Some poly, some kink, some other stuff ...

[jjmudd]

It's not as simple as you think, jjmudd. As Elle said, Kim has shared in other threads about her husband and their choices in their marriage. Here, for example. In this thread she is telling her story, but slowly. She hasn't yet got to the part where she has frank discussions with her husband. Maybe she will choose not to share that here, it's really up to her.

For me it doesn't seem purely salacious, there has been a lot about the why as well as the what and the how. And there have been some very interesting derails, discussions which she has welcomed and encouraged.

100% agree and thanks for the link....this is the kind of info I was hoping to glean.

 

[jjmudd]

purplerosecrab---It is exactly the "how" Kim worked through stuff with her husband and herself that I am interested in. We are all here in Lit for a variety of reasons. Some of us live similar realities while others live very different lives. Some are looking to perv while others to self reflect or a miriad of other reasons. I understand that my life is not a direct reflection of anyone else's although there may be things that parallel.

The places where I find parallels to my own situation are what interest me....I am making no assumptions as to why anyone else is here. I found some similarities to my life in Kim's story and belief system. I felt they were similar to actions I have taken and ideas that I have. And although I understand folks feel I am being judgemental, and to some extent I am as I am also judging myself, I am looking for more in depth info on the human condition in places where I feel it is similar to my own reality and where I feel it might benefit me and my life.

As for your comment about what pplwatching said.....look up a couple of posts....I agree!

As for your comment about making assumptions....you seem to making assumptions about me....and yet you don't know my story now, do you? tsk-tsk

 

[pplwatching]

.....

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[purplerosecrab]

purplerosecrab---It is exactly the "how" Kim worked through stuff with her husband and herself that I am interested in. We are all here in Lit for a variety of reasons. Some of us live similar realities while others live very different lives. Some are looking to perv while others to self reflect or a miriad of other reasons. I understand that my life is not a direct reflection of anyone else's although there may be things that parallel.

The places where I find parallels to my own situation are what interest me....I am making no assumptions as to why anyone else is here. I found some similarities to my life in Kim's story and belief system. I felt they were similar to actions I have taken and ideas that I have. And although I understand folks feel I am being judgemental, and to some extent I am as I am also judging myself, I am looking for more in depth info on the human condition in places where I feel it is similar to my own reality and where I feel it might benefit me and my life.

As for your comment about what pplwatching said.....look up a couple of posts....I agree!

As for your comment about making assumptions....you seem to making assumptions about me....and yet you don't know my story now, do you? tsk-tsk

Here are your words:

I find it interesting that people are more interested in the juicy bits rather than how she can justify her deceptive behaviour. As sheeple, we tend to follow along blindly if what we are following is sparkly enough. This story is full of sparkle....at the expense of HH.

That is an assumption you are making about the people who post on and read this thread, an assumption that several people have taken issue with. I completely agree that people come to Lit for every reason and they are all valid. There's nothing wrong with looking for parallels and resonances among people's different experiences. The problem comes when what you say and how you say it is laced with judgment against Kim and others. You are free to judge yourself and even do so openly, but others absolutely do not deserve your judgment.

The whats and hows of Kim's relationship are hers to explain, and she has done so in places already. She may choose to expound further, or she may not. In either case, judgment is still not warranted.

I don't assume anything about you, except what you've expressly stated.

I have to say that I find it extremely shady that you would have a private communication with Kim, and after that ended you decided to make the conversation public on her thread. That is not cool, and not something I would want to happen to me.

 

[jjmudd]

elle---Your question to me was...

"Jjmud, you are making a judgement on just this thread?"


What is the purpose of this question? Is it not to question the validity of my commentary....hence being judgemental. Or, are you truly interested in why I posted here.

purplerosecrab---I realize that some of what I have written might sound judgey...it is certainly not what I was aiming for, and if I offended the OP, I apologize. I was interested in how the OP came to terms with her actions and if she ever moved forward with her feelings more openly with HH. Thanks to numeniusa, I have further insight into this. As for sharing a private conversation, I only shared a comment I made to her and one that I felt I would ask here on the open forum. I never shared anything she said in a PM. The only reason I even brought it up was to try and explain that I was interested in her thought process, as opposed to passing judgement.

As far as judging is concerned, you are judging me, my motives and my method. I'm O.K. with it. Judge away.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

I agree with most of what you are saying....except this...."No one can truly judge what's right or wrong, especially for someone else." Of course we can judge, it's what we do. It's how we learn. It's what helps to guide us as we "stumble through."

