sharing...

[bg23]

...how do you feel about it?

i've always found it a quirk of the culture that generally in polyamourous relationships situated within the bdsm culture that it is the dom who will have multiple partners - multiples subs, and the subs will generally stick to one dom.

why do you think this is?

if you're in a relationship of this sort, and you're a sub, do you have the same freedom of mates as your dom does?

how do feel about sharing him, or her?

doms, how would you feel about sharing your sub with others - not just casually, but relationship wise?

 

[Kajira Callista]

1) i don't play nice with others unless i am secure in the relationship i am in with a dominant. that is something that requires building a relationship.


2)I can't answer for all subs but for me it is not an issue as long as i know all the facts before i take the dive into the deep end. A D/s relationship should be a honest one (not saying that they always are) where the sub/slave feels secure.

3)Subs and slaves always have a choice, although this answer is sort of a controversy on some BDSM boards. In some relationships a sub may have the option to have other play partners, its not uncommon.

4)I don't think, if a dominant had issues with sharing their submissive, that it would be part of the relationship in the first place.

 

[esclave_PP]

Master and I are both polyamorous. However, he is the one in charge of whom I would participate with, if he chooses me to, whether that be a man or a woman. I personally have no problem with that. I do not personally have the desire to be with another besides Master. So if there was someone he wanted me to pleasure, so be it. I have known pretty much nothing but polyamorous relationships my whole life, so the concept of sharing isn't a foreign one to me.

As far as sharing Master, again, same attitude. I do share Master with his other slave. I really enjoy my slave sister and think she's awesome. Although I think we're lucky because we all seem to be on the same page philosophically, which makes a difference. If jealousy and competitiveness comes into play, sharing doesn't work. And as Master says, "If you are eating each other's pussies, how can you be jealous (big wink)." giggles.

Another BIG HUGE thing is honesty. As long as all parties are honest, know about each other and are always upfront, you don't run into problems. It is when people lie and sneak that you run into issues.

 

[Bandit58]

I am not shared with other men (and I have no desire to be). However I am, with Master's blessing, available to other women. There are a couple of female friends that He says He would not mind sharing me with but other than that He has no desires for other women. Hope I explained that clearly!

 

[PhoenixPrime01]

As malcha's Master and Owner, before we entered into our D/s relationship she was told about my other slave, forestchylde, and vice versa. Honesty is one of the paramount building blocks for any relationship and one I strictly adhere to and insist upon.

I was first approached by forestchylde in the days I hosted a BDSM chat room and was the site BDSM Moderator. She was interested and curious about our chosen lifestyle and was sent to me by another submissive I knew from the chat room as someone who wouldn't BS her or give answers I made up without any foundation based on my experience.

After a couple of months she asked if I'd train her online to become a submissive in more than her desires and wants. I told her No, which shocked her, and explained that I was more than happy to give information but since she was married I wouldn't be able to do so w/o her husband's consent.

She put him on the computer and we talked for awhile and he consented so I began her training, and a month later began to train her husband as a Master.

About a year later she asked me to accept her submission and allow her to become my collared slave. Again it required a conversation with her husband and now Master. With his agreement and consent I accepted forestchylde as mine and we've been a "family" for about 6 years now.

Sooo, I have two slaves and one of them has two Masters.

That said, I believe it depends on what both the Dom and the submissive wish and have agreed to as to what's acceptable that will be the rule for their relationship.

PP

 

[laughingbadger]

I am a subbie, married to one Master, and he shares me frequently with another Master. Neither of them have other subs.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am shared with other men of his choice, and will likely be more so in the future. There may also be a time where I will be shared in the same manner with women of his choice. To date he has not been interested in utilising his right to use other women, though that too will be something we will try in the future. Basically our main rules in this is the decision is always his with care as to how it reflects on me psychologically/emotionally and our relationship, and nothing ever happens without both of us being there and involved in some sense, even if only by watching.

As to the sub/slave having more than one Dominant...I know it happens for a few here but personally do not see us being in a position where it will be I am submitting to another. I don't think I could manage it and maintain my focus unless it was in a situation where the other Dominant only had part time rights, in which case it would still IMHO be submitting to him only but carrying out his direction to follow the orders of another of whom he has given that temporary right. He just is not into handing over his power to another by placing me in their 100% control and dominance. By sharing me with whoever in whatever game he desires, he maintains the control and holds the power at all times.

Catalina

 

[jasonlf]

Absolutely *not*.

I'm way too jealous of a guy to share my sub, and I have too much respect for that kind of relationship to be with more than one at a time.

 

[laurel-marie]

Never been shared.
He has talked about wanting to see me with another submissive, but it is just in the talking stages.

I know this will sound unsubish, but I know I could not emotionally handle seeing or even knowing he was with another sub.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I know this will sound unsubish, but I know I could not emotionally handle seeing or even knowing he was with another sub.

Not at all....I find myself working on the thought daily...some days it works for me, others I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot barge pole...some of the reason he has not pushed it at this point, as well as it is not high on his list of things he wants to do but will happen at some point when he feels we are both ready for it and find the right person.

