sos: help requested

[Fels]

Hi,

This is my first post ever on any online board so let me start off by apologizing if I break any unwritten “laws” about posting as I’m unaware of them.

I'm a submissive female (over 18, but under 22) and I'm having issues with my current Master. It's not that he's beating me, or treating me badly or anything horrible like that. I guess it's more of the fact that he's not. The past few months have been rough on us both, what with Christmas and family obligations and all, and our sex life has reflected that. I thought after Christmas everything would get better, but it hasn’t. He’s been less and less dominating when we are actually able to couple (no, we don’t live together). Each time we’ve been together I have either had no orgasm or an unsatisfying one, which for me is almost as bad. I love sex but I enjoy the afterglow more. Being held by my master and knowing that I have pleased him is what I look forward to most when we’re together. I love feeling like I have a master and feeling like no matter what he will always be there. And I haven’t had that feeling for several months now. I’m starting to feel abandoned, and it scares me. I keep thinking very un-submissive thoughts, like looking for someone else. I don’t want to, I don’t want anyone else, but this evil voice in the back of my mind keeps whispering that this isn’t how I’m suppose to feel. My master is suppose to make me feel safe and loved, not cold and alone.

We’ve started having fights more often. Every time we fight I feel a little more alone, a little more hopeless. I don’t have any friends that I know of who are submissive or dominate. And it’s not something that I advertise in real life, so I don’t have anyone that I know of to turn to for help.

I don’t know what I’m asking for. Advice, hope, inspiration. Am I doing something wrong? Am I to needy too often? I feel like the problem. Like there is something wrong with me but I don’t know anymore (damn that evil little voice).
I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems, but I really don’t know where to turn to. I would greatly appreciate any advice.

Even if you don’t have advice, thanks for reading this. Typing it and just getting it out there has made me feel a little better.

Jen

 

[subwannabe]

Sounds to me like you both need to sit down and have a talk.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Its not "un-submissive" to think about finding someone else when your relationship isn't going the direction you want it. It's human nature. Just cause he is your master and you are his submissive doesn't mean your relationship is set in stone and can only be broken by him.

Maybe he just isn't the right master for you.

Sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. But realize you can part ways if it isn't working out.

 

[littleone77]

Something that El_C reminds me constantly...He can't fix it if he doesn't know there is a problem. And if he doesn't or will not fix things, than obviously its time to re evaluate.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

*nods*

Open talk is the way. Be respectful in what and how you say it tho, things could be easily misunderstood and guess it wouldnt help you much atm.

Btw do not feel bad for the way you feel. You have needs that just cant be overlooked even if you wanted/tryed to. You shouldnt feel this way IMO. Pour out your soul to him. Good Master should listen and would care about the way you feel. If he wont I would honeslty rethink if hes the right one for you.

*fingers crossed for you girl* {{{hugs}}}
feel free to PM me anytime


~Kate

 

[catalina_francisco]

I honestly think it is time you do some soul searching and decide what it is you want, and what you cannot do without, and what you are prepared to give to a relationship. I notice you say you love feeling you have a Master, which is OK, but perhaps it is more about having a Master, than having this Master/person in your life. It could easily be just your speech, but nowhere do you seem to mention caring for him as a person, being concerned what might be happening for him to have created the change, basically anything to do with him and his feelings beyond him being your Master. OTOH, you do relate a lot about what you feel you are not getting, how you are feeling, what you feel you should be entitled to, and as a result that you have been thinking of looking for someone else. Could it be you are more interested in having a Master, than having a particular Master?

For me, just as in any relationship, if things change I want to know why, what is happening for the other person, if there is something I can do to help, if I have perhaps been the cause of the change, not just concentrate on what I am not getting. Perhaps you have already tried to explore these things, but from your words it doesn't get mentioned so I am assuming not. As others have said, if it isn't working there is nothing wrong with facing that and moving on. Just as equally true is both people have to be involved and care, so if you are not interested in trying to explore if he has issues or he is not interested in discussing the situation with you, perhaps moving on is for the best for both of you. Only you can decide that.

Catalina

 

[Fels]

I'm ashamed at myself for making my post sound so cold. Believe me when I say that I love my master as a person. We’ve been together for over four years now (and not all of it has been sunshine with roses). We’ve had ups and downs just like any other relationship.

It's just I don't know what to do. This is the first problem we've faced as a dominant / submissive pair. This is his first relationship with a submissive (first time master, I’m not quite sure if there's a term for it) and though I have felt since my early teens that I am a sub, I haven't explored it as much as I have with man I’m with right now. I love him so much, which is why I’m looking for help.
Thanks for posting. You’ve given me a lot to think on.

 

[madetotakeit]

Like everyone has said. You won't find any answers until you talk to him. Evaluate the situation, evaluate what you want and need. Like Cat said, it may not be him so much as the idea of him. Talk to him, and then follow your heart and your instincts. It may be that the relationship has run its course and neither of you want to state that. If that is the case, treasure what time you had and let yourself move forward. It may also be that every day life is taking its toll and you need to clear the air. Once that is done, it could bring you closer for having faced a challenge and overcome it. Either way both of you need to be honest and not hold back.

I wish you luck.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Communication is the key...

When in doubt, see above....

 

[myinnerslut]

i agree with everyone who has said communication is key. here are a few ways you can share your feelings with him.

~keep a journal. in your journal write all the things you want to say, things you would like to try, and any other relevant information. make sure he has access to your journal. explain to him thst you need a safe place to sort out your feelings and would like if he would read it to understand where you are at.

~write a letter and leave it for him. sometimes writing is easier then talking, especially if you are having issues. this gives you a chance to write a first, second, third, or however many you need draft before sharing your thoughts so you know you have written what you want to say.

~talk without eye contact. this is another way to make sharing difficult things easier if you want to actually speak, as opposed to write, how you are feeling. when A and i have used this method to talk about tough stuff we usually lie in bed with me facing out to the room and him holding my back against his stomack. it makes me feel safe and comfortable and i get a lot said, especially if i ask him nicely not to inturrupt me once i start speaking becuase i was nerouse about discussing the topic at hand with him.

 

[Primalex]

Not much to add except:

A certain degree of relationship deterioration over time is rather normal. Nothing stays the way it was. How a couple copes with this though, this is the important part. Instead of focusing on the BDSM parts of your relationship, you might want to look up the standard literature and suggestions for standard relationships.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

You are getting wonderful, insightful advice, but, it is wrong to bring outside influences to a relationship if they are not invited. Put yourself in his place, would you like it if he went to strangers to discuss his issues with you? You could add feelings of betrayal to whatever else is going on.

The issues you are having pertain to the both of you, and while I understand the need for advice and justification, the only way to truly relate to your problems is to open some type of dialogue with your Master.

He could be in over his head, being a Master isn't always what it's cracked up to be, and he may not like having the responsibility it entails. If it was easy, everyone would do it.

Be direct and honest, he will appreciate it in the long run, and he may have the same feelings you are experiencing. Respect your position, and your relationship, if you are having issues with him, then TALK to him!

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

Why do I get a feeling that the sharks are circling.....................?

 

[Adakgirl]

Dominants are people too, he may be having issues. It is not his "job" to "make" you cum. Does cumming mean that much to you, is it all about the sexual satisfaction? You need to bring it out on the table. Hell, Christmas was not all that long ago was it? You may be jumping the gun here.