You can judge...what I said is you can't truly judge because anyone's judgement is going to be based on the limited information you have on a certain subject. Each time a new piece of information is added, your opinion/judgement may change. I might also point out that you have repeatedly, since this comment, stated that you aren't judging anyone. "Of course you are. It's what we do." Right?

But your original question was, "Am I the only one who has any sympathy for HH rather than an erotic interest in reading about what the OP loses where?" I responded to that question as it seemed to be directed to the readers on this thread. Any other how, whats, or whys would be Kim's business to answer.

I understand you are searching for relatable feelings and thoughts to your own situation, but you can't force someone to give you those answers. Kim is not the only one with a similar story. And im sure there are a lot of people on Lit who have been unfaithful to their spouse and have experience dealing with the residual feelings and effects. You can start your own thread asking for advice or shared stories on the topic you're trying to understand. (I'm not being snarky, just a suggestion that may help you.)

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Porkwarrior]

I packed three silk ties to her hands with. And planned to show her a knot tying class just to tease her. A rolling hitch is fun if she doesn't struggle, but tie a rolling hitch onto the standing end and she's stuck,

The Flying/Spanish/Frenchman's Bowline is something I learned two decades ago,


And I'm not there this weekend for a demonstration

 

[KimGordon67]

[Posting private message content in the forums is strictly prohibited per our forum guidelines.]

Thanks CG. I've only just checked in on this thread now, and have no idea what he posted, but I'm immensely pleased to have such actions moderated.

 

[KimGordon67]

After reading through this whole thread, I find it intriguing that not one person has mentioned the elephant in the thread....the Hapless Hubby, who sits in blissful ignorance while wifey explores her sexuality. I suspect, that like everyone else, I was drawn into the sexiness of the tidbits of the OP's life, because of her innate ability to put pen to paper...who doesn't want to hear about toothpaste on the clit and glass plugs being lost in the nether regions....

I find our ability, as humans, to justify and defend any actions amazing no matter how wrong that action might be.

Now, I'm not suggesting that any of the OP's actions are wrong.....other than the dishonesty to the one person she has made a formal commitment to. If he were aware of all her extra play, and accepting of it, then c'est la vie....but this is not the case. This is not an open relationship or a poly relationship. It is one person being deceptive to another person for personal satisfaction.

Now, before you all go ganging up on me for being a negative-nilly....I am the OP to some extent (although she may disagree). For all intents and purposes, I have a fantastic marriage....but recently, I have had some desires that were not met with open arms at home, so I looked for online encounters and RL activity. I found both and they solidified a number of beliefs about sex and relationships for me.

The OP talks about the importance of honesty, and yet is dishonest with HH. It was this acknowledgement in my own behaviour that was at the fore of all of my epiphanies. I decided that I wanted my defining characteristic to be honesty and not have my sexuality define me.

Am I the only one who has any sympathy for HH rather than an erotic interest in reading about what the OP loses where?

How f*cking dare you make assumptions about my marriage, the nature of my love for my husband, or anything else for that matter. I've made quite clear at various points in this thread that, in retrospect, I wish I handled things differently - and, as others have noted, I've subsequently rectified that. Just because YOU don't know that, doesn't mean it didn't happen. I've not discussed a great deal of my marriage in here because that is personal, and I know he wouldn't be happy about (even though he'll never know). You have NO idea what we did or didn't promise to each other when we got married, nor how our relationship has evolved over 18 years.

If anything I've said in here resonates for you, then own that, instead of finding some reason for denigrating me because my life and my decisions don't gel with your morality. And don't piss all over my thread because I chose to not engage in a lengthy PM discussion with you about this stuff.

Apologies everyone else - I'm extremely annoyed, but no doubt will calm down a bit later. Thanks for all the support.

 

[purplerosecrab]

elle---Your question to me was...

"Jjmud, you are making a judgement on just this thread?"


What is the purpose of this question? Is it not to question the validity of my commentary....hence being judgemental. Or, are you truly interested in why I posted here.

purplerosecrab---I realize that some of what I have written might sound judgey...it is certainly not what I was aiming for, and if I offended the OP, I apologize. I was interested in how the OP came to terms with her actions and if she ever moved forward with her feelings more openly with HH. Thanks to numeniusa, I have further insight into this. As for sharing a private conversation, I only shared a comment I made to her and one that I felt I would ask here on the open forum. I never shared anything she said in a PM. The only reason I even brought it up was to try and explain that I was interested in her thought process, as opposed to passing judgement.

As far as judging is concerned, you are judging me, my motives and my method. I'm O.K. with it. Judge away.

