some questions on bdsm, and ageplay in particular...

[lostlust]

hm. this might not be incredibly coherant... there's a lot I want to ask, but it isn't all connected, and I'll probably miss some things anyway...

I'll try to keep the background fairly brief. I was in a relationship for about three years. I knew to some extent that I had some "kinky leanings"- I told some things to her, but others I really couldn't bring myself to. that relationship ended about six months ago. since then, I've sort of started to read a lot more about these things.

that's mostly all it's been though. just reading.

in that relationship, we used to have an ongoing joke that I was a little girl, and that she was my mother. it wasn't "serious," we didn't stay in character for very long, and it was certainly not sexual. at the time I knew I really, really enjoyed it... although I didn't quite get why.

I've been reading about BDSM for months. somehow it didn't click until recently that *this* is what's probably most important to me. I didn't even know such a thing really existed. my images of "ageplay" were just the adultbaby sort of things... which I wasn't into at all.

http://www.bloodinmoonlight.com/lgl/ and http://www.livejournal.com/community/ageplay/ were two places I found online that really really opened my eyes, I guess. the way people wrote about it in both places, it was just so surreal, I didn't know people DID this. it made me incredibly happy, just seeing it... for a long, long time it's bothered me that I never really had a chance to be a little girl (I'm transgendered).

although it made me incredibly happy to see that this actually was sort of an option to explore, it makes me worry, too.

I had trouble sharing most of my kinks and fantasies in my last relationship, I worry that maybe it'll be just as hard this time around- and it won't actually come out. the idea of meeting someone in general scares me... I wasn't good at this sort of thing when (I thought I was) a straight vanilla guy. being a transgendered lesbian with kinks seems to make it almost hopeless.

I know there are adult sites, personals, and all of those sort of things... but the idea of them really turns me off. I want a chance to have a traditional relationship, and then when the time comes, to let them know more, and let it be a part of our relationship.

I'm hoping maybe someone out there is able to sort of understand that bit.. if not, what I'm essentially wondering is, is it a terribly idea to not "seek out" someone kinky, and just hope it... happens eventually? what sort of reactions can I really expect from people? how long do you wait to talk about things like this?

and just some more general ageplay questions...

are there ANY books on the subject? I couldn't find a single one when I looked. are there any sites you'd really suggest checking out? are there any places to find "ageplay" short stories? (but not really of the adultbaby/infantilism variety..)

and I suppose this is a (slightly more) light-hearted question, but why is it that mommies, instead of daddies, seem, well, no where? I never see references of a mommy, really, just daddies. I can't be the only one out there that likes the idea of a mommy a whole lot more...

are there any places that have information on sort, what makes someone find this stuff appealing? I've got some ideas for what makes it personally tick for me, but I'd love to read more on it... or feel free to comment on it, if you're into it

 

[dolf]

have you tried the library thread? lots of good stuff in there.
also the search function might throw up something helpful.

good luck

 

[LadyNatasha]

Mommy is out there, sugar... you just have to know where to look.


This lil sweetheart has a lovely site that you'll probably enjoy and relate to as well.

Lil Girl Lost

 

[graceanne]

Welcome to the board, and I wish I could help you. I'm sure that the perfect woman is out there for you. *hugs*

 

[Etoile]

Welcome!

First, let me say that it is possible to be a trans lesbian with kink and have positive sexual relationships. A dear friend of mine transitioned (fully) a number of years ago and is in the exact same situation and she has a good time with it.

Now to the ageplay issue: yes, it is entirely normal and actually quite common. You're right that Daddy/girl relationships are more common than Mommy/girl relationships (Mommy/boy is probably only slightly more common than M/g), but that doesn't mean they're not out there. Often times Mommy relationships are closely tied to ab/dl (adult baby/diaper lover) or lactation but I don't see why they'd have to be.

As for finding stories, I know there are a lot of D/g stories in the incest section here at Lit (I know because I've read 'em! ) but I suspect most of the Mommy stories are M/b. The incest stories are not usually ab/dl though if you want to scan through that category for possibilities.

Perhaps something to think about is what you want from a Mommy? My experience with the D/g dynamic is pretty extensive, and I have figured out why I need a Daddy rather than just a dominant. Many of the reasons for wanting a Daddy, though, relate to personality elements that are typically associated with males... so these wouldn't apply to a Mommy situation. What about having a Mommy appeals to you? You could then take that information and use it in your search for someone, without necessarily explicitly stating "I'm looking for a Mommy."

