Some guidance, please.

[starrlet]

I am interested in exploring a bit with bdsm, however, I've no clue at all where to start. I'm going to start with the first thread here, and read on down, but thought I would post a hello to everyone first, to see if there was anyone out there willing to take control of my education.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

check out the library thread here (search for library)... also read up on JazzManJim's "Sure I'm into BDSM... what's BDSM?" thread. It'll give you a place to start.

Ask lots of questions.. we've heard them all (and I've asked many of them), and we don't judge.

 

[WynEternal]

Welcome, starrlet.

There are lots of knowedgable people on this board with vast experiences. It's great that you're reading. If you have any questions, ask away!

 

[rosco rathbone]

Some friendly advice:
1. Be pretty
2. Rack up 100 posts here.
3.Post an attractive picture of you as your "av". You'll get lots of attention that way.

 

[starrlet]

Yes sir.

 

[SexyChele]

Welcom starrlet! The library is a good resource and will help familiarize you with terminology. Also, book recommendations are good to ask for as well. Lots of those to be had!

And simply ask questions. If some one remembers the topic from a while ago, they are good about kicking it up or directing you to it for more information.

We all had to start somewhere, so we have all stood where you are now. (And some of us aren't too far away, either!)

 

[starrlet]

wow, quite the welcome!

Hi, wow, thanks for all the responses so far!! I'm learning alot already!

One of my problems IRL is..well....with my ex we were slowly starting to experiment with different things (perhaps we were just finally that comfortable to start exploring, etc since we had been together for a while)...but...enter new boyfriend...and I learn that he has quite the past when it comes to the whole bdsm thang, and well, I've definitely expressed my interest in this, however, he says he loves our sex life as it is, and is quite satisfied (which, yeah, its ok, satisfying most of the time)....and well...(now I know I'm rambling)...when pressed the last time, his reply was something like 'well, I dont know what you like'....HEH.

That sent some warning flags because:
A. um well, if you dont know what I like, ASK
B. If i'd expresed interest in this particular subject, (and its not like Im not open at all about things).....try me! I'll say no if its too much too fast, etc.

He says he is just not really interested in it anymore...is it true that you can just ...turn off the interest?

*sigh* sorry for this rambly reply...I'm just sooo sexually frustrated.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yes sir.

Now THAT's the spirit!

 

[James G 5]

Welcome, starrlet.

There are lots of knowedgable people on this board with vast experiences.

Then there're the people like me who're to be avoided at all costs......

 

[starrlet]

rut roh!

hahahaha, ive seen quite a few of your posts already in my searches for info...

I dont scare away that easily!!!....as of yet, anyways..

haha

 

[SexyChele]

Starrlet, I am a submissive sexually. However, I do ebb and flow as far as BDSM goes. I seem to go through periods where I want, have to have it, desire it, can't get enough. Then I go through a period of, "Eh, s'ok - let's do the 'nilla thing now."

Could be your b/f is the same way. Some people truly live this lifestyle. It is breath to them. Others only participate while in the bedroom (or other sexual situations). Still others jump in and out, as it suits them.

Sometimes people explore BDSM because it intrigues them. But when they've done what they are interested in, they find the novelty has worn off and it really isn't what they want.

What you might be able to do is start off small. Ask him to bind your wrists to the bed, or keep his fingers in your hair as you give him head. Just little things and see it an interest might come back. Also, talk to him. Let him know that you are interested in at least exploring different aspects but that you aren't ready for the whole thing right now. Don't pressure him, just state your case plainly.

You may have to come to a decision in the future. If this relationship is to be serious and you find you need BDSM, that can be tough if he is not willing to go along. You need to determine just what it is that you want and tell him. Be open and honest with him - BDSM is nothing if complete honesty is not there between the two parties.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Welcome starrlet

You have been given some excellent ideas on where to start your journey. Enjoy!

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

..actually the asking questions...in your own relationship..could begin with you..rather than waiting for him to ask them...
My first question would be WHY...
WHY has he lost interest..there is always a reason.
Overcoming the why will be the ticket to the ride...

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Nice meeting you starlet. I'm knew to this forum as well.. Not new to lit thought.

*Hugs* you should find most people on lit to be friendly folks. Just warning dont take anything Hanns has to say seriously. just ignore him.

 

[starrlet]

hi, thanks, again

Wow, I come home from work at 3am and find some cool replies waiting

I tried to talk to the bf a bit tonight...asked a few little questions like what toys did he use etc, ...turns out he was pretty much just into light tying up/candlewax/nippleclamps, and pretty much nothing else....he kind of got a bit defensive a bit when asked...can't really describe it, but, I think I've decided to just not worry about it. I mean, I'm interested and all, but not enough to be pushing him into it, ...would be kind of a situation where the sub was the domme eh? me forcing him to dominate me? hahahaha.

anyways. im going to bed soon.

btw pixie you are damn cute

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Re: hi, thanks, again

btw pixie you are damn cute

*blushes* thank you!!!


eh, by this and shove it in his hand and say "here" LOL http://www.sextoyworld.com/dj0290-01.html


*Shakes her head* I really wish bf had been more... well he should have gotten something smaller for beginers. I dont like that toy much lol

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Welcome Starrlet. Can't give the library thread enough props. Enjoy your stay

 

[Richard49]

I am interested in exploring a bit with bdsm, however, I've no clue at all where to start. I'm going to start with the first thread here, and read on down, but thought I would post a hello to everyone first, to see if there was anyone out there willing to take control of my education.

I can not offer direction
cause I do not know where yoou have been