Sir Isaac Newton, Inventor of Gravity and BABY KILLER

[CHNOPS]

General Board, I am tired of the liberal loons constantly trying to find some connection, no matter how flimsy, between guns and people being shot to death by guns. Consider:

• Guns didn’t invent being being too slow to dive out of the way of bullets.
• Guns didn’t invent internal organs or the need for blood to stay inside of people’s bodies.
• Guns didn’t invent the fundamental laws of motion and gravity that send bullets screaming toward squishy human brains in roughly a horizontal line at 1000 meters per second instead of floating up into the air like loud pointy burps.

Guns didn’t invent any of those things, but Isaac Newton did. Sir Isaac Newton, renowned physicist and cookie innovator, invented gravity and motion. Without motion, no one would ever be killed by a bullet again, unless they happened to run really fast into one that was suspended in mid-air, WHICH THEY COULD NOT DO, BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE NO MOTION. Without gravity, no one would fall over and collapse on the ground after they were killed, which is really the worst part of being killed, since if you could remain standing after you got shot to death, people could pretend you were alive for a while longer. In fact, if the idiot Beauregard J. Nostril had not invented the sense of smell, we could have achieved de facto immortality centuries ago.

Back to the point. Guns do not kill the people who are killed by guns. Sir Isaac Newton, the vile, conniving sociopath who invented gravity and motion and whose cookies really are delicious nonetheless, kills the people who are killed by guns. That includes bunny rabbits, stop signs, and little babies.

ISSAC NEWTON KILLS BABIES.

Suck on that, Lit libs.

And this. Especially this.

 

[islandman]

I'd prefer it if we just blamed whomever invented bullets that kill instead of bullets that merely go 'squish' against the skin.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

STFU, DUMOH EYE-SICK NEUTER-NAGGER!!!

uh wait

STFU, LIB NOGGER!!!

uhh uhh wait wait

STFU, KUNT NUGGER!!!

huh

STFU, SLIME NEGGER!!!!!!



dammit

that aint it

what that word im looking for

shit

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN TO SAY, STUPID DUMOH FACK U!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sean]

. Sir Isaac Newton, the vile, conniving sociopath.

This bit is actually fact.

 

[CHNOPS]

By the way, Isaac Newton was from England, which is--do I even need to point this out?--known for its socialist practices, such as providing health care for everyone and dental care for no one.

 

[CHNOPS]

This bit is actually fact.

Why do you hate delicious-tasting and fiber-rich cookies?

 

[Sean]

Why do you hate delicious-tasting and fiber-rich cookies?

Never did like figs. And I'm a fully paid up member of the Leibnitz crew.

 

[CHNOPS]

Never did like figs. And I'm a fully paid up member of the Leibnitz crew.

His cookies are better, I'll give him that. It's the dark chocolate that does it. Plus he DOESN'T KILL BABIES like some physicists I know.

 

[QueenLevitra]

:Throws dried apples at all of your heads with a potato gun:

 

[RobDownSouth]

Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
Using this reasoning, men don't rape women. Their penises rape women.

 

[Sean]

His cookies are better, I'll give him that. It's the dark chocolate that does it. Plus he DOESN'T KILL BABIES like some physicists I know.

LTR has asked me to point out that the correct word is "biscuits", not "cookies".

 

[CHNOPS]

Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
Using this reasoning, men don't rape women. Their penises rape women.

You might want to rethink this one.

 

[neci]

send him to guantanamo!

 

[KingOrfeo]

Isaac Newton was also an alchemist and a religious fanatic.

Try working with that.

 

[lovetoread]

LTR has asked me to point out that the correct word is "biscuits", not "cookies".

Cookies are cookies.

Biscuits are for sausage and gravy.

 

[JohnnySavage]

I like sausage gravy over biscuits.

 

[KingOrfeo]

LTR has asked me to point out that the correct word is "biscuits", not "cookies".

Shut up and eat your chips. No, these things, idiot, they're thin and crunchy and they come in a sealed bag at room temperature, get away with that malt vinegar.

 

[colddiesel]

Never did like figs. And I'm a fully paid up member of the Leibnitz crew.

That so? pity you don't even know how to spell the name of Gottried Wilhelm Leibniz

 

[Sean]

That so? pity you don't even know how to spell the name of Gottried Wilhelm Leibniz

Dunno how I managed that.

 

[CHNOPS]

Dunno how I managed that.

Maybe you typed it at t time.

 

[colddiesel]

Isaac Newton was also an alchemist and a religious fanatic.

Try working with that.

And a currency reformer at the Mint in the last 20 years of his life, in which capacity he chased the currency 'clippers' and brought them to trial. One notorious man was hanged (a little) taken down from the gallows, castrated, dis-embowelled then quartered. So in that sense Newton was a killer.

He was a Unitarian at a time when it was almost normal to be religious but a fanatic, I dunno.

 

[Disgustipated]

Maybe you typed it at t time.

I bet a gun was involved.

 

[KingOrfeo]

He was a Unitarian at a time when it was almost normal to be religious but a fanatic, I dunno.

His religious views were a bit complicated. He did write a lot of religious tracts. Most scholars think he was an Arian.

 

[BoyNextDoor]

Leibniz was raised by a Schmuck

 

[CHNOPS]

Leibniz was raised by a Schmuck

And lowered by a Winch.