should i?

[pandoravampire]

bit of contextual history: married with kids, fell in lust/love with my best mate, didnt have the right head space to go through with the separation/divorce, said goodbye to my best mate and best lover ever. Ate humble pie force fed by hubby. Tried to turn our vanilla into bdsm, but we both wantd the D role, so not compatible, now separated and single.
My best mate is travelling the world, has a 3 day stop over in my part of it, asks to hook up having heard from a mutual friend that im now single. He's still very much in love, but a rather controlling person. ie. if we are in contact, then it must be daily or he stresses, doesnt like the fact that i have play partners, perfering to think of me as either married still or waiting for him.
This mate is male, a switch, very very creative in the bedroom, and so bloody compatible sexually, im not likely to find an equal in another. He does everything and more asked.
Weve never labelled what we did as D/s, its only since leaving him that i started to read on Lit and found a vocabulary to describe what ever it is that we did and what he started in me. And found there are quiet a few others that are as kinked as i -which was a relief.
question is: do i go for the best weekend im likely to get, but his feelings are still very much involved and he'll want a comitment im not prepared to make right now. Having promised myself that id carry on my journey post separation, i really do not want to give this up. Plus we now live in opposite hemispheres, and no way can my body be celebate. I dont seem to posess the morals for monogamy at the moment either.
Ive only just started this milarky, and its so much fun, im having the best time, and really see this weekend as the ultimate play weekend. Ive told him so, that im not looking for anything beyond the weekend, so is it his or my responsibility to weigh up the emotional cost for him to meet me?
I do have strong feelings for him still, but in a way, ive moved on from there, so much has happened in my life since. Even emigrating to get away from being able to see him, as there was this pavlov dog in me that got out, each time we met and the bells would ring. I guess i want some permission to take, but this is someone i care about and dont want to harm.
any ideas folks?

 

[MissTaken]

You should do whatever you wish as long as you can live with the consequences.


If you think he will want a commitment, can you feel comfortable being upfront from the beginning, knowing it will ultimately hurt him? I imagine, that even in telling him that you don't want that, he will try to gain a promise from you. For me, that can be rather bothersome, but if you can enjoy yourself in spite of it, go for it.

Then, I could be wrong!

 

[RJMasters]

good question

Obviously your need to be the one to weight all the issues and come to a decsion for yourself. Since your asking for input..here's mine:


ive moved on from there, so much has happened in my life since.

So often in a situation like this, we tend to reach back into the past and want to pick-up exactly where we left off. All the good things, passion...etc...

The fact is you have changed and so has he over the years. I would adjust your thinking about this weekend to be more about two friends getting together and catching up, rather than just the ultimate play weekend.

Spend some time talking and catching up on things that have happened over the past years. Get a chance to tell him about these things you consider important in your life now. He can do the same. Through this, the two of you will be able to determine is there is a chance for an on going relationship or if maybe this weekend is really a chance for you both to enjoy each other again in a special way, and that is all.

If you care about this person, I would exersice some self-control as no one except him can give you permission to take as he and he alone can give himself.

Lastly, I would ask at least this question to him at some point early on...

"What do you want to come out of this weekend between us?" Then shut up and let him talk. His answer to this will help you then to know how best to proceed.

I hope that helps and I hope you both have a good weekend as friends or as lovers, or both.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

The simplest - and hardest - way to resolve your apparent quandary is honesty - with yourself and him. Communicate with him. Tell him your feelings, wants, needs. Ask his. See where, or if, the two of you still have a meeting point.

RJ is right. You have changed since your prior association, and so, undoubtedly, has he. See if the changes have brought you closer together or divided you more than just geography ever could. Again... be honest.

 

[Lloyd2004]

Live every day like it is your last!
You will not be disappointed then.
People come and go but you are you until the end.

 

[corkie2]

It sounds to me like you tow need to meet somewhere there are no beds and talk. Really share with him where you are at....what you are looking for.....need and want. Be up front and honest about wanting some time to explore. Be VERY honest and open. Plus.........LISTEN to him......hear what he says in response.

Then.....take a bit of time out and see how you feel.........if you feel that you both understand what you are looking for out of spending time together.......then go for it girl!!

Having friends with "special privileges" is a good thing........especially during times when you are not in a relationship and horny, needing your ass spanked and nipples pinched........tied up and.............

Yep, friends with "privileges" is a good thing! lol

So, talk with him.......level with him and then if you feel comfortable enjoy!!

 

[pandoravampire]

should I?

thankyou ppl, we have only this one weekend face to face, so getting together to talk before hand is not a option. However, i have had some telephone contact. Within this, ive been very very honest in stating that for me, this is a weekend, that im not ready to commit to anything nor anyone right now. He says its the same for him, that a weekend spent together will be fabulous and that is all he's looking for. After the weekend, he flies off for 6months and can assess his feelings and what he would like to happen if anything, then.
He will be passing back this way on his return journey, and can arrange a futher drop in then if we both sought that.
I think perhaps ill call him, and ask the same question that ive asked here, spelling out my wishes for the weekend, but its so awkward when the person your communicating with has a deep seated desire to please you, i find the responsibility scary sometimes.
But then i can only take what is given, oh god, i dont know?

 

[ReadyOne]

Do this weekend no matter what or you will always look back with regret.

 

[Raeth]

Do this weekend no matter what or you will always look back with regret.

I agree. You obviously really want this. He obviously really wants this... maybe he wants more, but it's not like he will be living next door. Whatever happens most likely he will end up remembering how wonderful the weekend was and not want to just end everything.

Friends with benefits seems much better than nothing at all. Especially if I was him and living so far away from you.

Whatever happens... I hope it works out for the best. Good luck.

-Travis

 

[Four_Inch_Heels]

It sounds like you've been upfront and honest with him, and aren't "leading him on" in any way. I say go for it too! You have no ties (husband) now, and I'm sure you'd regret it forever if you didn't get together again.

You may find that you've changed sooo much that play/sex with him isn't as hot as you've remembered it, now.

Keep us posted on what happens!

 

[TigerClaw]

If you are not willing to commit and you know that is what he wants dont lead him on. You can meet as long as he understands it is as friends and or no commitment if you have sex. Do you trust his judgement enough if he says he would be fine with just the weekend?

It sounds like your concerned he might say that but not really be ok with it. If not, then just be friends.