GhostRidah
Virgin
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2002
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- 8
Ok, i have a problem, i dont know how to be affectionate.My girl is always complaining that im not affectionate and that im not all over her.How can i be more affectionate?
Some Serious Help
- Thread starter GhostRidah
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Bandit58
Sir's wonder woman
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2002
- Posts
- 8,121
I lived for over 20 years with a man who didn't show me affection and it was hell. My new man is totally different - when we go out he holds my hand, he kisses me hello and goodbye (and in between!), he tells me he loves me all the time. He will open doors for me and we snuggle together and read or watch TV.....it's not that hard to do really! Just be thoughtful and caring and it will come naturally I'm sure 
Weird Harold
Opinionated Old Fart
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- Mar 1, 2000
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- 23,768
GhostRidah said:
I'm not sure that "affectionate" can be learned. It's more a matter of learning to demonstrate whatever affection you feel. A guide to manners from the early to mid 20th Century might help. The rules of good manners from that time period -- or even earlier -- were in large part a set of formal rules for showing proper regard, or affection, in public.
capricious_chic
Yes
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- Jul 16, 2002
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I can relate. I am not a naturally affectionate person either.
One of the best things to do is cue in on why you aren't affectionate. For some it is not inherent to their personality. For others it is because they have a fear of rejection. For me, it was that I did not come from an affectionate family. No hugs and kisses, pats on the back, etc. Rarely did anyone ever touch another. I didn't realize it was common among people until I moved away from home. As I have gotten older, and had children of my own I realize that people crave and need affection. When one is in an intimate relationship it lets the other know that they are desirable and wanted by their mate.
You don't have to make huge changes and do incredible feats to meet your girlfriends need for affection. It is a simple matter of consideration and giving it a bit of thought. Each person is different. It may be that she wants you to kiss her or hug her when you see her. When you are in public, occasionally reach for her hand and hold it as you are walking. It doesn't have to be every time.. but occasionally. This will let her know that you are proud and happy to be with her. If you live together, occasionally bring her something home.. like a flower, or some other such nonsense. If you don't, send her a card every once in awhile that is mushy and sweet. Reach out every once in awhile and touch her.. not in a necessarily sexual way, but in a reaffirming way.
Of course, the easiest thing to do would be to ask her to write you a list of things that she would feel would be positive affectionate things for you to do. You could read them over, decide which you feel comfortable with.. and then incorporate them into your day to day communications with her. If she complains because you can't naturally come up with things on your own, tell her that you would like to accomodate her and that you care for her enough to want to do these things for her.
Hope that helps.
One of the best things to do is cue in on why you aren't affectionate. For some it is not inherent to their personality. For others it is because they have a fear of rejection. For me, it was that I did not come from an affectionate family. No hugs and kisses, pats on the back, etc. Rarely did anyone ever touch another. I didn't realize it was common among people until I moved away from home. As I have gotten older, and had children of my own I realize that people crave and need affection. When one is in an intimate relationship it lets the other know that they are desirable and wanted by their mate.
You don't have to make huge changes and do incredible feats to meet your girlfriends need for affection. It is a simple matter of consideration and giving it a bit of thought. Each person is different. It may be that she wants you to kiss her or hug her when you see her. When you are in public, occasionally reach for her hand and hold it as you are walking. It doesn't have to be every time.. but occasionally. This will let her know that you are proud and happy to be with her. If you live together, occasionally bring her something home.. like a flower, or some other such nonsense. If you don't, send her a card every once in awhile that is mushy and sweet. Reach out every once in awhile and touch her.. not in a necessarily sexual way, but in a reaffirming way.
Of course, the easiest thing to do would be to ask her to write you a list of things that she would feel would be positive affectionate things for you to do. You could read them over, decide which you feel comfortable with.. and then incorporate them into your day to day communications with her. If she complains because you can't naturally come up with things on your own, tell her that you would like to accomodate her and that you care for her enough to want to do these things for her.
Hope that helps.
