Sharing my bed?

[Lookingforideas]

Ok my boyfriend has this this girl that he has been real good friends with for like 3 years, keeps telling me that they never dated nor did he want to. Now I am waking up in the middle of the night to him masterbating and moaning her name, this has happened 3 times now and I dont know what to do. What do Yall think about it, I mean does he want her or should I not worry about it.

 

[mjl2010]

Ok my boyfriend has this this girl that he has been real good friends with for like 3 years, keeps telling me that they never dated nor did he want to. Now I am waking up in the middle of the night to him masterbating and moaning her name, this has happened 3 times now and I dont know what to do. What do Yall think about it, I mean does he want her or should I not worry about it.

Yeah he probably did have fantasies whether they were just friends or more. Does he know you caught him? I think you need to talk to him about this. I guess my bigger question is, if he has you, why's he masturbating? Maybe I'm and old fashioned old fart but IMO a woman who keeps her man satisfied doesn't need to worry about him straying. Unless he's an asshole.

MJL

 

[BreeCarter]

Yeah he probably did have fantasies whether they were just friends or more. Does he know you caught him? I think you need to talk to him about this. I guess my bigger question is, if he has you, why's he masturbating? Maybe I'm and old fashioned old fart but IMO a woman who keeps her man satisfied doesn't need to worry about him straying. Unless he's an asshole.

MJL

agreed.

 

[Amora]

Have you

spoken with him about this, does he know that you caught him out? I'd be sitting him down and having a chat if I were you.

Amora

 

[bgr]

dddddddddd

 

[dif4renttexanm32]

You two are comical.....I'm sure no man you've been with has ever masturbated because of your bedroom skillls....

I have some swamp land for sale on that same note...could get you a great deal on it!!

agreed.

 

[mjl2010]

You two are comical.....I'm sure no man you've been with has ever masturbated because of your bedroom skillls....

I have some swamp land for sale on that same note...could get you a great deal on it!!

Yeah you say nothing in your comment. Of course men masturbate, so do women. The point is, if we've got someone we enjoy sex with laying right next to us, we wake them up instead of beating off. Obviously there's a problem here somewhere. The poor girls asking for help and you make snide comments.

 

[bgr]

ddddd

 

[M's girl]

Masturbating is one thing. Doing it while you lay next to him is another. Calling out her name (while you are lying beside him) is an entirely different thing! He sounds like insensitive stupid-ass material to me.

I don't mind if my M masturbates. I don't mind if he sometimes does not exclusively think about me at those times ... But he better not do it ánd call some other womans name while I lay beside him.

 

[mjl2010]

Masturbating is one thing. Doing it while you lay next to him is another. Calling out her name (while you are lying beside him) is an entirely different thing! He sounds like insensitive stupid-ass material to me.

I don't mind if my M masturbates. I don't mind if he sometimes does not exclusively think about me at those times ... But he better not do it ánd call some other womans name while I lay beside him.

Yep. My thought exactly.

MJL

 

[thegreatlb]

Of course men masturbate, so do women. The point is, if we've got someone we enjoy sex with laying right next to us, we wake them up instead of beating off.

Really? Are you telling me that every time you feel like having sex your partner is willing? You never have to masturbate? I mean come on...If I woke my girlfriend up every night asking for sex she would make me sleep on the couch.

 

[mjl2010]

Really? Are you telling me that every time you feel like having sex your partner is willing? You never have to masturbate? I mean come on...If I woke my girlfriend up every night asking for sex she would make me sleep on the couch.

No not exactly that. I will say she doesn't deny me often. Well, deny isn't the right word exactly. I haven't masturbated since I got married. 15 years. There's time's I don't feel like sex when she wants it. I make sure she gets satisfied. The same goes the other way around. Usually sex happens before sleep. Three hours of that and I'm good for a day. Sometimes two.

Sorry.

MJL

 

[fgarvb1]

Damn that is kind of rude!

You don't smoke cigarettes while someones going down on you and you don't jack off to thinking of another woman while in bed with your woman.

They are limits you know!

No class fucker!

And you can tell the SOB I said so!

 

[mjl2010]

I think the point myself and a couple of others have tried to make is if you're in a committed relationship of any kind, you have respect for and show respect to the person you're in that relationship with.

Beating off while your girlfriend is lying next to you and moaning another womans name not only fails to show respect for her, it also shows a considerable lack of respect. I've gone back and reread the original post. She doesn't actually say he's awake. I can't imagine he's actually masturbating in his sleep. I don't know, I'm not there and don't want to be.

So this isn't about needing sexual relief and masturbating. This is about showing no respect to your partner.

MJL

 

[M's girl]

So this isn't about needing sexual relief and masturbating. This is about showing no respect to your partner.

