pandoravampire
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2004
- Posts
- 284
Im getting into a relationship where im sub. This is new for me and ive a long long way to go, so please forgive my errors as i blunder ungracefully through this.
Im very much into the power exchange. That is what gets me off. Mental head stuff is sooo good for me, without it, im not sure that i would be able to submit at this stage.
We can be talking casually with no D/s involved and he will say something that flips it and my head is spinning, my heart rate is thundering and then i can begin to feel like i want to submit, but if a out of the blue request comes, such as 'id like a coffee', my silent repsonse is 'get it yourself then, i made the last', but i do not say this, i just play along. This is the problem, i dont want to be playing along, i want to be alongside.
Is this ok? How can i encourage myself to be alongside, rather than be playing along. I dont feel like im faking it, as i do want to end up in the scenario he's heading us for, just find it easier if he gets my head wet first so to speak.
Am i right in trying to elicit what elements of D/s trigger a submissive response in me. Im acutely aware when im triggered that i am always trying to specifically pin down what it was that was said or done, that makes me tingle. I think im doing this so that i understand what makes me tick, then this info can be given to Dom for him to use or not use. But this could be evidence of me topping from the bottom.
Very few submissive feelings that i experience are of a non sexual nature. Its the sex that motivates me to submit. Ill do some pretty bloody odd tasks for the sex i presume (correctly so far) that i will get at the end of completion.
More evidence of topping from the bottom i guess? But that may well be because im a bit of a commitment phobic. If i have feelings of wanting to submit for submission sake to Him, then im in deep, and thats a scary place to be.
I had been wondering, why im having feelings for someone ive really not known for too long? Was it just coz he's the first person who's ever evoked submission from me, and im in awe of that and the power he can wield, or is it a genuine falling for him.
God this is all so bloody confusing. But unlike the last relationship, this one is making me feel good, not bad. So id like to continue.
As i will not share, either the person im with or myself, playing with others is not a option. And i am too defended to accept dominance from well, all but this person so far. So this is my one opportunity to date to experience this, i dont want to blow it.
Im very much into the power exchange. That is what gets me off. Mental head stuff is sooo good for me, without it, im not sure that i would be able to submit at this stage.
We can be talking casually with no D/s involved and he will say something that flips it and my head is spinning, my heart rate is thundering and then i can begin to feel like i want to submit, but if a out of the blue request comes, such as 'id like a coffee', my silent repsonse is 'get it yourself then, i made the last', but i do not say this, i just play along. This is the problem, i dont want to be playing along, i want to be alongside.
Is this ok? How can i encourage myself to be alongside, rather than be playing along. I dont feel like im faking it, as i do want to end up in the scenario he's heading us for, just find it easier if he gets my head wet first so to speak.
Am i right in trying to elicit what elements of D/s trigger a submissive response in me. Im acutely aware when im triggered that i am always trying to specifically pin down what it was that was said or done, that makes me tingle. I think im doing this so that i understand what makes me tick, then this info can be given to Dom for him to use or not use. But this could be evidence of me topping from the bottom.
Very few submissive feelings that i experience are of a non sexual nature. Its the sex that motivates me to submit. Ill do some pretty bloody odd tasks for the sex i presume (correctly so far) that i will get at the end of completion.
More evidence of topping from the bottom i guess? But that may well be because im a bit of a commitment phobic. If i have feelings of wanting to submit for submission sake to Him, then im in deep, and thats a scary place to be.
I had been wondering, why im having feelings for someone ive really not known for too long? Was it just coz he's the first person who's ever evoked submission from me, and im in awe of that and the power he can wield, or is it a genuine falling for him.
God this is all so bloody confusing. But unlike the last relationship, this one is making me feel good, not bad. So id like to continue.
As i will not share, either the person im with or myself, playing with others is not a option. And i am too defended to accept dominance from well, all but this person so far. So this is my one opportunity to date to experience this, i dont want to blow it.
), this is much of the battle a sub faces when they are in a relationship which is not just in the bedroom. IME there are moments when as you say you are triggered, in the mood in your head, when it seems to be the most natural thing in the world, then there are times when you might be elsewhere (worried about something unrelated etc.), or just not in the right frame of mind when it seems an uphill battle to get that submissive feeling washing through you. 
