Silly Jokes

[Selena_Kitt]

oh Logo, are you glutton for punishment?

ok...


Two sheep in a field.

One says to the other: "BA AAA BA AAAA BA AAA".
The other says: "Damn, I was going to say that".

 

[Rope64]

A male mouse finds a female elephant caught in a rope net in the forest. The elephant asks him to chew through the net and free her. He says he'll only do it if she'll have sex with him when she gets out. She agrees. So, he manages to chew through the net and free her, and, by agreement, he climbs up her back leg and starts screwing her. A monkey happens by, and he's not sure if what he's seeing is real, so he finds a coconut and throws it at the elephant, hitting her in the head.

The elephant says, "OUCH!"

And the mouse says, "That's right -- take it all, bitch!"

 

[York]

What do you get if you cross a Hell's Angel with a Jehova's Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door and tells you to fuck off.

 

[York]

Why do Elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in Cherry Trees.

Did you ever see an Elephant in a Cherry Tree?

Works pretty good, doesn't it?


(I'm only the messenger )

There's a follow up to this:

What's ther loudest sound in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries...

 

[1337_G1RL]

...

This is a joke for the Star Trek fans amongst you:

There is a Human, a Ferengi and a Klingon, and they are sitting in a park on Earth. A fly comes along, the human swats it away, the Ferengi swats it away, and the Klingon grabs it and eats it. A few minutes later the second fly comes along and the same thing happens, so the Ferengi begins to scheme. When the third fly comes along the Human again swats it away, but the Ferengi catches it, turns to the Klingon, and says 'Would you like to buy a fly?'

I got that from a Star Trek site ages ago.

1337

 

[logophile]

oh Logo, are you glutton for punishment?

ok...

Yes. Yes, I am...

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Yes. Yes, I am...

gosh, I'm usually not the one giving the punishment...

*****

Two friends are out hunting when one suddenly falls to the ground and stops breathing.

Desperately, his friend feels for a pulse, but can't find one. He whips out his cell phone, dials 911 and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"

A soothing voice at the other end says, "Okay, okay. I can help you. Please just relax. First let's make sure he's really dead."

After a brief silence the operator hears a shot ring out.

Then he comes back to the phone.

"Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"

 

[logophile]

PMSL!!

Thanks pretty kitty!

 

[zeb1094]

Two guys are hiking in the mountains when one get bitten by a rattlesnake on his ass.

Not knowing what to do his buddy calls the 911 on the phone.

The operator tells him to cut to x's, one over each puncture, then suck out the venom.

After he hangs up, his bit buddy asks what they said.

"They said your gonna die!"

 

[Richard_Smith]

You Did Say *SILLY*

I hate to throw a wet-blanket on all the levity, but I have just learned that Kermit The Frog is very sick.
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He had to check into a Hopital.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I hate to throw a wet-blanket on all the levity, but I have just learned that Kermit The Frog is very sick.
He had to check into a Hopital.

PMSL

I think he overdid it when he and his girlfriend pigged out.

 

[zeb1094]

PMSL

I think he overdid it when he and his girlfriend pigged out.

No he has an arm up his ass!
Check out the exclusive photos!

 

[SadieRose]

Kindergarten Muppet Joke!

What's long and green and smells of hot pork?

Kermit's dick!

 

[zeb1094]

What's long and green and smells of hot pork?

Kermit's dick!

Well you got he smell part right!

 

[BlackShanglan]

Two city boys are out in the woods hunting when they come across some tracks on the ground.

"Look!" says the first one. "Deer tracks!"

"Idiot," says the other. "Those are bear tracks."

"Deer tracks!"

"Bear tracks!"

"Deer tracks!"

"Bear tracks!"

While they were arguing, the train came and ran them over.

 

[glynndah]

How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit cards.

What's green and red and goes 200 mph?
Kermit in a blender

How do you know an elephant is going on a long trip?
He has a trunk.

Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
To hold their pants up.

Why don't elephants wear red suspenders?
So you don't get them confused with firemen.

 

[Richard_Smith]

PMSL

I think he overdid it when he and his girlfriend pigged out.

Speaking of which, I assume that everyone on this site knows what's green and slimy and smells like pork.
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Kermit's finger

 

[zeb1094]

What goes black, white, black, white, black, white.

A nun rolling down a hill.

 

[Richard_Smith]

What goes black, white, black, white, black, white.

A nun rolling down a hill.

What goes thump, thump, thump, squish
Thump, thump, thump, squish
Thump, thump, thump, squish?
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An elephant wearing one soggy sneaker.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

What goes black, white, black, white, black, white.

A nun rolling down a hill.

What's black-purple-black-purple-white-white-white?








A black man jerking off.

 

[TheEarl]

He replied "Hell, NO! Look what it's done to your underwear!"

WAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Like it.


(2x + 4b) = y walks into a bar. The barman looks at it and says "Get out."

"What've I done?" (2x + 4b) = y asks.

"We don't serve functions."

The Earl

 

[Richard_Smith]

What's black-purple-black-purple-white-white-white?








A black man jerking off.

I remember as a teenager reading a Sweedish Sex Manual.
It was very short, but very accurate......

Viggle it in.
Voggle it around.
Vipe it off.

 

[TheEarl]

What turns red at the touch of a button?

A rabbit in a blender.

The Earl

 

[zeb1094]

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem!

 

[Richard_Smith]

And speaking of my earlier sexual experiences....

Once when I was a young man, just as I was about to "score", my lady companion panted, "Give me nine inches and make it hurt!"

So of course, ever the gentleman, I obliged.
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I screwed her three times and punched her in the mouth.