Sleep masturbation

[Kat1971]

My wife masturbates in her sleep. She never has any recollection. Anyone else experienced this? At first found it a big turn on but now getting a bit annoying. Especially if she's turned me down for sex before falling asleep!

 

[blksoldier]

sleepless night

My wife masturbates in her sleep. She never has any recollection. Anyone else experienced this? At first found it a big turn on but now getting a bit annoying. Especially if she's turned me down for sex before falling asleep!

masterbation is not the problem, its the lack of sex I think that's where the frustration lays. there is alot of missing factors how is the communication between the two of you? how long has it been going on?

 

[Kat1971]

thanks for your response

Agree lack of sex is probably the source of the frustration. We communicate well enough but when it comes to sex its finding the time with two young children. She is always tired and I am always left frustrated. And I'm tired because I now lie awake waiting for her to do it! Its been going on for months now but when I first mentioned it she refused to accept it and blamed me for making her feel self conscious, even though I said I loved the fact she did. So I no longer talk to her about it.

 

[Noor]

There are sleep disorders where people have sex in their sleep but they are usually male, sexsomnia.

 

[blksoldier]

this can be a good thing

thanks for your response

Agree lack of sex is probably the source of the frustration. We communicate well enough but when it comes to sex its finding the time with two young children. She is always tired and I am always left frustrated. And I'm tired because I now lie awake waiting for her to do it! Its been going on for months now but when I first mentioned it she refused to accept it and blamed me for making her feel self conscious, even though I said I loved the fact she did. So I no longer talk to her about it.

dont treat it like a burden this should be a turn on this situation can be an erotic thing does she please you in other way been there done that with the

 

[crazy_sexy_cute]

Agree lack of sex is probably the source of the frustration. We communicate well enough but when it comes to sex its finding the time with two young children. She is always tired and I am always left frustrated. And I'm tired because I now lie awake waiting for her to do it! Its been going on for months now but when I first mentioned it she refused to accept it and blamed me for making her feel self conscious, even though I said I loved the fact she did. So I no longer talk to her about it.

I think your best bet to resolve this is to communicate more with your wife. If she's so tired you could say something to let her know that you're empathetic to what she's going through (ie. You've had a hard day, is there anything I can do to help you relax?). This might make her more open to communication.

I don't really see the point in bringing up the sleep masturbation thing, it's an unconscious act, so unless you subscribe to Freudian views it's probably not the best key to solving your problem.

 

[Noor]

I think your best bet to resolve this is to communicate more with your wife. If she's so tired you could say something to let her know that you're empathetic to what she's going through (ie. You've had a hard day, is there anything I can do to help you relax?). This might make her more open to communication.

I don't really see the point in bringing up the sleep masturbation thing, it's an unconscious act, so unless you subscribe to Freudian views it's probably not the best key to solving your problem.

If she has a sleep disorder she may indeed be very tired, the sleep she gets may not be getting her enough rest.

I suspect he is jealous of her doing herself in her sleep but not him or he realizes that she may eventually do other things in her sleep which are not as safe.

 

[Kat1971]

If she has a sleep disorder she may indeed be very tired, the sleep she gets may not be getting her enough rest.

I suspect he is jealous of her doing herself in her sleep but not him or he realizes that she may eventually do other things in her sleep which are not as safe.

I think I may be jealous yes. She's getting off and I'm not. However I do find it unbelievably erotic and I find myself masturbating alongside her. Last night was one such occasion. I wouldn't find it a problem at all but losing sleep myself- only got an hour last night.

What I do find strange is that she doesn't always touch herself and it can last ages. Her breathing gets faster, she groans softly and her nipples harden and this is what is weird.... Her groin begins to pulsate and when I have placed my hand gently between her legs i can feel her pussy through the covers throbbing, almost spasming on it's own. She will respond to my touch by groaning louder so I always presumed she was dreaming. But she woke up once and when I explained what I had felt she said her dream was completely non sexual. This can continue on and off for hours then it usually ends up with her masturbating to orgasm. Its possible the initial phase is unconscious and then she has to finish herself off while half asleep.

