"Soooo sad and yet so sexy."

[LargoKitt]

I've learned something about stories, late in life. Many women are drawn to stories that make them cry. Maybe a few guys, in the quiet of their boudoirs, like these too. I think I understand the draw of tragedy. I'm less clear about the sexiness of sadness. So, authors and readers who dig a good sob story, light this dim bulb with why a three hanky tale is a turnon.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I don't think it's merely tear-jerkers which is a turn-on.

They want stories which draw an emotional reaction.

My own wife likes stories which do that. She enjoys erotic stories which get her excited with sexual activity she likes. BUT she's not in the mood for that type of story all the time.

So, it may be that tearjerker stories are just more popular because that mood is more easily drawn out.

 

[MelissaBaby]

So, it may be that tearjerker stories are just more popular because that mood is more easily drawn out.

Uh...no. It's not.

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

I don't think it's merely tear-jerkers which is a turn-on.

They want stories which draw an emotional reaction.

My own wife likes stories which do that. She enjoys erotic stories which get her excited with sexual activity she likes. BUT she's not in the mood for that type of story all the time.

So, it may be that tearjerker stories are just more popular because that mood is more easily drawn out.

I agree... partially. I do agree that people want stories that draw out emotional reactions. But I strongly disagree with them being easily drawn out.

Especially for tear jerkers, you need to write a proper story in an engaging way. You need to balance that line between reaching readers' emotions, and not exhausting them. Think badly acting beggars, as hard as that sounds. At some point, their supposed hardships just become ridiculous, to the point where people can no longer relate. So, in order to let people experience sadness over your character experiencing spousal loss, for example, you first need to write a good romance story, where the readers themselves got invested in the relationship you portrayed.

It's an art form, really, and A LOT harder than simply writing strokers that get people aroused.

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't think sadness makes a story sexier, but it can lend a sexy story a sense of weight and poignance. I don't write many sad stories, but one that I wrote, At Play On The Sand With Mom, which was a mom-son story in which the father recently had died, seemed to get a good reception and some nice comments because of the layer of sadness that resulted from the father's passing.

 

[mildlyaroused]

Sadness is inherent to the human condition. You can't be happy without being sad - at least not as valuably so. Set aside erotica for a moment and think of the best works of fiction, period. The vast majority use poignancy and melancholy to flesh out their characters, themes and narrative. Profundity often comes from grappling with difficult emotions, situations and parts of the human experience. Bittersweet stories are loved for this reason: they give us poignant moments and they give us carefree/hopeful moments.

Do we have to explore things in such a literary way when we write our sexy stories? No, but a dash can add a lot of flavour to an already titillating piece. I haven't experimented with sad erotica, but my non-erotic writing is often pretty weighty. When I write erotica, I do so as an outlet and as an easy, enjoyable experience - but reading is another matter. I will gladly get invested in a sad, sexy tale.

Edit: sadness itself can absolutely be sexy, but you'll need to be skilled at crafting emotional resonance within your characters. Sex can constitute a profound form of catharsis (and also feel all the more erotic, all the more immersive) if there are intense emotions at play.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

I've learned something about stories, late in life. Many women are drawn to stories that make them cry. Maybe a few guys, in the quiet of their boudoirs, like these too. I think I understand the draw of tragedy. I'm less clear about the sexiness of sadness. So, authors and readers who dig a good sob story, light this dim bulb with why a three hanky tale is a turnon.

Writing is conveying emotions through the page and sadness can be a very strong emotion. The lower your lows, the higher your highs become and vice-versa.

Sadness also creates a vulnerability that can induce intimacy, which is a highly underestimated emotion in erotica. Not only can the characters become more intimate through sadness, the reader can become more intimate with the characters and a powerful connection can be made.

I love sad stories and tragic characters. I love it when my beta readers are bawling their eyes out. It's a big fist pump for me.

 

[StillStunned]

Sadness is inherent to the human condition. You can't be happy without being sad - at least not as valuably so. Set aside erotica for a moment and think of the best works of fiction, period. The vast majority use poignancy and melancholy to flesh out their characters, themes and narrative. Profundity often comes from grappling with difficult emotions, situations and parts of the human experience. Bittersweet stories are loved for this reason: they give us poignant moments and they give us carefree/hopeful moments.

I read an article a few years ago about music. It said that happy songs can be a hit for a week, or a month, or a summer. But they're rarely ever the songs with an appeal that lasts for decades. Happy just doesn't seem to have the same profound impact as sad.

