jfinn
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2002
- Posts
- 593
This kind of goes along with WSO's earlier post.
Some of you may already know this list from emails, but I ran across it today in a Yahoo group for writers that I belong to. Thought it would be fun to share. Please feel free to add your own favorites.
Jayne
The Top 20 Wonderfully Bad Metaphors or Similes
20 His body was hard -- not hard like Milosevic, the Serbian
strongman, but hard like the marble on your shower floor,
when you fall and bang your knee.
19 Her shoulders heaved like the tiny sobs of Snuggles the cat
being run through with a roasting spit.
18 Her embrace made his manhood swell like week-old roadkill on
hot asphalt in the Georgia sun.
17 Her petticoats dropped to the ground, rustling like a
cockroach in a sugar bowl.
16 As she kissed her way down his manly chest, he felt his
Amalgamated Crane Company stock rising in value.
15 Beatrice was on him like Oprah on a corn dog.
14 ...then he kissed her, like a butterfly kisses the windshield
of a Porsche on the Autobahn.
13 Her breasts heaved like a stormy ocean, and her pointed
nipples were like hypodermics washed up on the shore.
12 With his broad shoulders and slim waist, he was a yield sign
-- yet she could NOT!
11 He tore open her blouse like a Publisher's Clearing House
letter in which he, and some guy named Steven Bouber from
Stockton, California, were potential finalists for the ten
million dollar prize.
10 His manhood stood at full attention, stiff and stony like the
vice president.
9 Sleekly malevolent, driven by a violent hunger, Donovan glided
through the chum-filled waters of the singles bar,
oblivious to the remora of Annabelle's adoring gaze.
8 Like the wind, she ran, her breasts lurching like a motor boat
over a wake, and then, as fluid as a fine imported transmission,
she whipped out her man-organ and pissed away his dreams.
7 Her sun-glazed back formed a golden arch as he moved his face
toward her happy meal.
6 With each breath, her chest heaved like a bulimic after
Thanksgiving dinner.
5 He Beatty-ed her shamelessly, making her squeal like Ned
and hallucinate like Warren.
4 He awoke my slumbering womanhood with his double tall loin
latte. "Starbuck!" I cried.
3 His chest was her pillow, and oh, did she drool.
2 Claire felt swept away by this dark stranger, a helpless dust
bunny in the roaring cacophony of his gas-powered leaf
blower.
1 His finger, weathered and rough from years on the ranch,
danced in and out of his nose like a slimy ballerina.
Some of you may already know this list from emails, but I ran across it today in a Yahoo group for writers that I belong to. Thought it would be fun to share. Please feel free to add your own favorites.
Jayne
The Top 20 Wonderfully Bad Metaphors or Similes
20 His body was hard -- not hard like Milosevic, the Serbian
strongman, but hard like the marble on your shower floor,
when you fall and bang your knee.
19 Her shoulders heaved like the tiny sobs of Snuggles the cat
being run through with a roasting spit.
18 Her embrace made his manhood swell like week-old roadkill on
hot asphalt in the Georgia sun.
17 Her petticoats dropped to the ground, rustling like a
cockroach in a sugar bowl.
16 As she kissed her way down his manly chest, he felt his
Amalgamated Crane Company stock rising in value.
15 Beatrice was on him like Oprah on a corn dog.
14 ...then he kissed her, like a butterfly kisses the windshield
of a Porsche on the Autobahn.
13 Her breasts heaved like a stormy ocean, and her pointed
nipples were like hypodermics washed up on the shore.
12 With his broad shoulders and slim waist, he was a yield sign
-- yet she could NOT!
11 He tore open her blouse like a Publisher's Clearing House
letter in which he, and some guy named Steven Bouber from
Stockton, California, were potential finalists for the ten
million dollar prize.
10 His manhood stood at full attention, stiff and stony like the
vice president.
9 Sleekly malevolent, driven by a violent hunger, Donovan glided
through the chum-filled waters of the singles bar,
oblivious to the remora of Annabelle's adoring gaze.
8 Like the wind, she ran, her breasts lurching like a motor boat
over a wake, and then, as fluid as a fine imported transmission,
she whipped out her man-organ and pissed away his dreams.
7 Her sun-glazed back formed a golden arch as he moved his face
toward her happy meal.
6 With each breath, her chest heaved like a bulimic after
Thanksgiving dinner.
5 He Beatty-ed her shamelessly, making her squeal like Ned
and hallucinate like Warren.
4 He awoke my slumbering womanhood with his double tall loin
latte. "Starbuck!" I cried.
3 His chest was her pillow, and oh, did she drool.
2 Claire felt swept away by this dark stranger, a helpless dust
bunny in the roaring cacophony of his gas-powered leaf
blower.
1 His finger, weathered and rough from years on the ranch,
danced in and out of his nose like a slimy ballerina.