 

[bailadora]

I think I may be jealous yes. She's getting off and I'm not. However I do find it unbelievably erotic and I find myself masturbating alongside her. Last night was one such occasion. I wouldn't find it a problem at all but losing sleep myself- only got an hour last night.

Unless you're a very light sleeper and/or she's very loud or thrashing around, I don't understand how her nocturnal activities are disturbing your sleep. Unless you are forcing yourself to stay awake to see what she's getting up to and then frankly, that one's on you, not her.

As for "keeping score" about who is getting off, I started to suggest you take yourself in hand, but see that you're already doing that. Granted, I know it's not as satisfying as being with your partner, but it is a small measure of relief.

As a mom of three, I can certainly sympathize with having young children, constantly being tired and trying to maintain a satisfying, intimate life with your partner. The next time you talk to her, instead of mentioning her nighttime "problem", perhaps you could take the approach that you really miss being with her. Ask for her help in brainstorming for ways to foster intimacy (not just sex) and ways to alleviate some of the stress you both are under. For example, perhaps you could take over evening chores (like dishes or getting the kids ready for bed) so that she has some time to relax and reconnect with herself. I know that when my kids were small, there were times I was just plain touched out and I wanted 10 minutes alone where no one was demanding anything of me. It had nothing to do with my love or my desire for my partner, but I was just done!

It might also be helpful to see what sort of sexual activities she'd be willing to engage in with you when she's too tired for full on intercourse. Hand or blow job? Mutual masturbation? There ARE ways to maintain a satisfying relationship with one's partner while having kids, but it requires partners to communicate, compromise and work with each other. It's not always easy, but it CAN be done.

 

[Kat1971]

Thanks for the post and advice. I do everything possible to give her a break, bathing and putting children to bed when I get home from work. Cooking dinner etc etc. I see this as my duty as a husband and father not to earn sex so that was happening anyway. Still doesn't change difference in our natural sex drive and doesn't change much the fact she masturbates in bed despite having the lower drive. I'm not being critical of her in the slightest, it's just that I need an outlet like she has. Mine is writing erotic lit, hers is masturbating in her sleep. The problem as you say is with me staying awake to watch it!!!

 

[lazyhobo]

Unless you're a very light sleeper and/or she's very loud or thrashing around, I don't understand how her nocturnal activities are disturbing your sleep. Unless you are forcing yourself to stay awake to see what she's getting up to and then frankly, that one's on you, not her.

Lets be fair to the guy, how many sex deprived males can get to sleep knowing that a woman will be masturbating next to them?

 

[baby_girl13]

My bf tells me that I do it all the time!

I also walk around the house not realizing that I am touching myself constantly till my bf tells me that I am... It's just so relaxing!!

 

[fgarvb1]

Have you considered going down on her when she starts that?

 

[bailadora]

Lets be fair to the guy, how many sex deprived males can get to sleep knowing that a woman will be masturbating next to them?

*shrug* If I have to be up at a certain time, sleep is going to take precedence. Besides, I'm quite often sleepy after an orgasm, and have, on occasion, used it as an aid to relaxation. If my husband has no interest in sex that particular night, I take care of it myself and drift off without a problem. YMMV

Thanks for the post and advice. I do everything possible to give her a break, bathing and putting children to bed when I get home from work. Cooking dinner etc etc. I see this as my duty as a husband and father not to earn sex so that was happening anyway.

Good for you! I know that I always appreciate a helping hand around the house.

Still doesn't change difference in our natural sex drive and doesn't change much the fact she masturbates in bed despite having the lower drive. I'm not being critical of her in the slightest, it's just that I need an outlet like she has. Mine is writing erotic lit, hers is masturbating in her sleep. The problem as you say is with me staying awake to watch it!!!

