Socially Retarded

[UC_Gav]

I havent posted in a while but for any that may remember me most of my posts were about how to be attractive to the opposite sex etc and all that kinda junk as i always suffered with low confidence thanks to bullying and friends that were only after what i could give them.

Ive basically taken the advice i was given way back when, smartened up, lost the weight etc however my problem now is i find myself incapable of handling social situations, especially with strangers.
Family functions are fine and im even in training to become a club/cabaret style singer so im not particularly shy (at least when its on my terms).
The trouble i have comes when trying to attract women. I simply dont know how to do it. I can talk to them, i can chat and have a laugh and even become very good friends however im not able to steer a conversation towards getting my point across. It always ends up as light hearted Flirty banter.
Im also completely lost when it comes to taking hints so even if she is trying to show serious interest in my i dont notice (as ive been told). This again is down to my old friends using me, and all i see is that she may be toying with me and I darent push my luck too far incase im reading the signals wrong.
It doesnt help that i dont really meet many people either since all my friends (the ones who counted) are all now starting families and relationships of their own (were all in our early 20's) and dont have as much time for theyre old friends and so i dont get out as much as i used to. I cant stand being out alone because i feel nothing but vulnerable.

I guess the bottom line is i just cannot even imagine how or when i could meet someone.....any advice?

 

[gemaussieslut]

not advice per se
but dont give up?!
dont get down on yourself and think that you cant meet people and that you dont know what your doing
i find one of the biggest turn ons and attraction factors is CONFIDENCE!
so yeah, thats my two cents, head up and confidence

 

[UC_Gav]

Ok...so ive taken most of the advice i was given when i was last here lol.

I just find confident hard to do. It kinda depends on my situation i guess.

 

[shy slave]

Please take this or leave it.

The headspace you get into that gives you the courage to get on stage and sing, can you somehow recognise that feeling and replicate it for social situations?

Low confidence is not easy to overcome, but alot of people in social situations are faking it. they have little confidence as well, they just have ways of making it work for them.

 

[UC_Gav]

The reason i can go into a 'confident mode' on stage is simply because of what im doing. I just love getting up and belting it out lol.
Its not so much the situation more with what im doing. If i could suddenly break into song every time i feel nervous then sure lol. Would be an interesting date.

 

[shy slave]

The reason i can go into a 'confident mode' on stage is simply because of what im doing. I just love getting up and belting it out lol.
Its not so much the situation more with what im doing. If i could suddenly break into song every time i feel nervous then sure lol. Would be an interesting date.

You have a point there lol

 

[cloudy]

Until you feel confidant, fake it.

No, I'm not kidding.

It's sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy: the more you fake self-confidence, the closer you get to actually having it, until one day you realize you're not faking it at all anymore.

So says the psychology grad student.

 

[M's girl]

It's a little like pinching your nose and jumping in when you think you can't swim, only to discover your survivor instincts help you get back on shore again anyway. Do it twice, three times... and you won't know any better after that.

It really works like that. No kidding. I did it. Faking it (and finding out it worked) helped me big time. First time I had to speak in front of a large crowd I died (well, almost). I thought everyone had noticed how incredibly nervous I had been and I was sure I had made a total fool of myself. But I had not, miraculously, and everyone complemented me on how brave I had been for doing that - and so well!

First I thought they were joking with me (started looking for the hidden camera and someone to shout: "fooled you; you were hideous!" .... but no, that did not happen. Still not sure if I was or not (and everyone just tried to make me feel good at the time). The thing is: I gained my first piece of real confidence from that and started slowly building it from there.

I'm still nervous on some occasions, but I know I can pull it off so I just do it. And it feels great to be able to overcome that insecure feeling!

 

[deliciously_naughty]

My husband is the classic geek in many ways. He doesn't have the best social skills and occasionally needs a clue by four applied to the side of his head.

We met online. In many ways, it's easier for those of us who aren't comfortable int he traditional dating arenas. You can compose your reply at liesure and reread it several times before sending.

As for clues that a girl is interested in you
1-She makes a point of touching you-your arm, your hair, what have you
2-She touches herself-toying with her necklace is an unconscious sign to bring your attention to her breasts, that sort of thing
3-When you say goodbye, she stays close-sign that she's waiting for you to iniate further contact.

If you want some help with an online dating profile, pm me.

 

[sirensiren]

If she touches you a lot it does mean that she likes you. But if she's really attracted to you she might be too shy to touch you. Also friendly touches does not mean she wants you sexually, the trick is knowing the difference, if she touches you and has "the look" in her eyes then she's yours

 

[tanyachrs]

You might just try asking these women who are engaging in flirty banter with you out on a date. Say, "I'd love to take you to dinner on Friday if you're free." If she says yes, you know she's interested in more than banter.

 

[EndCredits]

An attitude and mindset you can fake. Actual behavior is much trickier, and therein lies the problem.