 

[Bazzle]

I read an article a few years ago about music. It said that happy songs can be a hit for a week, or a month, or a summer. But they're rarely ever the songs with an appeal that lasts for decades. Happy just doesn't seem to have the same profound impact as sad.

This is almost proved by Wham's Last Christmas...which is ultimately a tear jerker of a story...girl moving on the previous xmas. Yet everyone laps it up year after year.

 

[StillStunned]

This is almost proved by Wham's Last Christmas...which is ultimately a tear jerker of a story...girl moving on the previous xmas. Yet everyone laps it up year after year.

And Fairytale of New York.

 

[Cagivagurl]

When I read, it is to be entertained...
To that end, I need emotions to be stirred, I want to feel.... Something...
A good story will expose the characters contained within said story.

Good authors draw me in with characters who are flawed... They stumble, get back up and reach again.
A great story will contain an element of sadness, sorrow, grief, pain.

A great story will reflect life as it is, in all it's twisted agonising panorama.
Sadness is part of life. If you can paint a picture with words that makes me feel sorrow, you have captured my heart.
Emotions, positives and negatives... Feel them as we read. Ebb and flow, happiness, grief.

Those are the great writers.

In my opinion anyway.

Cagiovagurl

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

There seems to be a strong inclination in this discussion, so far, to equate tear-jerkers with sadness rather than with any strong poignant emotion. Strong emotion can be caused by something sad as well as something beautiful or uplifting. Monet's Magpie almost brought me to tears, as did Van Gogh's Starry Night when I saw them in person. Strong emotion is also tied to dopamine release in the brain. As one of the classic tropes in life is that women are more emotional than men, perhaps this tendency when tied to the release of dopamine when these strong emotions are encountered, good or bad, positive or negative, is the reason we like tear-jerkers so much.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Uh...no. It's not.

Please elucidate... As with your writing, we want more...

 

[TheLobster]

This is almost proved by Wham's Last Christmas...which is ultimately a tear jerker of a story...girl moving on the previous xmas. Yet everyone laps it up year after year.

That's because everyone is so fed up with it, they turn off the radio before the "...I gave you my heart" line even finishes.

 

[AwkwardMD]

My close personal friend Aristotle had some things to say about catharsis that seem relevant.

 

[MrHereWriting]

So, it may be that tearjerker stories are just more popular because that mood is more easily drawn out.

Uh...no. It's not.

He's not stating a 'rule of writing' and the ease of which some stories are written compared to others. When people want to cry, it doesn't take much to make them cry, that's what he's saying.

 

[Comshaw]

I read an article a few years ago about music. It said that happy songs can be a hit for a week, or a month, or a summer. But they're rarely ever the songs with an appeal that lasts for decades. Happy just doesn't seem to have the same profound impact as sad.

Poppycock and Blanderdash! I think Bobby would totally disagree with you!

He's not stating a 'rule of writing' and the ease of which some stories are written compared to others. When people want to cry, it doesn't take much to make them cry, that's what he's saying.

As Shelby pointed out there are things that are so astoundingly beautiful, so soul-touching in their perfection that it will make one cry. But I don't think that was what the OP was talking about because they specifically referenced tragedy.

I believe some need to feel sadness and/or grief and for those people, through a story vicariously is the only way that can. Why? How can you appreciate a thing until you've experienced its opposite? How can one appreciate light if they've never been in the darkness? How can one appreciate love if they've never experienced indifference? To really appreciate what we have, we must also understand what it is to be without it.


Comshaw

 

[MrHereWriting]

As Shelby pointed out there are things that are so astoundingly beautiful, so soul-touching in their perfection that it will make one cry. But I don't think that was what the OP was talking about because they specifically referenced tragedy.

I believe some need to feel sadness and/or grief and for those people, through a story vicariously is the only way that can. Why? How can you appreciate a thing until you've experienced its opposite? How can one appreciate light if they've never been in the darkness? How can one appreciate love if they've never experienced indifference? To really appreciate what we have, we must also understand what it is to be without it.


Comshaw

I'd imagine it's easier to find tears in tragedy than beauty if you're looking for a new story to cry over. If I was going to take a guess, and I have before, so why not now, I think people who seek out tragedies to cry to (people who seek out anything to help them shed their tears) aren't trying to live vicariously through that fiction, rather the fiction brings them closer to the sadness in their own lives (past or present) and it allows them to release their emotions through a surrogate partner/relationship/understanding, the surrogate being whatever it is that is helping them to cry.