Respectfully, just because she's masturbating in her sleep, I disagree that it's truly a sexual outlet for her. After all, it's not like she's doing it voluntarily. As Noor already pointed out, it might even be disturbing her sleep, contributing to her fatigue. Which can absolutely play hell with her libido and form a vicious cycle. Perhaps you've already tried, but this is where good communication between the pair of you is essential. Keep in mind that how you approach a topic is going to largely influence the direction and outcome of the discussion. Even though you may think you're not being critical, her perception might be quite the opposite. Try to foster an environment where addressing the differences in your sex drives is a collaborative, rather than an oppositional (real or perceived) effort.

 

[Kat1971]

Thanks for the support lazyhobo. Glad to know I'm not alone in thinking there's no way you could just drop off regardless of how tired you are.

 

[Kat1971]

My bf tells me that I do it all the time!

I also walk around the house not realizing that I am touching myself constantly till my bf tells me that I am... It's just so relaxing!!

Glad to hear someone else does it. Interested on your views. Do you have any recollection of what you did? Is it connected with sexual thoughts or dreams? Or does it just feel so good it's become a habit?

 

[Lord Pmann]

I've got a similar problem. I will, in the middle of the night, just start feeling up my wife. I'll finger her mostly. Grab her breasts and what have you. There is one time I actually had sex with her. I had absolutely no recollection at all. The first couple of times my wife thought I was messing with her. But I literally have zero memory of it. It's hard to believe that one could have sex and not wake up. She said I actually came the one time I had sex during this. That was even more surprising. But it's normally just me feeling her up.

She says she tries to talk to me during it and it's obvious I am asleep. My eyes aren't open. And I don't really talk. She said I sometimes mumble things. But never anything coherent.

I'd say this happens once every few weeks from what my wife says/remembers. I've only ever had one time where I actually orgasmed and had sex. For what it's worth, as a kid I would sleep walk. I used to always get up and pee on my Teddy Ruxpin. Poor bear. And I'm also on the border of being narcoleptic. I don't just fall asleep like most think, but when I go to sleep, I hit REM within about 7 minutes, which is quick. So I get into sleep deeply and quickly. I guess this is the reasoning behind why I can't remember any of it.

Oh, and I never feel any of it. I mean, it's not like the day I had sex during one of my episodes that I woke up relaxed. I couldn't tell. If she didn't tell me I did this, I'd not know to this day.

 

[Kat1971]

Keep in mind that how you approach a topic is going to largely influence the direction and outcome of the discussion. Even though you may think you're not being critical, her perception might be quite the opposite. Try to foster an environment where addressing the differences in your sex drives is a collaborative, rather than an oppositional (real or perceived) effort.

Excellent advice, thank you bailadora.
You are so right that her perception of me even bringing it up in conversation is immediately negative whatever I say. So agreed not to talk about that aspect of things but have had very constructive chat about our respective needs. Glad to say that proved very fruitful last night! So thank you again.

 

[Kat1971]

I've got a similar problem. I will, in the middle of the night, just start feeling up my wife. I'll finger her mostly. Grab her breasts and what have you. There is one time I actually had sex with her. I had absolutely no recollection at all. The first couple of times my wife thought I was messing with her. But I literally have zero memory of it. It's hard to believe that one could have sex and not wake up. She said I actually came the one time I had sex during this. That was even more surprising. But it's normally just me feeling her up.

She says she tries to talk to me during it and it's obvious I am asleep. My eyes aren't open. And I don't really talk. She said I sometimes mumble things. But never anything coherent.

I'd say this happens once every few weeks from what my wife says/remembers. I've only ever had one time where I actually orgasmed and had sex. For what it's worth, as a kid I would sleep walk. I used to always get up and pee on my Teddy Ruxpin. Poor bear. And I'm also on the border of being narcoleptic. I don't just fall asleep like most think, but when I go to sleep, I hit REM within about 7 minutes, which is quick. So I get into sleep deeply and quickly. I guess this is the reasoning behind why I can't remember any of it.

