So Brain, what we gonna do tomorrow night?

[Evil Alpaca]

I don't know how many people besides me and Rebecca watched this, but many years ago was one of the single most delightful cartoons ever . . . Pinky and the Brain, the tale of two lab mice and their nightly attempts to take over the world.

So I put forth a bit of a question for the great minds (literary and otherwise) here on Lit . . . Sparing no expense or silliness (overly serious ideas need not apply), how would YOU take over the world?



Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but "instant karma" always gets so lumpy.

 

[TheEarl]

- The plan is this Pinky <unrolls blueprint>
- Ooh pretty
- We're going to create the world's largest flying supermagnet, one which is so powerful it'll be able to pick up notes just by the anti-counterfeiting strip. Then we'll pilot it over every country in the world, sucking the money out of everyone's pockets. Then we'll control the world's economies!
- Narf, money, hehe.
- Yes Pinky, we'll be richer than Croesus!
- Creases? <folds blueprints and looks confused>
- <sighs and snatches blueprints back> Come along Pinky. We have work to do.

The Earl

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I'm sorry, but this is not the right moment to disclose those plans. You'll be informed within five years, when it's too late for anyone to do anything about it.

(I watched it too, by the way )

 

[TheEarl]

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

The Evil Overlord's List. Well worth looking at for any aspiring world dominants.

The Earl

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Earl, I think your thread is broken!

I think I would sneak into NBA games all across the country and throw glasses of beer at random players, then sneak out during the ensuing riot. While all the police, national guard and reporters are at the arenas, I would take a specially trained team of Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches (to annoy the living hell out of the guards), break into the Social Security Administration and steal the social security numbers of the president of the United States as well as Bill Gates, stealing their identities. Then I would use my combined power, wealth, and strangle-hold on the PC industry, I would release a new version of windows (Windows FU) that radiates mind-control waves, making all those people that are forced to use Microsoft products sleepy and easily manipulated. And as President, I would pass a constitutional amendment FORCING everyone to use Microsoft products . . . even Mac users!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

What do you mean new version?

 

[cloudy]

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Um... I think so, Brain, but what if the chicken won't wear the nylons?

My favorite lines.

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Brain:
Pinky:

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Sure, Brain, but how are we going to find chaps our size?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so, Brain, but where we going to find a duck and a host at this hour?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain, but burlap chafes me so.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but this time you put the trousers on the chimp.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but this time you wear the tutu.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but me and Pipi Longstocking, I mean, what would the children look like?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain, but if we didn't have ears, we'd look like weasels.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Wuh, I think so Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already married?

Pinky, Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking?
Uh ... yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so, but where will we find an open tattoo parlor at this time of night?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but culottes have a tendency to ride up so.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Wuh, I think so, but wel'll never get a monkey to use dental floss.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but if they called them "sad meals", kids wouldn't buy them.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Aww, I think so, Brain, but balancing a family and a career ... uh, it's all too much for me.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain,


Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but there's still a bug in there from last time.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but I get all clammy inside the tent.

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but I don't think Kay Ballard is in the union?

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Yes, I am!

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but the Rockettes? I mean, it's mostly girls, isn't it?:

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but pants with horizontal stripes makes me look chubby.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain, but panyhose are so uncomfortable in the summertime.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but it's a miracle this one grew back.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain but first you'd have to take that whole bridge apart wouldn't you?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so, Brain, but "Snowball for Windows"?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain, but "apply North Pole" to what?

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but, snort, no, no, it's too stupid.

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Umm, I think so Don Cerebro, but umm, why would Sophia Loren do a musical?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Umm, I think so Brain, but what if the chicken won't wear the nylons?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but isn't that why they invented tube socks?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain but what if we stick to the seat covers?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain but if you replace the

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Ewww, I think so Brain, but I think I'd rather eat the Macarena.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but don't we need a pool to play Marco Polo?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so, but Kevin Costner with an English accent?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain, but do I really need two tongues?

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain, but we're already naked.

Brain, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
We eat the box?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but don't camels spit a lot?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but Pete Rose? I mean, can we trust him?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but how do we get a pair of Abe Vegoda's pants?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but why would Peter Bogdanovich?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain but if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but isn't a cucumber that small called a gerkin?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but if we had a snowmobile, wouldn't it melt before summer?

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Larry, and Brain, but how we will get all seven dwarves to shave their legs.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but how do we get the Spice Girls into the paella.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but if we get Sam spayed, he'll never have any puppies.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Well, I think so Brain, but wouldn't anything lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but three round meals a day wouldn't be as hard to swallow.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
But calling it Pu-Pu platter? What were they thinking?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but if we give peas a chance, won't the lima beans feel left out?

Brain, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
What was that?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the plural of spouse be spice?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but can the gummi worms really live in peace with the Marshmellow Chicks?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Yes Brain, but if our knees bent the other way, how would we ride a bicycle?

Pinky Suavo, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Yes, but why does the chicken cross the road, huh, if not for love? Oh, I don't know.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but I prefer space jelly.

Snowball, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Oh Brain, I certainly hope so.

