Some things never change?

[Endlessly]

Actually, I'm hoping they do. *wry smile*

I've asked for comments after every single one of my stories had been posted, and without fail I never got a single response from ANYone. Has anyone read my new story 'Some things never change?' Did it suck? How did I do at getting inside the male psyche? Feedback would be appreciated..

 

[enjoy]

I really enjoyed your story. There was actually a mood to the story--a little unusual for most of these stories, which tend toward pornography. I particularly like the references to familiar sensory details, especially those that seemed to emphasize the mood, such as:
" She brushed hair out of her face, revealing a long, thick scar diagonally across her wrist-"
" Driving home in the rain, the sound of his windshield-wipers mocked him as he tried to remember if he called out the wrong name."





I also thought that the dialogue felt natural and I loved the attention to tone and nuance.

As for the male psyche? Michael seems to lack a the aggression and will necessary to be the Cassanova you make him out to be. He seems far too sensitive to be either satisfied or capable of the sort of sexual encounters which you attribute to him. Ann Crable, in particular, seems like an especially easy mark--already acquainted but not too close, beautiful-yet not aware of her power, vulnerable. Marks seems to hold himself at a distance from her in a way that seems almost virginal, from my perspective.
I did miss the pornographic content, a little, because that's what I've come to expect. The sex scene is short.
This is easily one of the best written stories that I've seen here.

 

[Whispersecret]

Endlessly, I'd be happy to give comments. Do you want them here? I've read the story and I have many very specific things to say. If you'd rather, I can email them to you, or we could converse through ICQ if you have it.

 

[Endlessly]

enjoy: Yeah, the pornographic content was missing a little. Believe it or not, that was the first erotic story I've written that didn't start out to be an erotic story. I worked 'Nebraska' into it later, and added the sort of parody elements later as well(I take my writing too seriously alot of times). It just sort of seemed that, without the sex scene, the whole tone of the story would have been too cheesy instead of mixed parody and poignancy. So poof.. All of a sudden it became an erotic story. *LOL*

Whisper: I've posted.. *thinking* Five stories on Lit before this one, and I asked on this BB for feedback each time. This is the first time I've gotten ANY response, and I'm just thrilled that you replied! *LOL* Whichever way is best for you works for me.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Just recently read the Library I liked it. I prefer reading well written things, even if the sex is less in quantity, than mediocre fuckfests.

(Bad muffin, you have such a potty mouth)

 

[Aranian]

Breakfast always hits the spot

Agreed, Muffin. The library one is among my favorites. Jade has a relatively similar story as well, although it's from the viewpoint of the hunter rather than the hunted.

 

[poohlive]

Endlessly, in this case, quality is better than quantity. I loved your sense of where the piece was going, it was like you took charge and really gave this story a good once over. I would love to read some more of yours