Soul Mates: Fact or Fiction?

[AppleBiter]

A recent conversation led me to wonder how many of us believe in soul mates. I, myself, am a big believer in destiny and I absolutely believe in soul mates. However, I don't think there's someone out there for everyone -- I think some people are designed to be single and happy that way.

What do you think?

 

[minsue]

Snipped straight from Abs coz I'm too lazy to type again....

I don't think I believe in soul mates. At least not the extreme definition where there is one other half for each of us. Just think of how many lives are ruined each time the wrong people marry. The ripple effect is staggering if you don't assume that their respective soul mates remain single. It's just too much pressure.

 

[blackhaus7]

After further consideration, I wouldn't use the term soul mates. However, there are people that are incredibly compatable with each other and that could qualify. My problem with this is not that they may or may not exist, but how few people someone will date before determining a life mate. The possibilities are practically endless and yet so many people I know only dated a very few before marrying. I went the other route. I conclude there were so few women that would fit in my scheme of things that it was vitually unlikely that I would find one. Twenty-two years later it still astounds me that I did.

Is this a matter of compromise? (Something I'm really not good at.) I've looked around me at the second and third marriages of some people and wondered what happened both in the previous marriages and what got them together for this one.

Considering that sex is difficult without relationships (God knows I've tried), relationships are important. So, with this website the nature that it is, how does it all get put together right?

(I was going to start this thread, but AppleBiter got a jump on me.)

 

[moonlight elf]

Like I said on the other thread, I believed in soul mates when I was seven years old. Now? I'd say there really is no other half out there. I think we are capable of loving many and each time we love someone our soul mates with them. So, in a way there can be soul mates but there cannot be just "the one".

 

[elsol]

I don't have a soul mate; I have several or will have.

Each and every one of my children.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Penelope Street]

Fiction

I don't believe in supernatural orchestration any more than I believe in intelligent design. With the number of persons on the planet today, there are thousands, perhaps millions, of persons with whom I am compatible enough to form a meaningful relationship.

 

[Songcatcher]

http://www.cynsa.com/butt/april/index.html

http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html

 

[English Lady]

I believe in Soul mates, Plural. I don't neccessarily believe theres only one per person, I think there are more than that. I've met a couple in my life so far, I'm married to one as it happens, and another is a very good friend of mine, others have been in my life but aren't any more and of course, as Elsol put in his reply, I have my daughter.

 

[impressive]

I believe there are people (like EL, plural) out there with whom I could share a connection so deep & so profound that they would feel like an extension of myself. Not a carbon copy, but rather a complementing counterpart such that each "completes" the other. (How cliche is that?)

I know of one person in my life right now who could step into the role without missing a beat. Problem is, we've each painted ourselves into corners of responsibility -- and, being the people we are, neither of us will forsake that responsibility. It's a catch-22.

I know others with whom I feel a bond that transcends friendship and edges into a surreal connection. How much those bonds will develop remains to be seen, but there is potential there for very fulfilling relationships -- not necessarily sexual, either.

 

[Dar~]

I believe in soul mates. I am married to the perfect compliment of my self. opposite, but perfect. The things I am not educated or talented in, he is and vice versa. We fit each otehr. I fit against him perfectly. Its like two pieces of a ying yang.
However, I do believe that many people are meant to be happy single. I also believe that some people are able to be compatible and soul mates with more than pne person and sometimes many. I just don't think I am one of them.

 

[lil_elvis]

Vascillating

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Today's not a good day for this question.

 

[carsonshepherd]

i don't know about a soul mate... esp. not in a romantic way. but, i've been friends with someone for a very long time, 17 years. we're not of compatible sexual orientation and wouldn't suit each other that way anyway. still, she's probably the closest i'll ever get to a soul mate because she knows everything about me and doesn't judge me for it (and vice versa) and we've been loyal to each other through a lot of things. any relationship takes work - there is no free ride, which is what "soul mate" implies to me.

do i have a romantic soul mate? i doubt it - i'm probably too odd. I'm not holding my breath anyway.

 

[rgraham666]

I believe there is.

But mine probably lives in either Perth, Australia or Blomfontein, RSA. Maybe Kamchatka.

So it's really unlikely we'll ever get together.

Not happy about being single, but I've gotten somewhat used to it.

 

[SensualCealy]

I feel that there is a soul mate for everyone, just not everyone finds eachother.
Being married 17 yrs you would think I have found mine but I honestly dont think he was my soulmate. I was in too much of a hurry to marry that I jumped at the chance.
We do well together, both having our major faults and things we love about eachother keep us going. That's what life is all about.
If someone was to find their true soulmate, they would know and that glow would never dim.

Good luck to those who are still searching.
C

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I not only don't believe in soul mates, I don't believe in you. Or me. Them either.

I think we're a different person with everyone we know. I think the idea of a "real" you is BS. It's a misconception that's led to a lot of misery.

 

[blackhaus7]

I feel that there is a soul mate for everyone, just not everyone finds eachother.
Being married 17 yrs you would think I have found mine but I honestly dont think he was my soulmate. I was in too much of a hurry to marry that I jumped at the chance.
We do well together, both having our major faults and things we love about eachother keep us going. That's what life is all about.
If someone was to find their true soulmate, they would know and that glow would never dim.

