So I cried

[magdelena69]

in front of M for the second time in a year. Difference this time is that it was something seriously emotional, not the fact he made me shake and scream. I'm afraid of getting too attatched. Funny, I will let him do anything to me, but I can't just tell him that I want to be with him. And I have barked and cum and spanked and almost everything else in front of him, but I am, for the first time, embarassed. Because I was crying and being emotional in front of him. This is not going the way I wanted (not that it was supposed to matter), but all of a sudden I am more afraid of myself than I anything else. Normal or not?

 

[myinnerslut]

i get embarresed to be overly emotional as well. in my experience, dealing with being emotionally vulnerable is different then dealing with being physically vulnerable.

i hope your feeling better soon

 

[EttienneB]

This sounds like...

This sounds like many relationships, whether BDSM or otherwise. It's the nature of the human heart, it's vulnerability, it's fear of the unknown and the possible, it's (gulp!) normal.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

When it comes to sexual play you're not really taking much of a risk because you know him well enough to trust him when submitting. Emotional risks are the ones that have the potential to really upset you because that's where the real risk that you're taking lies.

Hope you work it all out.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Being afraid of showing our real emotions is a by-product of our Anglo based culture...we are taught and told from a young age not to cry etc., and role modeled how we should at all times keep our emotional self under control and hidden lest we be seen as being weak, vulnerable, silly, or taken advaantage of. I consider myself fortunate to no longer have to live that way as it has been the root of many of my sorrows and struggles.

Catalina

 

[magdelena69]

Y'all rock...

and thanks. I guess this really is more of a relationship question than a BDSM question. I can take lots of pain, as long as it's not emotional...yuck. Normal sucks.

PS...Velvet, as long as you are ok...hooray for you. Damn that made me really really hot. Three cheers for hot, forceful, kinky sex!

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Spared a Rebecca 'rant' there is a God

 

[madetotakeit]

Difference this time is that it was something seriously emotional, not the fact he made me shake and scream. I'm afraid of getting too attached... Normal or not?

That is a normal fear. Not only to worry about being emotional in front of him, but also that fear of attachment. Definitely a relationship rather than BDSM question. In any relationship those fears are there. "If I show emotion, will it upset?" "If I admit the level of attachment will it be too much?" "If I put my heart out there will it be accepted or turned away?"

I completely understand the fear of becoming attached. You start off thinking things will be one way. At some point (sometimes sooner, sometimes later) you find the dynamic has changed in you (or recognize that it will.) It wasn't what was agreed upon at the outset, but there is no control over it. It seems to me to be a combination of fear of rejection and fear of the change of status quo. Neither are comfortable at first. You accept, adapt and move on whatever the outcome is. This is true in any human interaction.

I do wonder though if the BDSM aspect does increase or speed up those feelings? The level of trust is higher than in vanilla relationships. Does this then leave us more vulnerable to becoming more attached than planned if we are wired to do so?

 

[minx1]

I do wonder though if the BDSM aspect does increase or speed up those feelings? The level of trust is higher than in vanilla relationships. Does this then leave us more vulnerable to becoming more attached than planned if we are wired to do so?

I was about to make the same point madetotakeit. I think that it is a normal feeling that you can experience in both vanilla and bdsm relationships, but I think and I am speaking personally, that somehow the feeling of emotional vulnerability and ultimately perhaps the fear of rejection or break up can seem much greater . Perhaps because relationships tend to be intense and based on a high level of trust.
For me I think because I have never given so much of myself in every respect to another person. That is scary in itself.

Perhaps previously, in vanilla relationships I kept a little of myself back and also shared the control. Giving myself wholeheartedly to my Master involves greater levels of trust than I have experienced before but subsequently on occasion a more powerful feeling of vulnerability. Though perhaps as in any relationship that works, this dissipates over time....?

 

[unfoundiamond]

I say go for it...

I say talk about it, untill you don't cry anymore...

Figure it out, and solve the cause of the (as you say, embarassing) deep, strong emotional outpouring...

Don't be afraid... like you said you have barked, cum, and spanked (or something) and never felt embarassed...
If you felt embarassed maybe you should get to the bottom of why...

Best Wishes, Hope you feel better!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

PS...Velvet, as long as you are ok...hooray for you. Damn that made me really really hot. Three cheers for hot, forceful, kinky sex!

Thankyou muchly. That thread has meandered a fair bit but I've had so much feedback about it. 90% of it positive.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Perhaps previously, in vanilla relationships I kept a little of myself back and also shared the control. Giving myself wholeheartedly to my Master involves greater levels of trust than I have experienced before but subsequently on occasion a more powerful feeling of vulnerability. Though perhaps as in any relationship that works, this dissipates over time....?

I have experienced this. I fell for Master so fast my head spun and I was all WTF? can this really be healthy? Am I giving up too much to fast? Luckily for us my gut instincts were right on the money and we are now living together in kinky connubial bliss.

Sometimes when it's right, it's right. It's a scary thing to admit but that doesn't always mean your judgment is wrong or that it'll all end in tears.

 

[madetotakeit]

For me I think because I have never given so much of myself in every respect to another person. That is scary in itself...Perhaps previously, in vanilla relationships I kept a little of myself back and also shared the control.

Exactly! I have definitely held back in my vanilla life. Not just the fact that I had these submissive feelings, but just held back in general. The average person deals in their lifetime with many more relationships ending in pain and confusion. Truthfully, thinking back on the vanilla, how much did you know about the other person at the onset? There were attractive, could hold a bit of a conversation, had a few shared interests? The BDSM dynamic is different. So many things (Usually things you would never dream of discussing in the vanilla world.) are discussed at the onset, before any meeting takes place face to face. The soul is laid bare. That much honesty bypasses months or years of coyness and discovery.

 

[twysted73]

To add a male voice...

I suppose one could consider me to be more intune with the heart then most of my male contemporaries. I'm 33. I've taken risks with the heart. I've had my life disrupted, my thoughts and my feelings thrown into disarray far more then I ever hoped they'd be. But in good ways as well as bad.
Boxers keep boxing because they condition themselves to. The pain gets easier as they gain the skills to avoid it.
Try with him. If your gut says to, take the moment. I've seen too many of them pass by and regretted my inaction.

I wish you the very best of luck.

 

[FurryFury]

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