Ignore this - Sammy messed up the forum - Sonnet Feedback?

[SamanthaBehgs]

I've been tossing around the idea of writing a series of sonnets just for fun - spanning all sorts of genres and visuals, rather than centering around any sort of central theme. I've posted the first and I'd love some feedback so that I can get better (and have already gotten a great comment doing just that, which is part of what made me think of this thread), especially since I haven't written a sonnet since learning what they were in school, so any feedback is appreciated.

Thank you in advance!

https://www.literotica.com/p/sonnet-1-whore-on-sale

 

[THBGato]

I'd strongly recommend checking out the work of https://www.literotica.com/authors/verseandworse2
and also Patience Agbabi (not on Literotica - I wish!) who does some wonderful things with sonnets.

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

I'd strongly recommend checking out the work of https://www.literotica.com/authors/verseandworse2
and also Patience Agbabi (not on Literotica - I wish!) who does some wonderful things with sonnets.

I got distracted by checking out their work, but wanted to thank you both for the recommendations and the comment/feedback on the poem itself (I thought those only came in overnight?!).

I agree her enjoyment/enthusiasm could have definitely been more fear/reluctance, but I didn't want to too closely border that consent/non-consent line. Perhaps that's where my mistake came in?

 

[THBGato]

Once you've posted enough comments (no idea what the number is), your comments get posted instantly and don't need moderation.

Perhaps that's where my mistake came in?

If it's what you wanted to write, then it's not a mistake. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

Once you've posted enough comments (no idea what the number is), your comments get posted instantly and don't need moderation.


If it's what you wanted to write, then it's not a mistake. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

Tea goes really well with poetry.

But it wasn't actually what I originally wrote - it's what I added in to comply with what I felt were the site rules. I wasn't certain if willing to sell yourself (and to be on display while someone shopped) was enough consent for it not to be rejected for a lack of consent. Maybe I'm not explaining it well.

Still - thank you so much either way. I'm dabbling in pretty much everything (I think I'm working on an acrostic next) and just having feedback on them so I can keep playing can apply to everything.

And I'll be honest when I say I hadn't even thought of the volta (and ended up googling it to be sure I knew what it meant) - so there's even more there.

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

I just realized there's a separate poetry feedback forum. Sorry folks. I'll repost there.