 

[Lifestyle66]

He's not stating a 'rule of writing' and the ease of which some stories are written compared to others. When people want to cry, it doesn't take much to make them cry, that's what he's saying.

Right.

Most women I've known are relatively quicker to cry than they are to want to fuck. Getting them interested in sex is more of an up hill climb.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I much prefer stories which start with sadness and shift to a happy note, than the reverse. I do have a special hate for stories that decide to put in a death or similar about 80% of the way in, especially when this gets them cited as Proper Literature when they wouldn't merit it otherwise. (Animal Farm gets away with it; Anne of Green Gables or Watership Down, naah.)

Post-funeral fucking makes for a good story, IMO.

 

[Comshaw]

I'd imagine it's easier to find tears in tragedy than beauty if you're looking for a new story to cry over. If I was going to take a guess, and I have before, so why not now, I think people who seek out tragedies to cry to (people who seek out anything to help them shed their tears) aren't trying to live vicariously through that fiction, rather the fiction brings them closer to the sadness in their own lives (past or present) and it allows them to release their emotions through a surrogate partner/relationship/understanding, the surrogate being whatever it is that is helping them to cry.

I agree with your assessment. However, I also believe that those who need something sad to allow them to shed their tears are a small subset of those who seek out sadness in stories and movies. Like all things, sad experiences are on a sliding scale. As an example: from a woman breaking a fingernail to the other extreme of losing the love of your life. Most people who have experienced extreme sadness in their life do not want to relive it. They already know what it feels like to be there. On the other hand, those who have only experienced small sadnesses in life need that feeling from time to time to remind them of the difference between the two extremes.

All that ↑ is just my opinion backed by my observations throughout my life, nothing more.

Comshaw

 

[lovecraft68]

Uh...no. It's not.

Shhh! Lifestyle is telling you womenz how you feel, stop interrupting.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Shhh! Lifestyle is telling you womenz how you feel, stop interrupting.

Interesting.

You seem to think all women look and act alike. I thought only bigots believe that way.

I'm trying to describe in general the women I know. But then again, since you know ALL women, I guess the ones I know are already in your sample and act like all the others.

As two examples of the extremes:
My ex-wife would cry at the drop of a hat. But getting her interested in sex first required that I fix her persistent depression and insecurities. She bought "tearjerker" novels to reinforce her depression. (Some of the many reasons she's my "ex"!)

My current wife, however, has been through so much death and trauma in her life as to be numb to it. When reading a tearjerker story for her book club, she tells me what she's thinking as it progresses (usually audio books which I have to listen to in the car when driving with her). When a guy dumps the girl or cheats on her and she's depressed, my current wife's attitude is "How fucking weak can she be? Go find another one!" Then looking at me, she'll add; "If you ever THINK of dumping me, I'll have another man in my bed within a week!"

The MAJORITY of the woman I know lean more toward my ex-wife's emotional attitudes. I've met very few coming anywhere close to my current wife's attitudes.

 

[MrHereWriting]

I agree with your assessment. However, I also believe that those who need something sad to allow them to shed their tears are a small subset of those who seek out sadness in stories and movies. Like all things, sad experiences are on a sliding scale. As an example: from a woman breaking a fingernail to the other extreme of losing the love of your life. Most people who have experienced extreme sadness in their life do not want to relive it. They already know what it feels like to be there. On the other hand, those who have only experienced small sadnesses in life need that feeling from time to time to remind them of the difference between the two extremes.

All that ↑ is just my opinion backed by my observations throughout my life, nothing more.

Comshaw

With 8 billions people in this world, the reasons are numerous.

Embarrassingly superficial. People are drawn to pain because intense emotions make them feel alive.

From one of my favorite songs:

Upon my discharge, the doctors recommended
A monthly visit to the airport.
It truly soothes me to watch a mighty plane
Taking off through a clear tear.
Afterwards, the pressure on the washed-out eye subsides.

That's...generic, with all the depth of a pothole.

Was that an epiphany you had when you were in grade school?

 

[Britva415]

I read an article a few years ago about music. It said that happy songs can be a hit for a week, or a month, or a summer. But they're rarely ever the songs with an appeal that lasts for decades. Happy just doesn't seem to have the same profound impact as sad.

I mean, they say so much.