Should I Subscribe?

[Darla_Darling]

That's all well and good for some, but I need the touch, taste, feel and all of that from a real woman at my side. I need someone who can get me out of the house and away from the computer. I need someone to talk to, hold onto, nuzzle and cuddle with.

I have been on the internet for years, and it is a great place with wonderful people, but I need my real life with real friends in real places back more. That's just the kind of guy I want to be right now.

First of all, judging from the obvious intelligence you display in your posts and your photograph, I am surprised that you have been finding it so hard to meet women, so I have a few questions for you.

1) Why are you choosing to meet women on the internet, instead of at parties, functions, through friends, etc.?

For example:
a) Are you shy?

b) Do you have a physical disability which causes you difficulty in leaving your house?

c) Do you live in an extremely remote area?

d) Were you so hurt by a previous relationship that you chose an extended period of celibacy?
​

2) Are you interested in any single women that you know?

3) Do you have any friends that can introduce you to single women?

4) Do you go out much?

Now, don't get me wrong. I've known people that have hooked up through the internet, but it just seems to work out far better when people meet in real life and immediately know if the chemistry is there.

If you are going to date online, there are plenty of dating sites that are free. I think any that you have to actually pay for would be a total rip-off and a waste of time.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

First of all, judging from the obvious intelligence you display in your posts and your photograph, I am surprised that you have been finding it so hard to meet women, so I have a few questions for you.

1) Why are you choosing to meet women on the internet, instead of at parties, functions, through friends, etc.?

For example:
a) Are you shy?

b) Do you have a physical disability which causes you difficulty in leaving your house?

c) Do you live in an extremely remote area?

d) Were you so hurt by a previous relationship that you chose an extended period of celibacy?
​

2) Are you interested in any single women that you know?

3) Do you have any friends that can introduce you to single women?

4) Do you go out much?

Now, don't get me wrong. I've known people that have hooked up through the internet, but it just seems to work out far better when people meet in real life and immediately know if the chemistry is there.

If you are going to date online, there are plenty of dating sites that are free. I think any that you have to actually pay for would be a total rip-off and a waste of time.

I should link to my life story agian... (or put it in my sig! )

1) I have one firend. We never hang out anymore. When we did hang out, every girl that I met through him was underage (he's 5 years younger than I am, and everyone he knew was younger still). When the girls got older, he cock-blocked me. I think the only reason I am still friends with him is because I don't know how to make friends with anyone else.

a) a little shy, but once I open up I'm a whirlwind.

b) not a real one, no, I just don't know where to go.

c) slightly, only as far as social circles go, I don't know anyone in my area

d) I never chose celebicy. It's been kind've forced upon me against my will. Everyone I ask out turns me down.

2) I don't know any single women. They all have boyfriends, fiences, or husbands.

3) I have asked, begged, and demanded that I be introduced to someone. Everyone I know would rather I didn't met anyone they know.

4) I play poker at a bar near my house twice a week. That's no help either.

 

[SimonBrooke]

That's all well and good for some, but I need the touch, taste, feel and all of that from a real woman at my side. I need someone who can get me out of the house and away from the computer. I need someone to talk to, hold onto, nuzzle and cuddle with.

I have been on the internet for years, and it is a great place with wonderful people, but I need my real life with real friends in real places back more. That's just the kind of guy I want to be right now.

Hey, I wasn't suggesting that you leave the friendships online. The thing about an online flirtation is that it can - as I've proved - turn into ten years of sharing a bed (and squabbling over the washing up). All I'm saying is this is a place where you know people, and you are known; and it seems to me you are a member in good standing. A lot of the people who post here are in relationships, of course; but quite a few are not, and of those, some, like you, are interested in changing that status.

If you don't ask, you won't get; and if you ask with sufficient wit, humour and lightness of heart, you may not get many 'yeses' but in my experience the 'noes' you get won't be hostile or derisive. Assuming you ask the right people, of course; but you know the people here.

The other thing - and this is really difficult - is don't try too hard. I've had two long periods between relationships, the first seven years, the second four. And in each case I remained single until I was completely happy being single. Women recognise the signs of someone who is desperate to get into any relationship, and they walk very wary round those guys. If you want it too bad, you will not get it. In my experience, anyway.