Good luck to those who are still searching.
C

Now, we're getting close to what I wanted to know. Is it better not to be alone and with the wrong person or to be alone? Ideally, not be alone with the right person. I look around me at the people I know and the answer for most seems to be "he/she isn't my soul mate, but I can turn him/her into it." And when it doesn't happen...... next. This is the part about compromise.

 

[rgraham666]

Now, we're getting close to what I wanted to know. Is it better not to be alone and with the wrong person or to be alone? Ideally, not be alone with the right person. I look around me at the people I know and the answer for most seems to be "he/she isn't my soul mate, but I can turn him/her into it." And when it doesn't happen...... next. This is the part about compromise.

Personally, I would rather be alone. To be with the wrong person is, from personal experience, not a lot of fun.

One has to be careful with compromise, especially when many people's idea of compromise is, "We'll do it my way." At what point do you stop compromising and start giving yourself up?

 

[blackhaus7]

Personally, I would rather be alone. To be with the wrong person is, from personal experience, not a lot of fun.

One has to be careful with compromise, especially when many people's idea of compromise is, "We'll do it my way." At what point do you stop compromising and start giving yourself up?

The compromise isn't with the other person, it's the one in you that settles for different than you really want. Does that work? It seems not. OK, then, why compromise?

 

[English Lady]

I not only don't believe in soul mates, I don't believe in you. Or me. Them either.

I think we're a different person with everyone we know. I think the idea of a "real" you is BS. It's a misconception that's led to a lot of misery.

Sorta, Dr M... but i do believe there is a core character or two that are me...there's not just one true me, but there are a few that are, and many that are just faces...

Probably why I believe in multiple soul mates

 

[rgraham666]

The compromise isn't with the other person, it's the one in you that settles for different than you really want. Does that work? It seems not. OK, then, why compromise?

Because more people are afraid of being alone that they are of giving themselves up.

And a lot of people like playing the power game, "If you want me to love you, you will change who you are."

I don't respond well to threats.

 

[blackhaus7]

Because more people are afraid of being alone that they are of giving themselves up.

And a lot of people like playing the power game, "If you want me to love you, you will change who you are."

I don't respond well to threats.

Being alone isn't Hell. Being stuck with someone you don't want to be stuck with is Hell. But that never seems to be realized (until too late). And then often repeated.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Carson

I'm very blessed in the sense that I have a best friend who knows my heart and understands me completely. In a way, I think our friendship has survived for so long because we aren't sexually involved and have never co-habitated.

As for romantic soulmates, I am unfortunately forced to take the stance that I don't believe in them. Who wants to admit they've sabotaged themselves? Who wants to admit they've lost more than they can possibly comprehend? Fuck it, not me.
-Miss Scarlett(emotionally unavailable )

 

[Belegon]

I believe that there are people out there that I have an unexplainable connection with...through shared souls? I don't know, I suppose the closest I've come to belief in a soulmate is this exchange from Before Sunrise:

Jesse: Most people, you know, a lot of people talk about the past lives, and things like that, you know, and even if they don't believe in it in some specific way, you know, people have some kind of notion of an eternal soul, right.

Céline: Yeah.

Jesse: Okay. Well, this is my thought. 50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's like 2,000,000 people on the planet. Now, there's between 5 and 6 billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? Are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls?

Now, in the movie , Jesse turns this into a talk about how scattered people are. But what if it is an explanation of these connections we sometimes feel? With so many people out there, even if souls were dividing we could go our whole lives and only meet a few "relatives".

I also think that just because we meet someone with that connection does not mean we are "meant for one another". Marriage/life-long partnership has many more elements than just this.

 

[impressive]

I not only don't believe in soul mates, I don't believe in you. Or me. Them either.

I think we're a different person with everyone we know. I think the idea of a "real" you is BS. It's a misconception that's led to a lot of misery.

Perhaps, then your soul mate is the person with whom you're who you most like/want to be -- such that you like yourself the most when you're with that person. You're the happiest and the healthiest and the most fulfilled. (The problem is finding that with someone who feels the same way about YOU!)

There is some truth to what you say about being a different person with everyone we know. However, like EL says, we do have core traits that -- while we may suppress them -- aren't going away. A soul mate knows and accepts what's at the foundation of our being.

I can't quite buy Bel's example that we're all pieces of some "Eve" soul. Souls (spirits, personalities -- whatever) are as varied as our DNA and further molded by experience.

 

[minsue]

Now, we're getting close to what I wanted to know. Is it better not to be alone and with the wrong person or to be alone? Ideally, not be alone with the right person. I look around me at the people I know and the answer for most seems to be "he/she isn't my soul mate, but I can turn him/her into it." And when it doesn't happen...... next. This is the part about compromise.

That's assuming that just because someone isn't perfect, something people seem to be looking for in a soul mate, that being with them is a compromise. Seems like a hell of a way to live, to me. Spending your life searching for your perfect other half.