MJL

Exactly. And there is actually a (huge) difference between fantasizing about another women occasionally and repeatedly moaning ONE other womans name in your sleep (yes, that too ... I would worry) and/or while jerking off. Anyone who can't see that is a fool or at least fooling him/her self!

Would I want M only and always to fantasize about me? Sure (hey, I'm a woman! ). Do I know that's not reasonable to expect? Of course, I was not born yesterday you know? And I don't mind all that much since I know I have my fantasies too, so....

But having fantasies or obsessing about them are two different things. M and I share our fantasies and sometimes third (or more) parties (although not specified by name, please) are involved. It's all good. But I would give him hell (at least) if he would start to fantasize disrespectfully about one person (other than me) in particular.

Yup, it's all about respect.

 

[Eilan]

Perhaps the next time they have sex she should start calling him by some other guy's name.

 

[M's girl]

Perhaps the next time they have sex she should start calling him by some other guy's name.

Damn! Why didn't I think of that first?!

 

[Straight-8]

Getting back to the question: of course he wants her.

 

[EJFan]

Getting back to the question: of course he wants her.

my opinion is a little different. i don't think that fantasizing about ANYTHING while masturbating automatically means you want it. as we've often discussed in other threds for ages here, fantasy and actual desire are two completely different things. sometimes they match up but many times they don't.

in any event, i think it's significant that a person is masturbating right next to their partner in the middle of the night. regardless of what he's fantasizing about it says to me that he's disrespectful of her. i'd fear that this disrespect would manifest itself in other facets of the relationship sooner or later, if it hasn't already.

i think that his masturbating doesn't necessarily reflect on her abilities or sexual appetite. i just think that it may mean he's selfish and inconsiderate.

 

[Straight-8]

EJ Fan, I think the real question that the poster is asking isn't whether he wants this other girl: clearly he does at some level. The question is whether he is likely to act on that urge. I don't criticize him for having fantasies but he's gone a long way towards acting them out and showing how insensitive he is towards his 'real life' lover by jacking offbeside her in bed while calling out the name of the 'other woman'.

So don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that just becuase he's fantasizing he is bound to go after this other gal but he's gone way further than that.

 

[Lookingforideas]

I have told him about it and he honestly dosnt remember the dreams. Ive told him I dont think I can really get mad about it because he cant control what you dream about but it hurts. Anyone know a way to stop dreams.........lol

 

[Lookingforideas]

Really? Are you telling me that every time you feel like having sex your partner is willing? You never have to masturbate? I mean come on...If I woke my girlfriend up every night asking for sex she would make me sleep on the couch.

And just for the record, I never deny him. I would love to be woke up EVERY night for sex.

 

[M's girl]

Now I am waking up in the middle of the night to him masterbating and moaning her name, this has happened 3 times now and I dont know what to do.

So him masturbating and moaning her name are two seperate things?

Anyway, you have seen what the (overall) consensus seems to be about him masturbating while you are next to him in bed, regardless of the fact if he moans her name at that point or not. It would disturb me very much and I consider it to be a bad sign, healthy sexual relationship (with you) or not. It's just something you don't do. Unless you both agree it's okay of course. I think it's wrong, even more so when you do have a healthy sexual relationship. He has other options, for instance trying to wake you up to have sex together. But even then he should respect the fact that you're not always willing or in the mood and leave it at that. We are grown ups you know, and you simply can't have anything you want, when you want it all of the time! That's behaviour of a three year old...

You can't stop your dreams and people will interpret dreams differently. I am not a huge analyzer of dreams but I do think they always reflect somehow what's going on in your life. If you would ask me, in this case SHE is what's going on in his life. I would worry.

 

[Lookingforideas]

I think the point myself and a couple of others have tried to make is if you're in a committed relationship of any kind, you have respect for and show respect to the person you're in that relationship with.

Beating off while your girlfriend is lying next to you and moaning another womans name not only fails to show respect for her, it also shows a considerable lack of respect. I've gone back and reread the original post. She doesn't actually say he's awake. I can't imagine he's actually masturbating in his sleep. I don't know, I'm not there and don't want to be.

So this isn't about needing sexual relief and masturbating. This is about showing no respect to your partner.

MJL

Yes hes sound asleep, and dosnt remember doing it.

 

[skizbees]

Masturbation's a weird thing at times to me. I've had that experience where the guy is furiously masturbating right next to me and then gets a bit miffed if I don't help him out. Or he has chosen not to do certain things with no room for consideration and even go as far as to say "I won't do that because..."(I guess you can make some exception, but c'mon, earn your red wings...) If you're able to do yourself, what am I there for? I'm not always in the mood, and I don't always feel like shaving bare either just because some one chooses to watch a lot of porn. I agree with EJ on this to a point. Then again, I've willingly been celibate for periods of 7 months, 8 months, and up to 19 months at a time...