I say this with real sympathy and good wishes; I really do know the misery of being single when you don't want to be.

Oh - another thing is, in the days when I was last single, I used to hold a big annual house party for the denizens of the Usenet newsgroup uk.singles. I didn't find a partner as a result of these parties - but there was at least one marriage that came out of each one, and a lot of other people found partners.

I'm a very shy, very introverted person. If I can do it, you can.

 

[Huckleman2000]

I get emails from time to time on dating sites that I've registered with, and when I click to see who it's from, it usually says some flirty name with (online ambassador) beneath it. I take that to mean that it's just a robo-email to make me think that there are women out to meet me.

In my experience, the woman who will write to men first on a dating site is a very rare bird. One time I registered for one and mistakenly said I was a woman - I got an email within the hour from some old bald guy in New Jersey wanting to chat me up.

The profiles invariably say that the women value a sense of humor most, and I've written some really funny profiles, but only got rare responses. I'm sure there are exceptions, but the online dating experience is very different for women than it is for men, and that's just the way it is. I wouldn't base much self-affirmation on them, good or bad.

FWIW, you've probably noticed that poker nights aren't a very good way to meet women. Time to augment your social life with some chick-friendly activities. I'm the absolute worst one to be giving advice on this, but I think we all know in ourselves what the solution is. The only way to rid oneself of that odor of desperation is to get out more.

 

[rgraham666]

My experience has been that the women looking on line dating sites are generally as untruthful as the men.

The important things are, "Do you have a decent job?" Very, very few women will have anything to do with a man who doesn't have that. They might speak about 'soulmates', 'a sense of humour', 'chemistry' etc., but they've been raised in our economic religion and that trumps everything.

The other important thing is, "How normal are you?" Again their profile might suggest otherwise but most women do not want a man who is a challenge emotionally, intellectually or physically.

Also, there are far more men on dating sites than women. The chances of you making it to the front of a long line are very poor.

That's been my experience anyway.

 

[Darla_Darling]

My experience has been that the women looking on line dating sites are generally as untruthful as the men.

The important things are, "Do you have a decent job?" Very, very few women will have anything to do with a man who doesn't have that. They might speak about 'soulmates', 'a sense of humour', 'chemistry' etc., but they've been raised in our economic religion and that trumps everything.

The other important thing is, "How normal are you?" Again their profile might suggest otherwise but most women do not want a man who is a challenge emotionally, intellectually or physically.

Also, there are far more men on dating sites than women. The chances of you making it to the front of a long line are very poor.

That's been my experience anyway.

I am being completely honest when I say, I really don't give a fuck if the guy has a shitty job. This isn't to say that I'm not incredibly picky in other areas, but that is one thing that really doesn't bother me.

I guess that's just me, though. I go for the arty, slacker bohemian types.

 

[rgraham666]

I am being completely honest when I say, I really don't give a fuck if the guy has a shitty job. This isn't to say that I'm not incredibly picky in other areas, but that is one thing that really doesn't bother me.

I guess that's just me, though. I go for the arty, slacker bohemian types.

You're extraordinarily rare then.

One semi-funny side effect of the 'job' thing is how many successful women cut themselves off with it. Because they still want a man who makes more money than them they really restrict the people they have to choose from.

Doesn't matter to me. I took a vow of celibacy for New Years.

 

[Darla_Darling]

You're extraordinarily rare then.

Trust me, if you'd met any of my ex-boyfriends you would believe me.

 

[3113]

hmmm. I think we need to start a reality tv show here in the AH just for TheeGoatPig.

"The Bachelor" sort of thing. We'll get the ladies here to pile into a virtual mansion, go on dates with him, get into catfights with each other over him, and get all tearful and confessional when he eliminates them from the group:

"I really loved TheeGoatPig...why'd he want to pick those whores over me?" http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i190/thirteen1031/sad32.gif

Whadda think, Thee? Up to playing on-line Bachelor?

 

[TheeGoatPig]

hmmm. I think we need to start a reality tv show here in the AH just for TheeGoatPig.

