Something to hide??

[SarahSantiaga]

Thanks for all your responses.

I am not a superficial girl who is just into outer appearance.
Definitely not. I want more than that. I was really interested
in that guy - in him as a person - but I was shocked about
his answer and that red lamp went on. Could not help it.
Feel being played - no that's wrong - FELT being played but
things are good again since I met so many nice people in here
afterwards! Thanks for that!!

 

[Bigbobnc]

I think you did the right thing, you deserve much better than how he treated you and responded

 

[TJcurious]

You are a very gorgeous young lady. He may have been insecure....or not telling the truth as to his age, etc....and did not want to be uncovered. Move on, sweet baby, you will rebound, and have a long life ahead of you, and I'm sure, many adventures.

 

[Primalex]

Funny thing is - if it would have been vice versa, that is, a guy pushing for a picture three times after getting more or less ignored as subtle hint, everyone would have said that, too, the girl should run away and that the guy was wrong for pushing something the girl obviously wasn't comfortable with.

And if the guy would have written:"Hey, I have a picture of me on my profile picture, so I deserve a picture from the girl, too"...boy, I wouldn't want to be the target of the flames then from the female crowd here.

Unfortunately, it wasn't vice versa, but a guy did what 95% of the girls do. That's of course not fair and must be punished. I mean, what next? Guys refusing sex when the girl wants it? This would turn the whole universe upside down.


Hypocrites amuse me.

Rant over.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Thoughts

Interesting thread (says the guy with a pair of dice as his AV). To me, the red flag wasn't not sharing his picture - there are a dozen or more legitimate reasons to gaurd your image closely - or not, depending on how you feel about it. To me, the red flag was not answering the question straight on. In close to twenty years online, I've only shared my picture with a handful of people - and them only after I have got to know them well enough to fell comfortable with it. But, I've always simply just told people I wouldn't share it until I got to know them better. It's probably kept a handful of people from talking to me over the years, but for the most part everyone has been fine with it.

 

[Miles Long]

I think there are a lot of good responses here, particularly Riles and Primalex said things that I think are worth thinking about.

The biggest red flag here is not that he wouldn't share a picture, but that he avoided answering the question. There are many valid reasons for not wanting to share a picture on the internet, but once you've established some level of rapport with someone I think answering a direct question is not too much to ask. Even if that answer isn't what the asker was hoping for. Maybe he didn't answer because he wasn't sure how to say no. Maybe he didn't answer because he's a douche. We will probably never know. Either way, if seeing what a guy looks like when you talk to him is important to you (also a totally valid stance for you to have) then it looks like you two weren't destined to be long-term chat partners.

The good news is there are lots more people on the interwebs to talk to.

 

[SarahSantiaga]

@ Bigbobnc - oh yeah - I did move on - and I am much happier than I was before. Life is great!

 

[SarahSantiaga]

TJcurious, Primalex, Paul Chance and Miles Long... I like hearing all the reasons you have in mind. And I meanwhile ask me if I overreacted. BUt then again... when I am not comfy talking to someone any more - I listen to my gut feeling. It' s right in 99 % and I trust this time it was too.
But that's history and I am glad. Got to meet a lot of other nice and sweet people!
Thank you all!

 

[nicecthulhu]