Catalina

 

[laurel-marie]

Not at all....I find myself working on the thought daily...some days it works for me, others I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot barge pole...some of the reason he has not pushed it at this point, as well as it is not high on his list of things he wants to do but will happen at some point when he feels we are both ready for it and find the right person.

Catalina

Thanks...that does make me feel better. Maybe, I just need to grow more all around.

 

[Netzach]

I have 5 people in my little circle of kink, my primary is my husband who is submissive to me. We're both bi/poly and I leave it to him to decide what/who he wants to do so long as I'm in the loop. (aware, not necessarily there)

I've never vetoed anyone, just weighed in with "I don't think this is going to work well for you, but sit down and talk to him" and lo and behold I was right

I find I have to give him a bit of a push if I want to watch him with another girl, which is interesting to me.

 

[Marquis]

We know about your slave. May we ask who the other lucky people are?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks...that does make me feel better. Maybe, I just need to grow more all around.

It takes a lot of mental work and getting your head in the right place. F has helped some with this, and I have done a lot including writing stories about it to help myself. If he felt it was going to destroy us, or put me in a place where it would harm me long term, he just wouldn't see it as a risk worth taking. The one thing I can say is he knows it is his right to go ahead if he felt he wanted to, but he always tells me that would never be a good enough basis to risk us on. I then have to consciously resist the temptation to take the easy way out and claim I could never get to accept it without trying. I hope I get to that place where it works for me, but the reality is some do, some don't, through no fault of their own. It helps me knowing he has wrestled his own demons in sharing me with others.

Catalina

 

[curiousjen]

Me and O were propositioned by a close friend (female sub) who wanted a night of play- no strings. I had always talked the talk about wanting to be shared etc but when the crunch came I chickened out and shook my head. Partly because I didn't really trust the woman- she's nice and all but has a big mouth and I didn't trust her to be discrete. And partly, well this is the hardest thing to explain, I am just not sexually confident enough to trust anyone else with what is often a very vulnerable part of myself. God knows, it took me long enough to trust Owen with that side of myself. If he had ordered me to, it could have done a lot of damage I think, which is why he didn't.

She was hot though! I think part of me was actually thinking it was a joke, you know, she was making fun of me by propositioning because I didn't think anyone like her who is beautiful and popular would be interested in doing that kind of thing with me. *shrugs* Its one of those things I have mixed feelings about sort of "damnit why didn't I..." and relief that I didn't.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Me and O were propositioned by a close friend (female sub) who wanted a night of play- no strings. I had always talked the talk about wanting to be shared etc but when the crunch came I chickened out and shook my head. Partly because I didn't really trust the woman- she's nice and all but has a big mouth and I didn't trust her to be discrete. And partly, well this is the hardest thing to explain, I am just not sexually confident enough to trust anyone else with what is often a very vulnerable part of myself. God knows, it took me long enough to trust Owen with that side of myself. If he had ordered me to, it could have done a lot of damage I think, which is why he didn't.

She was hot though! I think part of me was actually thinking it was a joke, you know, she was making fun of me by propositioning because I didn't think anyone like her who is beautiful and popular would be interested in doing that kind of thing with me. *shrugs* Its one of those things I have mixed feelings about sort of "damnit why didn't I..." and relief that I didn't.

IMHO you made the right decision. If there is any shadow of doubt in your mind, it is not the best choice to make...you need to do it because you want to for whatever reason, and you feel you can come out of it undamaged.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

We know about your slave. May we ask who the other lucky people are?

2 married chicks and an ongoing fuckbuddy/bottom guy for like 6 years.

 

[Marquis]

To answer the question posed by the esteemed threadstarter, I think polyamory is a good thing as long as it benefits everybody.

For an egomaniacal sexual tyrant like myself, there is no greater thrill than having multiple women subjugate themselves to my desires. Whether it means cuffing them together and fucking them in whatever order I choose; or simply watching them gaze at me as they help each other with the dishes, wondering which one is going to get it first when they're done.

Besides, you haven't lived until you've had your dick sucked and your balls licked at the same time, while tugging on the leashes of your oral servants and growling directions (yeah, those stories you read, we live that shit).

From the perspective of my subs, I think they gain a lot, sexually. Having three people really ups the combination of positions and situations and helps to keep things exciting. Besides, my sex drive is pretty high and they probably each get fucked more than a lot of women in monogamous relationships. Not to mention that I'm not much of one for eating under the table, so now they each have someone to lick them down better than I probably ever could've anyway.

Do we ever have issues? Definitely.

We've had issues over stuff as dumb as who gets to swallow my cum (as with most things, sharing seems to be the best policy). But we are mature and we communicate. Keeping things out in the open helps us see how unimportant the negatives are compared to all the benefits we share from the situation.

As for the emotional side of it, that is a little more complicated. Firstly, I think it's incredibly important to recognize that when you add one extra person, you add two extra relationships. Every relationship has to work for the polyamory to work as a whole. I wouldn't even have attempted this if I didn't foresee how incredibly compatible my two mates would be. Indeed, they each give up a portion of me to the other, but I give up a portion of them to the other as well.

The important thing is that we all gain more from the sharing than we lose. It's a good thing love isn't a scarce resource (at least in the hearts of some).