Whatever your intentions, your words were judgy, flippant, unkind, and unnecessary. Several people responded to your questions and it doesn't appear that anyone agrees with your assessment of Kim's situation. If you feel judged, understand that I and others responded to your words as written.

To Kim: despite this derailment, I hope you continue your story, as many of us are listening--and not just for the juicy bits.

 

[KimGordon67]

Whatever your intentions, your words were judgy, flippant, unkind, and unnecessary. Several people responded to your questions and it doesn't appear that anyone agrees with your assessment of Kim's situation. If you feel judged, understand that I and others responded to your words as written.

To Kim: despite this derailment, I hope you continue your story, as many of us are listening--and not just for the juicy bits.

Thanks PRC. When I have more than a moment, I am going to go back through this exchange more carefully - I think some people made some interesting points that are worth thinking about.

 

[KimGordon67]

I agree with most of what you are saying....except this...."No one can truly judge what's right or wrong, especially for someone else." Of course we can judge, it's what we do. It's how we learn. It's what helps to guide us as we "stumble through."

If a manifesto of the young man who just bombed the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester was discovered, that contained details of his life and what led him to his extremist position, it would make for an interesting read and perhaps give incredible insights into the inner workings of how a young man can get indoctrinated into a terrorist cell.......but we would all still judge his acts.

What's interesting to me is our ability as humans to justify and defend any act we deem beneficial., from the simplest thing to the most extreme......"I want a cookie"...I realize it has absolutely no nutritional value, it is full of sugar and other bad things, but it makes me happy...."I think I'll kill a bunch of innocents with an IED."....I realize these people aren't doing anything other than living in a society that is corrupt, so this is my way of taking a stand and promoting my ideologies.

So yes, this is Kim's journey she is sharing, and yes we don't know the intricacies of that relationship. We do know what she has told us and I find it interesting that people are more interested in the juicy bits rather than how she can justify her deceptive behaviour. As sheeple, we tend to follow along blindly if what we are following is sparkly enough. This story is full of sparkle....at the expense of HH.

Like I said before, this story hits close to home for me, as it has resonated with many others. I still struggle with my own demons, as we all do. I am more interested in how the OP justifies and defends her choices as they relate to the one person she has committed to, because this is the struggle I have been dealing with.

So my (now slightly less furious) responses to this are fourfold.
Firstly, you're seriously using the Manchester bombing as a point of comparison?
Secondly, yes, of course we all judge the actions of others ... but other things that happen as we grow up are that we learn to not let everything that happens in our brains come out of our mouths, especially when we know full well we are only getting a partial version of the situation.
Thirdly, at various points you've suggested you're interested in my thread, or in talking to me, because you're looking for 'information'. It's not actually my job to make you better informed about the human condition, and therefore I'm not beholden to provide details of my life beyond those I care to share. If someone asks about things like that, I can chose to answer or not answer. You were lucky enough to receive the generosity of someone else linking you to some of the 'information' you're apparently looking for - but the fact that you couldn't be bothered finding that yourself (and it's really not rocket surgery to do so) suggests that you're not really wanting that at all.
And finally, you are in absolutely no position to judge the strength of my commitment to my husband, nor do you have any idea of how we've maintained our longstanding and extremely strong relationship. 'Honesty' is not a black and white concept - rather, it comes in many shapes and forms, and we utilise it to varying extents in various ways depending on context. Sometimes we don't do very well at it, but 'being honest' is usually not the only thing we need to consider in our relationships with others.

And for a bonus point - I note your account is still pretty new. I very strongly recommend you spend a little bit of time gauging the mood of the site before you decided to start making assessments about the motivations of those who've been here a lot longer (here I mean everyone else, not myself).

Finally, if you want to nut off about feckless women and their poor put-upon husbands, I really suggest you start your own thread for that purpose - I'm sure you'll have plenty of interest. Have fun with that.

 

[KimGordon67]

( is it weird I am actually skipping the salacious bits? Sorry Kim . You know where my areas of interest are, and it's not that you are not a good writer! )

This made me smile ... and yes, obviously no one finds everything anyone has to say riveting. Some of my closest friends and family like to talk about football sometimes, for a loooooong time, in great and labourious detail ... definitely not an area of interest, but I still love them.

 

[KimGordon67]

I packed three silk ties to her hands with. And planned to show her a knot tying class just to tease her. A rolling hitch is fun if she doesn't struggle, but tie a rolling hitch onto the standing end and she's stuck,

The Flying/Spanish/Frenchman's Bowline is something I learned two decades ago,


And I'm not there this weekend for a demonstration

I'm utterly flummoxed as to how to response to this ... so I'll just leave it here.