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but why would anyone want a depressed tongue?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but who wants to see Snow White and the Seven Samuri?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but then my name would be "thumby".

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but I find scratching just makes it worse.

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but shouldn't the bat boy be wearing a cape.

Pinklet, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Umm, I think so Brainie, but why would anyone want to Pierce Brosnan?

Pinky, Art Thou Pondering That Which I Am Pondering?
Me thinks so Brain, verily, but doest thou think Pete Rose by any other name would still smell as sweaty?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but will they let the Cranberry Duchess stay in the Lincoln Bedroon?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
(to be completed)

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but why does a forklift have to be so big if all it does is lift forks?

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but wouldn't his movies be more suitable for children if he was named 'Jean Claude Van Darn'?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but what if the hippopotimus won't wear the beach thong?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Whew! I'd say the odds of that are terribly slim.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but if was only supposed to be a three hour tour, why did Howells bring all his money?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but Zero Mostel times anything is still Zero Mostel.

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but if we have nothing to fear but fear itself, then why does Elenor Roosevelt wear that spooky mask?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Umm, I think so Big Brainy Fish Face Stove Pipe Wiggle Room Eileen. But if you get a long little doggie, wouldn't you just call it a dachshund?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but then I'd have to know what pondering is, wouldn't I?

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but "instant karma" always gets so lumpy.

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
Umm, I think so Brain-2, but a show about two talking lab mice? It'll never get on the air!

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I love Pinky, the brain's head is too big for me.

I'm too lazy to take over the world, I'll get my lacky's to do it. ...Lou...Charley....get moving.

 

[minsue]

Pinky, Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?
I think so Brain, but if we get Sam spayed, he'll never have any puppies.




I'd never heard that one!

 

[BlackShanglan]

I love the thread, as I loved the cartoon. It's all in the delivery, and Brain does a great "try and take over the world!"

Hmmm. I would invent a hypnotic device, disguise it as entertainment, and place it in every home in the country. Then I would use that cheap, instant entertainment to continually narrow the range of thought and language and the duration of attention span in my audience, until eventually they were watching people eat bugs for money while I had my nefarious way with their political, economic, and social institutions.

Go ahead, try to stop me. You're about fifty years too late

Shanglan

 

[Evil Alpaca]

I love the thread, as I loved the cartoon. It's all in the delivery, and Brain does a great "try and take over the world!"

Hmmm. I would invent a hypnotic device, disguise it as entertainment, and place it in every home in the country. Then I would use that cheap, instant entertainment to continually narrow the range of thought and language and the duration of attention span in my audience, until eventually they were watching people eat bugs for money while I had my nefarious way with their political, economic, and social institutions.

Go ahead, try to stop me. You're about fifty years too late

Shanglan

Hunh? Did you say somethin'? I was watching television, so I missed it.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Hunh? Did you say somethin'? I was watching television, so I missed it.

Not a word, beautiful one. Just wave your little leaf and smile charmingly.

Shanglan

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Not a word, beautiful one. Just wave your little leaf and smile charmingly.

Shanglan

I will remember you fondly when I RULE the WORLD!

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I will remember you fondly when I RULE the WORLD!

Can I be head of the ministry of injustice?

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Can I be head of the ministry of injustice?

Absolutely. But you have dress like a dom when performing any public floggings!

Have I twisted your arm enough yet?

 

[BlackShanglan]

I will remember you fondly when I RULE the WORLD!

Excellent. Excellent. Yours is actually the second fascist new world order for which I have an "in."

Fear the well-connected horse.

Shanglan

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Absolutely. But you have dress like a dom when performing any public floggings!

Have I twisted your arm enough yet?

I can't wait!!!!!
Getting out the leather and the whips....I will serve you well.

 

[minsue]

I can't wait!!!!!
Getting out the leather and the whips....I will serve you well.

Pssst! A good domme doesn't serve, sweets.

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Pssst! A good domme doesn't serve, sweets.

She doesn't serve . . . I'm just the landlord renting her space to do that voodoo that she do so well! And she didn't ask to be the minister . . . she DEMANDED it!

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Pssst! A good domme doesn't serve, sweets.

Sorry, I got caught up in the moment of being employed again.

 

[TheEarl]

Excellent. Excellent. Yours is actually the second fascist new world order for which I have an "in."

Fear the well-connected horse.

Shanglan

Everybody: Can I have Monaco when you all rule the world? I know about 10 aspiring world dominants, who have all promised me Monaco as my very own country.

Thank you,

The Earl of Monaco

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Everybody: Can I have Monaco when you all rule the world? I know about 10 aspiring world dominants, who have all promised me Monaco as my very own country.

Thank you,

The Earl of Monaco

Very well, you may rule Monaco after you have cut down the tallest tree in the forest with . . . a herring!

 

[TheEarl]

Very well, you may rule Monaco after you have cut down the tallest tree in the forest with . . . a herring!

Alpaca. I'm a student. We get drunk. I've done it already.

The Earl

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Alpaca. I'm a student. We get drunk. I've done it already.

The Earl

I'm a student (for another four days).
I don't get drunk.
Do it again. Bigger tree, smaller fish.