 

[sunfox]

I don't 'play well with others', as KC put it so well up above.

Luckily, neither does C, so it's not an issue with us.

 

[graceanne]

Me and K are monogomous, and have no intentions of ever being anything else. For one thing, neither of us share well. And, frankly, it's against our religious beliefs. I could see K getting drunk and thinking that it'd be a good idea, but he'd kick himself into next week as soon as he sobered up, so when we're with other poly couples, he doesn't drink.

Beyond that, I think that as long as everyone's honest and open, that their's nothing wrong with the concept. I also think it's a lot harder to pull of than people originally think. And I think it works a lot better if not all of the members in the relationship aren't living together. (For one thing - their's that weird period thing that women living together do.) Right now my sister's living with us, and the only reason it works is cause it's my house. If it was our house, their'd be problems, cause we both do things differently. Namely I'm a bit anal about the house, and she's a slob.

I'm not saying it never works, poly living together, I'm saying that their'd have to be a serious chain of command.

 

[Netzach]

Me and K are monogomous, and have no intentions of ever being anything else. For one thing, neither of us share well. And, frankly, it's against our religious beliefs. I could see K getting drunk and thinking that it'd be a good idea, but he'd kick himself into next week as soon as he sobered up, so when we're with other poly couples, he doesn't drink.

Beyond that, I think that as long as everyone's honest and open, that their's nothing wrong with the concept. I also think it's a lot harder to pull of than people originally think. And I think it works a lot better if not all of the members in the relationship aren't living together. (For one thing - their's that weird period thing that women living together do.) Right now my sister's living with us, and the only reason it works is cause it's my house. If it was our house, their'd be problems, cause we both do things differently. Namely I'm a bit anal about the house, and she's a slob.

I'm not saying it never works, poly living together, I'm saying that their'd have to be a serious chain of command.

I have to agree on the house thing. M and I were very into the idea of someday renovating a crumbling Victorian with H (my slave), but the more we think about it the more we know it would only work if we lived on different floors in separate apartments!

Hell it's hard enough for me to live with one other human.

 

[shy slave]

We have talked about it.

I know he is interested in sharing but whether thats with other PYLs or 'nilla men I don't know.

I am curious, but not emotionally stable enough to cope with the aftermath of being shared.

As for him using another submissive...

I could not cope with that at all. I would become very needy and impossible to be with.

There is a thread here somewhere about being an 'attention whore.' I am a bit of one, his using another submissive would increase that.

I am positive his sharing would affect my mental health in a negative way.

 

[graceanne]

We have talked about it.

I know he is interested in sharing but whether thats with other PYLs or 'nilla men I don't know.

I am curious, but not emotionally stable enough to cope with the aftermath of being shared.

As for him using another submissive...

I could not cope with that at all. I would become very needy and impossible to be with.

There is a thread here somewhere about being an 'attention whore.' I am a bit of one, his using another submissive would increase that.

I am positive his sharing would affect my mental health in a negative way.

Ditto. I mean it's not an issue, but if it were, I still wouldn't be ok with it. I'm not an attention whore, but I'm very insecure. Growing up, it didn't matter what I did, my sister was always the 'good' child. And while my mom and step dad loved me, they loved her more. I asked my mother about this when I was 8 and she said "Well, M is more lovable".

I know that having to share K with someone else would bring back up these issues. I wouldn't make myself an attention whore, but I would just fade away, and block my heart in again. I'm to proud to try and force someone to pay attention to me. It'd simply be a matter of, if you want me, you know where I am.

Also, K has cheated on me (years ago), and I can guarantee that he can't pay equal attention to two different women. It's how I figured out he was cheating, cause all of a sudden he could care less about me. I'd say "I think I'm getting a cold." and he'd say "Yeah, M is too." I'd talk about putting streaks in my hair and he'd say "Yeah, M dyed her hair yesterday." or something to that point. It was like I ceased to exist in his world.

 

[shy slave]

Ditto. I mean it's not an issue, but if it were, I still wouldn't be ok with it. I'm not an attention whore, but I'm very insecure. Growing up, it didn't matter what I did, my sister was always the 'good' child. And while my mom and step dad loved me, they loved her more. I asked my mother about this when I was 8 and she said "Well, M is more lovable".

I know that having to share K with someone else would bring back up these issues. I wouldn't make myself an attention whore, but I would just fade away, and block my heart in again. I'm to proud to try and force someone to pay attention to me. It'd simply be a matter of, if you want me, you know where I am.

Also, K has cheated on me (years ago), and I can guarantee that he can't pay equal attention to two different women. It's how I figured out he was cheating, cause all of a sudden he could care less about me. I'd say "I think I'm getting a cold." and he'd say "Yeah, M is too." I'd talk about putting streaks in my hair and he'd say "Yeah, M dyed her hair yesterday." or something to that point. It was like I ceased to exist in his world.

I wish we had emocions for hugs.

You are one of the strongest people i know

xxxxx

 

[graceanne]

I wish we had emocions for hugs.

You are one of the strongest people i know

xxxxx

LOL No I'm not, but I'm glad you think so.