 

[KimGordon67]

There are replies to the details of the sex, but there are also many replies discussing the nature of intimate relationships and love. I don't now which of the two people are more interested in, but in my case it's the latter.

jjmud's assertion that people are only interested in the salacious detail flummoxed me a bit too ... in fact, the smut seems to provoke the least interest ... which is fine with me, although not what I was expecting at all. It's almost as though those were the only bits HE read, so the really quite nuanced conversations that happened around other things just slipped under his radar maybe?

 

[KimGordon67]

It's not as simple as you think, jjmudd. As Elle said, Kim has shared in other threads about her husband and their choices in their marriage. Here, for example. In this thread she is telling her story, but slowly. She hasn't yet got to the part where she has frank discussions with her husband. Maybe she will choose not to share that here, it's really up to her.

For me it doesn't seem purely salacious, there has been a lot about the why as well as the what and the how. And there have been some very interesting derails, discussions which she has welcomed and encouraged.

Thanks N ... in fact, 'It's not as simple as you think' pretty much sums it up. Lives seldom are simple, and the tiny bits that we show people in here are so much a fraction of the complexity ... and mundanity ... of what our entire lives are.

 

[KimGordon67]

You can judge...what I said is you can't truly judge because anyone's judgement is going to be based on the limited information you have on a certain subject. Each time a new piece of information is added, your opinion/judgement may change. I might also point out that you have repeatedly, since this comment, stated that you aren't judging anyone. "Of course you are. It's what we do." Right?

But your original question was, "Am I the only one who has any sympathy for HH rather than an erotic interest in reading about what the OP loses where?" I responded to that question as it seemed to be directed to the readers on this thread. Any other how, whats, or whys would be Kim's business to answer.

I understand you are searching for relatable feelings and thoughts to your own situation, but you can't force someone to give you those answers. Kim is not the only one with a similar story. And im sure there are a lot of people on Lit who have been unfaithful to their spouse and have experience dealing with the residual feelings and effects. You can start your own thread asking for advice or shared stories on the topic you're trying to understand. (I'm not being snarky, just a suggestion that may help you.)

Thanks IAS - my very similar suggestion re: starting his own thread probably was pretty snarky.

I also found his approach a little puzzling ... rather than starting with 'this is how I felt about a potentially similar situation I was in, and for these reasons I chose a different path', he decided to just launch into attacking me. Sigh.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm really trying to think through the 'judgemental' thing, because I know I've been fairly opinionated in one or two other threads in here. But when I do that, I try to restrict what I'm talking about to the information at hand ... although that does often mean I'm making a few assumptions about the unknown factors. I'm thinking of one debate in particular, where another person was, it seemed to me, basically trying to convince the OP that he should (subtly) coerce his wife into 'enjoying'/tolerating sex she had quite clearly stated she did NOT enjoy. There were a few other factors as well that made it appear that she was not in particularly powerful position in the situation, and the way the OP spoke about her made it appear that he didn't really care too much for her. Of course, all this is just how he talked - the reality of the situation may well have been quite different. But I don't think that anywhere have I suggested that I was deliberately deceiving my husband, nor that I failed to consider his wellbeing at all times. However, based on really very minimal information, jj decided to cast a particular role for my husband which I found fairly offensive, and which I think my husband would find pretty offensive as well. No one is really an exemplary spouse - as pplwatching noted above, there are choices he makes which probably aren't ideal for his wife. But we attach this monumental significance to fidelity, and everything else pales in comparison ... which isn't to say that my husband was inattentive in the slightest. As I'd hoped I'd made clear, I was never seeking to address a 'lack' in my marriage.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[jjmudd]

Kim--2 things in response to all your responses....

1. I'm sorry for my judgey and poorly worded post(s) that has(have) caused such a stir here and has(have) offended you.
2. "rocket surgery" LoL an expression I use often....something else we have in common.

I will now skulk off with my tail between my legs, licking my wounds.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm parking this thread for a while

I know that by putting this stuff out into a public context, I invite the full gamut of responses, and I'm OK with that as a general thing. However, at present I'm working through a lot of 'stuff' in my actual life, and I don't really have the resources to be fending off negativity in here as well. I'll maybe get back to it when I'm better able to explain my actions.

Thanks all who've contributed thus far. I'm genuinely surprised by the interest and the strange twists and turns this conversation has taken, and I do hope to come back to it at some point ... it's been interesting and thoughtful, for me at least (and hopefully for others).