Actually, I think Primalex is wrong. How you respond to a request for a picture makes all the difference.
Also, how you ask for the picture makes a huge difference.
If you've been communicating well, I think you deserve an answer the first or second time you ask for a picture. Not responding comes down to deception. Any communicative response, even an "I'm sorry, no", translates into a "lets keep talking, but I'm not giving you a picture - at least not right now". No response the first time could be "I missed the question". Repeated refusal to respond means "I have no interest in talking to you" and is just rude.
This applies to men and women. SarahSantiago said they were communicating prior to that and then nothing. The suggestion for her to simply walk away from this guy is a good one and she did it on her own.
As for reversing the genders in this event, I don't think it's exactly what you describe. If I were single and the woman just didn't respond like that then I'd move on, thinking that I can do better or she was playing me. The person asked to show a picture, male or female, can always politely say no. The relationship can continue or it dies, but treat the person you're talking to with respect.
Do I agree with your assessment that there will be some women attacking the man who asks for the picture? Yes. Just as there will be men who verbally attack the woman for something similar or even for politely refusing to provide a picture. And no, I don't mean you Primalex - you haven't attacked SaraSantiago by any stretch of the imagination, you've merely presented an alternative viewpoint to what others have said.
Is it right that people behave as they do? No. But, if the guy were sincere in his interest he could have kept the communication going, and I get the impression that not having a picture likely wouldn't have bothered Sarah.

 

[scorallover]

I can understand him not wanting to share a photo, depending on how long you two have chatted, but there should have been an explanation given. Some people like their online relationships to remain more fantasy than reality. I am far more careful about the information I put out there than I use to be. Not because of some awful thing that happened to me, rather because I understand there are so many people out there who enjoy playing games. In the end I think it is a personal choice about how fast to let an online friend into your life, including photos. I think eventually you have to let them in, or why keep chatting with them? Just like in real life there has to be some level of trust after a while.

 

[NeverWinterNite]

I can understand him not wanting to share a photo, depending on how long you two have chatted, but there should have been an explanation given. Some people like their online relationships to remain more fantasy than reality. I am far more careful about the information I put out there than I use to be. Not because of some awful thing that happened to me, rather because I understand there are so many people out there who enjoy playing games. In the end I think it is a personal choice about how fast to let an online friend into your life, including photos. I think eventually you have to let them in, or why keep chatting with them? Just like in real life there has to be some level of trust after a while.

I definitely agree.

Sarah, you did the right thing of not talking to him again.

 

[SexyFatGirl]

Not giving a straight answer is definitely not cool, but to put my own two cents in about the photo thing - if I gave someone from here my Yahoo and they thought they had a right to see my photo just because they'd chosen to make theirs visible, I'd be put off. You choose to display your photo, because you want to. If I didn't ask you to do that, you can't use your own freely-chosen choice as a reason why I should do something I don't want to do. I'll be up front about it: I don't want my face associated with a porn site, so no, I'm not going to share a photo unless or until I feel comfortable with the other person.

Evasiveness may be a good reason to cut ties, but so is badgering for pics. This guy should have given a straight answer, but choosing not to show your face isn't socially verboten. If you personally are not comfortable talking to someone who makes that choice, that's your choice too, but they're not in the wrong for protecting their privacy.

 

[Inquietude]

I asked for a pic once because he can see mine as well and just found it fair.

))))) haha, not everybody has exhibitionistic tendencies, yeaaaa, you wanna jpg ride; gosh!!!



You can't expect pic back just because you deliver yours, for example I am completly not interested in people's pics and I would never send mine to anybody. I have zero body issues or whatever, but what's most important I am not even slightly exhibitionistic that way.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[123Josh]

He's probably shy or not very good looking, maybe self conscious, in a wheelchair, burn victim, who knows. I don't mind if you want to exchange some pics with me instead. I have no insecurities.

 

[heavyhitter01]

Interesting situation.

For what it's worth, I will not share a picture of myself with anyone online until I know them very, very well. That means contact on a near-daily basis, plenty of talking on the phone, and feeling as though they are becoming a part of my life. Then I will share all the pictures they could possibly want.

I also will not ask a woman for her picture -- ever. I might mention that I would like to see what she looks like, but I will leave it at that. I want her to feel comfortable enough that she sends the picture of her own accord.

With that said: Just because someone hesitates to send a picture doesn't mean he is hiding something. However, flat-out refusing to address your question directly means he probably is, because what reason would have have to ignore the question? I can't think of any good reason.

No picture doesn't equal something bad...it just equals being careful.

No answer to a direct question equals...well, it's time to say your goodbyes.