 

[lostlust]

thanks for the welcomes and the kind replies

Etoile, that's neat that you happen to know another trans lesbian that's a bit kinky that's happy in a relationship... I know it CAN happen, it just worries me that it might be hard to get that point, especially if I'm not crazy about things like personal sites and things.

thanks for the tips on the stories, I'll check them out

would you mind sharing what you think the reasons behind you wanting/needing a daddy are? I've thought of a few for myself... a big part of was just that I absolutely hated my childhood, and envied what I couldn't have and couldn't do because (as far as I knew) I was a boy. I guess that's more of an answer to the ageplay than the "mommy" bit specifically. from the little bit I've found on it, relationships like that just really appeal to me. they seem more tender than having a "regular" dominant.

I knew I had (mostly) submissive bdsm leanings, but the idea of having a dominant, someone that's THAT much the polar opposite of me, just didn't seem very appealing. the mommy thing seems like a middle ground. I sort of figured that I'd end up with another switch instead of a domme.

edit: your on our back pictures were very cute

 

[Vixandra]

Salutations and welcome Lostlust.

You could try posting an ad on the Lit BDSM personals or the GLBT personals (I'm pretty sure they have one) for the partner your seeking.

From what I've seen/read or 24/7 couples, most of the dominants love and care for thier subs as much as any 'nilla relationship if not occasionally more so.
So don't give up on finding a loving top- you may scare some away by limiting your search to a mommy.

And if you like to be on the other side of the proverbial paddle, I'd advise looking for another switch. There are quite a few of them out there, you just have to look a bit for them.
And anything worth having doesn't always come easy. But in the end its worth it.
Good luck

 

[Etoile]

would you mind sharing what you think the reasons behind you wanting/needing a daddy are?

edit: your on our back pictures were very cute

I don't mind at all. In fact I was just writing something about this recently, so it's already in my head!

My need for a Daddy could probably be psychoanalyzed out the wazoo. To summarize, my mom was a single parent from when I was 5 to when I was 12, so those would be the main formative years. I don't feel that this explains my lesbianism, but it probably does explain the Daddy thing.

I didn't know I needed a Daddy at first; the name came from the fact that there's a 20-year age difference and, well, that's plenty old enough to have kids! But as we've been together, it's grown into a more complex relationship definition. For me, having a Daddy is mostly about being taught. It's about being cared for and shepherded through a sexual growth process.

Daddy is also responsible for knowing what my limits are and how best to expand them, as well as making sure I can handle the situations I'm put into - I don't know my own limits very well and so Daddy guides me through scary situations.

I do think tenderness is important. To some extent, a D/s Daddy can be just like a "real" Daddy - taking care of their little one, and being sweet and indulgent at times. All of this is in a sexual context, of course: I wouldn't expect a "real" Daddy to be tender with his little one by lying in bed naked with her and gently molesting her!

And thank you!

 

[abbey_kyle]

this is a topic near and dear to me since I am presently in a three way relationship in which she is very much my mommy (he is present but does not share these roles with us). I know exactly where my mixing of the desire and maternal comes from and do share with you how much our desire/fetish is marginalized. It is not an easy thing to find in any community and you really have to look for it, even on the net.

My desire is even more set apart since I have no interest in AB/DL but have a very serious lactation interest. When I do find mommy/daugher scenarios, stories or pics, they are usually intermingled with diapers and baby talk. It is hard to separate the baby stuff from the lactation.

We don't do the baby talk thing. Our relationship is defined a bit differently...I feel very much like the adult woman I am with her but she allows me to feeel secure in the needs I have (which are often very child-like). I just know that when she offers me her breast and we spend time nursing (she is not presently lactating but has in the past and will probably again in the future), I am in a place that revels in the little girl I am (and never had the chance to be). For her, I think it is a matter of needing to be needed.

What she offers me is a place to curl into without feeling weak or ashamed of my vulnerability. She holds me like a little girl and comforts me like a little girl but allows me to satisfy my desire as an adult woman. She is the safest place I have ever known.

Feel free to PM me and we can chat further on the subject. I feel for you in your search...I was fortunate enough to stumble into this relationship and we found these roles for us together. I don't know that I will ever find another woman that understands them in this way and have a feeling I will have to compromise a lot if I ever were to.