"The Bachelor" sort of thing. We'll get the ladies here to pile into a virtual mansion, go on dates with him, get into catfights with each other over him, and get all tearful and confessional when he eliminates them from the group:

"I really loved TheeGoatPig...why'd he want to pick those whores over me?" http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i190/thirteen1031/sad32.gif

Whadda think, Thee? Up to playing on-line Bachelor?

For a fine selection of whores like you?

 

[Texguy84]

I would research some sites first, then go with one that is reputable.

and when you find it..........go for it!!

I've had people recommend OKCupid to me, particularly since it's free, and even if you don't meet your one true love or anything like that on there, it's got lots of fun goofy quizes to waste your time on (they're responsible for many of the "What Star Trek character are you?" type quizzes you see wandering around on the interwebs)

 

[Whisky7up]

They let you post for free, and then charge when you want to contact someone.

I'm familiar with that...or you may actually contact members free, but you have to pay to read a reply. Then you find the reply says "I already found someone" or something like that.

I found they were pretty useless except one. But the best one I found was totally free and based with a local listings magazine.
I got a few dates out of that after email exchanges.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

*bump*

Now someone winked at me through Match.com, but they don't have any pictures up. I would have to subscribe to email her, but physical beauty is a selling point of an individual...

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Thee, if you were closer, I'd show you my tits.

Forget the dating services. They are a scam aimed at the undatable. You ain't that, my friend.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Thee, if you were closer, I'd show you my tits.

Forget the dating services. They are a scam aimed at the undatable. You ain't that, my friend.

Twelve years of loneliness would beg to differ

 

[Chantilyvamp]

*bump*

Now someone winked at me through Match.com, but they don't have any pictures up. I would have to subscribe to email her, but physical beauty is a selling point of an individual...

Physical beauty might be one thing but they might be a wonderful loving partner without being the bell of the ball darlin.

Either way I hope you find someone either online or off.

 

[jomar]

Yay for you TheeGoat. Now move out and go get 'em. You know what I mean.

 

[starrkers]

*bump*

Now someone winked at me through Match.com, but they don't have any pictures up. I would have to subscribe to email her, but physical beauty is a selling point of an individual...

Oh, Thee, friend, don't judge a book by its cover. The world is full of "beautiful people" who are as ugly as sin once you scratch the surface. They're so wrapped up in how good they look that they forget everything else.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I would be hesitant to say that intrnet dating sites are scams. However, I would not be at all hesitant to say that a lot of the people who use them, especially women, are scammers. What I mean by that is they are just looking for email addresses so they can sell them to spammers, or invite the holders of those addresses to join pay sites, or sell themselves as prostitutes. Since the men tend to outnumber the women by about ten to one, they can get away with it. Admitedly, I am basing that opinion on Adult Friend Finder, but I have no reason to think the others are not pretty much the same.

If you subscribe to Yahoo or other ISP, you might find somebody through there. I am not saying you will, but that is a sideline with them, and they aren't really out to enrich themselves, so they are probably more honest that the strictly dating sites.

You might be better off subscribing to a commercial dating service, which doesn't even use the internet. I don't know if they even exist any more, but if they do, they would be in the Yellow Pages.

My local newspaper had a section called "The Meeting Place" or something like that. I placed an ad there, and met my current wife. We were married a year later, and that was more than 12 happy years ago. I don't know if newspapers do that anymore, but if they do, that would be a good, inexpensive way to go. One advantage of this is that the women who answer are probably as interested as you are. Besides that, they are local women, so there would be no problem with a long distance relationship.

I noticed some postrs here saying you should just forget about it and limit yourself to flirting on this forum. Nothing wrong with flirting, but I don't know of many single men who would willingly limit themselves to no more than that.

The real problem is, and there are some who would vehemently deny this, is that there are far more men looking for women than vice-versa. This makes things very difficult for men, especially for one who is shy, as you say you are, or as I have always been.

Anyhow, Good Luck.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I'm not really shy (am I contradicting myself?), so much as socially awkward and terrible at flirting.

I'm playing poker in a new bar in a new town now. Maybe I'll meet someone there.

