have to worry about him climaxing.

 

[roomfor1more]

My own feeling, based on your posting, is you may need more stimulation to bring you, "over the edge." This may mean direct stimulation of the clitoris. By that I do not mean rubbing it directly, instead I mean pulling by the thing sheath that covers it and then rub it. If it is done too early it can create some irritation and not be pleasurable. However, if you try it once fully aroused it might speed up orgamsing. Another option that I find works is having your husband rub your clit while he fingers you and if you are into anal sex then having him finger your anus while fingering your and rubbing your clit may also help.

 

[hunnyblonde]

What works for me

Hello everyone I have a very healthy sex life with my husband. there's no lack of sparks but I've become frustrated that my orgasm is sometimes hard to reach. I can be on the edge of climax for what seems like forever and it frustrates me. It happens not only with my husband but by myself as well.

I know he wants to wait for me, trying to hold back his own release but a guy can only wait so long.

Any suggestions?

Girls don't have a "nothing box" for our minds to be in like guys do. We gotta be thinking about something if we're conscious. So I make that something the most pleasurable thoughts I can while trying to cum for my lover. And if those thoughts don't work, and sometimes they don't... I focus on the bloodflow to that region of the body. I try to feel how warm and swollen it is...how it responds to every flick of his finger or brush of his ...you know the word for it... and I just imagine that all my focus is there. I don't have any other body parts taking my attention at that moment. Who cares what my face is doing, or what my fingers are latching onto. All I feel is the warmth and sensations in that one tiny little spot, and the surrounding areas if that's helpful.

Nina Hartley (instructional porn star) is where I got that suggestion. She said to just feel nothing but the pleasure, and the pleasure areas. Let it be the single focus of your attention, and feel it growing toward climax.

I really feel that it works to get me off much faster than otherwise. Good luck!!

 

[billrichards41]

I've had partners who were slow to reach that point as well.
Don't over analyze.
Don't look to place blame or causality.
Talk about it not when you are in the act.
Understand your partner is caring and if not than there are other issues.
Try additional stimulation during intercourse.
Enjoy yourself!

 

[IvoryValentine]

problem seems to be resolved lol just needed to relax more lol Thanks to everyone who gave such good advice