Somedays you just wonder why?

[Ezzy]

Today I am sitting wondering why the idea of rolling a cigarette is producing an almost physical itch to my being.

I hand rolled my cigarettes for15 years, and my wife got me to give them up nearly 5 years ago, Today my fingers are twitching and the WANT for a fresh rolled cigarette are in my brain. I just saw someone roll a cigarette on the TV and the thoughts have been driving me mad ever since.

The wife and some of the kids are away for the weekend, and I am at home with the other kids, I am not gong to give in to these thoughts, I’m not. But I sure could do it at the drop of a hat.

I went through a few times of falling off the wagon, but I haven’t touched a smoke in over a year and a half, but today I could fall off again if the kids weren’t with me, I won’t go get some tobacco and papers with them and I won’t leave them behind, so I am carefully caught in a crack of my own making.

I don’t really think I will go back to smoking, but after a year and a half I would have thought I was further past the cravings, but I’m obviously not as far along from the desire as I would have wished for.

To all of those in the same position as a past or ex-smoker, good luck to you on a day like the one I am having.

There is something more intense because of the tactile dependency that arises from the hand rolling.

 

[SLOBOY3000]

Good luck to you Ezzy... I'm sending you an Irish blessing and some prayers to keep ya strong!

 

[done_got_old]

Today I am sitting wondering why the idea of rolling a cigarette is producing an almost physical itch to my being.

I hand rolled my cigarettes for15 years, and my wife got me to give them up nearly 5 years ago, Today my fingers are twitching and the WANT for a fresh rolled cigarette are in my brain. I just saw someone roll a cigarette on the TV and the thoughts have been driving me mad ever since.

The wife and some of the kids are away for the weekend, and I am at home with the other kids, I am not gong to give in to these thoughts, I’m not. But I sure could do it at the drop of a hat.

I went through a few times of falling off the wagon, but I haven’t touched a smoke in over a year and a half, but today I could fall off again if the kids weren’t with me, I won’t go get some tobacco and papers with them and I won’t leave them behind, so I am carefully caught in a crack of my own making.

I don’t really think I will go back to smoking, but after a year and a half I would have thought I was further past the cravings, but I’m obviously not as far along from the desire as I would have wished for.

To all of those in the same position as a past or ex-smoker, good luck to you on a day like the one I am having.

There is something more intense because of the tactile dependency that arises from the hand rolling.

It's not just tobacco that can do this to a person.

 

[M's girl]

Smoking Sinterklaas

Can't think of anything I can say to help you. M and I both smoke. M smokes cigarettes and I smoke small cigars. Never thought about quitting although I know it's not healthy to smoke of course.

You just have to be strong and this feeling will pass (has passed probably by now).... but it will come back again too.

Sounds like you miss the IDEA of smoking and the rolling of the cigarette more than you have a problem with your body actually craving a sigaret....

Then I had this idea, just for fun! (Mind you, it makes no sense at all but what the heck)...

Here in NL we have this tradition of "Sinterklaas" He is sort of a Santa, but comes earlier in december. Actually, he 'arrived' last weekend per steamboat and stays in NL until his birthday, on which occasion all (young) children receive lots of presents. That's the 5th of December. Before that they can put their shoe in front of the chimney a few nights, sing a typical "Sinterklaas"-song and put something in their shoe for the horse Sinterklaas rides on (hay, a carrot or sugarcube). In return Sinterklaas will come during the night, takes out what's left in the shoe for the horse and then leaves a small present or typical "Sinterklaas" sweets. One of those typical treats are chocolate cigarettes (see pic).

Now.... Those won't do you any good, since you would still miss the rolling of the cigarette so I thought this might do the trick: take some chocolate-flakes (see chocoladevlokken pic) and roll them with Rizla (see pic). One hell of a job I assume that would certainly keep you busy and maybe forget about the real stuff? No......? Bummer!

Anyway... good luck and greetings from Sinterklaas (see pic).

 

[silverwhisper]

ezzy: remember that this way your clothing doesn't reek of it the way mine still does. your kids are a powerful incentive as well they should be. :>

[offers ezzy some chewing gum]

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

Think of how much worse it will be if you started. You'll get that feeling all the time - every hour, every two hours.

 

[Guest]

 

[Ezzy]

Thanks Sloboy3000, done_got_old, M's Girl, silverwhisper, bisexsplicit and Scallywag
for all your thoughts and offerings.

When I was growing up in the UK we had the same chocolate cigerettes, I used to get hooked on them when I had them but there s something even nowabout a fresh smoke that I know would drag me back without the help I get from the family.

The 4 or 5 times I have fallen off the wagon, have involved no more than a pack (20) cigerettes and mostly were also a way of hurting others by hurting myself, so they would feel badly for pushing me until all I could think of was to hurt myself (non-suicidally (I Hope)).

There is the chemical side of the addiction, and for the most part I am off that for 98% of the smoking products, but the addiction to the tactile side is stronger than I would have thought possible, I used to be able to sit and roll cigerettes while I waited for the lights to change while driving, and sit there watching a film and nt need to look at what I was doing with my hands.

AS the finger tips have loads of nerve endings the amount of sensation from the act of rolling a cigerette is almost sensory overload, and this is the side of the addiction I have not broken yet, even after nearly 5 years.

There is some part of my brain that assocciates the sensations from my finger tips with pleasure, and I can feel the endorphines rushing through my blood when I do it, but it is not pleasurable in its own right. This sounds strange to me, but I wonder if there has been any research done into endorphine levels and tactle stimulation? And what the results of such research would show?

My wife got home with the kids late Sunday night, and I was really glad to see them all home safe, the crisis has passed for my addiction and I hope I don't have to face that again for a while. I am however well aware that it could happen as soon as tomorrow and I don't really want to go back to smoking, I am just a little more aware how close the smoker is to the surface, one little scratch would be all that was needed ta bring the smoker back out again.

Thanks for all your thoughts and the support I find in a chocolate cigerette and a piece of gum.