*hopes*

 

[Chantilyvamp]

I'm not really shy (am I contradicting myself?), so much as socially awkward and terrible at flirting.

I'm playing poker in a new bar in a new town now. Maybe I'll meet someone there.

*hopes*

*crosses fingers for you*

 

[Stella_Omega]

I said most, not all.

But I see your point.

Then again, this is somoene contacting me, so who knows?

Thee, go to http://craigslist.org, click on the link for your home town, and check out the personals. The women looking for men section will have a lot of pros, but also a lot of real genuine women

Also, check out the community listings-- any interests that strike your fancy.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I'm not really shy (am I contradicting myself?), so much as socially awkward and terrible at flirting.

I should link to my life story agian... (or put it in my sig! )

Okay, but earlier, you said this:

1) I have one firend. We never hang out anymore. When we did hang out, every girl that I met through him was underage (he's 5 years younger than I am, and everyone he knew was younger still). When the girls got older, he cock-blocked me. I think the only reason I am still friends with him is because I don't know how to make friends with anyone else.

a) a little shy, but once I open up I'm a whirlwind
I'm playing poker in a new bar in a new town now. Maybe I'll meet someone there.

*hopes*

The advantage of meeting online or through a newspaper or similar place is that you are not making a colc approach. That is, the woman is interested, or her name wouldn't be there.

By "cold approach", I mean somebody where you work, for instance, who has always been cordial, but has never shown any romantic interest, or being intreduced by a mutual friend, or meeting in church or school. You have no idea if such women have any interest in you or in any man. If you are "somewhat shy", knowing of the woman's intereswt and availability will help overcome that.

Of course, th real problem is that women have always, or at lesst for all of our lifetimes, been indoctrinated with the idea NEVER approach a man. Men hate aggressive women. That is just plain not true, at least for most men. There are some extremely alpha types who want to always be the hunter, but most men appreciate knowing where they stand and what their chances are.

 

[tickledkitty]

Alright, here's my two cents. I don't remember ever seeing you flirt with anyone here. I think you should practice flirting here, where you're safe. Everybody pretty much knows you here and won't think you're some random Internet jerk off.

Flirting doesn't have to necessarily go anyplace. Just because you flirt with someone doesn't mean you think you're going to end up in bed with them. That means you can flirt with pretty much any woman here. Even women who are attached, not in your area, not your cuppa tea, whatever. It's good to practice, and I can guarantee it will make you feel good about yourself, even if only for a short time. You'll gain some confidence, and, let's face it, nothing is more sexy than confidence.

So, you practice here without any type of expectations, and then suddenly, when you find yourself face to face with someone you might be able to have a relationship with, you know what kinds of things to say. Maybe paying attention to what other Lit guys say would be helpful too. I'm sure you know who the good flirts are. Using humor is also helpful.

Good luck.

 

[tolyk]

Alright, here's my two cents. I don't remember ever seeing you flirt with anyone here. I think you should practice flirting here, where you're safe. Everybody pretty much knows you here and won't think you're some random Internet jerk off.

Flirting doesn't have to necessarily go anyplace. Just because you flirt with someone doesn't mean you think you're going to end up in bed with them. That means you can flirt with pretty much any woman here. Even women who are attached, not in your area, not your cuppa tea, whatever. It's good to practice, and I can guarantee it will make you feel good about yourself, even if only for a short time. You'll gain some confidence, and, let's face it, nothing is more sexy than confidence.

So, you practice here without any type of expectations, and then suddenly, when you find yourself face to face with someone you might be able to have a relationship with, you know what kinds of things to say. Maybe paying attention to what other Lit guys say would be helpful too. I'm sure you know who the good flirts are. Using humor is also helpful.

Good luck.

I don't entirely agree with you on this. I've always felt that I'm a rather good flirt online, but not so much in person. I have the same problem as Thee, with the social awkwardness.. It's not just about feeling awkward, but I can't read body language, at all.. that hinders my ability to know when someone is flirting back in person.. so I just started avoiding flirting at all.

Being good at flirting online doesn't directly link to being able to flirt well in person.