soliciting

[Moyds_jewel]

soliciting feedback, please

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=70446


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=75592


thank you in advance for your thoughts and time.

jewel

_________
it is my joy to be his submissive

 

[KillerMuffin]

Re: soliciting feedback, please

thank you in advance for your thoughts and time.

[/B]

You're welcome.

Your paragraphing is all whacked up. New speaker, new paragraph. Very messy. We're conditioned to a certain paragraphing format, you screw with that and, well, it's just painful to read. It makes your paragraphs too large and confusing.

Read this. It will help you.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=8982

 

[Moyds_jewel]

rueful grin

Yeah, i know. Naively thought uploading as Word file would retain all formating.

Learned better. The sequel is better formatted, I think, thanks precisely to the link you gave me. thank you, km.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Actually, it should have retained paragraph formatting. I've done it before and I know others have done it before.

That's odd.

Every once in a while, though, these things just don't seem to go through.

 

[Moyds_jewel]

feedback

Please, fellow/sister authors?? will no one else read and comment? (wonders if I missed a secret handshake or something...)



yes, the first chapter is not properly formatted...still, would love some editorial comment.

Thanks again, KillerMuffin for taking the time...

 

[kristydoll]

Hi jewel *smiles*

Found some time and so I read Chapter Two - I know, but it was a page shorter and don't have tons of time.

Let me say this, it was a pleasure to read your writing style - very good. It was easy to read, had good flow, and I liked the way you worked the conversation with Diane into everything.

My one note, and this is for the beginning mostly, I don't think you need to keep repeating AJ's name. If you used "he", we would know who you were speaking about.

I liked this part: "Good girl."

These simple words spoken with quiet approval gave Ruby a jolt of pure delight and she exhaled shakily.

Those words always get to me too *smiles*

One more thing - and I commented on this on another story as well - I think you need to get into the "other sub" more than it just happening. I would think that if a Master had more than one sub/slave, they would be aware beforehand. My opinion, but it rings true with me.

Otherwise, great work! I look forward to reading more.

kristy

 

[Moyds_jewel]

hi Kristydoll

thank you for your time and thoughts.

Too many "AJs" true...but too many "He's" get to me (grins)

on the second sub issue...you are correct (thinks about pleading length, time constraints...gives up and acquiesces)

All becomes clearer in chapter 3 (hopes hook is well and truly set)
(flogging typist)

thanks so much, kristy.

jewel

 

[justgem]

.

 

[Moyds_jewel]

thank you, gem

I am grateful you took the time to wade through the story. Believe me, no one was more horrified than I to see the formatting lost in the upload process.

I am not sure any story is truly "finished." Even though two chapters are posted in what I thought was the final draft of each, I have found errors to correct and tweaks I want to make (sighs).

I am also deeply flattered by your assessment of my writing. I thank you.

I confess that before posting my own work, I very rarely voted on the stories I read at Literotica. Believe me, that's changed as has the fact that I now give written feedback (so much clearer now, the craving an author has to hear reader comments....)

I hope you slept well and dreamed wicked dreams.
Be well and safe,

jewel