Oh, and I never feel any of it. I mean, it's not like the day I had sex during one of my episodes that I woke up relaxed. I couldn't tell. If she didn't tell me I did this, I'd not know to this day.

Thanks for sharing pmann. Proves such sleep disorders are not uncommon. Wasnt sure from your post whether you (or especially) your wife were concerned about your nocturnal habits. Or have you both grown accustomed to them?

 

[KlaytonFrost]

I'd just add this: it's possible to be awake for periods of up to five or even ten minutes and simply not remember it in the morning. IE: you're not sleepwalking, you are fully awake, but it just doesn't stay in your memory.

For the couple of people who've mentioned sexual encounters that they don't recall in the morning, I thought it would be comforting for you to know that you're perfectly normal.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Thanks for sharing pmann. Proves such sleep disorders are not uncommon. Wasnt sure from your post whether you (or especially) your wife were concerned about your nocturnal habits. Or have you both grown accustomed to them?

It doesn't happen too often. Once or twice a month that I/we know of. It's never posed any threat. I only sleep with my wife, so no one else has to worry. My wife weirdly kind of enjoys it. She thinks it's funny that such behaviour is default for me.

And as for not remembering the sexual encounter in the morning... Hahaha. It's a little different than a drunken encounter I think. I know who my wife is when I wake up.

 

[Loverskitten]

What I do find strange is that she doesn't always touch herself and it can last ages. Her breathing gets faster, she groans softly and her nipples harden and this is what is weird.... Her groin begins to pulsate and when I have placed my hand gently between her legs i can feel her pussy through the covers throbbing, almost spasming on it's own. She will respond to my touch by groaning louder so I always presumed she was dreaming. But she woke up once and when I explained what I had felt she said her dream was completely non sexual.

It's called an orgasm.
I have those in my sleep, yes, the dreams are sexual. Your wife probably didn't want to hurt your feelings. I once told a boyfriend about my orgasm dreams and he got jealous. Maybe you should tell your wife that it's ok and you find it extremely arousing.

Also the frequency of my orgasm dreams has nothing to do with the amount of sex I'm currently having. Some other odd facts about my orgasm dreams, it has never been a guy I know, it was once a girl, and sex doesn't always happen in the dreams where I orgasm. In one dream, I was sitting at a bar, a man walked up to me and just started deeply kissing me.

 

[mei071685]

bad habit hahaha

 

[Loverskitten]

bad habit hahaha

Bad???? It's wonderful! I wish it happened every night.

 

[Kat1971]

It's called an orgasm.
I have those in my sleep, yes, the dreams are sexual. Your wife probably didn't want to hurt your feelings. I once told a boyfriend about my orgasm dreams and he got jealous. Maybe you should tell your wife that it's ok and you find it extremely arousing.

Also the frequency of my orgasm dreams has nothing to do with the amount of sex I'm currently having. Some other odd facts about my orgasm dreams, it has never been a guy I know, it was once a girl, and sex doesn't always happen in the dreams where I orgasm. In one dream, I was sitting at a bar, a man walked up to me and just started deeply kissing me.

I was aroused to think she was having sexual dreams and told her that. But she insisted she wasn't. She's told me when she has had sexual dreams at other times so no reason not to believe her. When her pussy pulsates it can last half an hour or more. Then it subsides before returning again and again at various times of the night. I'm fairly sure after a while she instinctively starts gently touching her clit to enhance the feeling and sometimes a hand may brush and fondle her own breasts. This has happened 6 or more times in a single night. I have a theory it coincides with her ovulation which would make sense as she is always hornier around this time of course. It turns me on more than anything and would love her to know that without seeing it as a negative.
We had fantastic sex last night but couldn't tell whether that made a difference as had a good nights sleep myself for once!